Chapter Forty-two

Ravi sat in the chair, his forearms on his knees as he watched Yaz sleep. He glanced at the wall he had pressed her against a short time ago, her legs around him as he plunged inside her. He could still hear her cries of release.

He hadn’t been able to sleep since their discussion. She wanted to leave Shecrish, and he couldn’t blame her. He almost begged her to remain. He had nearly offered his home to her and the children, but he knew she wouldn’t accept it.

His feelings for Yaz were complicated. He’d tried to keep them simple, but there was no getting around the fact that he had real, deep feelings for her. It was possible they could have a good life together. She knew him as few did. He had the means to ensure she was given a job and found a proper home.

But it wasn’t what she wanted.

~He~ wasn’t what she wanted.

She longed to find her people. Few could understand how she felt. He certainly couldn’t. But he sympathized and empathized with her situation. Elves had made her life a living nightmare. And not just her. The children under her care had received harsh treatment, as well. Ravi had always known they had a flawed governing system, but he hadn’t realized to what degree until now. Until Yaz showed him.

If he stayed in her life, if they returned to Rannora together, she might not leave Shecrish. He wanted nothing more than for her to stay, but if she did, would she regret it later? Would she blame him? He wouldn’t survive it if she did. He knew in his heart they could be happy, but was a few years of happiness worth her hatred after?

He couldn’t do that to her or himself. Or the children.

Ravi got to his feet. He fisted the hand that wanted to stroke Yaz’s face. He silently walked to the door before he changed his mind. With one last look at her, he slipped quietly out of the room.

It didn’t take him long to find his target. Dain was in the kitchen talking to one of the Mountain Elves when he spotted Ravi. The Dark excused himself and walked to him. Ravi motioned for him to follow, and the two fell into step together.

“That’s a serious look on your face,” Dain said after a few moments.

Ravi made sure no one was about and stopped to face the elf. “I need a favor.”

He expected a sarcastic comment. Instead, Dain said, “Name it.”

“Actually, it’s several favors.”

“What’s going on?” Dain demanded as he linked his hands behind his back.

“I need you to take me to Rannora. Immediately.”

“What about Yasmin?”

Ravi paused. He had thought this through. It was a good decision. The right one. At least for Yaz. “When she wakes, take her anywhere she wants to go. Her and the children. They want out of Shecrish.”

“You take them.”

“It’ll be faster if you or another Dark does it. I know it’ll be a strain traveling with that many. I’ll do whatever you want, pay whatever price. You name it, and it’s yours.”

Dain slashed his hand through the air. “I don’t care about that. I want to know what the fuck is going on.”

“She nearly died in the very place she escaped from,” Ravi bit out, his anger rising. “She ran away from a horrific home and wound up at Shaldorn. For the first time, I want her to have what she wants.”

“That’s why the two of you have been locked in your room for the past day?”

Ravi ran a hand down his face. “Please, Dain. I’m trying to do the right thing.”

“You’re running because you’re scared. You have feelings for her. Shite. You might even love her.”

Ravi looked away. Was he so easy to read?

“Fuck me. You do.” Dain shook his head. “Have you told her?”

Ravi shot him a dark look.

“Idiot. Talk to her. Let her decide,” the Dark said.

“She’ll choose to leave.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Maybe she won’t, but she hates living with elves. She’ll come to regret her decision later. And…I can’t handle that. I’d rather do this now before it hurts worse.”

Dain sighed loudly. “No one can predict the future.”

“Maybe not, but we can get pretty close. I want her to be happy.”

“And what if that means being with you?”

Ravi threw up his hands. “What can I offer? I’ve never had a serious relationship for a reason. I’m always on assignment somewhere. I can’t give her what she needs.”

“Could be what you think she needs and what she actually needs are two different things.”

“It has to be this way. Now, will you help me?”

Dain ran a hand over his jaw. “I don’t agree with what you’re doing, but aye. I’ll help.”

~ ~ ~

Yasmin stretched as she came awake. She rolled over, expecting to find Ravi. Instead, she found an empty spot cool to the touch. She sat up with a frown.

“Ravi?”

She knew with a glance that he wasn’t in the room. She rose and dressed, thinking he might have gone to get them more food. Except he wasn’t in the kitchen either. She asked anyone she met in the corridors if they had seen him, but they all had the same answer.

Yasmin returned to his room to wait for him. As soon as she opened the door, she found Dain standing there with his hands behind his back. She knew immediately that something was wrong.

The Dark smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Good morning.”

“What happened?” She didn’t care what time of day it was. “It’s Ravi, isn’t it? I can’t find him.”

“He’s on another mission.”

She couldn’t possibly have heard that correctly. “Mission?”

“It’s what we do.”

“I’m aware,” she retorted. Yasmin closed her eyes for a moment and took a breath. She looked at Dain. “I apologize. I shouldn’t have snapped. Why didn’t he tell me goodbye? I thought I was supposed to return with him to Rannora to finish the mission. Durga was very clear about that.”

Dain dropped his arms and held out a black velvet drawstring bag. “I bring a message from Durga. Your record has been wiped clean as promised. I’ve also been ordered to give you this.”

“What is it?”

