Chapter 20~ Apologies

A blinding beam of early morning light shined straight through my blacked out curtains and onto my face, causing me to finally awaken from probably one of the best sleeps I have had in a while.

You know that good sleep you get after crying? Yep that one. Unwillingly, I attempted to sit myself up, rubbing my tired eyes. I sat there for a good ten minutes trying to wake myself up.

All recollection of last night's events immediately hit me, reminding me why I even cried in the first place.

That's what I hate about waking up, the memory always ends up coming back to you. I let out a heavy sigh as I felt all of my remaining pain coming back to me. River and I have argued many times in the past, but they were nothing compared to last night. Last night felt so much more different compared to our past disagreements. This one felt more serious. Almost intimate in a way. I truly hated every single emotion that I was feeling right now. I felt like I couldn't even go near River after what happened. And the thought of that just breaks my heart. I slowly got up from bed and tried my hardest to ignore all of the negative emotions that were flooding through my entire body right now. As I instinctively went to open my door I remembered that I was only in my underwear under this long shirt, with that I quickly pulled my hand away from the door nob and went to change into something more appropriate to wear before leaving this bedroom.

I didn't even bother to check my outfit out in the mirror like I usually do. To be completely honest, I wasn't really feeling like myself this morning. I don't know why but I feel like I've naturally shut myself down after what happened last night. I'm sure it's nothing, it'll go away once I distract my mind. As I tried to mentally reassure myself I eagerly made my way into the kitchen. I don't know what caused me to feel so starved all of a sudden, but I didn't waste no time to make myself some delicious ham and cheese sandwiches for breakfast. It must be from all the drinking last night.

As I was finishing the last bite of my sandwich I realized that I hadn't seen any of the guys yet. This was unusual for me to not at least see Wyatt in the living room. My first intention was that they were all in the editing room finishing off our upcoming video. I silently walked over towards our editing office and peeked my head into the room, satisfied I found all of the boys practically hibernating in their chairs. Every inch of their attention was put in the computer screens Infront of then. I let them be and made my way back into my room. The first thing I decided to do was clean and reorganize my entire bedroom to help get my mind off of River. And let me tell you it definitely worked. Well that was until I finished of course.

I spent a good two hours reorganizing my room while listening to my music play in the background, I was feeling very satisfied with the end result. Sometimes I like change in my life, depending on the situation. I let out deep relieving sigh as I analyzed my room one more time then plumped myself down on the bed. All of that work left me exhausted already, I decided to lay in the middle of my bed and scroll through my social media for a bit, still trying to keep my mind distracted. As expected I had received multiple notifications from fans tagging me in photos of their fan arts of the boys and I. I adored each and every one of them like always, our fans never fail to make my day. While scrolling I came across a photo that really stood out to me. It appeared to be a drawing of River and I investigating together. It was very detailed and had cute little quotes around us.

Ah shit, here we go again with the thoughts of River. I pressed the like button on the post then quickly exited the app, as well as my phone. I placed my phone on my stomach as I stared up at the ceiling, overthinking starting to come into overdrive once again.

"I can't take this anymore, I need to get out of here..." I openly said out loud. With that idea, I sat back up and eyed off my skateboard that was leaning on the side of my wardrobe. I was in a serious debate about whether going to get some fresh air or just staying locked in my room. I needed to clear my head and I knew the best way to do that was by taking a walk. With that thought in my mind I easily decided to grab my board and excuse myself from the house. A part of me felt like it was a bad idea not letting one of them know I was leaving, but I'm sure they'll just text me if they end up realizing I've left. The second I felt the chilled air hit my bare face my mind immediately thought of where I could skate too.

My secret hideout. I absolutely admired that place and always go there when I'm feeling at my worst. And today was definitely one of those days. I carefully placed my foot into my board and began to push off and ride away. This time while riding I was definitely paying attention to my surroundings unlike last time with River.

"Fuck there I go thinking about him again, what is wrong with me I can think about my best friend if I want too!" I shook the thought away and just continued on.

Once the familiar bushland was now in view I felt myself getting more excited the closer I got. I absolutely love abandoned places. As the large overgrown bushes were now Infront of me I intentionally stopped and hopped off my board. Instinctively, I started making my way towards the hideout. Like usual, I found myself at a loss as I admired the beautiful run downed appeal on the house. After my admiration I rushed inside and immediately went to the balcony. The balcony was my absolute favorite spot in the entire building. The view it held was just immaculate. It really is a good place to come to when you need to ponder.

I sat myself down at the edge of the abandoned ledge and stared up into the blue sky as I let all of my thoughts unfold right there and then. Not only thoughts, but memories also. The specific memory of bringing River here, into my secret space. I really do trust him. I trust all of the boys, I don't know why I never told them about this place. The thought of me and Riv sitting side by side on this very balcony came to me. How happy we were together, and just chatting like nothing else in the world mattered. I truly cherished that day with him. But the way he was looking at me. It was felt different, it was different. It was so intimate and I don't know why but I liked that. What the fuck is going on with me? I've known Riv since high school I can't be falling for him now, right?

Just the thought of that made my gut drop and heart race. I can't fall for my best friend, what if it destroys the friendship? I cannot lose these boys, their all I have, their all I've ever had really.

Then another memory came to me, how close we were and staring into each other's eyes for what felt like centuries, that was until Ryan called of course. But what if Ryan never called? What would have happened?

Fuck all of this mind racing shit, I need to go home to River. Now.

Ryan's POV:

About fucking time the boys and I have finally finished editing our next video. Exhaustedly I rub my sore eyes and finally get out of my work chair to stretch.

