A Murder Of Crows {21}

We entered the dining hall together and grabbed our trays. We piled food onto them and I followed Jamison back to his usual table, where Kenz, Nia, and Cole already were.

"He's eating with us again?" Nia said in surprise.

"Is that a problem?" Jamison said, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, no! I was just surprised," Nia said.

I took a seat next to Jamison. He shot Nia a warning look, and she sank down in her seat a little like a scolded child.

"Switching sides?" Cole said to me.

"Hear I'm not the only one around here to do that," I said, a taunt to let him know I wasn't ignorant to his history with Kieran.

Cole's eyes narrowed the slightest, but he shrugged. "Where's Val?"

"I don't know. I'm not her keeper," I said.

"You can call her, Cole. She's welcome to join us," Jamison offered.

"Nah, it's alright. I was just wondering," Cole said.

"Here, Jamison. I thought you should look over some of the Crow candidates. Headmaster Crowe gave me the list," Kenz said, handing a folder to Jamison. "He's look at students coming to the Academy as freshman, as well as students already here who show good potential."

Jamison forked some food into his mouth and began looking through the papers in the folder. He looked up at Kenz in surprise.

"Your sister is a candidate? Good for her," he said. "I'm sure Cole will love to work with Jill."

Cole suddenly looked terrified. "Jill is a candidate? Oh my god. No. She's going to replaced Kenz as my mom if she gets in."

"She'll make sure you're doing your job properly," Kenz said. "Besides, you two get along."

"Yea when she's not scolding me like a mini-you," Cole said.

Jamison laughed. "Now imagine if I had a sibling. Then you'd really be screwed."

"I didn't ask for this," Cole groaned.

"I thought the staff picked the Crows?" I said, though I wasn't surprised the Crows themselves had a big say in who was in their exclusive little group.

"Oh, they do. But Headmaster Crowe likes our input. He wants students who will work well together so there's no conflict in the group," Jamison said.

"Headmaster Crowe trusts Jamie's judgment," Nia said. "He said we've done some of the best work he's ever seen from a group of Crows."

"We all work well together. Even Cole works well when he actually works," Jamison said.

"Thanks for the compliment, dad," Cole said.

"How did you get in on this group of Crows?" I asked Nia. She was still the wild card, the one I hadn't figured out. She didn't appear to have a connection to any of the other Crows, and no connection to Kieran or Mia.

"Jamie was looking for new members," Nia said, smiling proudly. "He thought I'd be good here because I was working in several Academy clubs and trying to help out with Crow volunteer projects whenever I could."

"So I took her on as a Crow," Jamison said, and he gave a small, fond smile at her.

Yet he could be so cruel to her when she didn't listen to him. His expression now was so sincere, but so was that cold tone he took on when he talked to her when he was angry.

And her eyes sparkled with that pride. She respected Jamison so much, despite having seen a darker side to him.

Did his kindness outweigh his cruelty? Were his smiles louder than his insults?

I let myself fall silent as the group got talking. They interacted so easily, such close friends. They teased each other and taunted each other with inside jokes. Jamison seemed genuinely happy as he talked to his friends, trying to include me in the conversation and rolling his eyes when I slipped back into silence.

When we had finished eat, the two of us got up. Jamison gave a small wave to his friends.

"I'll catch you guys later," he said.

"What, still bothering me?" I said as we set our trays down and started down the stairs.

"I'll walk you back to your room, at least," he said. "Besides, I wanted to ask you something. Are you uncomfortable sitting with my friends? You always get so quiet."

I shrugged. "What's there for me to talk about? I don't know them."

"Well, it's hard to get to know people if you don't talk to them," Jamison said. "You got to know a little about Nia because you talked to her. You have to ask people questions, or you'll never get answers."

Well, if that was his philosophy, then I guess I'd put that to the test.

We reached the dorms after a few minutes, and I motioned at Jamison to follow me. We went up to my room together, and I shut the door once we were inside.

"Guess you're not as eager to get rid of me as you let on," he said.

