Chapter 167

CHAPTER 167

Alicia brought me back to the Pokemon Center as soon as I messaged her, and her Xatu wasn’t even showing a single sign of tiredness. They were known to be good at hiding emotion and being expressionless, but I was still incredibly impressed. It made me want to start looking up information about Claydol or Beheeyem, but there were more pressing matters to attend to first.

The group was going to have its first meeting to discuss future options tonight. I knew I had said that I’d try to see Justin first, but he seemed to always be out these days doing who knows what, and it was impossible to just get him alone, especially due to the Pokemon Center being my safe haven away from reporters. I didn’t particularly feel like traveling outside, especially when the discussion about me was growing instead of shrinking. I didn’t know if it was leaked or shown to the public, but people knew I was in the League Trainer Internship Program now.

I took refuge back in my room. Princess was back to sculpting small statues of herself with some mud she had brought from the outside. Buddy kept to her side, constantly asking if her neck felt better. Honey spoke to Angel as he leaned against a wall with his arms crossed, and even though he didn't understand much of it, the grass type attentively listened to his tirade against a TV show playing that wasn’t up to his standards. I felt… better today. We were still missing Sweetheart and Sunshine, but they would probably be ready tomorrow, and then the family would finally be whole again. I was slightly anxious about getting Pupitar used to her new body, but most of all, I wondered what my status with Sunshine was. We had finished our deal, but if I had to guess, he would probably be slightly pissed at me for not letting him kill Harry Rodriguez. I knew from his reaction to the dark’s collapse that he didn’t care whatsoever about his actions, and to be honest, I was fine with that. I respected him too much to go on a tirade about how revenge was wrong. I’d done the same with Sweetheart, after all.

I just hoped he wouldn’t hold me to that standard.

His pride had probably been bruised too, with how Cynthia had easily dealt with Shiftry, but that might have been good for him long-term. It was important for Turtonator to see that he wasn’t anywhere close to his maximum potential, and even though I didn’t expect him to immediately let me use him like any of my other Pokemon, I was sure training was at least on the table now. His battle with Weavile had shown his rust, and I didn’t think that he’d be willing to go for months without another battle.

Cynthia had called Shiftry’s fighting instincts dull. I was sure that was something he wanted to avoid at all costs.

As the hours passed, Honey forced me to contact Amanda and set up a meeting. He wasn’t sure what therapy even did other than it was with the woman that had made me feel better in the past, so he wanted to force me to do it again. I felt a lot more comfortable with her than anyone else, even if it had been a while. I couldn’t imagine speaking to a stranger about this at this point, and the distance between us made it a lot easier to just dump all of my problems onto her. I knew none of the Nurse Joys would judge me for what I did, and it did get a fraction easier each day somehow, but talking to someone half a region away from me would be more manageable than doing it with someone right here. It felt too personal.

Amanda was glad to hear from me and set up a meeting tomorrow morning— a lot sooner than I expected. Ugh.

The meeting would take place in Denzel’s room, and I opted to be a little early. Maybe I’d catch Pauline and be able to speak to her alone since I hadn’t seen her in days. She’d probably give me shit for it, but I deserved it at this point. Instead, I was surprised to see that a lot of people were already there. Only Justin, Cecilia, and Mira were missing. My eyes settled on Pauline, who glared at me with her usual intensity. It had been a while since she looked at me like that. Since before we became friends, in fact. Before our trip through Eterna Forest, when we’d both hated each other’s guts, but we had learned to begrudgingly respect each other for not succumbing under pressure or danger. People offered their normal greetings, but she just stared.

“Look at that. Nice to finally see you,” Pauline said with obvious sarcasm.

“Sorry for dropping off the face of the earth,” I sighed. “I had a lot on my mind. Still do.”

“Everyone did, and yet we still contacted each other,” she immediately replied. “Emi’s been asking about you, by the way. You should send her a message to tell her you’re okay.”

“I will.”

Arceus, it was weird to be like this again. It was like I was walking on eggshells around her, but I had to remember that she was just hurt, and when someone hurt Pauline, she hit back. I sat down in an extra chair that Denzel somehow brought to his room, and he quickly joined me.