"Man I'm fucking starving" I openly complain to the guys as I make my way out of the office and into the kitchen.

"That's weird, I haven't seen y/n at all today" I quietly analyzed. My gut was telling me something was up, it wasn't normal for us not to see her at all during the day. Like usual for me my curiosity took over and I lead myself towards y/n's room. Once I was face to face with her door I softly knocked, expecting a response back. Nothing. I tried to knocked again a little harder, thinking maybe she just didn't hear me the first time. Still nothing.

"What the fuck?" I thought. Slightly concerned, I walked back into the office and asked the boys if they knew where y/n was. They both said that they didn't, which just made me worry even more.

"She's not here" I stated with a hint of worry in my voice.

"Did you check her room..." My brother asked, I could tell he was trying his hardest to pretend not to worry. I told them that I had checked if she was in her room and got no response from her at all.

"Do you guys know where she would go?" I openly asked, sitting myself back down in my chair and trying to ease the worry I was now feeling. Wyatt admitted that he had no clue, but River on the other hand took a moment to reply. I gave him a pleading look, hoping that maybe he would know somewhere.

"Yeah... I think I know where she might of gone, you guys stay here I'll go look for her" my brother ordered and rushed out to grab the car key's.

"Ah thank fuck..." I let out a deep sigh of relief and allowed River to go and find our best friend.

River's POV:

God this is all my fault isn't it? I'm probably the reason she left and didn't even tell anyone. Gosh I really hate the way I spoke to y/n last night. What is wrong with me?

But thankfully she told me and physically showed me her favorite place to go to whenever she's feeling low. Once I retrieved the car key's I rushed out of the house and into the car. I didn't waste anytime to start up the engine and start making my way to the abandoned house.

- Arriving at the abandoned house -

I instantly remembered the familiar trees and bushes that were now ahead of me. I was here. My mind and heart began racing at the same time as all the memories that me and y/n made here came racing back to me. God I really am falling for this girl. I need to take her home and make sure she's okay. I need to apologize to her, that's the least I could do.

Anxiously, I got out of the car and locked it before deciding to run instead of walk to the house.

"God I hope she is here" I pleaded to myself. Knowing that my panic will heighten if she wasn't there. Once the entrance was finally in view I continued to run towards it.

Y/n's POV:

I need to get home to him and sort everything out right now. Every single bit of realization was coming down on me like a fucking boulder right now. I am falling in love with my best friend.

I quickly grabbed my skateboard and rushed the hell out of there to try and get back home. Just as I'm about to run out of the entrance someone else runs straight into me, causing me to instinctively grab them and yelp loudly from shock. I open my eyes and to my complete fucking surprise it was River.

He came looking for me, fuck I knew it was a bad idea to not let anyone know I was leaving. I should have listened to my gut. Having River this close to me again has never felt so different in my life. Now realizing my hidden feelings has caused everything to just feel so real right now. Every single emotion I was feeling right now really came down on me and I began bursting into tears Infront of River. I slowly squatted to the ground with my head hiding in my knees. I don't know what was wrong with me but I just couldn't overtake all of these emotions anymore.

"Y/n y/n is okay everything is okay, I'm here... I'm so sorry for everything I said last night I was a fucking asshole and you didn't deserve that" I heard River state as he took crouched down next to me and gave me a genuine hug, I felt nothing but the pure intention of comfort from him. I knew he meant every word he said by the tone in his voice, and that I truly appreciated. I didn't hesitate to hug him back, but it just made me cry harder. I let my arms lay on both his shoulders as I cried into his chest. I could hear Riv trying to shush me but that wasn't really any use. I think he to realized that it wasn't going to work because next thing I knew I was now getting picked up bridal style from him. This on the other hand did cause me to stop crying out loud instead I yelped in a surprised tone.

"What are you doing?" I softly asked, trying to hold back anymore tears that might come out.

"It's time to go home..." He quietly replied while also picking up my skateboard from the ground whilst still holding me at the same time. I agreed with him and gently placed both my arms around his neck to help hold myself.

We finally arrived to the car and River very carefully placed me back down on the ground like I was some sort of ceramic item. I thanked him and took my skateboard from his hand and placed it in the back seat before hopping into the passenger seat next to River. He entered the car just after me and immediately turned the radio on. Riv knew how much I love music, I think this was his way of trying to cheer me up.

I kept my head facing the window the entire drive home like I usually do. But once we finally got home River said something that I made me question my hearing ability.

"Y/n would you like to go on a double date with me tomorrow night?"

- Flashback from last night -

"I have an idea Riv, but before I tell it I need you to tell me, do you really want to be with y/n?" My brother asked me in a serious tone. It honestly took me a moment to think hard about it, and I seriously meant hard. I was stuck between the fear of losing her as a best friend and the fear of not telling anyone my true feelings until it just becomes too much for me and I blurt it out at the worst moment. After a while of serious thinking, deep down I already knew what my answer was going to be.

"I do Ry... I really do" I finally reply back in the most genuine tone ever.

"Good cause this is what we're gonna do, I'll talk to Jaide about planning a double date with you and y/n and Jaide and I... I want you to ask y/n if she would be willing to go on a double date with you" my brother explained his plan to me, which caused me to tense up and make my anxiety rise.

"What!?" I panicked at his very straight forward plan. I was so scared of the thought of losing y/n as a best friend if this plan were to go wrong.

"Just try" Ryan said, clearly trying to ease my panic, which was not working at all. I don't know why I'm doing this but I'm going to try my brother's plan. Tomorrow maybe.