So Cold

RONNIE

~“It’s so quiet here,”~

~And I feel so cold,”~

~This house no longer~

~Feels like home…”~

~– Ben Cocks~

***

Stephen’s gaze was so intense, it felt like it could burn a hole right through me.

My mother was a mess, crying her heart out, her words lost in her sobs, soaking the sheets with her tears.

Stephen stood behind her, a towering figure of protection, his eyes filled with a rage that was almost palpable.

“You’re a selfish child,” he spat out, his voice filled with anger, while my mother continued to cry. “You don’t care about the pain you cause others, as long as you’re happy. It’s sickening.”

Frey had barely left, and I was already missing his comforting presence. But I was Ronnie now. I was strong. I was resilient. And no stepfather was going to break me.

“Honestly, Stephen, your opinion of me doesn’t matter,” I retorted, my eyes narrowing. “Your job is to take care of my mother. Shouting at me isn’t going to help her.”

“If it makes you realize that your actions are hurting her, then it’s worth it,” he shot back. “I’m done with your drama. Charlene can’t take it anymore.”

“From what I can see, Charlene isn’t saying anything herself,” I countered, glancing at my mother who was still sobbing, oblivious to our argument.

“I’m here to protect her!” he snapped.

“And it’s not your place to lecture me!” I snapped back. “You’re not my father, and you never tried to be, so stop pretending like I’m your responsibility when I’m clearly not!”

We locked eyes, the tension between us palpable. Just then, Oliver walked into the room. He took in the scene—our standoff, our mother’s tears—and seemed to understand what was happening.

“Dad,” he said, placing a hand on Stephen’s shoulder, “whatever you think Veronica did, let’s deal with it later.”

I cringed at the sound of my full name.

“Call me Ronnie,” I corrected, drawing the attention of all three. “I won’t respond to anything else.”

Oliver looked confused, but his eyes told me he’d want an explanation later. Stephen, however, seemed to grow even angrier at my words.

“Ungrateful child,” he muttered, before turning to my mother. “Come, Charlene. We’re leaving.”

My mother looked up at him, her eyes wide with surprise. “What? No!”

“It’s hurting you,” Stephen said, his teeth clenched. “Let me take care of you. Let’s go.”

“But I don’t want to!” she protested, her tears starting again. “My daughter is here, she’s hurting–”

“Mom, go,” I said, my voice flat.

My mother turned to me, her eyes filled with pain. “But—”

“It’s okay, Charlene,” Oliver said, giving her a small smile. “I’ll stay with her. She won’t be alone.”

My mother didn’t look convinced, but Stephen managed to lead her out of the room. Then it was just Oliver and me, and he was looking at me with a serious expression.

“Who’s the father?” he asked, and I knew what he was referring to.

“It’s two months old,” I said, my hand instinctively resting on my flat stomach. “I’ve been with a few men, but based on the date Dr. Jacobs gave me, it’s probably Jax’s.”

Oliver looked up and cursed. “Does he know?”

“I haven’t seen him yet,” I admitted, sighing. “I don’t want to see him, Oliver. He really scared me the other night.”

“Can you tell me what happened?” he asked, his eyes unreadable. “Jax won’t talk about it, and when I asked Frey, he said it was your story to tell.”

Sweet, thoughtful Frey. I could kiss him just for saying that.

“I can tell you everything,” I said, meeting his gaze.

“I can tell you every detail. But you won’t be able to forgive Jax afterwards, and since he’s like a brother to you, I don’t want to do that.”

Oliver’s face darkened instantly.

“What did he do?” he asked, his voice low and threatening.

“I’m serious, Oliver,” I said, “it’s not a pretty story. You’ll want to kill him, and I don’t want you two to stop being friends because of it.”

“If he’s done something wrong to any woman, not just you, I’d react the same way,” he said, his voice hard. “Just tell me.”

I sighed.

“As you wish,” I said, and then I told him about Jax’s breakdown and his plan to buy lube so he could have his way with me.

As I spoke, Oliver’s face grew darker and darker, and by the time I finished, his eyes were filled with rage and his jaw was clenched so tight, it looked like it might break.

“I’m going to kill him,” he said, his voice cold and calm. “I’m going to fucking hurt him for even thinking about doing that to you.”

