All Falls Down

VERONICA

~“I don’t want to feel like this will never be over,”~

~And I don’t want to sit and think about what’s going wrong,”~

~I don’t want to feel like this will never be over,”~

~’Cause it feels like I’ve been falling for so damn long…”~

~– Adelitas Way~

***

I’d been playing hooky from work for a week.

After my embarrassing meltdown, I couldn’t bear to face Jax. Jo’s daily texts about the roses waiting for me at the office only made me more grateful for the sanctuary of home.

I used the week to reconnect with my friends, who I’d been neglecting lately.

I indulged in retail therapy with Santana, caught up with Laura over coffee at Fiddle, and hung out with Amy, Nick, Warren, and Ransom, who’d become a regular in our group.

I even managed to squeeze in a Friday night dinner at Mom’s, where I exchanged a few words with Andy, much to my delight.

I also got updates on Stephen’s life and Mom’s work.

Oliver tried to engage me in conversation, but I conveniently turned a deaf ear. By the end of the night, he was shooting me impatient, scowling looks.

He texted me later, warning that I couldn’t avoid our talk forever. I shot back a text telling him to bite me. I had no plans to make amends with him, if that’s what he was after.

The wound was still raw, and honestly, the break from all the drama was a relief. I didn’t need more stress from him adding to my already high anxiety levels.

But my peaceful hiatus ended when Monday rolled around—the day the Russians were due to arrive.

I couldn’t play sick today. I had to be at the welcome party, being the only Russian-speaking American at Wynntec & Co.

I slipped into my favorite black skinny jeans, a snug blouse, and a leather jacket.

After adding heeled boots, a twisted bun, silver earrings, and a touch of makeup, I was ready to face the welcome-to-America meeting.

When I walked into the company building, the welcome party was already assembled in the lobby.

I kept my face neutral as I took in the attendees: Jax, looking irresistibly sexy in a black suit and tie.

Oliver, also in a suit and tie, broodingly handsome.

Hailey, stunning as ever in a revealing dress, huddled with a few other marketing interns.

Jo, radiant in a blue dress, her golden hair pulled into a sexy ponytail, her hazel eyes more golden than green; and a few other division heads.

And finally, our CEO Seamus Winter. A man in his fifties, tall, muscular, and radiating power.

He carried himself with an air of authority and charisma. I was sure he must have been quite the ladies’ man in his youth.

They were all waiting, eyes on the front doors, when I walked in. Their collective gaze was unsettling, but I ignored it and approached Mr. Winter.

He looked me over. I smiled politely.

“Hello, Mr. Winter,” I said, extending my hand. “I’m Veronica Tanner, the new translator. We haven’t officially met.”

Mr. Winter shook my hand and nodded.

“I’ve heard about you,” he said, “Mr. Cole told me you’re doing a splendid job, and from what I saw myself, I tend to agree.”

I blushed slightly, aware of Mr. Cole’s intense gaze on me.

“Thank you, sir. I’m glad I can be of help, especially today.” I let my eyes convey that I understood the real reason I was here—to translate for the Russians.

He got the message, because his smile turned predatory.

“I’m glad to hear that, Miss Tanner,” he said, “then keep up the good work.”

I forced a smile and took my place next to him, which put Jax on my other side.

I felt him lean in before he asked quietly, “How have you been?”

Why was he still trying, even after my meltdown?

“I’ve been better, thank you, Mr. Cole,” I replied formally.

He didn’t like that, judging by his next words. “We need to talk after this meeting, Veronica.”

“I have nothing to say to you,” I said, my body tensing at his proximity. The loss of control made the progress I’d made over the week start to crumble.

I was tired of losing control because of him. Attraction was one thing, but losing myself in it was another. I couldn’t let it happen again.

His voice was tinged with displeasure when he spoke next. “But I have things to say to you. We can’t just ignore what happened last week.”

I whipped my head around and glared at him.

“That’s what you don’t get, Jax,” I hissed, “there’s no ~we~ here. There’s only me, and my problems are mine alone.”

