The Shower

ANNA

We must have fallen asleep on the short drive home because we both startled awake when the driver informed us we were back at the penthouse.

Gavin groggily reached for the door handle before helping me out.

We rode the elevator in silence. I had no idea what to say to him.

When the door dinged, we stepped off into the quiet of the empty apartment.

I turned to face him and realized Gavin looked like he’d been run over by a truck.

After a moment, I calculated he probably only had about four hours of sleep over the last seventy-two hours.

“You need a real night of sleep,” I told him.

“Okay.” He reached for my hand, and I let him lead me up the stairs.

Upon review, the last few days seemed surreal.

I felt as though I was living in a constant state of fight-or-flight.

The adrenaline was finally waning, and all I wanted was rest.

“I’m going to take a quick shower,” Gavin said when we reached his bedroom.

I nodded and wordlessly crawled into his bed.

He watched me with an expression I couldn’t place before smiling and ducking into the bathroom.

The water kicked on a moment later, and I couldn’t help but picture my future husband standing under the spray.

I let my mind toy with the idea of joining him.

I knew there was plenty of room from my own shower the day before.

In fact, there was a whole second set of showerheads. The warm water might even help my still-sore muscles.

~Yeah, that’s why you want to get in with him~, I chastised myself.

But it shouldn’t really matter.

We were going to be married, and he’d already told me he expected us to sleep together.

That wasn’t something to be ashamed of.

People entered arranged marriages for hundreds, if not thousands, of years.

Just as I was justifying my dirty thoughts, the water turned off again.

I braced—or maybe hoped—for his exiting the bathroom in nothing but a towel.

Instead, I heard his electric toothbrush start up and fell back against the pillows in frustration.

I had to get a hold of myself.

Hours earlier, I was vowing to call off the wedding and start my life completely over.

Now I was picturing my fiancé naked while he flossed.

A moment later, the door swung open, and Gavin stood, backlit by the light, steam filtering around him.

With damp hair sticking to his forehead and beads of moisture still on the smooth skin of his chest, he looked like a Greek god in pajama pants.

I must not have hidden my awe very well, because he smirked down at me.

I snapped my jaw—that I didn’t realize had fallen open—shut and rolled away quickly.

“What’s wrong, Annalise?” he purred, and I felt the mattress shift. “Disappointed?”

“You know I’m not,” I grumbled.

He gently rolled me onto my back so that he was propped on his hands over me.

I stared up at him, feeling somewhat overexposed.

“Part of me thought you might join in.” He jerked his head toward the bathroom.

My cheeks heated, and I knew my eyes were as wide as saucers.

“We haven’t even kissed,” I said.

~Like that’s what stopped you~, I thought sarcastically.

“Easy fix,” he shrugged, and then lowered himself slowly.

I stiffened as his lips first brushed mine.

When the taste of cinnamon and spice that was so absolutely Gavin hit me, my arms snaked around his neck of their own accord.

I felt him smile before his hands wound their way into my hair, pulling gently to tilt my head back for better access. He deepened the kiss and swept his tongue expertly inside my mouth.

My entire body felt as though it was on fire where it pressed into his, every hard plane of him melding with my own softness.

All the while, my hands roamed his body as though they were attempting to learn every inch of him.

~Lord, I was in trouble.~

He pulled away and started to kiss down my neck, his tongue trailing like lava over my pulse. I moaned and pulled him closer.

“You are absolutely perfect,” he whispered as he gently nipped my ear.

“Gavin,” I breathed, not able to work out anything else coherent.

When his hands started to move lower, I sucked in a breath, my body going tense.

He stopped and slowly raised his eyes to meet my gaze. My heart hammered.

~Shit.~

I wanted this, didn’t I? Why did I suddenly feel the urge to flee?

He must have seen the panic I felt threatening to boil over because he pulled slowly back before laying down next to me.

Relief and disappointment settled into the growing pit in my stomach.

Already, I knew I was in deep with Gavin.

I felt as if I’d spent my entire life missing him, and we’d finally found one another.

The thought of losing him made it hard to breathe. But it was too soon for that, right?

Never in my life had I connected with someone like that.

It was electrifying and terrifying all at once.

He surprised me by quickly pulling my back firmly to his front.

“Relax, Annalise. We don’t need to rush anything,” he said into my ear before brushing his lips against the smooth skin below.

