Eyes

Hey Eyes, do you remember this conversation:

[20:37] Me : Eyes , Eyes, Eyes

[20:48] Eyes: Yess *****

[ 21:02] Me: If you upset me, I'll write about you💀

[21:02] Eyes: Ihhhh for real 💀

[21:03] Me: 💀💀💀

[21:03] Me: Don't find out

[21:04] Eyes: Scary but okay😪🤚🏾

I know I said I would never write about you. Which I wasn't gonna, but that was when I thought things were gonna go down perfectly between the two of us. Instead...

I didn't expect shit to go down the way  they did. I guess it was instant Karma for cheating on my entanglements. I wasted two weeks of my life. But I have to admit. He played me. You played me bro, you're very intelligent, hats off to you Good bless you.

So, it all started on night, the night my friend had taken me to a sugar daddy, yes that night. So I came back to school early and I was sitting in the Common area of the dorms with my friend. I was still looking gorgeous from the short night. So this guy Eyes, he came out with two of his friends, one male, one female. He was wearing this like cream outfit and I was like okay, he is looking good though. So he and my friend I was sitting besides, knew each other. So he came, greeted her and then me. We had this piercing eye contact and I could feel an aura of intimidation. So I decided to throw out some intimidation of my own.

I remember my friend saying to them. "You guys have passed by three times and pretended to greet me, if you want her number, just ask for it"

They both took out their phones. And I didn't know how to handle it. So I was just like,

"Oh, you both want my number, you'll have to fight for it"

I don't recall what happened, but I ended up giving eyes my number. And I was excited, mostly because my friend was very very excited, she was like, he looks good, he matches your freak. He is your soulmate.

So, he texted me on the phone:

[ 23:04] Eyes: Heyy it's eyes

[23:05] Me: Hey you

[23:06] Eyes: You good

[23:07] Me: We can say so

[09:43] Eyes: Well you seemed so composed like everything was going well(reference to our encounter the day before).

[10:20]Me: Composed, I see

[10:20] Me: So were you, a little bit🥱

[10:24] Eyes: I’m always like this I’m in between composure and a little bit of no chill

[10:26] Me: Right, so whatchu up to today.

[10:28] Eyes: Chilled weekend

Gonna watch a movie or something

You??

[10:28] Me: I have a lecture imagine 😪

[10:30] Eyes: Really…Just slip out and we'll watch a movie

[10:31] Me: You are very funny😂

[10:32] Eyes: 😂🤚🏾I can be

Or I might be serious you never know

[10:33] Me: Okay, Which movie do you wanna watch🥱

[10:35] Eyes: Well I don’t know the one which would have made you come

So amma just say Code 8 with a little bit of Fifty shades

[10:40] Me: I don't like movies. I'm more of a series girl. I think this reflects my personality as a commitment type of girl

[10:52] Eyes: Highly respectable

[10:52] Eyes: So commitment as in when you’re in you’re all in ….

And what if I’m a movie typa person

[11:10] Me: Commitment to friends, books, relationships.. And if you're a movie person it means you lack patience and you lose interest fast

[11:15] Eyes: 😂🤚🏾guess we’re going to get along quite easily

[11:15] Eyes: Exactly

[11:28] Me: Ah, that's a red flag manje iyoyo

[11:34] Eyes: We’ll call it a red flag but I prefer knowing where I stand with someone

Fuck, how and why did I overlook this major red flag. I hate myself for five minutes... However, According to my personal analysis, I felt that. This conversation showcased a charming and lighthearted exchange between Eyes and me. Observations:

*Playful banter*: The conversation was filled with witty remarks, teasing, and humor, indicating a comfortable and playful dynamic.

Notes for you Eyes

*Clarify intentions*: Ensure mutual understanding of intentions and boundaries. Like, that was the point you were supposed to let it be known, I'm having fun here, and I'm not ready for a relationship and stuff.

Anyways, so Eyes and I progressed fairly well. I remember the first day I met him after the first day I met him. It was on a weekend. Sunday night, and I had this presentation I had to prepare for, but I wanted to see him still. So he asked if I was in my room, and he popped up suddenly. And conveniently there was a blackout. So bye bye books, hello Eyes. He came into my room. He had this way of making himself comfortable. He dived onto my bed, took literally 3 quarters of it.

