Chapter 34

Abhimanyu

The silence in my room was suffocating. My head throbbed, my eyes burned, and yet, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t erase the moment from my mind.

The way I broke down.

The way I lost control.

The way she held me.

I hated it. I hated that I let myself be that vulnerable. I hated that I let her see me like that—weak, broken, exposed. But more than that, I hated how much I needed it. How much I needed her in that moment.

I sat on the edge of my bed, gripping my head. My chest still felt heavy, like the weight of years had just come crashing down all at once. I had spent so long keeping everything locked inside, convincing myself that no one would ever understand. And yet, she… she had stood there, holding me, not letting go even when I wanted to push her away.

Why?

Why did she care?

Why did it hurt more to see that care in her eyes?

I clenched my fists, my mind a whirlwind of emotions. I needed to clear my head. I needed to push all of this away before it consumed me entirely.

I grabbed my jacket and walked out, hoping the cold air would numb the storm raging inside me.

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The streets were almost empty. A few cars passed by, headlights flashing for a second before disappearing into the night. I walked aimlessly, my thoughts a tangled mess. My feet led me towards a park—the same park I used to visit when I wanted to be alone.

I sat on one of the benches, leaning forward, elbows resting on my knees. My breath came out in short, uneven gasps. The weight of everything still clung to me, refusing to let go.

Her words replayed in my head.

“You’re not alone, Abhimanyu.”

I scoffed bitterly. If only she knew how wrong she was.

I had always been alone. Even when people were around, even when I pretended to be fine, even when I laughed like nothing was wrong. Loneliness was a part of me. It had been for so long that I didn’t know how to exist without it.

And yet, for a brief moment, in her arms… it felt different.

I ran a hand through my hair, frustration bubbling inside me. I shouldn’t have let things go that far. I shouldn’t have let her see me like that. Now she would think I was weak. Now she would pity me. And I didn’t need that.

I got up abruptly, shoving my hands into my pockets as I started walking again. I needed to put distance between us. I needed to remind myself that no matter how much comfort she offered, it wouldn’t change anything.

Because in the end, I was still broken. And broken things weren’t meant to be fixed.