Chapter 6 - Betrayal

I am not a very patient person.

That becomes even more obvious when Jordan and I wait for Alex to come out of the police station. Said "minute" for Alex to come takes forever. I am ready to burst into a trillion little pieces as the seconds are ticking away like molasses. My mind is in absolute chaos and the longer it takes for my oldest brother to make an appearance, the worse it gets.

Tom is an FBI agent!

Never in a million years would I have seen this coming.

It doesn't suit him at all. I can't imagine him chasing bad guys. Let alone using a weapon. At least I assume that is what he has to do in this job. The mere thought of Tom showing up at a crime scene and flashing his badge – like these agents love to do in those crime shows I sometimes watch – just seems too weird.

Tom is one of the nicest and most gentle people I have ever met.

Maybe I am doing FBI agents injustice by thinking like this. Agent Lewis seems to be a pretty nice guy. Not to mention Tammy. She gave off very comfortable vibes in that dreary meeting room. I actually really like her.

"Can't you sit still for a sec?" Jordan grumps next to me, interrupting my thoughts.

Normally, I would be happy for the distraction – any distraction – since waiting is something that drives me nuts. But I don't feel like talking to my previously favorite brother right now. I don't even want to be near him, to be honest. Unfortunately, I have to stay here if I want to find out what is going on. The sense of betrayal that has taken hold of me when Jordan confirmed my suspicion about Tom, however, is still very prominent in my memory, making it almost impossible to be in his presence.

How could he lie to me all this time?

How could any of them lie to us like this?

I am pretty sure that Noah and Aidan don't know about this, either. They could never not have told me. If it comes to keeping secrets, they are really, really bad at it. Noah is slightly worse than Aidan, because he's the more talkative, socially engaged twin. I am still surprised how he managed to keep our own secret "investigation" to himself. But never in a million years would either of them have been able to lie to me for so long about Tom, if they knew that he is not who we think he is.

I have no idea about Jack and Will. They were in the dark regarding Sienna and also it seemed that they didn't know about our father still being alive. Maybe they know about Tom's job though. I simply can't imagine that it never came up over the years or that they never suspected anything. It is such a mystery to me how I never figured it out. I spent plenty of time at his and Josh's place since they moved in together and I find it incredibly weird that I never saw anything that would have pointed to him being a federal agent.

No badge.

No weapon. Not even a weapons safe, like Alex has one in the closet in his bedroom.

No calls in the middle of the night for Tom to go into work because of a case, like it happens with my oldest brother all the time.

No wardrobe full of boring black suits, which is like the uniform that these guys wear – again according to my not-so-vast TV show knowledge. Tom's dress sense is definitely way better than that of those fictional characters on the small screen. More like the guys in lawyer TV shows. Josh must have inspired him to be more fashionable since the two of them are definitely the best dressed in our family.

And finally, no suspicious injuries. I don't remember that Tom has ever been hurt since I met him four years ago. Not even a scratch. Also, he doesn't seem to get sick, either, which could make him be mysteriously absent to, I don't know, recover from any injuries.

Or it could be that there are people who just do office jobs at the FBI. I wouldn't know since I have never thought about it before. But if he were just a boring office guy, surely these other FBI agents here wouldn't even know he existed.

What even is a liaison officer?

That is what agent Lewis called him, if I remember correctly. But no matter what the exact title or definition of Tom's job is – the thing that weighs most heavily on my mind is that he apparently has some kind of list which has the stranger on it. That in itself is so mind-blowing, so incredible, that I honestly don't know what to do with this information.

All I know is that it feels wrong. Very wrong.

"Lily, seriously, stop fidgeting," Jordan complains again.

He attempts to put a hand on my knee but I quickly move out of his reach. Our hug earlier only lasted a few seconds, until I had calmed down enough. Then I hurriedly climbed off his lap and sat down on my own on the other end of the wooden bench. I don't think he liked that very much, but I don't care. I don't like that they lied to me so extensively, either. Jordan better learn to deal with feeling disappointed. Because that is exactly what I am feeling right now.

Other than being really pissed off, that is.

"What is taking Alex so long?" I mutter, more to myself than to my brother, because I don't expect him to give me a useful answer.

"He'll be here shortly."

As I expected, completely useless.

From the corner of my eye, I see Jordan tapping something on his phone screen. I wonder if he is contacting Alex to find out where he is. Or maybe it's Josh. It will only be a matter of minutes until the rest of my oldest brothers know that I have "uncovered" another one of their secrets. Jordan probably needs to instruct them what lie to tell me and their younger brothers and what information to steer clear of when they next see us.

Which is kinda pointless, at least in my case, because I don't plan to talk to any of them until I have received a huge apology and some very, very good explanations for their inexcusable behavior. I also really hope that I am not the only one who has been kept in the dark about this. That would make me even angrier and I already feel like I am going to explode any second.