"You said I have to ask questions, yea?" I said.

He nodded. "I did say that, yea."

"Then I have a question: What's your side of the story about what happened between you and Kieran?" I said.

He looked surprised. "Well, that's..."

"You told me I have to ask questions to get answers. Well, I'm asking," I said.

"Then I guess I should answer." He looked away from me, crossing his arms. "We were best friends. Childhood friends. We did everything together. My parents basically considered Kieran a second son, and his parents considered me one."

"And now you taunt him about his mother?" I said.

"No. No, I would never taunt him about his mother. When I say those things, it's because I want them to hit him hard. He loves his mother. She was a nice woman. She wanted the best for Kieran. She'd hate to see him like he is now," Jamison said, his expression darkening. "That's why I say those things. He'd break her heart."

"Right, sorry, I got you off topic," I said. Kieran's sob story was becoming old news. I wanted the story between them more than anything. "You and Kieran?"

"Yea, right," Jamison muttered. "We were best friends. Nothing could come between us. Then we came to high school. We were both being looked at to be recruited into the Crows, but they approached me first. I sat down with Headmaster Crowe after accepting the position, and I told him Kieran didn't belong in the Crows."

"Why though?" I said. "I get he isn't the friendliest, but still."

"Once his mom got sick and his dad was away more for work, Kieran's behavior just got worse and worse. He started getting more violent, and meaner. He was just so angry all the time. I was worried if he was a Crow, he'd just use the privileges to get away with any trouble he got himself into. He had ambition and he was a hard worker, which is why the Crows were looking at him. But they weren't aware of the trouble he was getting into outside of class. I was. And there was no way I could let him into the Crows when he was behaving that way. I tried to talk to him about it, but he wouldn't listen to me. So I told them not to let him into the Crows, and they listened to me."

"But you guys were still friends, weren't you?" I said, trying to remember what I knew of this story so far.

Jamison nodded. "Yea. Kieran was mad, and it shook our friendship. But we tried to move on and start to mend. I knew he'd be hurt by what I'd done, but I didn't want to see what would happen if they gave Kieran power on top of his negative behavior."

Jamison pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. He slowly opened them, dropping his hand to his side.

"His mom was getting worse. My grandpa got sick. He was in the hospital, and my mom even picked up a part time job to help get extra money for his care," Jamison said. "The Academy offers internships every year, as a resume building opportunity for students. But the positions are competitive. There was one job that Kieran and I both applied for. He wanted the money to help his mom. I wanted the money to help my family. The choice for the position was down to the two of us and I..." He hesitated, but steeled himself, his expression that cold one I'd seen slip out from time to time. "I used my position as a Crow to give myself the advantage I needed to get the job."

Ah. So he'd kept Kieran from the Crows so he couldn't have the privilege that came with it, then used that same privilege to snatch a job opportunity from Kieran. No wonder Kieran was so pissed.

"That was it for us. He confronted me about it, but why should I be sorry? I gave all the money I got to my parents to put towards my grandfather's care. With that money, my mom could cut a few shifts from her second job to spend more time with my grandpa. It's the closest to crying I've ever seen my mom come, when I told her I got that job and she could spend more time with my grandpa." He looked right at me, no shame on his face but sorrow in his eyes. "I'd do anything for my family. Kieran would do anything for his. If that's what destroyed our friendship, then..."

"Then so be it? You still care, so don't give me that," I said. "Kieran and Cole still care about each other too."

"Cole didn't steal a job from Kieran," Jamison said. "Cole just sided with me when he found out what happened. He tried to talk to Kieran, but he never told me exactly what happened with that. He was pissed, though. Everything fell apart. Every little crack split into a chasm between us. I never meant for my actions to hurt Cole's relationship with Kieran."

So that was Jamison's side of this story. "Mia was part of your group at one point too, huh?"

"Yea," he said, nodding a little. "But I never knew her super well. She and Kenz were good friends, until Kenz found drugs in Mia's room. She was worried about Mia."

"Mia tells it differently," I said.

