33

"Everyone is afraid of something. We fear things because we value them. We fear losing people because we love them. We fear dying because we value being alive. Don't wish you didn't fear anything. All that would mean is that you didn't feel anything."

– Cassandra Clare

Bella's pov

I notice Xander sitting on the breakfast table,while waiting for me. He looked very serious about discussing future plans.

I think this is the smartest thing to do, I have always had everything figured out in my life, until recently. Now I have no clue what am I doing to do.

I don't want to go back to school, neither am I able to focus on studying. I can't exhaust myself from working shifts as well, as I am barely handling myself right now. I don't know how am I going to make any money, I don't know how will I support my mother now, I don't know how will I take care of my baby. I am lost right now, having no direction whatsoever.

Which is why talking to Xander is a good idea right now, maybe he will help me out. Not having Jacob around is still a new feeling, which I honestly don't want to get used to, but I can't escape reality forever.

I take a seat, in front of him. And pour some juice which he brought for me.

Jacob's parents went back to New York for some time, still unable to cope with there sons death, but had responsibilities towards their work. It's the second child they have lost, I think they are trying to cope with the best way they know, that is making themselves busy with work. I know they are going through much more than me right now, after all he was their only child.

They gave me their number, and they still call me everyday to ask how I am doing. His mother made sure that I am being taken care of. She was relieved to know that Xander, Cole and Taylor are there for me. She took care of all the payments for my doctor so I don't ever need to pay for that. She also reassured me that I don't need to worry about financial problems anymore, as now I am all that they have. I know this baby is their only hope left, this child have already given so much to all of us. It has given us a reason to look forward, to have faith, and keep having hope for a better tomorrow.

"Ella are you okay?" Xander snaps me out of my thoughts, "Yeah was just thinking about something." I say and then start eating my omelette which Xander brought.

"I wanted to talk about something. Please don't get me wrong, and please hear me out first and then react okay? I have really thought about this and have then decided this." He nervously explains. I nod at him to continue as I don't have any idea what he is talking about.

"I was thinking that, you should marry me. I mean not really with all the things, it could just be legally done..." I cut him, "what" And shout at him, how could he even suggest such a thing, how could he even say that considering how I feel about Jacob and how difficult things already are. I get up and am about to leave when he stops me by holding my hand, "please hear me out first, then you can do whatever you want. Please you do trust me that much, don't you?" He says with his pleading eyes, so I do sit back down, still angry at him.

"So what I was suggesting earlier was because I know how difficult it is for a child to grow up with a single parent. You might not know this but I lost my mother when I was very young and that just changed my childhood completely. Although my father does love me, he doesn't show it. He works day and night for me but doesn't show any type of affection towards me. Living alone has made him like this, he has shut all of his feelings completely which did effect me a lot. And I do know that your life completely changed after your father's death as well, you do see how much your mother suffers and I know you don't feel her affection towards you like it was before. I know you love Jacob and trust me I love him too, I have known him all my life and he was, is my brother and will always be. I am not saying for you to love me, or even like me, this marriage will just be for the child. I want to be there for the baby like a father, I know Jacob would've been amazing as a father, and I do wish to provide the same comfort to the child. Trust me Ella, I don't have any wrong intentions in this, I just think that this will insure him a better childhood. I know my financial help is not what the child or you need, because the Williams will take care of that. But I want to help you both emotionally. I want to provide the baby with the childhood he deserves, the happiness, care of a father which he deserves." He explains to me, tears already in his eyes.

I understand what he is trying to say, I know what feelings he is talking about, I myself have felt it.

"But Xan, why Marry each other? You can be there for us without that as well" I softly argue, no longer angry at him.

"Ella, by marriage, I can officially be his/her father. I don't want to just be there like an uncle, I want him to feel complete. I want him to see a complete family environment around him. I swear I don't expect anything else out of this marriage. I do have feelings for you, but that's not why I am doing this. I won't ever do anything like that, I can't hurt you or Jacob ever Bella. I just want to fulfill my promise to Jacob by always looking after both of you. I don't want that child to ever feel that he doesn't have a father. I don't want to take away Jacob's place as well, we will tell him or her that they have two fathers, one who looks over them from heaven, and one from earth." He speaks out, all of his words touching my heart.

How can he be so selfless? Doesn't he wish to have a marriage filled with love, children of his own? Why does he want to give up his entire life just like that for me or my baby.

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Did you see this coming?

Do comment your views, and feel free to correct my mistakes.