“So, back off before I lose my already thin patience.”

I didn’t wait for his response, turning back to the front doors just as the Russians walked in.

They entered confidently, all in suits, looking serious and intimidating.

There were no women in their group, just men who looked powerful and threatening, like they could be secret KGB agents or something.

Mr. Winter stepped forward, hand outstretched. “Boris,” he greeted, smiling politely.

Boris Kostyanovski, the CEO of our Russian counterpart Kostya Cooperation, returned the greeting with a chilly smile that was both dangerous and somewhat friendly.

Mr. Kostyanovski was a towering figure, much like Mr. Winter, with eyes as blue as ice and hair as silver as moonlight. When he shook hands with the other CEO, it was like watching two grizzly bears acknowledging each other. It was a sight to behold.

“Seamus,” Mr. Kostyanovski greeted, his voice heavy with an accent that stirred up a wave of nostalgia within me. “It’s been a while.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Mr. Winter replied, “I trust you’ve been keeping well.”

Mr. Kostyanovski nodded. “Likewise, Seamus.”

One of Mr. Kostyanovski’s associates moved closer to him.

“Enough with the small talk,” he said in a harsh Russian tone, “we have business to attend to.”

Mr. Winter shot me a questioning look. I responded with an innocent smile and a slight shake of my head, signaling that they weren’t discussing business behind our backs.

“Dolev is right,” Mr. Kostyanovski agreed, turning his attention back to Mr. Winter. “We should get down to the matter at hand.”

Mr. Winter nodded and then gestured towards me.

“This is Veronica,” he introduced. “She’s our translator.”

Mr. Kostyanovski signaled someone, and a handsome man around the same age as Jax and Oliver stepped forward.

With his dark brown hair, matching eyes, and muscular build, he looked like a Russian soldier who chopped down trees in Siberia for fun.

“This is Vadim,” Mr. Kostyanovski introduced, “our translator.”

Both Mr. Winter and Mr. Kostyanovski looked at Vadim and me expectantly, as if they were waiting for us to bow and start a duel.

Vadim gave me a slow, seductive grin as he blatantly checked me out in front of everyone.

Having already done a quick once-over myself, I simply crossed my arms, raised an eyebrow, and waited for him to finish his ogling.

When his eyes finally met mine again, his grin morphed into a smug smirk.

“You’re not what I expected,” he said in Russian.

I returned his comment with a thin smile.

“I don’t think that was meant to be a compliment,” I replied in Russian.

“Quite the opposite,” he said, his smile widening, “I find you very attractive.”

“That’s a bit off-topic, don’t you think?” I retorted, my smile fading.

The last thing I needed was a Russian version of the Hulk hitting on me. My life was already complicated enough with boys.

“Vadim, enough,” Mr. Kostyanovski reprimanded in Russian before turning to Mr. Winter and switching back to English. “Let’s get this meeting started.”

Mr. Winter, Jax, and Oliver all shot me questioning looks as we made our way to the meeting room.

Once we were seated, I whispered just loud enough for them to hear, “He didn’t say anything business-related, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

Jax snorted sarcastically. “We could tell that business wasn’t what he had in mind.”

I scowled but remained silent, taking a seat next to Mr. Winter.

The meeting itself was rather dull. I translated the Russians’ comments as best I could, while Vadim kept sending me suggestive looks and winking whenever our eyes met.

He was utterly annoying, and by the time they left for their hotel, I was a bundle of frayed nerves.

“It was a productive meeting,” Mr. Winter said, shaking Mr. Kostyanovski’s hand in farewell. “We’ll meet again on Thursday night for the welcome party.”

The welcome party was actually a ball that would be held in our company’s ballroom. Jo, Erin, and Lucy were on the decorating committee, so I knew about it in advance.

It was a big event, and everyone from the company was invited.

Which meant it was going to be crowded and stifling, and not my scene at all. After all, I couldn’t exactly let loose and get drunk at a work party, could I?

“We’ll see you there,” Mr. Kostyanovski confirmed in a gruff voice before the Russians departed.