It is hard to imagine that I could get any madder than I am right now though. I am feeling a bit like a volcano about to erupt. Depending on what I am going to find out in the next few minutes from my two traitor brothers, there is no guarantee that I won't completely lose it. I'll probably rip their heads off, or something. They'd sure deserve it.

"Fuck's sake," Jordan swears under his breath.

He irately continues to tap his phone and then aggressively shoves it into his pocket, huffing in annoyance once again. I wonder what makes him so upset and I kind of want to ask, but I also don't want to talk to him, so I force myself to ignore him and his crappy mood. I hear him take a deep breath and, without looking, I picture how Jordan's features slowly relax. I have always admired him for this ability to calm himself down within seconds in even the most nerve-wracking situations.

That is also why I found his behavior at the police station today so very out of character. Jordan is really not the type of person to lose his composure so easily – if we don't count the situations with the stranger, of course. Today, however, he has been on edge all morning. Not to mention how rude he was to Marcia and Tammy. It should have been a dead give-away that something isn't right.

Obviously, nothing is right at the moment.

Sam's dead and it was not an accident.

Meaning there is plenty wrong with our lives right now. Not to mention that the accomplice of the guy who caused Sam to fall over the edge of the cliff is apparently on a list that our soon-to-be brother-in-law owns.

And just like that, it slowly starts to dawn on me.

Jordan and Alex must have known this all along!

Or, at the very least, they must have suspected this outcome. Recalling some of their conversations I overheard, they more than once mentioned some mysterious people that they think are after us, trying to hurt us. So, finding out that these people actually succeeded can't have been much of a surprise to them. Just thinking these twisted thoughts makes me feel sick.

No wonder my brothers have been acting so beside themselves ever since they got here. Sean must have told them what I saw at the race. It doesn't take a genius to connect the dots. Even less so, if you are privy to information that people like me didn't have until a few minutes ago.

I let out a heavy sigh.

This is so messed up!

"You okay?" Jordan asks, like he cares.

"No," I snap.

He sounded gentle enough when he asked that, leaving me to assume that whatever he did to try and get his temper under control must have worked. But the ignorance of his question annoys me so much that I refuse to tell him anything. Let alone what he'd probably prefer to hear me say, which is whatever would make his bad conscience – that I hope he has – go away. I won't help him though because he deserves to feel bad. It's only fair.

No, I am not okay and yes, I am very mad at you!

"Lily, I'm..."

"Don't!" I immediately interrupt him.

I can tell that Jordan wants to apologize but there is nothing he can say that will make me forgive him or even like him right now. Nothing at all. A simple apology may work with me most of the time since I am not normally a resentful person. But they have clearly overstepped this time and I am not willing to allow them to continue to just walk all over me.

All the rage that is cursing through me is making me feel a bit sick. I pull my legs up, place my feet on the edge of the bench and wrap my arms around my knees. Hugging them against my body, I ignore the small stabbing pain in my right knee. I can hear Sam tell me in my head that this is normal while I am still recovering and not to worry about it. So I don't.

I miss him so much already.

My eyes start to fill up, which only annoys me further. I hate that I am weak and emotional all the time. If I start crying now, my resolve to show my oldest brothers how disappointed in them and how angry I am will subside and then they have the upper hand again. It would give them a great opportunity to act worried and to comfort me. I have to avoid this at all cost.

If I want to get them to own up to their mistakes, I need to show them how unimpressed I am with their stupid lies. Hopefully they are finally going to let me in on these questionable family secrets that they have been keeping from me all this time.

I lean forward and bury my face in my arms that is resting on top of my knees, hoping to wipe away the treacherous tears before Jordan notices my distress and forces me into a cuddle that I don't want from him. Instantly, the smell of Sam hits my nostrils when my nose comes in contact with the fabric of the hoodie sleeve. It has a strangely soothing, calming effect on me.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and quickly shuffle even more to the left, hoping to get out of Jordan's reach. I would have thought that he got the message that I did no longer want him to touch or hold me when I moved away from him earlier. But clearly he is unaware – or simply ignorant.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," Jordan tries to comfort me but that just irritates me more.

I am not even really crying, because I am successfully suppressing my tears, so he doesn't need to act like I am on the brink of a breakdown. I let out an exaggerated sigh to show my annoyance as I try to put even more distance between us. With the result that I suddenly lose my balance when my left butt cheek reaches the edge of the bench. Letting out a small yelp, I prepare myself for the unavoidable impact – but it never comes.

Instead, I feel two big hands wrap themselves around my upper arms, keeping me from painfully tumbling to the ground.

"Lily, what're you doing?" Alex asks.

