Delilah

This is another testament as to why I can't have female friends part two!!

You know, there are those people that are your friends but they want to maintain a certain level above you. Yes, Delilah is that type of girl.

So I met her, maybe three weeks into semester. We vibed instantly, I don't know much about her but she looked like that lonely girl who didn't have any friends but was just waiting for her big opportunity.

I took her, put her under my wing. Okay maybe I'm exaggerating but look....

I know there is a certain image I portray, but I have never like once acted like I'm rich or have a high social standing. I know my background, I know where I come from, and I don't disregard it. But when it comes to Delilah, you never know which is which. She is the shadiest person in the history of shady people.

Like I don't even know if she rich or she is not rich. Not that it matters, but it's just so suspicious. Are her parents well off are they not. I just wanna know girl...

Either ways, in my ignorance, she has been growing into this persona, I don't want to call it fake. But she portrays this image of being like rich and fancy, like up town, like better than everyone, but in reality, we all know what comes in ans out, between those legs, for you to have that fancy lifestyle that you portray.

I mean, even if you never admit it, sugar daddies are not stupid. They won't spend their money on you and leave your pussy prestine, untouched.

Anyways, if I'm being honest, when I first became friends with Delilah, like before the rude awakening, I was genuinely excited. She was like the first girl, friend I made at school, without any prior engagements with. I thought we were two sides of the same coin, in the way of, we both wanted to be baddies and stuff and we both exhuded same aura.  But the differences between me and her is, she wants to be a baddie without any boundaries. Enjoying college to her full capabilities and doing last minute school work. Whereas I have repeatedly mentioned time and time again I want to be a person, who, being a baddie and being a nerd are not mutually exclusive.

But, regardless, on the face of it, we are practically the same.

But now as I stand, I don't really know why we are friends in the first place. I mean, I don't know what we talk about when we hang out. Spending time with her is like doing drugs, 5 minutes of pleasure and a whole morning of hangovers, memory loss and regret and I'm not even kidding.

I don't open up to her about my secrets and neither does she open up to me about her secrets. I think she views me in the actual way that I want to be viewed, as in an academic no nonsense megamind, or she belittles me. You can never know the thoughts one harbours for you in their cold heart.

So it's either we aren't really as much of friends as I would like to think we are, or we are friends, and there is a power dynamic where she holds me in very very high regard that she fears my terrible judgement, my opinion of the bad thoughts that i may have on some of her life choices. Because I tend to be frank sometimes and I don't keep quiet I know my truth. And I'm a bit judgemental to those deserving.

But either ways, when I have time to reflect on it sometimes I just feel like...

You know there are those friends that will give you peer pressure when there are doing something bad. So that you guys both can do bad things and when the bad consequences come you can suffer together....

Well, she is that one person that walks through the fire to get a good lifestyle that is above yours, I mean, im not stupid, i see it.

-And she won't invite you to walk through the fire with her ,even if she knows you will say no,... she won't invite you to walk through the fire..., because the thought that you might accept to also walk through the fire and succeed better than her, actually scares her. Yeah, this is a metaphor.

What I mean is. She doesn't give me any peer pressure to do bad things with her not because she cares about my safety and well being, but because she knows that if I were to do those bad things and become better than her, she would be beneath me. But bottom line, she doesn't want to uplift, okay, uplift is a strong word but yes, she would never open any doors that would lead me to a position that is better than hers. The only fire she wants me to walk, is the journey of losing thy virginity so that we can both  be non-virgins goals together. I guess she wants us to bond over having 50km pussy radiuses and STI's...

Anyways, Delilah holds a strict demarkation over her 'friends'. She doesn't have what you would call a friend circle. She spends time with her friends separately. Not that there is anything wrong with this but...

She doesn't want her friends to be each other's friends. She is jealous and controlling in that sense. It reveals some major psychological issues, or maybe I'm exaggerating. But. I mean, she literally says how much me and her other friend are so much alike but she would never let me meet that friend or vice versa.

She comes to me and she complains about her other friends to me, and if I'm being honest I do not like that, I mean, if you complain to me about your other friends, then what the heck are you telling your other friends about me. It's a major red flag.

If you want to keep a strong demarkation between us, don't come to me complaining. She holds a front like literally, if I'm with her and someone calls she's like you cant come, I'm hanging with *****, and if it's me, it vice versa.

At first, I thought this strong grip was just about the male friends, because you know, us females we are too jealous to link our single female friends to our single male friends, so yeah. But she holds her iron grip over her female friends as well. They won't interact as long as she is alive, that will never happen!!

But, she's not all that bad. She is actually fun, and I love the effort she puts to keep us close. And she can be pulled back when she goes too far astray. And she accepts constructive criticism. So yeah, bit that bad.

Delilah, l don't blame you girl. I do the same thing you do, when it comes to my friends,  but I'm more demure, and mindful. So learn that first. Besides that.

I honestly don't know why we are friends. And I thought I was toxic, but clearly, I have met my match. I think I'm gonna keep you around. Here's to more years of friendship Girlfriend.