i fall down, and I Climb Up

I looked up from my pile of books, my head heavy, and my eyes sore. "What?" I croaked groggily.

"We need your help." Ismael stated seriously while Mihirmah nodded her head beside him. That was super funny. Ismael being serious. I would have laughed if I wasn't so out of it.

After a long, expectant pause I let out a quiet No and put my head down on the library table again. I had a free period right before school ended and it was going to serve as a nap period. No ands or buts.

"C'mon, you know you're the only one who can guilt trip Safaa into telling us what Yusuf is actually  up to. " Mihirmah pleaded, her hazel eyes reflecting the light of the orange lamp overhead us.

I sat up quickly, my eyes widening as they usually did when I was shocked. "You've seen it too?" I couldn't believe it. So I wasn't going crazy.

Ismael and Mihirmah both rolled their eyes at the exact same time and chorused, "What have you taken us for? Fools?"

"That's besides the point, let's nab her after school!" I exclaimed, a plan already formulating in my head.

"All those little lies, like hey, I can't work on our project, my phupo is visiting! He doesn't even have a phupo!"Mihirmah exclaimed angrily. I nodded in agreement.

"Yo, he canceled 'Bro Night'!" Ismael whispered. We both gasped. Never in our lives had we heard such an atrocious statement.

"I almost cried." He added after a pause. I patted his shoulder in sympathy.

The bell rang and I hurriedly began to gather my stuff and stuff it into my bag. Once I was done, I nodded towards the exit and we took off. Piling into Mihirmah' s car we immediately drove to the nearest halal restaurant and then I called Safaa.

"Safaa! It's a code red! I don't know what to do! Please come here as soon as possible!" I fake cried into the phone. Then I hung up and texted her the address.

The plan was to take her into a public place where she wouldn't be able to escape from without creating a scene. While Mihirmah, Ismael, and I were never afraid of the external attention as long as we weren't doing anything wrong, and were hotheaded idiots, Yusuf and Safaa were both quiet, calm, and coolheaded people.

And then we prayed that our plan would work. Yusuf even took out a thasbee.

That's how important Bro Night was to him.

20 minutes later we had officially captured an uneasy Safaa and were giving her looks as we drank from our 100% halal milkshakes.

Mihirmah decided to break the silence. "What. Is. Yusuf. Doing."

"How am I supposed to know?" Safaa wailed.

I slammed down both my hands. "That is not the answer to our question!"

"Yeah what she said!" Piped in Ismael.

Safaa' s lower lip quivered and then she spat it all out.

"YUSUF'SSEEINGCAROLINEFISHERANDIKNOWITSHARAAMBUTHEREALLYLIKESHERANDHEMADEMEPROMISENOTTOTELLANYONEANDNOWWE'REBOTHGOINGTOHELL!"

I felt this pang of hurt and I flinched. I got up and left some money on the table and left, the cries of my friends ringing behind me. I walked to the nearest Bus Transit and waited there.

Why didn't he tell me? I've always told him every little thing and he keeps this from me?

To say I felt dejected was an understatement.

///

I watched my sister slide a ring onto the finger of my future brother in law and clapped and cheered like most of the other people at the gathering.

I wish I could say my heart was there too, but it was elsewhere, floating around with a million worries plaguing, trying to push it deep into the ocean that was my chest. When they asked me to join in for the pictures I posed the biggest smile I could muster up.

What can I say? I was always good at keeping up facades.

///

"Breathing is hard. When you cry so much, you realize that breathing is hard" -David Levithan