Fabricate into Fragments

The casualties of being a human is that you are selfish.

As a human, I shared the prospect with denial.

I ate all meals by myself.

Every hour I knocked. I had no answers. I hated myself for everything I had turned into. I was unaware of my actions. Now I was returning to the hollow that I was from the maniac I became.

I knocked again and sighed.

He opened the door and ate his meal.

After an hour when I saw the time to be melting, I apologized.

"You apologize but are you really sorry Ladyship? " he said.

I had lost everything now, I was raw;flesh, skin, bones, ruined.

I did not answer. Perhaps I was the most hypocritical woman to have ever exist. The detachment from him wrenched me. I said to myself "Am I going to be so distant from him only for the reason of his mental illness "

There was only the question, not the answer.

We lived a funny life for a week thence. We ate separately, we slept in different rooms and we did not speak.

I was not answering the questions.

Easily recognizable, hardly acceptable.

I met Miss Rosalind again.

We had a dry chatter.

She assumed me to be unhappy of the marriage. She knew the secret I was just introduced to. Somehow I still was figuring it out. Unhappy?

On fourteenth day of this journey.

The black leather gloves finally was kept before me.

"I cannot apologize for what I am, nor can I be ashamed of it" he stated.

"I am sorry" I held his left hand.

"forgiven "

"I should never have acted so strangely "

"If I were a normal girl married to a mad man without my consent, I would have been wilder" he whispered.

I shook my head blinking tears.

"Start over? " he tucked my hair behind my ear.

I nodded.

He kissed my forehead.

It was freezing.

We were having our soup. The warmness of the fire place was relieving our cold hands.

"What is it like to see me from your eyes? "he asked.

Lying beside him, in a week now. It almost feels like home.

"I don't know ,what do you mean?"

He bobs his head.

"You are beautiful Lady Falaq-Naaz " he said.

"Thank you Al-Souffian "

I was not listening to him. I was listening to myself. The humble torture of questions rising in me. Sudden realization of sadness.

Is he home?

"Al-Souffian, do you love me? " I asked. Uncertain of the answer.

"I married you"

It has to be the most beautiful thing to be said. The bond marriage to be so sufficient for someone.

The way he looks at this, the way I look at this. He says he married me.

I say I was married to him.

There's a gigantic difference.

I want to dissolve in that line, I want to evaporate.

I wish I could discontinue.

It is like I was sleeping the entire fourteen days.

I wish I had opened my eyes earlier. I remember I promised him something. I hope he has forgotten me.

"Falaq-Naaz? " he taps my shoulder "Wondering? "

"Nothing"

Selfish Falaq-Naaz.

The doors bell rings.

I opened the door.

Mr Rahim has bought us a cake.

I was doing the dishes.

He opened the cake box and threw the cake in the dust bin.

"Why did you do that? " I exclaimed.

"I did not like the shape"

I peered through the dark plastic,a uneven square.

We both sat in the bedroom.

Everything was going through with ease until the boxes came by, I blamed.

He lies down. He has lost weight, his skin has lost it's sheen. He looks confused in the City.

He came close to my face.

"What happened to Falaq-Naaz? "

I bursted into a helpless cry.

Longing, perplexed, helpless, forlorn, lost, numb, hurt, sad...... Sad....... Sad......

I could not understand anything. Like the world had started anew, like a child with the mind of an adult to has entered an institution where he doesn't belong.

I broke down terribly.

I did not know why.

All the pain was channelled through and the remorse washed away.

"Falaq-Naaz why are you crying?" he asks when I have breathed out the last song of sadness.

"Because I do not understand what I am doing "

"I feel like that everyday "

When he said that. Though I know my sentence was repeated, it meant something different for him. It was his intense storyline that I borrowed for a day.

"First, you have to forgive yourself" he said closing one of my finger.

"Secondly, breath" he closed another.

"Third, sleep"

"Is it what you do? " I asked.

"Probably I am not as foolishly emotional as you are but ....sometimes "

I looked over the Grey diamonds in his eyes, glistening inside the Raven heaven of his eyes. I feel small in front of his enormous being.

The captivating yet haunting aura surrounds me.

"Falaq-Naaz, you have to taste the flavours of unknown to know them. I am the reflection of you "he exclaimed.

The exclusivity of his words, I reckon them but hardly I have ever entangled the hidden secrets of them.

"Breath away the scars. You did not bear them, they bore you. Your life is the open stream of opportunity. What is passed,has withered. Let the wind heal you. I am here. Fabricate Falaq-Naaz, Fabricate into fragments and whither away with the sorrow of your soul"

I heard him sooth me, to an extent I healed.

"where did he touch you? " he asked.

My eyes took him to my waist. The cradle of my nightmares.

He touched my waistline with his hands, the tenderness and the smoothness of his cold hands on my cursed skin first, frightened then calmed me.

You will forget everything, you will only remember me.

"Falaq-Naaz there is a World, that is distinct from yours. There are colours that I have chosen. There is the textile of velvet beneath. You can see it from my eyes, the vertical horizon. The invalid corners. The unsymmetrical waves... Falaq-Naaz.... Welcome to my world " he breathed out,his breath like a cold wind across my face. He stared into my eyes moving closer and closer.

Our Noses bumped, I must have smiled slightly.

His Grey merging with my Brown eyes.

His lashes fluttered across mine, the tenderness.....

His lips embraced mine,Fragile....fragile feelings.

Naive actions, weak..... Soft.... He breathed in me, my eyes were closed.

I felt his hands, his nimble fingers, his Silk skin of his arms slide against my waist. The waistline of the barren, the deserted, the atrocious memory turned into a toe curling, spell bounding...mad.... A completely mad feeling.

Al-Souffian was the Velvet, pale and sensual ....

The fireplace burned down completely and extinguished, the darkness covered our bodies and I had no control of things after the moment, like one action after the other has string on the fingers of Al-Souffian,who knew how to play them well.

His breath was warm, his chest warmer. The tip of his nose cold and his fingers colder.

He dipped in my neckline is when I realized that it was Al-Souffian and what he was doing to which my hands left his body.

But the meanest, wildest and the most heartless made his way to my soul with such essence like he was acquainted with my body and my body knew him.

There was no repulsion. There was no disgust. There was Al-Souffian and his silver silence.

The calmness of the soft actions and the sound of only breath that partly thrilled and partly provided the peace.

Once again,

I was underneath the shape of love, unable to recognize myself but highly suspectable to falling.

Under the skillful hands of Al-Souffian who was carving me his. I was sizzling under his breath,the vision dense.

The signature leather Glove on the small table.

The Mysterious Man, asleep in my arms.

The line of sanity and insanity was crossed and the animal instincts won over.

The nakedness of the Love lay before me. But my hands were too steady to gather sorrow. When I looked at the other side, beside the gloves were his spectacles, I probably will live forever in him.

White Periwinkles were smiling at the end.

I breathed in sync with him.

Finally I was Home.

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