Looking up, I find myself staring straight into my oldest brother's perplexed face. My stomach turns into knots at the close-up of his light blue eyes. They hold so much pain. So much emotion. And so much guilt. I quickly avert my eyes because I can't stand this sight. Also, it makes it very difficult to be angry with him if he appears so vulnerable.

"Nothing," I mutter and shrug Alex's hands off, which is surprisingly easy.

"You almost fell off the bench!" Jordan states the obvious.

No shit, Sherlock.

"But I didn't," I snap back at him

After I scramble to my feet, the three of us stare wordlessly at each other for a few awkward seconds. Actually, Jordan looks at me like he is expecting me to apologize for snapping at him. He has another thing coming if he thinks that that's going to happen. I quickly look away from him and, despite my earlier resolve, glance back up at Alex. He is also staring in my direction, but it is almost as if he were looking right through me. He seems lost.

"Right," Jordan clears his throat. "How about you sit back down and then we talk?"

"I'm fine right here. Alex can sit," I say, nodding towards the spot I just vacated.

"I don't need to...," my guardian starts but cuts himself off when he notices my glare.

With a heavy sigh, Alex lowers himself onto the bench. I take a step back and position myself in front of my two now seated brothers. Crossing my arms in front of my chest, I stare expectantly at them, feeling a slight satisfaction that we are more or less at eye-level. I didn't deliberately enforce that, but I think I will benefit from it. This gives me at least a tiny bit of leverage because they appear way less intimidating from this perspective than when they tower over me.

Raising an eyebrow in a challenging way – at least I hope that is what it projects – I continue to stare at the two guys in front of me. I internally wish they would shrivel under my icy glare, but unfortunately, this will probably never happen, no matter how hard I try to be intimidating.

"I'm waiting," I claim when neither of them speaks.

To emphasize my impatience, I exaggeratedly start tapping my foot, knowing that it will greatly irritate them.

"I guess we owe you an explanation," Alex eventually states quietly, sounding exhausted.

Also, he is successfully ignoring my unfriendly demeanor.

Don't feel sorry for him. Don't feel sorry for him.

This is going to be my new mantra. Otherwise, there is a good chance that I will crumble under the stress of this situation and let them off too easily. If I don't stay firm and demand answers, they will continue to get away with all these lies and their betrayal and I am not having it. I owe it to myself and to my clueless siblings to get some answers.

"Tom works for the FBI," Alex starts slowly.

I have to bite my tongue to not throw a snarky remark like "you don't say" at him for this statement. I find it pretty pointless that he repeats the only thing that I have already found out about. I count to ten in my head, hoping to remain calm. It is very hard not to throw accusations at him. Instead, I try to figure out how to best react since it looks like they're waiting for me to say something.

"Why didn't I know that?" I eventually ask.

"Look, baby...," Jordan starts but I instantly shut him down by holding my hand out in front of me, palm towards his face.

"Don't call me that. And don't speak. I want to hear it from him," I reply icily and point at Alex.

Under any other circumstances, it might have been funny how Jordan literally gapes at me being so bossy. He is not used to seeing me act like this. Well, he better get used to it now because until I am satisfied with their answers and until they give me a believable apology for lying to me practically all my life, I am not willing to forgive and forget and be nice to him or anyone else.

"Why did you guys tell me that Tom's a marketing guy?" I confront Alex with a very obvious lie.

"Because we didn't think you needed to know what his real job is," Alex explains rather lamely.

"What's so secret about someone working for the FBI?"

Other than that they have a list with the murderer of our own brother on it?

I don't say that second part out loud, of course, because something tells me that it won't be beneficial if I remind them of that puzzling fact right now. I'll keep that card up my sleeve for later use.

"It is... was a case of, umm, need-to-know," Jordan butts in before Alex even gets a chance to speak.

This time, both of us glare at him. I am glad that Alex also seems to think that this is a conversation that mainly needs to take place between him and I, and that Jordan should keep out of it. The younger of my brothers looks only mildly impressed by our reactions. He sighs and throws his hands up in the air, signaling that he is giving up. He leans back, arms crossed in front of his chest, like he is mirroring – or mocking? – my stance.

"What does that mean? What he said?" I continue to interrogate Alex.

"That we didn't think you'd need to know what he really does for a living," he clarifies.

"Why?"

"Because it wasn't important."

Bullshit!

"Do the twins know?" I ask through clenched teeth.

It is getting harder and harder to control my temper because of his evasive answers.

Alex shakes his head no.

"Jack and Will?"

"No."

"Luke? The others?"

"Lily, I..." he struggles but when his eyes meet mine, he sighs and admits: "Yes. Yes, they do."

"Awesome. Just great. And why is that? How is it okay that only some of us know who our soon-to-be brother-in-law really is, and others don't?" I challenge him.

"Because... it's complicated."

