Misguided Vows: Chapter 52

I hit the cue ball and sink two solid-colored balls. I then sink another. And another.

River sighs. “You might as well be playing pool on your own at this point if you’re not going to even let me have a turn.”

I sink the eight ball. End of game. Another win.

I flash an arrogant smile that doesn’t hold any humor. Nothing does since Alina screamed at me over two weeks ago. I know she’s safe after the fire, but how can I face her after she knows the ugliness of my truth? Besides, for just a second, I thought… I wondered what it might be like to have a life with her instead of the one I’d imagined with Hayley.

It felt like my path was correcting its own course with the way everything happened. Making sure I wasn’t being misguided away from my vows to Hayley.

Nobody in the rundown bar has approached us since we walked in. I wanted somewhere quiet, unseen and not memorable as I drank away my sorrows.

So if I feel like this with Alina, why do I feel like I’m mourning for my wife all over again? I don’t get it. For the first time in a long time, I’ve sat in my misery for the past two weeks. I’ve mainly tried to drown out my sorrows with liquor.

River licks his lips anxiously. “I can’t do this anymore. You can’t stay like this, man. You either run after her or throw yourself back into work, but you can’t keep dragging me out every night so you can drink yourself into oblivion.”

I throw back the whiskey just to make a point of his previous comment.

“It’s better this way,” I say.

He sighs as he leans against the bar stool. “For who? So you originally found her because of a job, but you chose her over the money. So why should her finding out about it be any different?”

“That’s not the problem here, and you know it,” I grit out through my teeth. The ghost of my wife stands between us. Neither of us can see her, but it’s always the presence felt when he brings up any mention of a future with Alina.

His shoulders sag as I go to the bar and order another drink. As I’m waiting, I turn to where I left River. He’s racking up the balls for another game.

The bartender offers me a tentative smile and passes me the whiskey, but I’m not interested. How could I be when I’d been with the most beautiful woman only weeks earlier?

When I rejoin River, he leans against the pool table and studies me. “This is about Hayley?” he daringly asks.

I glare at him. River and Alina are the only two who know about her.

River sighs, defeated. “I’m not going to tell you how to live your life. But it’s been seven years. I imagine Hayley would want you to be happy instead of living for a ghost.”

“How can you say that? If someone took Anya away from you, do you think you could so easily replace her?” I snap back.

River’s jaw tics and I’m apologetic at throwing that situation out there, but there’s no way he can offer advice when he hasn’t felt pain like mine. Hasn’t known what it’s like to lose the woman you love and honestly know whether you’re allowed to continue having happiness. Those types of vows and loyalty don’t just dissolve because she died.

My shoulders sag because I’m a fucking mess, a jumble of mixed feelings and grief I know I never truly dealt with, and right now, I don’t know the way out from under its weight.

“You’re not replacing Hayley. But you’ve been happy with Alina around. It’s the first time I’ve seen the real you come out. I didn’t know Hayley, but I sure as hell know that you deserve to be that person. To have that joy, even if it is irritating to everyone else.” I can’t even smirk or find humor in his jab.

“There you are!” a woman yells out across the bar. River’s and my head both swivel as a very pissed-off Honey storms in with Dawson only a few steps behind her.

“Fuck,” I murmur under my breath, knowing I’m about to get an earful.

“I didn’t know Jack was going to find her. I’ll pay whatever you need for the shop and—”

Slap. I’m stunned as the heat of her palm spreads across my cheek. But I surprisingly welcome its sting.

I adjust my jaw as I look at her in a new light. To be perfectly frank, I didn’t think she had it in her.

“We don’t want your money,” Honey growls. “Why are you still here in New York? Why haven’t you gone after her?”

I shoot a glance at Dawson, who is staring at me. We might be friendly enough, but I imagine if I disrespect his woman, I’ll have my head spiked even if she is running on crazy pregnancy hormones. That is what this is, right?

“She doesn’t want me around,” I say as I circle the table and chalk my cue stick again. When I line up the shot, her hand shoves the stick down. I grudgingly look at her as she demands my full attention. She has one hand on her hip.

“For someone who’s wearing a very pretty yellow dress today, you’re don’t seem very sunshiny,” I comment.

“Do you want me to slap you again?” She purses her lips. “Do you have any idea what she’s going through on her own right now? You should be there.”

I’m confused. “Why would she want me to chase after her when she basically told me that if she saw me again, she’d set me on fire.”

“I didn’t think you were such a coward,” Honey hisses.

My jaw clenches, and I look at Dawson again, who now has his arms folded over his chest. Right, I’m definitely going to get a lecture tonight, whether I like it or not.

“You love her, don’t you?” Honey demands.

“No.”

“You’re a liar.” She points her finger in my face.

How dare she when she doesn’t even know…

“I see the way you two look at each other,” she says defiantly, and that takes away my irritation. “The way you laugh with one another and gravitate to each other. And I don’t know who the bigger idiot between the two of you is for denying what you actually have together. But no matter what, right now, you need to be with her before she makes a decision she’ll regret.”

That snaps me to attention. “Is she okay? What’s happened?”

Honey steps back, surprised by my immediate change in attitude. She then seems to realize what she said because she steps back into Dawson’s chest and she carefully considers her words. “I’m just saying, as a friend, you need to be with her now,” she grits.

“Honey, what do you know?” I demand. Is she going to hurt herself? Is she not okay from the fire? What happened?

Honey’s eyes begin to water, and her hands cover her stomach. It’s not Honey, I see, but Alina. The hand on her stomach…

My eyebrows furrow as something springs to mind. It couldn’t be….

“Is she—” I choke on the word.

Honey seems to have realized where she placed her hands because she removes them, and tears spill from her eyes. “No.” Her voice jumps. “Fucking hormones,” she quips herself.

I go to grab her out of desperation for information, but Dawson’s arm wraps protectively around her shoulders, and he stares me down. Touching his wife is completely off-limits.

My mind is running at a million miles an hour. “Honey, is Alina…?”

I can’t even say it out loud.

Is she carrying my child?

Is that even possible?

I never thought… never knew… never thought of the possibility.

“You need to find her, Will. She’s not in a good place right now.”

My world feels like it’s tearing apart as if I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life, and my feet are moving of their own accord as I rush out of the bar and toward the woman I should’ve never let go.

Something in me shifts. No matter the turmoil. No matter the pain. No matter how uncomfortable it all is. There’s something new. A new life. A new need for me. A new opportunity for me to be a better man. A new path and future I had never even considered. I can’t put it into words, but it removes any restrictions I’ve put on myself. For the first time in years, I feel like I’m running toward something.

But first I have to catch the girl.

A private jet would’ve been a fucking bonus right now.