I remember telling him: considering you're a male and I am a female, our bodies have body parts which are supposed to fit into one another like a jigsaw puzzle. Hence, moral of the story, you and me both should fit in this bed buddy!

He said, "it's a single bed, we are two people"

And I said, "Therefore a man and a woman are tied together and they become one. So bro, we should fit!"

I don't know, but the environment was just so comfortable between us. We had a vibe. I remember the room was so dark, and I was wearing this skirt and I just wanted to get out of it. I went behind my closet door, and put on this bottom.

I remembered that he was short-sited and that he couldn't see far without his glasses, so I mock changed in front of him. Just for clarity, if he couldn't see, he saw nothing. And if he could see, he saw my back. Id always make fun of his visual issue, but not in a demeaning way, just playful banter.So we were chilling, I don't even remember what we talked about, but I was comfortable and I was showing him my goofy side and he was comfortable and he was giving me his goofy vibes to. I remember, he said like:

"You know, people seeing you out there will.be.seeing this hardcore baddie, but in reality, you're just very goofy!"

And I'm like, "I'm in the comfort of my room, and you and I are getting to know each other, why should I be up tight".

The environment was just so fun, there was darkness and yeah. I felt fanny flutters down there if I'm being honest, and I was thinking of like kissing him. But then I also thought like, wait wait wait. No , no, no ,no!

I'm also sure he felt Manny flutters to, because you know those touches that you do to a person, that you want to act like it's a mistake but in reality it's not a mistake and you just wanted to touch the person. Yhe, he did that to me, like a lot. So I don't know. I just assume, he was feeling it too.

We didn't do anything that night I swear. He told me he was feeling so at peace so comfortable and he wanted to sleepover. But, besides that I love my personal space, I had a presentation to prepare for and I just wanted to do that when he left. Thinking back now, I should've just let him sleep over.

I saw him again, the other night, just as I was coming from the biblioteque , around midnight. We talked for a bit and this was the day he tried to kiss me. And we were outside, and I was cold, I had been quiet in the biblioteque for 6 hours and do you know what that does to your breathe. I mean, besides the issue of that I won't be kissed outside, that was also a factor hello.

But after those days, things were going very well between me and eyes, like really well. We would see each other every other day. Then , this other day, he came to my room. The day after his failed attempted kiss, he came to my room. We were chilling and he wanted to make a move, and he was scared to and l could feel it. All that fake confidence and intimidation withered away by my great prowess. He tried to do it, but then he did this awkward thing and I knew things were gonna even be more awkward if the kiss didn't happen. He opened up to me about how he hadn't kissed anyone in quite a while. Per his two failed attempts, I could feel too much teeth, and some tounge so I was like, hold on hold on boy. I got this! And I took charge. The kiss was not amazing if I'm being honest, it's like he had brushed his teeth specifically for the kiss, and there was this layer lingering in his mouth. I don't want to think about it, I'll be grossed out. But anyways, criticism aside, it was actually a decent one considering there was a cirrocumulus cloud of feelings for him lingering in my mind. If that makes sense. And not to forget I was horny and hadn't been kissed in a while. So yeah. Lowered expectations. Not throwing shade or anything.