"That sounds like another one of your cheap excuses," I cannot stop myself from accusing him.

If I read his expression correctly, Alex himself is not very pleased with the lame answer he just gave me. He takes a deep, almost shuddering breath and rubs his face a couple of times. The stubble on his chin makes a scratching sound. He looks even more lost than before. I didn't think that was possible and if I weren't so upset, this would be the moment where I would start feeling bad for interrogating him like this.

"Lily," Jordan growls in a warning tone.

He gives me a disapproving look and then puts a hand on Alex's shoulder, patting it comfortingly. I can't remember when I last saw Jordan act so protective of his older brother. He is clearly way more in control of his emotions than Alex is at the moment. And with his warning, he shows me that he is ready to step in any time if I cross some invisible boundaries. I am torn between finding it sweet how he defends Alex and being annoyed that Jordan is still actively trying to stonewall me.

"Why is it so complicated then?" I demand to know, deciding to ignore his warning.

"Because there is so much more to it than just the fact that Tom works for the FBI. That itself, as you say, is not exactly confidential information. It's all the rest that ties in with it that makes it so very... difficult," Alex admits quietly.

"Tell me about the rest then."

"Lily, I can't. I just can't."

"I don't care if you can or not! Or if you don't want to. You have to tell me, Alex! I have a right to know what this is all about!" My voice is getting louder with every word that comes out of my mouth.

"Watch your tone," Jordan warns me again.

"Leave her be, J. She's right. She deserves to know the truth. They all do."

Although this is what I wanted to hear ever since I first figured out that there are secrets between us, Alex's reaction surprises me. I expected that I will have to fight for the truth a lot more and not for him to give in after only a few heatedly exchanged words.

"Alex, I don't think this is a good idea. Not right now, man. You got to think this through. It can't happen like this," Jordan almost pleads with our big brother.

His sudden change in demeanor is even more surprising than Alex saying that he is going to tell me what I want to know. Jordan's face has lost all color, which is a very weird sight. He has always had naturally tan skin from being such an outside person.

Despite being so angry with him and also disappointed, I now start to have a bit of a bad conscience for my obnoxious, pushy behavior. Alex's agreement to tell me and the others – who must be just as clueless as I am – appears to take its toll on Jordan more than anything else that has happened in the past few days, including the tragedy of losing Sam.

"The timing is bad, really bad, I agree with you, J. But frankly, there'll never be a good time to tell them what they deserve to know," Alex says in a defeated tone.

They stare wordlessly at each other for a few painfully long minutes, having one of these conversations with their eyes that irritate me so much. I know that it is usually about something to do with me, which makes it even worse. My nerves are frazzled to a point where I am ready to burst any second and my fingers have turned clammy in anticipation of what I am going to learn.

"So?" I prompt when nobody speaks for way too long.

"Listen, Lily, I know you're going to hate me for saying this, but I can't do this right here and right now. Don't get me wrong. It's not because of my own emotions and also not because it is difficult to talk about, although it certainly is. But it wouldn't be fair to tell you what you want to know without your other brothers here. The twins, Jack and Will, I mean," Alex explains to me in a tired voice.

His expression shows me that he is expecting me to explode – and I don't disappoint him.

"What? Are you fucking kidding me? You just said I deserve to know the truth! The truth, Alex! Why would you say that if you don't even mean it? Why are you doing this? Why are you torturing me with all these secrets which are clearly very horrible? Why are you being such an asshole about everything and why do you let Jordan make you do stuff when you wanted to do it differently before he gave you those weird looks?" I exclaim as my disappointment turns into blinding rage while I am shouting at him.

"I hate you!" I add without thinking.

"Lily!" Jordan roars, jumping up and causing me to take a step back. "You're way out of line, little girl! What the hell... what are you even thinking?"

I already know that what I just said to Alex is very wrong and I wish nothing more than for that infamous hole to open beneath me and swallow me up. Although I am still so angry that my whole body is trembling, I am also very embarrassed about what I threw at his head.

Never before in my life have I told him that I hated him.

"You know exactly that hate is a very strong word and how we feel about it. We don't just carelessly throw that around in this family! Yes, we may get angry with each other and yes, sometimes, we might even want to beat the shit out of an annoying sibling, or something. But never is spitting out such hurtful words the solution for anything. I don't think I need to tell you this, but you better apologize to Alex. Right now!" Jordan chastises me.

If he is trying to make me feel like the most horrible person in the world, he is succeeding. Even in my distressed state, I know that Jordan is right about everything he says. None of our past arguments have ever been bad enough for me to spit out such hurtful words to any of my brothers. Not even to Aidan, and he gave me plenty of opportunity over the years to say vile things to him.

"It's okay, J. I get where she's coming from," Alex admits in a defeated tone.

