37

"Good human qualities-honesty, sincerity, a good heart-cannot be bought with money, nor can they be produced my machines, but only by the mind itself. We can call this the inner light, or God's blessing, or human quality. This is the essence of mankind."

– Dalai Lama

Bella's pov

Today is the day when I'll get married. It's my first and only marriage, and it's a court marriage. I'll be lying if I say that this isn't sad, Xander did ask me though, if I wanted a traditional wedding. But I refused obviously because the reason why I am doing this is not generally the reason people get married. I don't think I have anything left to celebrate other than my child.

I am going through therapy for now, because I am still not able make peace with the fact that Jacob is no longer with me. I know doing this therapy and having professional help will help me a lot.

I am strong, I know I am, but even strong people need that kind of support in order to continue being strong.

Mental health is very important, it's not something a person should ignore, people think they can get through things on their own, and it's true, but a person shouldn't go through things alone.

We are social beings, we are fortunate enough to share or discuss our feelings. Communication helps us in ways we don't understand.

I knew I am not in a right place right now, and it's okay because I have literally been through so much. Losing my father was bad enough, but losing Jacob broke me. Being bullied like that for things I didn't do suck, you can try to forget about it, but one is not able to.

That's why I knew that I needed professional help, and support as much as I can. I need to get better, I need my mental health to get better, I need to stop blaming or hurting myself for things I didn't do, I need to fight my thoughts and become stronger with this help, for my child.

I actually am grateful to have so many people supporting me throughout this tough time. It's nice to see that the world is also filled with nice people and not just the bad one's. It's nice to feel loved, and I am thankful for all of this.

What happened with Jacob was terrible, and he didn't deserve any of it.

But what happened, happened. I will have to find my closure.

Although I'll never forget about Jacob, I won't. I'll remember him each and every day till the moment I die, I'll love him in every moment of my life. But I know he wouldn't want me to be like this.

He would want me to be okay, to live my life to the fullest, for him and for my own self.

The past sessions I have had with my therapist have been great, I am able to come in terms with reality, I am able to find peace within my own self. I am able to find hope for me again.

People might judge me, according to their own intelligence. People might find it weird that I didn't go towards the direction of drugs and alcohol. I am not judging those who do that, absolutely not.

What I want people to understand is that everyone deals and copes with there pain in a different way.

Everyone faces some or the other difficulty in their life. Some accept and share what they are going through, and some don't. Some seek help from losing consciousness, and some by therapy.

But I don't think that Drugs and alcoholism is the answer for pain, it might seem like it, at first, but it's not.

Therapy is working for me, I am getting better because of it. I am able to sleep peacefully at night, I have started to let go of Jacob's belongings as it's not healthy for me to keep holding onto that.

After marriage, I'll be shifting with Xander at his place. He wanted to be there for me like a good friend. To be honest, in these months he has became a best friend of mine as well.

I have started to laugh and smile with him which is great.

For now the Williams talked to my school's principal and I am allowed to give final exams even after having short attendance. Even our principal was aware of my capabilities and problems, I am very thankful that he understood it and gave me a chance.

Xander, And Cole also were given this chance. There parents had a conversation with our principal, where they requested this. Taylor whereas had to go to school because she didn't have a good relationship with her parents and slept over at Cole's most of the time. Both of them were officially together.

They were as shocked as everyone else when they found out about our decision but were more supportive than anyone. They wanted both of us to find our happiness again, Taylor and Cole were helping each other in coping up too. All of us prayed for Jacob all the time.

Xander and Cole were going through therapy as well because Jacob meant much more to them. And his death has had a big impact upon there life as well.

I just hope with this day forward, after getting married to Xander, I or my child won't have to face any more problems. I wish this decision would help us all.

——————————————————————————-

To all those who are reading this, if you are going through any difficulty right now, please talk about it and seek help if required. Share it with your closed ones or you can even text me. I promise I'll listen to you, and won't judge you for anything. Mental health is very important and it should be everyone's priority. Our country's famous actor died yesterday because of suicide and it's very heartbreaking. Please everyone look after one another!

—————