“Ollie, no,” I said, placing a hand on his. “It’s not worth it.”

“I don’t give a damn,” Oliver growled, his voice thick with anger. “He wanted to rape you, Ronnie! He wanted to do things to you that I can’t even think about! How can I not want to kill that sick bastard?!”

“He was drunk,” I said, my fingers tightening around his. “I’m not defending him, because what he did was wrong, but maybe we should cut him some slack. Your friendship—”

“I don’t care about our damn friendship!” Oliver shouted. “The jerk wanted to hurt my sister!”

It was clear to me then that Oliver’s friendship with Jax was over.

He would never forgive him for what he almost did to me, and it didn’t matter that it was me.

If Jax had tried to do it to another woman, Oliver would’ve still ended their friendship, because he was a good man who couldn’t be friends with someone who wasn’t.

All of this made guilt creep into me. If I hadn’t slept with Jax in the first place, he wouldn’t have gone off the rails, and his friendship with my brother would’ve stayed intact.

I messed it up, whether directly or indirectly it didn’t matter, and now these two men, who’d been friends for so long, who’d grown up together, who were like brothers, would never talk to each other again.

If I were still Veronica, I would’ve cried and apologized and tried to fix things between them just to make the guilt stop.

But I was Ronnie now, and I wasn’t going to apologize.

Because in the end, it wasn’t my fault Jax turned into a psycho, and it wasn’t my fault Oliver was too good to stay friends with someone who wasn’t, and it wasn’t my fault that Jax couldn’t take no for an answer.

When Oliver stood up as if to storm out of the room and get into a fight with Jax, I grabbed his wrist.

“I think you should cool down first,” I said, “before you go talk to Jax, that is.”

“How can you be so damn calm?!” he snapped at me, his eyes wide and wild.

“That sick bastard almost raped you! You lost a baby in an ectopic pregnancy! You were bleeding! You’ve been through so much crap lately, and yet here you are, sitting there all calm and collected!”

“That’s because if I broke down every time something bad happened in my life, I would never get out of this cycle I’ve put myself in,” I told him seriously.

“I’m thinking clearly now, and I can understand things I didn’t before thanks to that. Jax isn’t worth getting punched. He’s not worth it, because, frankly, I want nothing more to do with him. I have nothing to do with him at all.”

Oliver paused at that and looked at me, confused. “What do you mean by that?”

I gave him a sad smile. “I’m going to quit Wynntec & Co, Ollie.”

My brother’s eyes widened. “What?”

“I can’t work there anymore,” I said, and lowered my head, releasing his hand now that I had his attention.

“Ever since I started working there, I haven’t been myself. I’ve faced too many challenges, and I know that I just can’t handle it anymore.”

“It’s not the right place for me, and Jax is definitely the worst boss I could ever have. I need to do other things for now.”

Oliver still seemed shocked by my decision, even after I explained it all to him.

“But it’s perfect for you,” he argued, “you do things you like and are good at, and you have friends like Hailey and Lucy–”

“Do you think Hailey is my friend?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

Oliver frowned. “You two danced at the party, and even kissed.”

“Because we were drunk,” I pointed out, slightly surprised that someone would think Hailey Pritchard and I were friends. “She’s not my friend, not by a long shot.”

“Okay,” Oliver said slowly, “but what about Lucy? And Erin and Josephine too, I saw you hanging out with–”

“You don’t understand girls at all, Ollie,” I said and sighed. “Erin and Jo hate me because they think I took Jax from Jo, and Erin sticks with her. Lucy doesn’t anymore, so she’s my friend now.”

“Hailey bullied me in high school and she’s changed, apparently, but even though she’s different, I don’t want to be her friend because even if I forgive her, I won’t be able to forget. Is it clearer now?”

Oliver’s face was twisted in confusion.

“I really don’t understand girls,” he agreed. “You all are something else.”

“But you love us anyway,” I said with a cheeky grin and gave him a small smile. Finally, the air had cleared and Oliver’s murderous intentions were gone, for now.

“So, what are you going to do?” my brother asked. “I mean, after you leave the company, where are you going to work?”

“I’m not running away,” I said, giving him a stern look.