"No, Alex, it's certainly not okay! Just because you hate yourself – and don't even try to deny it, because I know you freakin' do – and just because you got it into your stubborn head that this whole fucking mess is your fault, doesn't mean that she gets to speak to you like that. I won't tolerate it!"

"M'sorry, Alex," I mutter timidly, whishing I could turn back time and undo what I said. "I... I didn't mean to say what I... that I... well, you know. I could never, ever hate you. But..."

"Stop right there, Lily. No sincere apology should include a but," Jordan berates me.

I glare at him, feeling strangely attacked and offended, before turning my attention back to Alex.

"But this here, all of it," I randomly wave my hands around, "this is all so frustrating! I obviously don't hate you, Alex. But I hate, hate, hate all the secrets and the lies and the stuff about our family that you won't tell me! I hate it and it makes me angry and frustrated and confused... and... and also really sad."

I have to blink furiously to keep the tears at bay. This is getting too hard.

"I am sorry, too, little one. I am sorry that we are in this situation and I am sorry that you have to go through all this. I wish there is something I could do to undo all the bad stuff that happened. I really wish I could have protected you and your brothers better."

That last part, Alex said it so quietly that I almost couldn't hear his words. Looking at him, my heart breaks into pieces. He sits on this bench with his wide shoulders slumped and with the most forlorn expression on his face that I have ever seen on him. The dark shadows under his eyes are almost black, standing out very prominently against his ghostly pale skin. Part of me wants to hug him and tell him that nothing is his fault. That he didn't ride that bike and push Sam off the mountain. But the other part of me still feels betrayed. I can't just let that go, either.

"Why can't you tell me now?" I whisper desperately.

"What I... what we have to tell you is going to be very hard to talk about. As I said before, it's complicated. Incredibly complicated. I don't want to... no, I don't think I'll be able to tell it twice. That's why I want all of us to be together when I do... I mean, when I let you in on a few, well... painful facts. Yeah..."

"Also, the others deserve to know the truth just as much as you do," Jordan picks up where Alex left off, because his voice broke. "I am sure you'd not want to be the one being left out if the tables were turned and we were having this conversation with the twins instead."

I don't want to admit it because I am still very irritated by Jordan and his newfound superior, parental side, acting like he is the boss of me all of a sudden, but I have to agree with him. If Noah and Aidan were to find out before me, it would definitely upset me.

"I guess," I give in begrudgingly.

"Thank you," Jordan says, sounding genuinely relieved.

It still comes across as a bit patronizing, but maybe it is just my annoyance with him that makes it seem that way.

"How much longer?" I ask and when I am met with two confused pairs of eyes looking questioningly at me, I clarify: "When are you going to tell us?"

"We'll drive home as soon as we are packed up. – Oh, peanut, please don't look at me like this," Alex pleads when he sees the expression on my face. "What's up?"

If we have to go home and then call a family meeting and everything, it means that I will have to wait forever until I am finally going to learn the truth. I don't think I will be able to last that long and that thought really stresses me out. I feel how that infamous iron first starts squeezing my heart again. Alex must have noticed my discomfort and changed behavior because of how softly he asked that question.

"I... I don't think I can wait that... this long," I whisper desperately. "It hurts. It hurts right here."

I put a hand over my chest, near where my heart is, to indicate the suffocating pain that the iron fist causes me. Also, my breathing gets a bit heavier.

Before I properly register what happens, Alex grabs my other hand and pulls me forward until I stand right in front of him. My oldest brother brings me into a strong embrace and I immediately melt right into him. Burying my face in his shoulder, I let out a loud sob. It doesn't take more than a few seconds for me to soak the fabric of his shirt with my hot tears. He adjusts me so that I am sitting on his lap and cradles my head with his big hand.

This is the first genuine hug I receive from Alex since he arrived last night and the comfort it gives me is bigger than any embraces I got from my other brothers since it all happened – including Jordan. There is nothing that compares to a heartfelt bear hug from Alex.

"I'm s-so sor-rry for t-telling you t-that I h-hate you," I wail and stutter as I squeeze him extra forcefully to show him that I am serious. "I could n-never h-hate you."

I cry miserably in his hold, only interrupted by the odd distressed hiccup. It feels as if I were carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders and Alex's embrace is the only thing keeping it from crushing me completely.

"I know, peanut, I know. And I understand," he tells me sincerely, holding me a bit closer. "Don't worry about it, okay? I understand that this is all overwhelming and incredibly difficult for you. It is for all of us. But I love you. I love you very, very much. Never forget that."

"I love you, too!" I cry out.

Pulling my arms up, I wrap them around Alex's neck and hug him as forcefully as I can. He lets out a small chuckle at this and rubs my back a few times before placing a kiss on the crown of my head. Then he pushes me away until he can get a better look at me. I feel embarrassed for all the drama I caused and actively avoid making eye contact with him. But my brother won't have it and puts a finger under my chin, gently forcing me to look at him.