“I know you have a lot on your mind, but congratulations on that League Internship thing,” he said. “I’ll try to get Pauline to back off. We all have different ways of dealing with this shit, she’s just hurt.”

“I know. You don’t need to talk to her. I’ll clear the air before we leave,” I said before starting to whisper. “Cynthia’s been looking at you too, by the way. The Internship thing has nothing to do with our skills as trainers.”

He blushed, not expecting me to see through his disappointment. I couldn’t go into detail as to why we’d been chosen, but I didn’t want him to feel down at the matter. Cecilia arrived a few minutes later along with Slowking, still walking on those crutches, and Justin arrived at the exact time we agreed on the moment the clock hit five. He’d always been pale, but he was as white as a sheet of paper, and there was no emotion behind his eyes at all. He didn’t even look in my direction.

His condition was even worse than I thought.

“Justin,” I tried.

“Ah. Grace, you’re done ignoring the realities of the world,” he said. His tone reminded me of Roland. “It was smart of you to join us. I thought that you wouldn’t.”

“I know this is important,” I said. “How have you been holding up?”

“I am perfectly fine, and I finally have a plan laid out in front of me. My mind has never felt so clear.”

“If clear mind means killing yourself, then sure,” Pauline said. “I’ve already told you I won’t let you do that Victory Road shit.”

“You won’t be able to stop me. That would be breaking the law, and even if you are foolish, you wouldn’t go that far—”

“Enough,” Denzel snapped. “If you’re going to fight, don’t do it here.”

Mira ended up being ten minutes late, but she looked tired as hell. I didn’t know if it was from staying up late or the situation, but it was probably both. She nonchalantly apologized for her tardiness and sat next to Maeve.

“Maeve and Mira, you guys aren’t used to this, but we do one of these every time we need to prepare to leave a city,” Denzel stood up. “And this time is no different. We don’t know when the League will give us the approval to leave, but they will sometime soon, and I know people have different plans.”

The boy took a deep breath.

“So let’s hear them out.”

“I will be journeying to Veilstone alone, but I’ve already said that,” Justin immediately declared. “Then onto Sunyshore, but that can wait. I will need to fill my roster as soon as I reach Veilstone.”

Pauline clicked her tongue and started to anxiously tap her foot on the floor. “Whatever, man.”

Denzel looked to Louis, who gave him a discreet nod.

“Justin, traveling on your own to Veilstone and Sunyshore could be fine thanks to the route being kept relatively clear, but this Victory Road idea—”

“Is the quickest way for me to improve. I have analyzed the risks, and they are outweighed by the rewards. Your concern is appreciated, Louis.”

The blonde man sighed. “Very well. I’ll just keep traveling with Maeve and Mira, if they’re fine with it?”

“Sure thing,” Maeve said.

“If you think I’m going to let you get to Victory Road, I’ve got a nice beach house in Oreburgh to sell you,” Pauline said. “I’ll stick with the main group… for now.”

My eyes widened slightly. A part of me had almost expected her to chase Justin and force him to travel with her, but maybe she was hoping to give him space. If he slowly grew back to normal within the next few months like the doctors hoped, then maybe the dark’s influence will have lessened by the time he made it to Sunyshore and he’d get a new perspective on things. The mountain would make those Rhydon we barely managed to take down at the edges of Mount Coronet look like child’s play. I was sure that many Pokemon like the Rhyperior that had killed Sweetheart’s mom lay there, and they wouldn’t hesitate to kill anyone in their path with how aggressive they were.

I would agree with the wait-and-see approach for now. With some luck, he’d be manageable in a month.

Denzel breathed out a relieved sigh. “Okay, so we’re good then? Splitting into three groups?”

My heart drummed against my chest, and I bit my tongue. It was now or never.

“Wait, you didn’t ask me,” I said.

“Huh?”

“I want to travel to Veilstone alone.”

“What?” Cecilia muttered. I could almost see her heart sink, and it instantly made me reconsider. “Why?”

“It’s just… I feel like it’ll be good for me to spend some time to myself. It’s only seven days,” I reassured her. “Then I’ll join the group again.”

“What if you get attacked by Team Galactic?”

“They won’t attack me in a route.”