“I’m just doing what’s best for me and working there isn’t it. The people aren’t good, the work itself, while it pays enough for me to live on my own, isn’t satisfying, and Jax…”

I sighed. “Do I really need to spell it all out for you?”

Oliver sat on my bed and took my hands in his.

“No, you don’t,” he said, “I understand. But still, what are you going to do?”

I shrugged. “I’ll be a waitress at some fancy restaurant and hope to get lots of tips.”

“You sure you want to spend the rest of your life as a waitress?” Oliver asked skeptically.

Shrugging again, I said, “It’ll do for now.”

My brother sighed and leaned down to hug me.

“You’re heading down the wrong path,” he murmured. “But I’m with you, no matter what you choose.” His unspoken words hung in the air—I’m your brother and I love you. I didn’t need him to say it out loud to understand.

I returned his smile and hugged him tighter. “You’re the best brother a girl could wish for.”

He let out a soft laugh. “And you’re the most chaotic sister a guy could end up with. But I sort of like you anyway.”

I snorted. “Sort of like me? What’s that supposed to mean?”

He gave me a gentle squeeze before releasing me, his grin making him look irresistibly handsome. “It means you’re a handful, but I’m quite fond of you.”

“Alright, we need to set a few things straight,” I told him. “First off, you love me. Not sort of like, not fond, but love.”

My brother smirked. “Who said I loved you?”

I jabbed him in the arm.

“Shut up,” I said, grinning. “You love me. I know it, you know it, you just need to admit it to yourself.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” he shrugged. “Because I think if I loved you, you’d be running for the hills.”

His words were meant to be a joke, but they hit a nerve. I couldn’t hide my wince, and Oliver’s face fell when he saw it.

“What did I say?” he asked, his hand gently cradling my cheek.

He didn’t know the whole story about me, so I couldn’t be mad at him.

“Nothing,” I said, forcing a smile. “It’s okay, I promise.”

“Ronnie,” he said, his brow furrowed, “if I said something–”

“You didn’t,” I said, my voice firm. “I’ll get past it. It’s my issue to handle.”

He looked skeptical. “Are you sure about that?”

“I’m sure,” I nodded. “I’m okay, really.”

And I was. While it stung to hear someone else’s opinion on my views about love and being loved, I was okay. It wasn’t the end of the world, after all.

“Alright then,” he said, and just then the door swung open, revealing Laura. She smiled at me, but her smile froze when she saw Oliver.

Oliver, too, seemed taken aback at the sight of my friend.

Laura’s reaction made sense; she’d always admitted to having a small crush on my brother, which I hadn’t understood before, but now I did, because Oliver was kind of amazing.

Laura’s startled reaction was a bit more than I expected, but it was understandable. Oliver’s reaction, however, was a different story.

His body stiffened, his eyes briefly revealing a raw emotion, and his hands clenched into fists.

Something was going on between them. What that something was, I had no clue.

Laura was the first to recover from the shock of seeing Oliver. She ignored him and focused on me as she approached.

“I’m so relieved you’re awake and okay,” she said, hugging me.

Returning her hug, I shot Oliver a questioning look, which he avoided.

Intrigued, I told Laura, “I’m glad I’m okay, too.”

“Tell me everything that happened,” she said, settling into a chair.

Oliver saw this as his cue to leave.

“I think I’ll head out now,” he said, standing up. “I’ll come back later.”

He left the room so quickly, he was almost a blur.

I couldn’t help myself. I turned to Laura and asked, “What’s up?”

My friend put on her poker face. “I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t play dumb,” I frowned. “Oliver practically sprinted out of here, and I know it wasn’t because of me.”

“Who cares what Oliver does,” Laura said, her voice surprisingly bitter.

Oh, there was definitely some tension there.

“What did he do to you?” I asked, narrowing my eyes. “I thought you had a crush on him.”

“Not anymore,” she said, then flashed me a bright smile. “Anyway, I want you to tell me everything. This isn’t about your stepbrother or me right now.”

After giving her one last scrutinizing look, I dropped the subject and began to recount everything.

But in the back of my mind, I was imagining scenarios of how my brother and best friend met, and why they seemed to dislike each other.

I had a feeling this mystery was going to be an interesting one.