What Now?

I was seated next to Yusuf on a small bench made just for two. There was commotion all around me due to the wedding guests as they enjoyed the event. I could feel Yusuf next to me, his leg touching the endless fabric of my lengha, his arm touching mine whenever he moved. He was silent, not saying anything. But so was I.

Safaa placed some flowers on the ornate table in front of us, before taking a seat on it so she could look at us directly. Her sea green lengha was glittering in the sunlight as she gave us a radiant smile.

"Who knew that Allah had made you two for each other years ago? Who knew that your names were written next to each other?" She lovingly smiled at each of us. I felt uncomfortable. She was right: a Nikkah was sacred. The strongest bond in the universe.

Yusuf nervously cleared his throat. "Yeah, who could've guessed."

Safaa focused her eyes on him, her pretty features falling into a solemn expression. "I missed you Yusuf. I'm sorry for never reaching out."

Yusuf lowered his eyes, smiling bitterly. I felt guilty. "No, Safaa. I was the asshole. I definitely deserved it."

"No you didn't." Ismael stood in front of us, just beyond the steps of the makeshift stage we were seated on. His eyes were bloodshot as he opened his arms. Yusuf's face was shocked. I could barely keep my own tears from leaking out as Yusuf catapulted out of his seat and walked towards Ismael. They hugged one another fiercely, Yusuf even picking up Ismael at one point until Mihirmah socked Yusuf's arm to get his attention.

"You stupid dumbass piece of shit! You should've called!"

He laughed, the sound warming my heart, and then all of a sudden it was as if the emotions became too much to handle because he was crouching on the floor and breaking into a sob, his hands covering his face. I couldn't take it any longer. I got up, grabbing my skirts and sat down on the ground beside him, placing a hand on his arm and squeezing gently. He looked up, his hazel eyes so watery that a sob broke out of me as well. Safaa leaned down to encompass me in a hug that Mihirmah joined as Ismael also crouched on the other side of Yusuf and put an arm around him.

We had been reunited. And I had never expected it to have come from my marriage to Yusuf.

///

"I'll sleep on the floor." Yusuf stated awkwardly as I fidgeted with my bangles.

"I don't want you to sleep on the floor though." I finally said, biting my lip in hesitation. He turned around, looking at me in exasperation.

"Then what do you suggest Ahlam? Would you rather sleep on the floor?" His eyes were taunting me, and for a second I was overwhelmed by his presence. He looked so goddamn hot that I could barely control my lady hormones.

Then the gravity of the situation came back and hit me hard. The floor would be equally hard.

He smirked. "That's what I thought. I'll sleep-!"

"We can just share the bed!" I interrupted him hastily. His mouth nearly fell open. He crossed his arms over his chest and I couldn't keep my eyes from skimming over the veins that bulged on his forearms.

"What kind of drug are you on? Or is this a master plan to get back at me?"

"No Yusuf. I don't think I can kill you now that I've married you." I rolled my eyes at him as I dragged my suitcase to the middle of the room, opening it and grabbing a simple white shalwar kameez. I didn't feel super comfortable wearing my usual sleep attire in front of him just yet.

"I wouldn't put it past you." His voice held a teasing lilt, one that I hadn't heard in years.

I fake gasped turning around. "Oh really?"

He leaned against the dresser, his eyes not leaving mine as my gaze fell to the beauty mark on his cheek. "Definitely."

"Well maybe I'd change my mind if you helped me remove all these pins."

It was his turn to roll his eyes. "Of course, making me do all the work." He began walking towards me but stopped when he watched me stiffen.

I'm not your errand boy.

The words were fresh in my mind even after years. It seemed like he had remembered as well because I saw his jaw harden as he took a few steps back. He ran his hands through his hair.

"Will it always be like this Ahlam?"

I let out a shaky sigh. "You hurt me Yusi. I trusted you the most."

The nickname made him stop all movement. "Can I please have a second chance?" His voice was pleading. I was too softhearted. Only for him.

I remembered when we were in 7th grade and I had accidentally deleted his entire assignment. A long month of hard work had all gone down the drain. He had sighed, looked at me patiently and told me that it wasn't worth my tears.

I got up mindlessly, the only sound in the room being that of my jewelry. My eyes were trained on his and his on mine as I walked towards him, hands lifting up my skirt as his darkened from the look on my face. I stopped only when there was a foot of space between us. I could hear his breath hitch as I grabbed his hand and brought it to my veil.

"Will you please help me remove the pins and get this jewelry off?" I tried to smile but I'm afraid it was just a watery, teary mess as tears fell down my face. Yusuf closed his eyes tightly and shakily laughed.

"Of course I can." He turned me around gently by the shoulders and began to remove the pins and all I could focus on was his towering frame over mine as the dupatta fell past my shoulder and left my hair bare to him. He pushed past the raven curtain of curls and I could feel his fingers grazing my back as he unhooked the choker. He helped take the locket off my neck and then stepped back.

"I'm done." He whispered. When I turned to thank him there was a different look in his eyes from earlier. A hungrier look. His features had darkened if possible as the hair fell over his forehead just slightly. He looked at me unapologetically, and then he began to speak.

"If there is one thing that I will forever be regretful of, it's all the mistakes I made in our senior year. Sure, I sinned. I dated a girl, I drank, and hell, I even left all my friends. I hate myself for the words I spoke for you that day. But there is one thing I need you to know." There was desperation in his voice as I gave him my utmost attention.

"I would never raise my hand on you Ahlam. Never. I wasn't going to that day either. I lifted my hand to slam it against the lockers. You can believe me or think I'm a liar but that's my truth. I loved you too much to do that. I respect you too much for that. I've been raised to be better and I wish I had shown it that day."

I just stared at him. I wanted to move past our disagreements. I wanted to move past out past. I wanted this marriage to actually work even if we remained just friends. I wanted to be friends. Hell, I wanted anything if it had something to do with him. I had gone without him for too long.

"I knew you wouldn't-!"

Before he could finish his sentence I had launched myself into his arms, my own circling around his neck as I pulled him to me. I just held him, and then, as he slowly came out of shock, he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me even closer to him. My face was pressed against his chest as his head rested on mine. We stayed like that for a few moments until I leaned back.

"I forgive you. I truly forgive you, Yusuf. I want for us to be the friends we once were. I want for us to have a future together. Do you forgive me?"

His nose had turned red from the tears he had shed. "What for Ahlam? You never did anything."

I smiled slightly. "Do you forget who it was that sent you to that bitch's house."

Yusuf snorted, then started laughing. I joined in the laughter.

"Friends?" He held out his hand.

"Friends." I put mine in his. "And I want the left side of the bed."

He laughed again. "Fine. Done!"