A Murder Of Crows {20}

Kieran hid his injuries well the next day. He walked and acted normally, ignoring the way Jamison eyed him as he walked into our first class.

Jamison got up from his desk once Kieran was sitting, coming over to mine and setting a cup down. I could smell the coffee, and looked up at Jamison.

"Just thought you could use it today," he said.

It's not like he knew I'd had trouble sleeping last night. My sunglasses hid my eyes from his view, so he couldn't tell how tired I felt.

Regardless, I picked the coffee up and took an experimental sip, setting it back down as it burned my tongue a little. Jamison put his hand on my shoulder.

"I know something's going on, even if you won't tell me." He nudged the coffee closer to my hands. "I do these things because I'm worried."

He dropped his hand from my shoulder and went back to his seat. I watched him go, feeling confused. What things? All he'd done was bring me coffee.

I shook it off as the lecture started. Classes were more bearable than yesterday, and lunch seemed to come around quickly.

The four of us took our usual table, Jamison and Cole smart enough not to come here now that Kieran was back. I could see the Crows gathered together, talking and passing papers between each other.

"Still haven't come up with anything?" Val said.

"I will. I always do," Kieran said, but we all knew that was a lie. The Crows had cornered him, and they'd made sure to leave him no way out.

"No matter what happens, we don't sell each other out," Mia said, looking at all of us. "That's the number one rule in this."

"Honor among thieves," Val said, slinging her arm around my shoulders and grinning widely.

I ducked away from her arm. "You really think Kieran won't crack eventually?"

"No." Kieran's voice surprised me. He sounded angry and serious. "I won't sell a single one of you out. That was always the deal between us. I'm a lot of shit things, but I'm not a traitor."

"Kieran is loyal. He's not like the Crows," Mia said.

"You guys and your hatred of the Crows is exhausting," I said with a sigh.

"You can buddy up to Jamison all you want, but that doesn't mean any of us have to forgive them," Mia said coldly. "They're bad people."

"Yea, they're evil live wreckers, I got that. It's high school drama, it'll pass," I said.

"High school drama?" Mia looked furious. "Mackenzie ruined my future and my home life over something I didn't even do. Jamison barred Kieran from the Crow privileges and then used those privileges to steal a job opportunity from him. You think you're so high and mighty, Cor, but you don't know shit."

"I don't know shit because you guys don't tell me shit. You're just cryptic and then bitch and moan about the Crows," I said, shrugging. "I'm not magically going to know every shit thing they've ever done to you. They haven't done anything to me, so why would I hate them?"

"You want to know?" Mia said, her anger growing. "Someone planted drugs in my room, told Kenz I was using, and Kenz snuck into my room to look around. She found the planted drugs, turned me in to the headmaster without ever talking to me about it, and almost got me kicked out of the school. I was kicked off the gymnastics team, word got around, and the summer gymnastics team I was on kicked me too. Banned me, actually. My father wasn't pleased, and he didn't believe me when I said the drugs weren't mine."

"So your solution was to then get involved with drugs? Genius," I said.

"I needed the money. I want to move out of my house when I leave for college. I can't stand the way my father looks at me now. My brother Caleb got so much praise for his lacrosse playing when he was a student here, the star of the team. And then there was me, the one who got busted for drugs." Mia glared over in the direction of the Crows' table. "She was one of my closest friends, and she didn't even confront me about it first. She never believed me afterwards when I denied them being mine. She and Jamison are perfect for each other."

"The teachers and even the headmaster were considering making me a Crow, but Jamison talked them out of it," Kieran said. "I should've known right then to drop him from my life, but I didn't. And then a paid internship opened up through the Academy, and I applied for it. I needed the money for my mom. Jamison's grandpa was sick, and even though his parents were covering the treatment, Jamison used his position as a Crow to take the job from me. When I got mad at him about it, he turned Cole against me and cut me from their lives." Kieran grinned, dark and without amusement. "Now you know what they're like, Cor."

"You're so indifferent about everything, it probably won't make a difference to you, even knowing the truth. But not all of us are used to being unloved by our families and tossed aside by our friends," Mia said.

I tilted my head a little. Clearly she was taking a dig at me, but I'm not sure why she thought it would be effective. Sure, my parents hadn't been the most loving and attentive. Sure, I'd never had many friends. But so what? You learned to live with what life gave you. If you wanted more, you had to take a chance, and sometimes that chance wasn't going to work out like you thought.