"Of course she does. She blames Kenz for what happened. But Kenz was just doing what she thought was right. She found the drugs, and went to a counselor about it. The counselor had her tell Headmaster Crowe, and Headmaster Crowe put Mia on probation," Jamison said. "He only put her on probation because Kenz begged him to be lenient."

"Logically, she should've gone to Mia about it first," I said.

"Emotionally, she was right to take the drugs to a counselor. She was worried Mia was under too much pressure and was trying to relieve the stress. Her brother Caleb was a star athlete, and they came from a high-expectation family," Jamison said. "Kenz was worried if she went to Mia first, Mia would hide the drugs, and Kenz wouldn't have the proof she needed to get Mia help."

I was hearing all the sides to these stories, and the best I could do was piece together what information I had. I could never know the full, unbiased truth of what had happened. But everyone was so self-justified in their anger, it didn't matter if I understood it or not. It wasn't changing anytime soon.

"So why do you hate Kieran so much?" I asked, the one thing I still didn't understand. I understood Kieran's anger towards Jamison, but not Jamison's anger towards Kieran.

"Kieran kind of disappeared from my life for a bit, but when he resurfaced, he was suddenly with Mia all the time. They had talked casually before everything happened, just situational friends. But suddenly they were with each other all the time. I knew that could only mean trouble," Jamison said. "Sure enough, trouble started."

Did he mean the Collectors? I stayed silent, waiting for him to continue his story, keeping my face blank so I wouldn't give anything away.

"Someone slashed two of the tires on my car. I went into town with my dad to get it fixed, and while I was gone, there were accusations made against me that I was using my position as a Crow to bully around other students. There was also an accusation that I had cornered a girl after class and tried to threaten her into having sex with me or I'd get her expelled." He narrowed his eyes, glaring out the window. "I wasn't there to defend myself against the rumors, but Cole and Kenz defended me until I was able to get back and defend myself. No one else ever knew where those rumors originated, but I sure as hell did. Kieran was trying to get me kicked out of the Crows as revenge."

I wanted to think Kieran was above that, but let's be real, he was petty as all hell. Besides, if he had just gotten involved with the Doctor, he probably had a lot of anger towards Jamison, and nothing to lose anymore. So he'd gone after him, a guerilla warfare that I was fighting in now.

"I know it was him, because I confronted him about it and he just gave me that bitchy, cocky look of his and said if I could talk my way into the Crows, I could talk my way from getting kicked out too," Jamison said.

"And now you think he's a drug dealer?" I said. "Quite a leap, from a rumor spreader to a drug dealer."

"Here's the thing." Jamison leaned in a little closer to me. "Two victims were boys that had bullied Cole ever since he was a kid. Kieran had gotten in a physical fight with them once we were younger, and threatened to beat their asses if they ever touched Cole again. Well, once Kieran and Cole stopped speaking, they cropped up again, trying to give Cole trouble. And the next you thing you know, they're victims of this drug dealer. They were shit guys, sure, but not users."

Kieran went after boys who were assholes to Cole, huh? Interesting. But wasn't this whole situation interesting?

All these connections, all this betrayal and hatred and anger. Best friends to enemies, but enemies who still looked out for each other. Jamison could've fought to have Kieran expelled when Kieran hit me. Kieran could've let Cole deal with his own problems. They didn't have to still protect each other, but they did, in small ways.

"I answered a question for you, Cor. Now I want you to answer a question for me," Jamison said.

"No promises," I said. Smartass was probably going to ask me about the Doctor.

But he didn't.

"Tell me about the person you care about most," Jamison said.

I froze, Aria instantly rising in my mind. Jamison watched me carefully, taking in my reaction.

"I told you about my best friend. I want to hear about yours," he said.

I never talked about Aria, especially not since Val had come and ruined everything. What if talking about her put her in more danger? Jamison could think she was involved in this somehow.

But then Jamison reached out, putting a hand on my shoulder. "You can talk about the people you love, Cor."

It went against everything logical.