“You don’t know that! Didn’t you hear what Cynthia—”

She cut herself off and rapidly blinked.

“Do you want me to come?” Denzel asked. “I’m serious.”

“No. This is going to be my alone time. I need it.”

“You’ve never done this before. Are you sure everything’s okay?” He continued. “Do you need to talk to someone? Are you feeling worse?”

“It’s just a week,” I reiterated a bit stronger. “I can handle myself for a week. The sky isn’t falling.”

“You’ve never traveled alone before,” Pauline said, her anger almost forgotten.

“I know. Listen, just trust me on this, okay? When we all get to Veilstone, I’ll rejoin the group. I just need some time to focus on my Pokemon and myself.”

“Okay,” Denzel said, letting out a trembling, defeated exhale.

“Grace… can I please come?” Cecilia asked. She looked like her entire world was collapsing. “It’ll be just us two. Shouldn’t that be fine?”

I almost broke at that moment. I almost said yes.

“I know it hurts,” I said. “But we’ll be okay.”

It was at that moment that I realized that from her perspective, we’d never been apart for more than a few days, and that was during that whole Mount Coronet rescue mission. It was the same for Denzel, although he was taking it slightly better than she was. I was being selfish— to both of them, but those seven days to myself? I needed them dearly. Amanda had told me long ago that I tended to focus on my friends’ problems first and mine second. If I could just get a bit of time alone, I felt like I’d be able to get back on my feet a lot quicker and figure out a lot more about myself.

Of course, that meant that I was hurting the people I loved in the process. Everyone other than Justin looked somewhat defeated, although some were worse than others. Mira’s expression had barely changed. Her thoughts lay elsewhere.

“Well I guess I should talk about route 210 and 215, then,” Denzel continued. “The first half of 210 is safe as long as you stay out of the tall grass. It’s…”

He paused and scratched his forehead. His right fist clenched.

“A lot taller than you’re used to. Taller than me, and it’s easy to get lost in it or get jumped by a Pokemon, so stay out of it. You should probably stop by the Café Cabin before heading into route 215. They function like an inn too, so you could buy a room there if you need to rest. Making it through route 210 will probably only take two days.”

“How’s route 215?” Maeve asked.

“Wet. It almost always rains there, so you’ll need to stay dry, especially in the cold. The environment will be worse than the wild Pokemon, but as long as you stick to the route, you should be fine. You’ll have to do some climbing too, but nothing too bad.”

“Climbing while it’s raining,” Mira sighed. “Great.”

“After four to six days there— and it really depends on the weather— you’ll have made it to Veilstone. From there on out, the routes will be smooth sailing, assuming none of you want to go through 212 for whatever reason.”

“Thanks for the help,” I said.

With the rain Denzel had warned us about, I’d probably have to get a raincoat. It had actually rained so little since the start of our journey that it was somewhat surprising. Sinnoh wasn’t exactly known for its humidity like Hoenn, but we weren’t a dry region either, so we had gotten particularly lucky on that front. After Justin asked about a dozen questions about the route and the Pokemon found there, the meeting slowly dissolved.

But things still didn’t feel right. I needed to set things straight with Cecilia, or I felt like we wouldn’t be able to leave on good terms. Things had already been somewhat frosty due to me ghosting her, and now I was practically breaking her heart by traveling alone. At first, I wanted to wait for her outside the door, but I ended up just standing awkwardly in front of her until she just left.

Be strong, I told myself. I took a step forward, placing a hand on her shoulder. She stopped and turned toward me.

“Can we talk?” I asked. “Anywhere’s fine.”

She sniffled. “I don’t know. It’ll hurt more when you leave.”

“Please. We need to clear the air or… or something. I’ve been a terrible girlfriend these last few days, and I’m so—”

Noise from trainers walking through the halls interrupted me. We’d caught their eye, and they were just staring and recording. I clicked my tongue and released Buddy out of his Pokeball. A single, hate-filled glare was enough to scare them off. I didn’t care about my reputation. Not when the girl I loved needed me.

“Let’s just go to your room. Please.”