I sighed and sank into his solid frame.

When I did, I felt his erection press into the small of my back.

“Sorry.” I grimaced, jerking away.

“Don’t be,” he chuckled. “Kissing a beautiful woman tends to have that effect.”

I was glad when he reached over and flicked off the light so that he wouldn’t be able to see my embarrassment.

“There’s, um, something I should probably tell you,” I said hesitantly.

“Hmm?”

“I, um, I’m not quite as ~experienced~ as you are,” I said.

He tensed. “Meaning?” he asked, and I bit my lip in the darkness. “You’re not a virgin.”

He said it as a statement rather than a question, but I could hear his apprehension.

“No!” I barked out and then laughed. “No, but it’s been… a while?”

He stilled for several breaths. “How long?” he asked finally.

I shrugged in his arms, feigning nonchalance. “Maybe a year and a half?”

Twenty months, actually.

Twenty. Long. Months.

“Jesus,” he muttered. “What are you, a nun?”

“Hey!” I protested. “I haven’t really found a guy I wanted to have a relationship with recently.”

“You don’t have to have a relationship to have sex.”

I paused. “I do. Honestly, I’ve always thought about sex in terms of love.”

He was quiet for a long moment. I bit my lip, feeling uncomfortable in the silence.

“I know that’s not what it is for you,” I said. “But I’m not the girl who enjoys sleeping around. I’ve only been with two guys.”

“Two?” He nearly choked on his shock.

I nodded, once again feeling exposed. “Sorry to disappoint.”

“No, it’s not that,” he hurried to say. “Good for you. I just—you’re a gorgeous woman in New York City. I thought—”

He cut himself off, but I waited for him to finish his thought, my cheeks burning with embarrassment in the darkness.

“You could have any guy wrapped around your finger, Annalise.”

“I guess I didn’t want any guy.”

“Fair enough.” He sighed and then snuggled in closer behind me. “I’m not sure I deserve you,” he murmured after a moment.

“What makes you say that?”

I squirmed under the pressure of my growing anxiety. Somehow, I thought his cock had grown harder during our conversation. For whatever reason, I still felt both turned on and terrified of the prospect.

“You don’t feel real,” he admitted quietly. “And somehow, you’re the realest person I’ve ever met. You’re just good to people, and you see the world that way too.”

His words struck me in a way that I didn’t feel ready to address. After my mom died, I’d thought maybe my dad brought home a new family because he was disappointed in the way that I’d turned out.

For years, I’d analyzed every action for faults that would prove I deserved my circumstances. It was a suffocating way to live as a teenager, and eventually meant I spent a lot of time isolated.

To hear Gavin say he thought I was a decent person affected me more than I cared to admit. Instead of exploring it, I chose to change the subject.

“I’m not sure I know how to be in your world,” I admitted. “I’ve stood on the sidelines for years, but these people all grew up learning how to walk, talk, and act a certain way.”

“I didn’t,” he pointed out.

“That’s true.” I nodded. “And somehow you always seem to captivate a room.”

“Money talks,” he muttered.

“No. It’s more than that.”

“I’ll be proud to have you at my side, Annalise,” he said. “In any room, I’ll be the luckiest guy there.”

I closed my eyes and swallowed. In my heart, it hurt to know he didn’t mean those words the way I wanted him to.

He didn’t mean he felt lucky in love. He might be proud to have me as his wife for whatever obscure reason he came up with, but it wasn’t because we were soulmates.

“We should go out tomorrow night,” he said suddenly.

“What do you mean?”

“The sooner we make things public, the better,” he reasoned. “We should go somewhere high-profile for dinner.”

Right. I had a part to play.

“Okay,” I said, trying not to sound as sullen as I felt.

“I need to go to the office, but I’ll have Mark take you shopping,” he explained.

I snorted. “I’m not going shopping with Mark. I’ll see if Ashleigh is available.”

He pulled a strand of hair behind my ear and kissed my temple.

“If you want to invite Ashleigh, that’s fine,” he said. “But you are not going anywhere without a bodyguard.”

I sighed but nodded.

“It’s in the contract,” he pointed out. “Which we are going to sign in the morning. My attorney is stopping by before I leave.”

“Okay,” I repeated, feeling so insignificantly small.

At the end of the day, that’s what this was to him—black ink on a dotted line.