One-shots part One

These are all some of the pathetic losers that didn't make it into an independent chapter...

Eljay- This pathetic motherfucker leaked a private conversation, so that he could prove to his friends that he could "handle me", or whatever the fuck that meant. He texted me, wanting to meet up. We always had a playful almost flirtish banter between us. So he was like, I wanna see you. Then I was like okay sure, "you better see us soon before we get swept up by the sea of sure daddies at college". Yep I said that, he screenshotted that particular part, wanting to make me look bad. Why didn't you you screenshot our other chats were you told me you desperately wanted me.

Worship - he had this fantasy of me being the Zendaya to his Tom Holland, but c'mon, I don't do short boys. Noone does short boys, the rules are simple. Tall boys are for tall boys. Tall boys are also for short girls and you short boys can have each other.

Nathan- I am not stupid. I know you're horny and you wanted me that night. Yes, I did like you, when I didnt know your character. But knowing how I know you now. It's never gonna happen. You put hands on me the other day, I felt your hands, I ignored your touch for the preservation of this friendship, but I am not at all interested in any romantic persuits.

Sadness- You're a sweet guy. But we all know, nice guys finish last. I'm a storm you can't tame me.

Meat- I forgot his name but I remember the encounter. So this guy, we hang out a few times. He thought I was loose change and he could do to me as he wishes. To be honest, I thought this was a thing that only happened in movies but eh. So he tried to kiss me. I pulled away. He was embarrassed. I told him I was caught by surprise and that next time he should just ask for consent. I never saw him again.

Longman- This is still one of the biggest mysteries ever. He called me, and told me that he had gotten my number from my friend. I thought, oh well, no way my friend is going to lead me astray, lemme go, meet Longman. He was actually a short guy. Like really short guy, but he blamed it on the platform shoes I was wearing. I went to get food with him. Ate all his money, he never called me again, neither did I text him again. I later aske dmy friend, the one who Longman had said gave him my number. My friend denied that he had ever given anyone by that name my number. He said, I know what you like and wouldn't give you the opposite, and besides, the last time he set me up, he had called to tell me.

Clinton- l'd like to say I love you buddy. But you gotta learn some boundaries. Like don't just show up announced. At least call 2 minutes in advance. And I don't feel any romantic vibes. Here's to platonic friendship.

Flowers - buddy, I love the way you perceive me, but tone it down a little bit, I'm really, just human, I swear