"Are you feeling better? Or are you still in pain?" he ask gently.

I first nod and then shake my head no, causing him to smile my wordless answer.

"Alright, good. And we're good, too?" he wants to know.

I nod again, blinking away the last few tears that are still leaking from my eyes.

"Good. I'm glad. And I promise you, once we're all back together at home, I will try to answer as many of your questions as I can," he promises, stroking my hair in a comforting way.

Not allowing myself to think about it for too long, I give it one more try to satisfy at least part of my curiosity.

"That thing... or the things that you are going to tells us," I start slowly and when he doesn't stop me but gives me an encouraging look, I quickly continue before all my courage leaves me: "... does it have anything to do with our father?"

"Lily," Jordan growls from beside us.

This is when I remember that he told me only yesterday that there is indeed a connection between our father and what happened to Sam. I don't want Jordan to feel like I am betraying his trust, but I also think I deserve some answers. He better get over it, because I am not stopping right now. I feel that Alex is willing to give me at least a few answers and I would be a fool to waste this opportunity.

Sorry, Jo-Jo, but I promise not to throw you under the bus.

"Yes, it does," Alex, surprisingly, admits.

I slide a bit further away from him to get a better look at his face to see whether he is telling the truth. He holds my curious gaze for a few seconds before sighing heavily and rubbing a hand over his face a couple of times.

Then he makes eye contact again and the pain I detect in his light blue orbs almost bowls me over. But there is also something else there, something that is a bit more difficult to decipher. I cannot be one hundred percent certain, but I believe that the other emotion I detect is – disappointment. However, it doesn't seem to be directed at me, which makes it even more confusing.

"Listen, Lily, I didn't want to tell you anything at all until the others are here to hear the same thing, but I think it can't hurt if I give you at least a small bit of information. But you gotta promise me to stop asking for more once I did, okay?"

I nod eagerly while almost bursting with anticipation. The tingling sensation in my fingertips is back and I barely manage to stay seated.

"Alex, are you sure about this?" Jordan asks, sounding as defeated as I felt only a few minutes ago.

"It's fine, J. I've got this," Alex assures him and then clears his throat: "Because of something, or various things, actually, that happened in the past – way before you were born and before the twins, Jack and Will joined our family – we have been working closely with law enforcement, including the FBI. And before you ask why or what happened, I won't tell you that now. That's one of the things I don't want to repeat and I'll talk about it when we're together, including all the boys. Anyway, the reason for that cooperation with the police and – on a national level – with the FBI is partially connected to our father..."

When Alex says the word father, his eyes darken and his expression turns slightly angry, but he quickly fixes it when he realizes that I am closely looking at him.

"... and what he got involved in years ago. The repercussions of that are still existent to that day, unfortunately. Which is one of the reasons why we might come across as a bit controlling or, in your words, overprotective at times."

My mind has already gone into overdrive, trying to figure out what it could be that our father was – or still is? – involved in. What he did. But I bite my tongue, not wanting to break my promise to Alex and push him for more answers that he is not willing to give me just yet.

"What's on your mind?" Alex asks me.

I struggle to process what he revealed and my mind automatically starts to try and put a few puzzles pieces together but I fail pretty much. I cannot come up with a scenario that sounds believable and that also involves Tom and information about the stranger. This is all giving me a huge headache. I quickly sort through my mind to come up with what I believe might be the least offensive question and also the most obvious.

"What is Tom's involvement in all this? And why does he have a list that has the stranger on it? Do you have an explanation for that, too?" I cautiously ask.

Alex sighs again and then nods.

"Yes, I do. Once Tom found out about what you call our family secrets, he offered to help. Josh only told him because of his job with the FBI, by the way, and also only because he trusts him with his life. Anyway, we have been putting all our resources together to stay on top of all that's still going on. As you have no doubt figured out by now, this stuff is not yet over. Tom, as an agent, Josh in his lawyer capacity and I, with the police force, have been working together for more than three years now," Alex explains.

All this information literally leaves me gasping for air.

Lawyer, agent and detective.

Other than the start of a bad joke, it sounds almost like they are in a TV show, what with my brothers working together on something that sounds like a proper case. One against our father, or at least involving him and stuff he did in the past. This is disturbing – and a lot to process.

"Are you okay, peanut?" Alex's voice pulls me out of my chaotic thoughts.

"Hmm," is all I manage to press out, so I nod my head at the same time.

"It's a lot to wrap your head around, but you'll be fine," Jordan assures me.

I turn around and give him a grateful look. It finally feels like he is back to his usual self, supportive and in control. I prefer this version of him to the angry or patronizing one. This is the Jordan I feel comfortable with. I give him a small, appreciative smile, which he returns.