Mr. Winter turned to me immediately. “Did you hear anything we should be aware of?”

“Nothing of importance,” I replied, forcing a tight smile. “May I be excused?”

The CEO nodded absentmindedly, and I took that as my cue to leave before either Jax or Oliver could corner me for the “talk” they were so eager to have.

***

Thursday night arrived all too quickly, and I was far from prepared.

Throughout the week, I continued to receive flowers from Drake, which I promptly handed off to Jo.

Jax and Oliver tried to corner me all week.

I spent the entire week avoiding everyone, and now I was about to attend a party where I would have to confront everything I’d been trying to evade.

Jo, Erin, Lucy, and I met up at Lucy’s house in the suburbs, where she lived with her fiancé. He was working the night shift and couldn’t attend the party, so she had the house to herself.

We all dressed up in fancy dresses for the occasion, myself included. Jo wore a pink satin dress that flowed down to her ankles and flattered her slender figure.

Her golden hair was twisted into an intricate bun, with a few loose curls cascading down her back. Her hazel eyes sparkled under the light makeup.

She didn’t need anything else; she was naturally beautiful.

Erin, with her mocha skin, smooth ebony hair, and smoky onyx eyes, wore a striking red dress that contrasted sharply with her dark features.

The dress was fitted at the waist and flared out around her legs, giving her the appearance of a princess at a ball. Despite its grandeur, it enhanced her otherwise plain everyday look.

Lucy, a redhead with vibrant green eyes and a smattering of freckles, was also there.

Tonight was the first time I’d really seen her as a beautiful woman. Her skin was creamy-white and seemed to glow in the soft green mini-dress that made her short legs look longer.

She was wearing heels, so she was pretty tall tonight. With her jewelry and makeup, she easily outshone Erin, Jo, and me in the beauty department.

Then there was me.

I was wearing a black dress that belonged to Santana, so it was bound to be revealing.

It was tight from the chest to the waist, then it flowed down to my mid-thighs, where it was elegantly cut and continued behind me until its edges brushed the ground.

With my black heels, sharply-cut earrings, and bracelets, I was feeling pretty confident about my looks. But next to bombshells like Lucy and Jo, my confidence was relative.

When it was time to go, we piled into a limousine like we were heading to a high school prom.

Jo had said, “If we’re already doing a ~before~, why not just go for a fashionable arrival as well?”

We were slightly drunk from the whiskey in the limousine when we entered the ballroom of Wynntec’s building.

The place was impressive, with a wide dance floor, a few tables for those who were either lazy or tired, and a bar full of liquor.

I figured the bar was where I was going to spend most of my time tonight.

Mr. Winter saw us and motioned for me to join him.

I left my friends and coworkers and made my way toward the CEO.

When I reached him, I wished I’d taken a little longer because when I saw who he was with, I felt all the relief leave me and be replaced with agonizing tension.

Jax and Oliver were standing next to Mr. Winter, and Jax’s eyes, when they landed on me, could only be described as hungry.

His look ravished me from top to bottom, and from the lusty haze in his eyes, it seemed like he liked what he saw.

Oliver, however, was scowling, as if me wearing something like that wasn’t dignifying to him in some way.

Along with them were Mr. Kostyanovski and Vadim. I guessed the rest of their companions were mingling.

Vadim looked pretty hot in a wine-red tux, which emphasized his bulk, much like Jax and Oliver, who wore almost identical black tuxes themselves.

“Veronica,” Mr. Winter drew me out of my thoughts, smiling slightly. “I’m glad you joined us.”

I nodded and forced myself to smile back. Mr. Winter turned to Mr. Kostyanovski.

“I wish you a merry night, Boris,” he said to the other CEO, “let’s hope our people mix along well.”

Mr. Kostyanovski smiled that chilling smile of his. “Let’s hope.”

The two men left, leaving Vadim, Oliver, Jax, and me alone in favor of the bar. I was about to follow them when Vadim’s voice stopped me.

