Misguided Vows: Chapter 36

My mother is currently making me soup for lunch. No one can cook like my mother. I’m sure most girls say the same thing about their mothers. But mine is extra special.

“So, do you want to tell me about him?” she finally asks.

“There isn’t much to tell.”

She looks over her shoulder to where I’m seated and raises a brow.

“Nothing to tell? Yet you’ve been constantly smiling as you sit there and stare at your phone.” I glance away from my phone, annoyed with myself that she just made her point.

The truth is, I wonder if Will’s still cuffed to my bed. He’s smart enough to get out of that situation, isn’t he? But whether within enough time, who can say? I’m certain I should win this bet. Even when he does get free, he’s most likely looking for me in New York. And even if his driver informs him I went to the airport, I could literally have flown anywhere.

I bite my bottom lip, wanting to have a glimpse at the photo I took of him sprawled out on my bed before I left. I mean, it’s not the most romantic thing, but I know what that thing can do to me. And how he can actually back up his words. I’ve been with men who can’t back up their words at all and were a complete letdown.

I’m very happy to announce Will is not a letdown.

“It’s nothing. We both know what to expect from each other. Plus, our worlds don’t really mix, and we’re both super busy pursuing our… business ventures.” Is that what he would describe it as? I don’t need to explain to my mother what that means. But I know his world is dark, way darker than the bubble I live in. I don’t want to be guided back into that world, because it already affected me once.

I’m happy to have acquaintances associated with that world. I like some of the people who come from there, like Honey and Rya and Anya, but I also know my boundaries. I adore Honey and Rya for accepting me wholeheartedly, and although I want to keep their friendship, I’m not sure if I want to get entangled in that world through a romantic relationship. Not again. And there is nothing romantic about me and Will. Just plain old hard fucking.

“Sometimes the most unexpected people surprise us. Like your father, for instance. I wouldn’t usually have fallen for a man like him, yet I did. And I’m so glad I did, even if that meant I only got a short time with him, because he gave me you, and I had him for that time. Not many people get great loves, and I’m content to never have love again because none may match what I did have.”

I sigh at her words.

Why would I settle for less when I know that type of love is out there? The type where you wouldn’t go to any others. My father died when I was only ten. I don’t remember everything, but I do remember how he used to love my mother.

I wonder if Will’s wife was his greatest love and that’s why he won’t marry again.

Though I’m not sure I really want the answer to that question.

I was there to pick up the pieces after my father died. My mother worked so hard. She poured all of her love into me, and at times, I wondered if I was a burden. It’s why I’m unsure if I want to have children. I couldn’t do it on my own like my mother had. She’s the strongest woman I know. Then again, maybe the thought of starting a family terrifies me. After all, nothing’s guaranteed. It’s so much easier for the man to up and leave. And it’ll be me picking up the pieces again.

She’s lived in the same house since I was a child. My parents bought this house before I was born, and my mother loves it here. It’s a modest three-bedroom brick home. When my father passed away, she used most of his life insurance to pay off the house, keeping some for us to live off. She was able to afford things that she wouldn’t, have living off one wage and raising a child. She had the same car all while I was growing up, and when I hit twenty, that’s when she bought herself a new one.

She still has it.

I think it’s why I crave change. I’m so used to my mother not wanting it.

“You know you could move on, Mom. You could open your heart to someone else, and it wouldn’t diminish your love for Dad any less,” I tell her.

I only have a few memories of my father, but I recall the way he would twirl her around every day when he got home from work, then he would dip her and kiss her. After he said hello to her, that’s when I would get my hello.

He always said that she came first. She was the most important person in his life because she created his love, and me, but most of all, that love came from them. So why wouldn’t he treasure the most important person in his life?

I never felt less than. I just loved my father, and I loved watching him love my mother.

When I was a child, I thought I’d be like some princess and one day I would have a love like that.

But the day my dad passed, and with everything that happened afterward, I learned that love can also break a woman and leave many pieces behind. I ended up seeking validation from men who didn’t deserve me, and at the time, I was too naïve to realize it. For some reason, I was always attracted to the bad boys, until I snapped out of it and fled the last guy I’d been seeing.

I have kissed so many frogs that I’m unsure if I will ever get my prince. I don’t even know if I believe in them anymore. Some people might think Will is prince-like, but he’s anything but. He’s an utter asshole. The only charming thing about him is his accent, and even then, when he speaks, he grates on my nerves. But that mouth can do so many other magical things.

“It’s not that I haven’t tried, Alina. I have gone on a few dates. But none compare to your father, so why even bother?” She shrugs and goes back to cooking her soup. “Tell me about Will.”

I sigh, exasperated, knowing better than to try and change a topic with my mother. “There’s not much to tell.”

“There’s always something to tell. Now, open up, missy, or you won’t be getting any of this soup.”

I roll my eyes because she knows I want that soup, and I haven’t eaten since… Well, since I had two bites of my toast and Will ate the rest.

“He used to be a detective,” I tell her. She looks over her shoulder at me.

“Used to be?”

“Yes. Apparently, he now gets paid a lot to track people down.”

“Like a bounty hunter?” Her brows raise in surprise.

I smile wickedly, wishing he were here to hear it. “Exactly like a bounty hunter.”

“What an unusual job. How do you know he gets paid a lot?”

“He told me. And if you ever saw him prim and proper in his immaculate suits and expensive cologne, you would know the guy isn’t any pennies short.” I don’t want to go into the fact that he’s so loaded he can so easily bet away a plane and how my bank account is flush with cash right now, thanks to him.

I’m not complaining.

“I’m confused,” she says. “He sounds like he has his life together. A businessman with ambition in his career is willing to meet your mother, dresses nicely, and has an accent. Where is he falling short?” Her mouth goes wide. “Oh. Is he… not well endowed?”

I throw my head back and laugh. He’s the complete opposite, but I put on a serious face. “Yes, his penis is very small. Micro even. And he has a tendency to play video games and watches a lot of porn.”

My mother rolls her eyes. “Not a gamer,” she says sarcastically, and I laugh. I love my mother. She is, after all, from whom I got my dry sense of humor.

She scoops soup into two bowls. “Okay, well, let’s eat. And tell me all about this job. I’ve been watching your videos on that app you showed me, and I love it,” she gushes. “You are my favorite thing to watch, though you should show your face. You’re so pretty and intelligent. You should be proud of your work.”

I smile as she places the soup in front of me, and it reminds me of countless years living with her. It had always been just us two. Sitting here, even now, reminds me of that. Because I don’t want her to be alone anymore, and part of me isn’t sure if I want to be alone anymore, either.

That is a terrifying thought because I have no idea why all of a sudden I’m considering something outside of the bubble I’ve chosen to keep myself in for so long. Only recently have I realized I want marriage with the right person and potentially children. But that doesn’t make it any less terrifying.