"Thanks for the backstory, but they still haven't done anything wrong to me. I'm sure they'd have a side of the story to tell, too. It's not up to me to condemn any of you for what you've done in the past," I said.

"Indifferent," Mia said in disgust. "I don't even know why I bother with you."

"You bother with him because he's indifferent but he's smart and good at hacking," Val said. She tried to put her arm around me again, pouting when I pushed it away. "He's not emotional or sympathetic, but he has his uses."

"Stop talking about me like I'm not sitting right here," I said. "Look, it sucks that the Crows screwed the two of you over. But it's not like you're perfect either. They'd tell me to stay away from you, and I'd tell them the same thing I told you."

Mia opened her mouth, but Kieran put his hand up. "Let it drop, Mia. He's right. He would tell them the same thing." Kieran dropped his hand and looked over at me, shaking his head. "You're so fucking weird, Jpeg."

I just shrugged and started eating my lunch. They could think whatever the hell they wanted. I wasn't going to waste my energy hating people who had never done me wrong.

Mia didn't bother speaking to me for the rest of lunch. She started up a conversation with Kieran, Val jumping in eagerly to talk as well.

When lunch ended, I felt relieved to get away from them. Even lectures were better than the awkwardness hanging over our Collector group.

Maybe I'd finally get a night to myself. I could grab dinner with Jamison and then shut myself into my room to do my homework and try to go to bed early. Kieran and Mia certainly wouldn't be bothering me, and if Val tried to, I'd drag her out of my room.

So when class ended, I purposely took my time putting my stuff back in my bag. Sure enough, I looked up to see Jamison waiting for me.

"Bothering me again?" I said, getting up and slinging my bag over my shoulder.

"Did the coffee help?" he asked, the two of us heading out of the room together.

"I can feel anxiety and addiction already," I said.

He laughed, looking surprised at it. "Sometimes I forget you can be funny."

"I'm going to pretend you're not insulting me," I said.

"Do you want to grab dinner around six?" he offered.

"Only if you promise not to bore me," I said.

"I won't," he assured. "You're welcome to join me to do homework until then, though. I have Crow related work to do, but we could do our homework together first."

"I guess," I said.

He rolled his eyes. "Don't sound so enthusiastic."

I followed him to his dorm building and down to his room. He unlocked the door and let me in.

I looked around his room. There was a picture board, and I spotted the Crows in a lot of the pictures. He also had some pictures on his desk, and I assumed the people in them were his family based on their similar features. He had a few posters and framed quotes.

His room was comfortable, lived in. He'd made it his home, though I don't know why he'd waste his time. He moved all this stuff in and got it all set up, but he'd have to tear it all down and move it all out at the end of the year anyways.

"Here, make yourself comfortable. I've got to run down and get my mail. Kenz should've dropped some papers off for me to sign. I'll be right back," Jamison said, leaving his room.

I sat on his bed, looking at the picture board hanging above it. So many unfamiliar faces, though some of them were wearing Crowe Academy blazers. Jamison was smiling or laughing in almost all of the pictures.

One caught my eye, though. In it, Jamison, Kenz, and Cole were all young, surely no older than eight or nine. There was a hand on Jamison's shoulder, the slightest hint of red on the wrist. But another picture deliberately covered the edge of it, and I reached my hand out, gently pushing at the tape until I could lift the picture.

Sure enough, there stood Kieran with the group. He was next to Jamison, red bracelet on display as he kept his hand on Jamison's shoulder. He had a grin on his face and an expression that said he was ready to take on the world and come out on top. He looked impossibly happy and cocky. And Jamison leaned towards him, his smile huge, his eyes bright and just as eager as Kieran's.

I covered the picture again and settled onto Jamison's bed, taking out my homework. Pictures were just a snapshot of a memory you could never relive. The image stayed but everything else faded. You'd forget the feeling of that moment, the words that were said before and after the picture was taken. You'd forget it all, until it was just another picture in a dusty album.

When I was younger, I'd asked my parents why we didn't buy my school pictures. My mom had simply shrugged.

"You'll look different the next year anyways," she'd said, and let it drop.

I'm sure Kieran and Jamison had tons of pictures together. But none of those pictures changed what had happened between them, or the hatred and tension they felt towards each other now.