"So, I won't have to go back in with the police and talk to them?" I ask when nobody else says anything, leaving me to believe that Alex won't tell me any more than what he already revealed.

Apart from learning about all our family secrets, this has been my biggest concern since I ran out of the police building. I don't want to see this awful gray room ever again. And I could easily live without ever seeing an FBI agent again.

Unless I get to see Tom, who I obviously can't completely avoid for the rest of my life. We are bound to meet and soon, too, I guess. Also, he hasn't really done anything to me, personally, so it would be kind of hard to dislike him.

There is the fact that he lied to me about his job, of course, which I could totally hold against him. But something tells me that it was not all his own doing. My brothers will most likely have had a say in this, too. Maybe they even forced him to come up with that cover story that he is a marketing person. With all the other secretive stuff going on, this would certainly not surprise me.

But what if...?

"Is their relationship fake, too?" I gasp, asking out loud what just sprung to my mind, already having forgotten my previous question about having to go inside the police station again.

"What are you talking about?" Jordan asks bewildered.

"Josh and Tom. Are they even a real couple, or is it only a front to cover up who Tom really is and so that he can, like, spy on our family, or whatever it is he does?" I explain my train of thoughts.

Surprisingly, Jordan and Alex start laughing at that, which is the last thing I expected them to do. I don't see how this is funny, at all.

"Stop laughing! I'm serious!"

"Sorry, baby, but this is such a ridiculous question. I don't think I have ever met a couple that is as sickeningly in love as these two are. The moment they met, Josh was done for. And vice versa," Jordan recalls.

I remember when I first met Tom. It was on that winter vacation up here, right after some of us got caught in an avalanche. Tom was part of the many volunteers who helped clear up the damage the disaster caused in the village. That's where he got to know Josh.

Was that perhaps part of a bigger scheme?

"Maybe he intentionally arranged that the two of them met and he betrayed Josh, too?" I muse, not really believing in a coincidence.

Because I still only have a very vague idea how it comes that Tom has this mysterious list with the stranger on it, I can't help finding it all very suspicious.

"That's definitely not what happened, kiddo. They met like a lot of couples do: they were both at the right place at the right time and bang, cupid got to work. Nothing arranged or deliberate about that. And definitely no betrayal. It's all very real, I promise."

"How would you even know?" I challenge Jordan.

"Trust me, baby, I know."

Yeah, if there wasn't that little thing called trust issues when it comes to what you guys tell me to be the truth...

"Okay, bad choice of words," he quickly corrects himself, knowing me and my sometimes toxic thought processes only too well. "I know that we don't really deserve your trust right now. Fair enough. But if there is one thing you can trust, it's those guys' relationship. Yes, Tom is now involved in stuff that's linked to our family's past, but as Alex said, that only happened after they got serious and Josh let him in on a few things. Voluntarily. All of us together figured that both sides could benefit from us working together. So please, Lily, don't ever think of Tom as a liar or someone who's betraying this family. It all happened by choice and based on a common agreement. Got that?"

"Jordan is right, peanut. And I am sure once we have explained the whole situation to you and your brothers, you will understand that, too."

"Okay," I decide to give in.

I guess I'll have to wait and see. It is scary and strangely exciting at the same time. But I know that I am more than ready to learn the whole truth now.

"Oh, and Lily?" Jordan says.

I look at him expectantly and detect that there is some kind of weird amusement dancing in his eyes.

"Tom is also not spying on our family, or whatever it is you claimed. First of all, there is nothing to spy on, since we genuinely work with him. And secondly, he's not with the CIA."

"Jordan, leave her alone," Alex groans, shaking his head.

"What? It's true! If she already wants to know what's going on, she should have her facts straight. The FBI, they do federal investigations, on a national level. That's information you can commit to your brain for future reference. But these guys are not in the cloak and dagger, spy business. Just for the record."

"Thanks, Jo-Jo," I reply kind of sarcastically.

At the same time, I am relieved that the tension between us has disappeared.

"So what now?" I ask, since I still haven't gotten an answer about whether I need to return to the interview with Tammy and the others.

"We go back to the cabin and pack up to go home. Once we get there, we'll drum everyone together. There is a lot of stuff we need to talk about – as a family," Alex says, his mood suddenly a lot darker again.

I have been so caught up in gaining information that I forgot about our main reason for being here. This immediately makes me feel guilty. It feels wrong that my brothers laughed only a few minutes ago, even if it was only at my expense and helped to clear the air a bit. Sam died less than a day ago and surely we shouldn't be laughing, no matter why.

"Yeah. Ben is picking up the twins from camp as we speak," Jordan adds.

Instantly, another horrible thought hits me.

"D-does Noah k-know?" I stammer, almost choking on these words.