He jingled the bag so coins clinked. “Sounds like payment.”

“That wasn’t the deal we made.”

“Neither was what you experienced. Take it. You’ve earned it.”

Yasmin couldn’t deny that the coin would make the children’s lives better. She accepted the bag and held it against her stomach. It was so heavy, it took both hands.

“My instructions are to take you anywhere you want to go,” Dain said.

She frowned at his words. “What? Why?”

“As I’ve said. You earned it. Tell me where you wish to go.”

“I can’t go anywhere without the k—”

“Kids,” Dain finished with a grin. “Aye. I know. They will be joining you.”

Yasmin shook her head in confusion. “I don’t understand.”

“We get paid to risk our lives. You were forced. The mission was a success, and you are being compensated. It’s that simple.”

Was it? She had more coin than she had ever seen before. She could return to Rannora and get a proper house. There would be enough funds to feed and clothe the children and tide them over until she found employment. That would be the safe thing to do. She knew what to expect in Rannora. She could go to Belanore for a change of scenery, but it would be more of the same. If she remained in Shecrish, her options were better in the two cities versus the smaller villages.

Or…she could fulfill her dream of leaving.

The problem was that she didn’t know what was out there. She might find humans like her, but what if she didn’t? What if she had Dain take her to the northern border of Shecrish and she found something worse? Or nothing at all. How would she support herself and the children? Feed them?

Then there was Ravi. They hadn’t discussed any of it. If Ravi was on another assignment, there was no telling when he would return. ~If~ he returned. He hadn’t written her a note or anything. He’d just left in the night.

Had she been wrong about what was between them? She couldn’t have. He had felt it, too. She was sure of it.

“Yasmin?”

She jerked her gaze to Dain. He couldn’t wait on her decision forever. But how could she make a choice without knowing where things stood with Ravi? “What do you do when the dream that always seemed just out of reach is suddenly right there, easily within your grasp?”

“You take it. Dreams only come around once. If they come at all.”

“Do you know if there are other humans out there?”

Dain shrugged. “I couldn’t say either way. The realm is a big place, and we inhabit a small portion. Anything is possible.”

“May I have some time to think on this?”

“By all means. It’s an important decision.”

Yasmin turned and walked from the room. The entire way back to hers, all she could think about was that Ravi was gone. She couldn’t understand why he hadn’t woken her. Even if it had been sudden, he could’ve taken the time while he dressed to tell her.

She turned a corner and ran into someone. Yasmin bounced off them, only to be steadied by strong hands. “Sorry,” she replied and looked up into Manu’s black eyes.

“I was looking for you,” he said.

“What can I do for you?”

Manu motioned for her to continue walking as he joined her. “I wanted to see how you were.”

“Confused.”

He quirked a dark brow. “About?”

“Ravi is gone. Apparently, on another mission. I’ve been given this,” she said and hefted the bag to show him. “And told that Dain will take me anywhere I want to go.”

“Anywhere?”

She nodded. “Anywhere.”

“That’s what you’ve always wanted.”

“It has been.”

They reached her room. Manu opened the door and waited for her to enter before following and closing the door behind them. “Dain told me about the children you’ve been looking after. Would you bring them with you?”

“Of course.”

He leaned back against the door and crossed his arms over his chest. “Then what are you confused about?”

“I…” she started, then paused. Manu never said much, but he required honesty above all things. “I have feelings for Ravi. I believed he felt the same.”

“Then he left.”

She nodded. “Without telling me. That…hurt me.”

“Did he make any promises?”

“None.”

Manu looked at the floor for a heartbeat. “At least he finally came to see you.”

“I actually went to find him.”

Manu grunted in response.

“Do you know why he didn’t come?”

“I have my suspicions. They were confirmed when you said you believed he had feelings for you.”

Yasmin frowned. “I don’t understand why that would keep him away.”

Instead of answering, Manu said, “You told me when you escaped Shaldorn that you planned to leave Shecrish.”

“Things happened that prevented that.”

“You could’ve turned the children away.”

“Like everyone turned me away?” She shook her head angrily. “I’m not like that.”

Manu shrugged. “You have the means and opportunity now to find your people. Something is holding you back.”

“Not something. Some~one~.”

“Same difference. You have to decide what you want more.”

“Ravi offered me a job with the agency. I refused because I knew I wouldn’t be there for the children. Even if I find other employment, I know his duties would keep him away from me.”

Manu dropped his arms and pushed away from the door. “You are welcome in Navara anytime. Bring the children. Live here. You have options. Consider each of them.”

Yasmin sat on the bed once she was alone. She placed the bag of coins beside her and stared at it. For four years after escaping Shaldorn, she had done few of the things she wanted. Everything had been focused on the children. She loved them as if they were her own and would do anything for them. But she had been a shell of herself.

Until she met Ravi. She had slowly begun to remember who she was. Standing up to Gita had nearly cost her life, but it had been something she needed to do to heal herself. So had returning to Shaldorn and helping save all those she had left behind. No longer would she look over her shoulder in fear.

For the first time, she could do what she wanted. She had done it when she ran away from home. She had done it when she claimed her freedom from Shaldorn.

But this time, she would do it not to escape some horror, but to find the future she longed for.