“Care to join me for a dance?” he asked in heavily accented English.

I looked upward, thought mournfully ~Why me?~ then turned to face these three stupid men.

Jax was giving a death glare to Vadim while Oliver’s eyes moved between Vadim and me, as if trying to understand what was going on between us.

Which was nothing, of course.

When I saw Vadim’s eyes twinkle, I knew that if I didn’t dance with him, Mr. Kostyanovski would hear about it and we would have such a diplomatic issue, Mr. Winter would be obliged to breathe down my neck.

So instead, I plastered a fake smile, nodded, and took Vadim’s offered hand.

The Russian led me to the dance floor, where he swung his arms around me and started moving to the sound of the music.

“You’re very pretty,” he murmured in Russian, “I’ve been fantasizing about you for a few nights.”

“While I’m flattered, I also wish you would stop with these fantasies,” I said back in the same language.

He chuckled as if I was a funny little thing. “Why don’t you help me make one of these fantasies come true?”

Oh no.

“Vadim, you’re lovely, I’ll admit it,” I quickly said, “but I’m not into having sex with you.”

He clutched me almost harshly to him. “You have a boyfriend?”

The question gave me a pause.

No, I didn’t have a boyfriend. I had no strings attached to anyone. I was free. I could do whatever I wanted.

Vadim was here only temporarily; there was no way I would see him again if and after we hooked up, unlike some unwanted flings from the past.

What was stopping me from screwing him in the toilet right now? That was what I was doing, right? I was fucking random men. I loved this way of life. I loved it.

~But you wouldn’t get your happy ending out of it~, a voice whispered in my head. ~You would just suffer a false sense of control when in fact you have none.~

Behind Vadim, I saw Jax giving me a longing, jealous stare.

When he caught me looking, he tried to mask his expression into one of neutrality, but it was too late. I saw his true feelings now. He wanted me more than just a fuck-buddy, more than just a lover.

He was a man of monogamy, I knew that. He wouldn’t settle for a hookup, or even just being sex-friends.

I tried to deny it ever since he told me he wanted me in his bed again, but there was no lying to myself anymore; Jax would never accept my need to stay alone, to stay in control, to be out of love’s reach.

I wasn’t ready for my happy ending to occur yet.

I turned my eyes back to Vadim and said, “I don’t have a boyfriend. Would you like to fuck now?”

The horny Russian was dragging me across the ballroom.

I sent a look back to Jax, saw his hands fisted and jaw clenched while his eyes, even from afar, conveyed the hurt he was truly feeling.

It was for the better.

Vadim and I slipped into the restroom, and he secured the stall door behind us. He began to kiss me, his actions mirroring those of every other man I’d been with, before he pushed himself into me.

Jax had done the same.

So had Drake.

And Kyle.

Regardless of who it was, the routine was always the same. The kissing, the foreplay, it was like priming a pump before turning on the water. If everything worked, you could keep going.

The pattern held true when Vadim moved on to the actual act. Every man I’d been with had followed the same script, including Jax.

But for the first time, when I tried to envision Jax while Vadim was inside me, my mind recoiled, refusing to let me feel even a spark of pleasure.

Jax didn’t cross my mind again after that.

I didn’t climax. I didn’t find release. I felt used, dirty, and unattractive, a stark contrast to how I’d felt at the start of the evening.

When it was over, Vadim shot me a self-satisfied smirk and vanished from the stall, leaving me alone and feeling hollow.

I tried to stir up some sort of emotion—anything that wasn’t tainted with shame or self-loathing—but nothing came.

I felt empty, and all I wanted was to go home, crawl under my blanket, and cry.

But I couldn’t. So, I forced myself to stand and exited the stall. To my surprise, Erin was there, touching up her lipstick. She caught my reflection in the mirror and smiled.

But her smile lacked warmth.

“Hi,” I managed to choke out.

She studied me for a moment before turning to face me.

“I don’t get you,” she blurted out.

Her words jolted me out of my numbness.

“What do you mean?” I asked, puzzled.