But my emotions won out. I missed her so badly. I wanted to remember her. I wanted someone else to know it'd all been real.

"Her name is Aria," I said.

Jamison looked surprised. "Aria D'Amore?"

I wasn't surprised he knew her. She was smart. Hell, the Crows had probably eyed her before. But Aria had no interest in any of that.

"Yea," I said. "We lived near each other. She sort of...forced her way into my life." Like someone else had. "She was my only real friend. She was the only one I liked spending time with." I looked out of the window, picturing our young selves walking through the steam near our houses, Aria fearless as always as she bent down to catch frogs and leap from stone to stone in the deeper sections.

"I can't really see the two of you as friends," Jamison said. "She was a candidate to be a Crow, but she just always seemed so unapproachable. We dismissed her file."

"She wouldn't have joined you," I said. "It's not her style."

"But you were," he said.

"I don't know why," I said, still amazed by it to this day. Aria, so picky with people, so picky with everything. But she'd chosen me. Again and again, she came back to me. Dragged me along for the wild ride that was her life.

I looked down at my hands. I could still remember when she'd stolen a BB gun from her mom. We'd gone out to the stream, sitting by the water. Aria pointed out a squirrel that was eating on the other side of the stream, telling me how pretty it was. Then she'd raised the BB gun and shot it dead.

"It's easy," she'd said, passing the gun into my hands. Her hands were so delicate and small, but they hadn't hesitated a goddamn second before taking that little life. "There's another one over there."

I'd aimed the gun at the second squirrel, wondering what it would feel like to take a life. I'd killed bugs before, but never anything this big. Wasn't it strange, how I could step on a bug without a second thought, but shoot a squirrel with only the slightest bit of guilt? They were both living creatures, but my mind didn't recognize them as equals.

Aria had put out her hand and pushed the BB gun down so I was aiming at the ground. "Don't shoot it."

"But you said-"

"I said it was over there. You're rude, not violent."

She'd always known me. She'd always push me to the edge, get me to think, but never knock me over the side. That final step was mine to take.

"She challenged me. Always," I said, shaking the memory of that day. "I don't know why she cared about me so much. But she did. And I..." I struggled for a moment, but when I snuck a glance at Jamison, he wasn't judging me. He was waiting patiently, eyes silently encouraging me to keep talking.

Logic. Emotion. Maybe I could have both.

"I cared about her," I said. "Things happened, though. We don't talk anymore."

"I won't make you tell me," he said. "But I'm always here to listen if you need it."

He held his hand out to me. I took it. Logic and emotion were starting to join together.

Jamison lightly tugged me forward. "Do you think I'm a bad person?"

"I don't think anyone is really a good person," I said. "I think everyone is just a person who makes good and bad decisions and does good and bad things. It's not up to me to tell you if your morals are right or not."

"I never meant to betray Kieran. But it's gotten too out of control. There's no going back. Cole, I think sometimes he still believes the old Kieran will creep back out. But I know he's gone," Jamison said. "Please, Cor, I don't want to see you get sucked into whatever he's doing. I know he's involved in all this somehow. Him and Mia. Life didn't give them what they wanted, so they're taking it out on others. I won't let them get away with it. But I don't want you getting dragged in, too."

"What will you do if you catch him?" I said.

Jamison's eyes grew sad, but there was no hesitation in his voice. "He'll face the consequences for his actions, however harsh they turn out to be."

"'Best friend' doesn't mean much in the end," I said, surprised at how bitter I sounded. Jamison and Cole and Kieran warped from the best of friends to the worst of rivals. Mia and Kenz found their concern for each other to be their undoing. And Aria was gone from my life, a last ditch attempt at protection.

"Words are just words. It's the actions behind them," he said, moving even closer. "He wasn't my best friend because the words sounded nice. He was my best friend because we'd do almost anything for each other."

"If words are just words, then stop wasting them," I said.

He kissed me, slow and careful, both of us realizing how much more this had become. There were so many words you could put to it, but the intimacy of lips did all the talking in the end.