A Murder Of Crows {16}

Her name was Aria, and she was my first everything.

My first best friend, my first real friend, my first kiss, the first person I ever really trusted. Days were dull until her blue eyes lit them up.

I could remember that first kiss. We were just children, playing together in the woods behind Aria's house. She'd stood next to me, frowning and cocking her head to the side.

"I'm going to kiss you," she'd announced.

"Why?" I'd asked.

"Because if we're each other's first kiss, no one can break our hearts," she'd said.

She was always saying things like that. Things that made me furrow my brow and think about them endlessly, turning them over and over in my head, inspecting every word for their real meaning. Sometimes I thought she said those things as a joke. Sometimes I thought she was serious. Sometimes I just didn't know.

But I'd shrugged, and she'd kissed me. A quick peck on the lips, neither of us old enough to really understand attraction and sexuality.

I was old enough now, though.

I touched my lips, the taste of Jamison's gone but the wounds still there. Being part of the Collectors was my life now. It was my top priority or to focus on that so I didn't slip up and get caught. Kissing the president of the Crows was not logical.

I stared up at the ceiling, tired after a sleepless night of tossing and turning. I had no one to talk to about all of this. It was driving me crazy, words begging for a release. I'd never been one for talking, but this felt too big to keep to myself much longer.

The lack of sleep wasn't helping my control. I got out of bed and went down to the showers, keeping the water cold in hopes it would help me wake up a little.

After grabbing what I needed for class, I hurried down to the market for coffee. Kids were starting to head towards the academic building, and I dreaded following them. Class meant seeing Jamison, and I'd let my control of the situation slip. I had no idea what happened next.

But I had to face this at some point, so I forced my legs to carry me to class. Sure enough, Jamison was already there.

He watched me enter the room, but simply nodded a greeting at me. I ignored him, taking my seat and drinking my coffee in desperate hopes it'd give me the energy boost I needed to get through morning lectures.

It was a failed hope as my focus kept slipping. Teachers talked and I tried my best to take detailed notes, but more often than not their words floated in my ears and died off when they met the overwhelming force of my thoughts. There was no room for unnecessary lectures in my mind right now.

By lunch time, all the coffee had achieved was making me jumpy. My thoughts were muddled, and I couldn't wait for this day to be over so I could just sleep. I'd definitely need to take a quick nap before I tried to do my homework. This kind of exhaustion would affect my grades.

"Someone looks dead," Val said as she caught up to me.

I ignored her, not in the mood to deal with her right now. Really, this all traced back to her. If it hadn't been for Val, I wouldn't be in this situation right now.

"Aw, come on, Jpeg, don't ignore me," Val said with a frown. "What's wrong? You can trust me to help!"

"Trust you?" I shot her a dirty look. "Fuck off, Val. I'm not in the mood."

"Well, what's wrong? Maybe I can help," she offered.

I stopped walking, so suddenly that Val had to backtrack a bit so she was standing next to me again. I clenched my fists, trying to calm myself down, trying not to let my temper flare. I'd always let things wash over me or simmer inside until they died out. I rarely snapped, but god, my anger at Val was a tsunami, ready to drown anyone too close.

"You can help by getting the hell out of my life," I said.

She shook her head. "Can't do that, Jpeg. If I'm gone, you won't help Kieran and Mia."

"And what do you even care?" I demanded. "I can't figure you out. You have no loyalties. You protect all sides. What's your goal, Val?"

Now she was smirking. "Keep playing along. You'll find out eventually."

"I'm done playing your games," I said.

She put her hand on my shoulder to keep me from storming off, that smirk on full display as she met my eyes. "If you're done playing, you're not the only one who loses, Cor. See, when a ship sinks, it's not just the captain who drowns. It's the whole crew. And you have a very precious passenger on your little ship, don't you? I'd hate for you to drown while the truth stays afloat for everyone to see."

I shoved her away from me so hard she nearly fell over. "You're a disgusting snake. Stay the fuck away from me, you bitch."

Val's eyes slid past me. "Oh, not a good time, Jamie."

I looked over my shoulder, and sure enough, Jamison was watching in surprise. I simply shook my head, feeling no shame. If I could've punched Val without getting expelled, I damn well would have. I was sick of her playing around with me. What the hell was her endgame with all of this chaos?

"Get out of my sight, and stay out of my sight," I warned Val.

"I think you want to stay in my sight," Val said, her voice dropping low enough so Jamison wouldn't hear. "If you move out of the way, I'll finally get to the person behind you." She smiled cheerfully and pat my shoulder as she passed by me. "I'll talk to you when you're in a better mood, Jpeg."