It was about two minutes before Jamison came back. He had a few envelopes in his hands, as well as a folder with a few papers peeking out. He set it all down and picked up one of the envelopes, opening it to reveal a card. He read the card and shook his head, smiling a little.

He noticed me looking and held the card up so I could see it. It had some weird drawing on it with some corny pun.

"My grandpa likes to buy these kinds of ridiculous cards whenever he sees them at the store and send them to me," he said, opening his desk drawer to reveal a pile of them. He set the most recent one on top and shut the drawer. "He says if he has to suffer seeing them, then so do I."

"Isn't it a waste to send them to you? He could just take a picture and send it to you," I said.

Jamison sat down and flipped the folder open. "He likes sending them to me. It's just a little bonding thing between us, I guess. He can be a strict man, but he's a good man. He's proud of all I've accomplished at the Academy, and he sends the cards as part of a way to give me something to look forward to."

I stayed silent because I didn't get it, but Jamison clearly seemed pleased by the pointless cards. I thought back, realizing I'd never gotten mail at the Academy before. Other than a few flyers the Academy put in my mailbox, no one had ever sent me anything. That was a probably a good thing, though. Then I didn't have to worry about checking my mailbox constantly.

Jamison and I started our homework, working in comfortable silence. It was a lot more relaxing than when Val busted in and forced me to do homework with her.

Once my homework was finished, I put everything back in my bag. Jamison looked over at me, nearly done with his work as well.

"Heading out?" he said.

I checked the time. "It's almost six. Didn't you want to eat?"

"Oh, shit, I lost track of the time," he said in surprise. "Let me finish up this worksheet and we can head over to the dining hall."

As he turned his attention to the worksheet, I looked back at his picture board. I always found it interesting to see how people grew over the years. Jamison hadn't changed much; chubby, childish features had sharpened as he matured, but there was nothing drastic. None of the pictures showed any crazy hair or clothes phases.

"Enjoying the pictures?" Jamison said as I eyed a picture of him when he was little.

He shifted next to me on his bed and pointed at the picture I'd been looking at. In it, he sat in an older girl's lap, and both were making silly expressions at the camera.

"That was my babysitter," he said. "I had three babysitters growing up, but I had her the longest, and she was my favorite. I still run into her from time to time. It's crazy to think about it whenever I do, since she used to carry me around and now I'm about to graduate high school."

"Three?" I said in confusion. "You only had three babysitters?"

He nodded. "Yea. That girl was my main one, but if she was sick, her sister would watch me. And then once they were both at college, my parents hired another babysitter who watched me until I was old enough to stay home alone. Why?"

"I had new babysitters all the time," I said. "I thought it was normal."

I couldn't even remember the names of all the babysitters I'd had through the years. Some stuck out in my mind- Darren, who'd taught me about computers and hacking, Lauren, who used to lock me in my parents' library so her boyfriend could come over, and Becca, who set the kitchen on fire once and bought my silence about the incident by taking me to the store and letting me pick out any three books I wanted. The rest were just names and phases that blurred together in my mind, some only ever watching me once, and some watching me a few times.

My parents paid the babysitters well enough, but they were gone so often that most of the babysitters didn't want to deal with the commitment. A lot of them would drop me off at the library and pick me up later, letting me wander around alone.

"All the time?" Jamison furrowed his brow. "Your parents didn't have just a few trusted ones?"

"No," I said. "They took what they could get. They're busy a lot. They couldn't be home much."

His expression was strange, something I couldn't quite read. "So your parents weren't around much, and you had all these strangers in and out of your life caring for you?"

"So? I turned out fine," I said.

"Cor, you didn't," Jamison said quietly. "You really didn't."

I gestured to myself. "I'm doing just fine for myself." Well, aside from being involved with a violent drug dealer. But that wasn't exactly a willing life choice.

"But you have trouble making connections with people, don't you? You're always saying Kieran and Val and Mia aren't your friends. I never see you with anyone other than them, though. We've kissed, and you still haven't warmed up to me much," he said. His expression solidified into determination. "I think I understand this all a little better now."

"Can we go get dinner?" I said, not wanting to think about this. Sure, maybe I did struggle to connect with people. But so what? It just meant the relationships were actually meaningful when I did. It wasn't a defect, and it wasn't something to pity.

"Yea, dinner. Let's go," Jamison said, getting off his bed. He held his hand out to me, as if I needed help getting off of his bed.

I didn't need help getting off of his bed. But with his words in mind, I took his hand anyways.