I have successfully avoided thinking about the twins and their reactions to Sam's accident ever since it happened. Some kind of intuition must have made me push any thoughts relating to them to the very back of my mind. I can't stand to imagine how this will affect my youngest brothers. But now that I am going to see them very soon, I cannot ignore the situation any longer, either.

Sam was Noah's role model. They were best friends.

Alex glances at his watch and takes a deep, shuddering breath before shaking his head no.

"Ben should be there in about an hour. We didn't want to tell them over the phone and definitely not via one of the camp supervisors. We thought it'd be best if they hear it in person, from a family member," he explains.

Poor Ben!

What a horrible task to have. I hope he didn't go there all by himself. If Noah freaks out – which is no doubt going to happen – he'll never be able to deal with him and with Aidan.

I have no idea how Aidan will react since his actions are always very difficult to predict. But if he lashes out on top of Noah breaking down, there is no way Ben can handle them both. Although he is probably the best choice, other than Alex, since he is always so rational. But I still think that Alex should have been the one to tell them about Sam.

However, my biggest brother chose to come here instead. Only to be told by me that I hate him. I must be the most self-centered, petty sister there is. As this realization hits me, I feel even more ashamed for my behavior. Most of my previous anger has disappeared, now that I allowed my thoughts to turn to the twins and what they are going to go through once they learn what happened.

"Is... has Ben gone there all by himself?" I want to know.

I am selfishly keeping four of my brothers here with me while Josh is still on his way back from Maine. I probably shouldn't even be asking such stupid questions if I already know the answer. There is nobody else who could have gone with him.

"Maya went with him. Also, the twins' coaches are there, obviously. They have already been told and will be nearby when Ben tells Noah and Aidan. It should have a calming effect on them."

Alex clearly is referring to Aidan and his uncontrollable temper when he says that last part. I let out a shaky breath, feeling a bit relieved. Both of my youngest brothers really look up to their coaches. They play an important part in their lives. If anyone can support Ben in this difficult situation, it will be them. They are also sort of his work colleagues, which must make it a bit easier for Ben, too, to do this awful job. But it still makes me sad that the twins are just about to learn the most devastating news ever.

"Hey, it's going to be okay. They'll be fine," Alex says comfortingly.

I want to believe him, I really do, but I see right through him and this pretty fake assurance. Looking at my oldest brother, I can tell that he doesn't believe his own words. It makes me feel sick.

"We probably should get on the road," Jordan reminds us when we just stare into the air, picturing the heart-breaking situation where the twins learn about Sam's accident.

Alex clears his throat and squares his shoulders before he agrees with him. He pushes me to my feet so he can get up, too. I hurry to catch up with Jordan who has already started to walk towards the car park.

In the pocket of my hoodie, my phone buzzes again, but I ignore it for a bit longer. Whatever Will wants, it has to wait. Also, I don't think I can deal with talking to him about everything that happened right now. It would be too much.

When I am near Jordan, I grab his hand, effectively slowing him down. He stops and looks down at me with his signature expression, one eyebrow raised questioningly. I let go of his hand and wrap my arms around his waist instead, hugging him tightly.

Jordan doesn't react for a few seconds and I already start wondering if he is maybe still mad at me, despite the teasing earlier and the easier atmosphere between us. But my worries disappear when he slings his arms around my smaller body and squeezes me affectionately against him.

"I'm sorry for snapping at you and being horribly moody, Jo-Jo. I hope you're not upset with me anymore. And of course I love you, too," I apologize.

Slipping out of his hold, I take a step back and look up at him to gauge his reaction. A small sparkle has found its way back into Jordan's dark eyes and he gives me another one of his understanding smiles before he nods.

"Thank you, kiddo. I am sorry, too, for reacting so aggressively. That wasn't okay. If you're happy to forget about it, I am more than happy to put this past hour behind us," he offers.

"Yes! Thank you."

"You're very welcome, my little Stromboli."

To emphasize that we are genuinely on good terms again, Jordan annoyingly bobs my nose with his forefinger and ruffles my hair before jumping out of my reach with an evil smirk on his face. I guess my playful, annoying brother is back and it couldn't have come at a better time.

"Hey, don't do that!" I complain and start chasing after him.

I am intent on tackling him to get my revenge for being treated like a little kid – or like a dog. My attempts will probably be futile, but I don't care.

A bit of distraction goes a long way in times like these.

A/N - What about that? We are slowly (like molasses, as Lily would say) but surely getting somewhere. It'll sure be interesting to learn what that fateful trio (aka Alex, Josh and Tom) has been working on. And it's overdue that Lily picks up that phone. Will isn't exactly known to demand people's attention, so something must be up.

Have a good start to the week & stay safe, wherever you are. Thanks for reading!