Cecilia hesitantly nodded. I’d done it. I’d manage to recover from the brink. I felt like if she had said no just now, our relationship would have been irreparably damaged. Either I would have felt forced to give up on traveling alone and been bitter about it, or I would have gone anyway without clearing the air. Both situations would have been disastrous.

Cecilia struggled to grab her room key out of her pocket, so I did and opened her door for her, letting her in. Slowking could have done it, but it was almost like he wanted me to. She sat down and looked down at the floor. The evening sun shone on her dark skin and dark brown hair. My mouth suddenly felt very dry.

“Cece…” I choked. How did I want to start this? I didn’t want to— I couldn’t fuck up. “I did things that I’m not proud of, and I thought that I was a monster for a good while. I thought that if I talked to you and you saw through me, then you wouldn’t— you wouldn’t like me anymore.”

She bit her lip.

“And I know now that you were also dealing with the same issue, and that didn’t keep you from visiting or trying to contact me, but at the time, I thought that it was just me,” I said. “I’m going to be honest with you… I’m going to air it all out.”

I took a deep, trembling breath.

“I killed two Pokemon and tortured someone for information,” I said. “I kept stepping on the wound on his leg, and I felt good while doing so. I'm not sure, but I think that... I think that he'll never be able to walk properly again. That was why I was scared… I’m sorry. I screwed up, but I need some time to figure things out. My Pokemon are all fucked up too, and if I’m not alone, I don’t think I’ll have the time to focus on them and get them back on track.”

“I killed a man, Grace. I burned him to death.”

I felt my stomach drop. That had come out of nowhere.

“Talonflame’s Heatwave burned him, and I just watched. One word from me, and he would have lived. He was a victim, Grace. A victim of Shiftry’s brainwashing. And he was in no position to pose a threat to me. I killed him anyway and felt nothing. It was like I was taking out the trash.”

“I…”

The positions were reversed now. She was the one expecting judgment from me. I looked to the depths of my heart and tried to find it within me to berate her, but knowing what Shiftry’s darkness had done to me, I couldn’t justify doing so. I understood that it was the same for both of us now.

We both felt sorry for each other.

“We’ve both done things we regret,” she muttered. “But it feels like you’re slowly slipping away from us. First it’s one week, but what if it ends up being more, like Louis? He was supposed to come back and travel with us, but he’s splitting from the group again. What if you end up doing the same? What if you find a new group… and then just leave us. Then we’d have to do the long-distance thing like Pauline and Emi, and I know— I know that I would never be able to do that.”

Ah. I understood completely now. Her reaction made so much more sense to me now that I knew that she was using Louis’ case as a baseline. She was still bitter about it, even though she hid it well. Louis was probably a lot more comfortable with Mira and Maeve than he was with us on the road, even if we had all made up while investigating Harry Rodriguez.

“I don’t know how to convince you that I won’t, but I promise you that I’ll come back,” I said. I leaned next to her knees and firmly grabbed her hand. “You mean so much to me, Cece. I can’t imagine living— let alone traveling for a long period of time without you. This changes nothing between us.”

“If you break your promise, I won’t forgive you.”

“I won’t.”

“Promise me you’ll stay safe? That you won’t do something crazy like go off-route to train or to try to scout out locations for your seventh team member?”

“I won’t.”

“You’ll get to Veilstone before we do, so promise me that you won’t look for Team Galactic’s base like Mira was planning on doing because you feel responsible or you want to be a hero.”

“I promise you.”

“And spend as much time with me before you leave? I’ll have to stay back longer because of my leg, so our time apart will end up being longer than seven days.”

“Of course.”

“Very well.”

I stood up and breathed a sigh of relief. I felt a few tears stream down my cheeks. I honestly thought that she might break up with me if I screwed this up, and I didn’t know if I’d be able to handle that on top of everything else. I wrapped her into a tight hug and squeezed.

“Thank you for giving me a chance,” I said.

“Are you kidding me? I thought you wanted to get away from me,” Cecilia said. “Can you…”

She traced a finger over my hand and then grabbed it. She gently pulled me in, leading me toward her lips.

They were salty.

Cecilia wrapped her arms around my neck, her crutches fell on the ground, and before I knew it, I was on top of her on her bed.

“Cece— mhm— your leg—”

“Shh.”