Misguided Vows: Chapter 54

“Are you sure about this?” Alina asks quietly. I hold her hand. I’m nervous, sad, and unsure, but not about Alina being back here in America with me or the fact that we’re walking to the gravesite of my deceased wife. I’m sure I want Alina with me, but I’m unsure as to how I can truly say goodbye to Hayley and let go now.

“I don’t have to come with you, Will,” she says nervously.

“I want you here with me, love. I just need to say goodbye one last time,” I confess. It might be selfish to bring her here, and I don’t know why I had the urgency for them to “meet” in some kind of way, but it feels as if while closing one door, I’m showing Alina the truth to my words—that I’m willing to pry the door open to our future.

The flowers I had delivered only two weeks ago have begun to wilt on Hayley’s tombstone. I sigh as I pick them up and put the new bunch of flowers down. My hand is tight around Alina’s. It’s been some time since I’ve returned here.

But as I stare down, I’m frightfully aware that it’s something I should’ve done sooner, or perhaps it would’ve never happened until I met Alina, who pushed me to live again. I’d forgotten my hopes and dreams when Hayley died. But more than anything, I couldn’t wait to be a father and a loving husband who devoted myself to his wife like my dad to my mom in my own childhood.

I thought when Hayley died, I couldn’t have any of that. That I was betraying her if I ever sought it out elsewhere. But when Alina almost perished in that fire… I was reliving the panic all over again, and a rude awakening snapped me into action.

Alina’s been patient with me, even when I didn’t deserve it. I don’t deserve her, but I’d give everything, including my life, to have her by my side.

I realize now it doesn’t take away the love I had for Hayley and that there was a reason I didn’t die with her. I look at Alina, who’s staring down at Hayley’s grave, and I brush my thumb over hers.

From the past to the future, no matter what it brings. Most likely a spitfire of a child who’s as much of an asshole as they are fiercely independent. A small smile curves my lips as I look at the woman who’s beautiful in every way and soon to be the mother of my child. It’s early days, but without a doubt, I know I’ll live the rest of my life by her side.

“What is it?” Alina asks quietly.

“I was just thinking about how lucky I am to have you.”

A small smile flicks up the corner of her mouth as she leans over and presses a kiss to my cheek in reply, and we both look down at the grave.

Thank you, Hayley, for loving me. Thank you for letting me go.