Anyways, after that kiss, there was more regular kissing. This other time. He was at the basketball court at night and I was with my bestie, so we decided to go there. I saw him and damn was he looking finee.. that was the day things were sealed for me. I could never get that day out of my mind. I also met his friend, the one who had asked for my number together with Eyes the other day. My bestie and that guy where vibing and I thought damn, there could be room for double dating here. We played a basketball game.  Eyes and me versus Bestie and The Boy. So the thing was , I had to should the ball into the hoop and if I failed Eyes would do a pushup, and vice versa for bestie and the boy. Honestly I thought everything was going well. The chemistry was palpable between us. I saw a vision. We even met in the library a couple of times.... Everything between us was great, or so I thought. I had embedded him into my everyday routine and my day didn't make sense without seeing him. I thought I was in safe hands but boy was I wrong. So last week of school. I had one lingering exam left, and so did he. But his, was before mine and he hadn't mentioned. And I remember asking him, whatchu up. He told me he was packing, so that he could leave soon after his exam the following day. I mean, ouch. He texted me later to tell me his exam had been postponed. I went out withy.friends that week. I remember I had him on my mind the entire night. But also, the idea of being in a club and drinking also reminded me of Moon. So I texted Moon. Told him I missed him and wanted him to come pick me up. Hd said something about me being with my friends blah blah blah, and he said he would see me soon as I was back on campus. Royal Beautifulness sucked the life out of the fun so we decided to go back to campus. I texted Moon and asked him were he was. But he wasn't responding anymore. So I was like okay, fine, let's do plan B. Guess who I texted? Eyes. Eyes came in a flash of a second. Exactly every girl's favourite response. I thought I was gonna get a goodnight kiss but this was the most disheartening night of my entire college career. Breathe out.

So he came and we were talking...

Then I was like....

"You weren't really available this week, and you had one foot out the door, were you really just gonna write your final exam and leave without a word?"

"I was gonna say something, but you know I have a life right?"

"Sure you do," but , "this thing between us, is it geographic?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are we going to be talking, will I see you over the holiday?"

"***** If I'm being honest, I'm not ready for a relationship!"

"What do you mean youre not ready for a relationship, i wasn't saying anything about being in a relationship!"

"I'm just not ready!"

"What's in a relationship that you think youre not ready for?"

"The emotional attachments!"

"So what the fuck have we been doing all this time? Haven't we been emotionally connecting and literally relationshipping? Like what the fuck. I mean, I wasn't asking you to be in a relationship, nor am I saying I want it, but I have been open to the idea of it, that's why I've been doing all the things I've been doing with you! So what the fuck do you mean you're not ready to be in a relationship. Why the fuck have you been leading me on then!"

"I'm sorry, I feel bad now!"

"Don't be fucking feeling bad, you were just supposed to be honest, and you should've told me, hey ***** so I don't want a girlfriend and I just want to chill. And that would've been cool because this is freaking college and people do that!" Like seriously.

He repeatedly told me that he was now feeling bad. And I'm like, why are you feeling bad, you literally chose this particular moment to hurt me. He was like, "this is a conversation that was need to be had at some point". And I'm like, that what I'm saying duhhh. Like, why didn't you say this sooner. He was like, I'm sorry for hurting you, but im just being honest, and stuff like that. I told him that he really hurt me, and that I felt really used. I took my shoes and he 'walked' me to my room. And here we are. I haven't seen him since.

If I have officially been heart broken yeah, he broke my heart.

I think he was reading my books too much, l mean he read the description and told me how much of a good author i am, and he also constantly asked me questions like, who are your friends, things that are in the description of this book. So, I assume he was reading my book and he wanted his chapter to be very dramatic. Eyes if you're reading this, I am an author, not the protagonist of this book. So this book is not about me, it's about the protagonist. But you got your chapter. Congratulations.

Anyways, This boy taught me lots. Number 1, always put your feelings on the line even if you get hurt. Number 2, fuck your body dismorphia, your body is not enough to keep a man anyways.

Number 3, sex doesn't solve anything, like yeah, 2 minutes of pleasure but afterwards your assignments will be there, all your problems will still be there. Not that Eyes and I did the deed. But I can imagine the euphoria I felt with him equals the physical pleasure offered by intercourse and if that is the case, then sex doesn't solve anything.

Lastly, I want to say, you broke my heart and left me to carry the burden myself. I recently found out that there was also another girl you did the same exact thing to. And that girl, she is in my class. And there is this other girl who is always looming around me, so she found out about me and you Eyes , so this other girl went to tell your ex girl that we are involved, this girl also told your ex girl that I hate her for some reason. I don't want my classmate to be thinking I hate her. I mean, I don't even know her. But I guess that's not your problem.

Anyways, I don't blame you for breaking my heart. I'm going to comfort myself with the thought that maybe the lack of a patriarch in your life has robbed you of the opportunity to learn commitment and how to love a woman.