“I mean,” she said slowly, as if I was slow to understand, “I can’t figure out why you’re such a slut.”

I blinked. “Excuse me?”

“You just slept with that Russian guy,” she said, raising an eyebrow and crossing her arms.

“In the bathroom, you slept with a guy. I saw him leave with a stupid grin on his face. So why are you leading Mr. Cole on?”

“Whoa,” I said, taken aback, “where is this coming from?”

“I’ve seen the way Mr. Cole looks at you,” she narrowed her eyes, “I’m not blind. He’s clearly taken with you, and you barely give him the time of day.”

“That’s not true!” I protested, shocked, my eyes wide with a mix of emotions. “You have no idea what’s going on between Jax and me!”

“That’s not what bothers me,” she said, her expression darkening, “what bothers me is that something is going on.”

Anger surged through me.

“What’s it to you, Erin?” I snapped. “It’s none of your business!”

“You’re messing with his head,” she retorted, “and we need him focused for Jo!”

Another shock hit me. “Jo? What does Jo have to do with it?”

She rolled her eyes.

“You’re so clueless,” she said dismissively, as if it was common knowledge.

“Jo’s had a thing for him for a while now, and you coming to work at the company, in our department, and constantly catching Mr. Cole’s eye, is ruining her chances!”

“Jo is into Jax?” I was stunned.

“Of course, you idiot!” she spat out. “She was the center of his attention before you showed up! He used to flirt with her, and then, suddenly, he stopped.”

“We couldn’t figure out why, and then you arrived, and he started inviting you to his office all the time, just like he used to do with Jo…”

“At first, we tried to convince ourselves it was nothing, because we liked you. But tonight, you crossed a line.”

Her eyes narrowed into slits. “While you were dancing with your Russian, he was watching you like you were the only woman in the world.”

“You’ve somehow made him fall for you, for reasons I can’t fathom because you’re as dumb as a post, and now Jo’s heart is shattered!”

In the nearly two months I’d been at Wynntec, there had been no sign that Jo was interested in Jax, or that Jax had been interested in her before I came along.

Sure, she, Erin, and Lucy would gossip about Hailey, who spent a lot of time with Jax and Oliver, but that was it… Or was it?

“I can’t believe it,” I whispered, feeling dirty and unattractive all over again. “I can’t fucking believe it…”

Jax had flirted with Jo. Jo had fallen for Jax. Jax had started messing around with me…

“Well, believe it,” Erin said, a cold smile playing on her lips. “Now that you know, you need to back off. Jax is Jo’s. Stay away from him and leave his heart intact so Jo still has a chance.”

How did I get into this mess?

“I…” I tried to say, but she cut me off.

“Besides, I don’t see what he sees in you,” she said, giving me a once-over.

“You’re overweight, you’re not that attractive, you’re just average. I have no idea why he’s so into you, but I guess boobs and ass can cloud any man’s judgment.”

“You’re a cow, Tanner! Such a stupid, ugly cow! No one would ever love you!”

Erin kept talking, but her words were lost on me.

Hailey’s harsh words from our past were the only thing I could hear, echoing in my mind.

Erin was hurling insults at me, but it was Hailey’s voice that was louder, repeating the same hurtful words in my head.

At some point, Erin left the bathroom. I didn’t register it. My vision blurred. All I could hear was Hailey.

And then, without realizing it, I was on the cold floor, my hand clutching my sharp silver earring, and I drove it into the wrist of my other hand.

I sliced through the skin, drawing blood, and felt a twisted sense of control wash over me.

But I didn’t stop when I should have.

I kept cutting, deeper and deeper, until I hit a vein.

I think I let out a scream, and I think tears were streaming down my face, but I couldn’t be certain.

I was too far gone, lost in the icy, numbing void of nothingness.

Someone else was shouting, but I couldn’t see who it was or recognize their voice.

My vision started to fade, the voices around me grew faint, and soon, I was slipping into the welcoming darkness.

The last thing I heard was Hailey’s cruel laughter echoing in my mind.