She disappeared into the building and I glared at the ground, taking slow breaths to calm myself. For all my skill with computers, I'd never been able to turn up dirt on Val. I'd tried so hard to find anything, even the smallest scrap.

But there was nothing.

"Cor?" Jamison's voice was cautious. "It's none of my business, I get that. But are you at least going to be okay?"

I nearly laughed. Val got me caught up with a fucking drug dealer. Would I ever really be okay after that? Could I ever truly escape the Doctor's clutches? Sure, Kieran was his main pet, but I was tangled in all of this now too.

"I'll be fine," I said at last.

Jamison moved closer to me, slowly. I let him put his hand on my shoulder, his face concerned as he looked me over.

"Do you want to sit with us during lunch? Or if you want some quiet, you and I can eat in the Nest. I won't even bother you if you don't want me to," he said.

"You'll always bother me. You've got an annoying personality," I said.

He smiled a little. "What a compliment. Thanks, Cor."

I shrugged, feeling the weight of his hand on my shoulder as I did so. "You do. Too persistent."

"If yesterday is anything to go by, I'd say the persistent personality worked out in my favor," he said.

The offer to eat in the Nest was tempting, but also dangerous. Who knew if we might kiss again? I couldn't, especially not with how distracted I was today. I couldn't make any mistakes around Jamison. It was bad enough he'd seen me lose my temper with Val.

Jamison seemed to read the decline in my expression. He nodded and squeezed my shoulder a little, his body too close to mine to be casual.

"If you need me, you have my number. I know you've probably blocked it already, but feel free to unblock it and give me a call," Jamison said, smiling at me.

"Cor."

I looked over at Kieran, feeling Jamison tense up. His grip on my shoulder tightened a little before relaxing, and he let his hand slide from my shoulder back to his side.

"Lunch," Kieran said.

"I'm eating alone today. I'm not in the mood for your angst or Val's existence," I said.

Kieran glared. "Just go sit at the damn table, Jpeg."

"He doesn't have to do things just because you tell him to," Jamison said. "If he wants to eat alone, he can."

"Don't start fighting," I said, rubbing my temples. "I'm grabbing food from the market and eating alone. I don't want either of you bothering me."

"My offer still stands and my phone still works," Jamison said.

I just nodded and rounded the corner. I headed towards the market, but paused and backtracked, tucking myself away between a trashcan and the side of the building where Jamison and Kieran still were.

"Phone still works?" Kieran said, and I peeked through a gap to watch the two of them. I didn't like the idea of them talking about me when I wasn't there.

"Well, it does," Jamison said, holding his cell phone up. "He was having a rough day, and I was just trying to help."

"No, you're just trying to manipulate him," Kieran said. "You went after him and Val, but I bet you're smart enough to see that Val won't fall for your charms."

"I only started talking to her because of Cole and Cor," Jamison said.

"You think I'm stupid or something? I know you think I'm involved in the attacks around town," Kieran said. "And you think they help me."

Jamison's lips curled into a grin that was more ego than humor. "Is that what I think? You never were good at reading my mind."

"You don't give a shit about Cor and we both know it. You're just after him because he runs with me," Kieran said, clenching his fist a little.

Jamison noticed and raised an eyebrow. "I think he's an interesting guy. Not very easy to talk to, but very interesting when you can pry a conversation from him. He does fit the type of stray you like to pick up. Val, now, I can't figure out how you got her to join your little group of friends-but-not-friends."

"Cor isn't as easily manipulated as you're thinking. You really think he hasn't figured out you're not the cheery guy you put on a show of? He'll see through your bullshit," Kieran said.

Jamison frowned, crossing his arms. "I recall always being the friendly one when we were kids. You were the one ready to pick a fight with anyone and everyone."

"I wasn't hiding how much of an asshole I was," Kieran said. "And now you've got Cole following your act."

"Better than him following you," Jamison said.

"You wouldn't have given a damn about him if it wasn't for me," Kieran snarled. "Just like you wouldn't give a damn about Cor if it wasn't for me. You take and take and take, Jamison. It's who you are. Cor won't let you pull that shit. Might as well back off now."

"For claiming the two of you aren't friends, you sure are protective of him," Jamison said, cocking his head to the side. "Tell you what, Kier. I'm going to get to the bottom of these attacks around town. And if I find out you're involved, that'll be the end of you."

"I've got nothing to do with it," Kieran said.

"Best be telling the truth. Because I think I'm going to try a new approach, and I think it'll weed out anyone involved a lot quicker," Jamison said. "Clock is ticking until graduation, and I'll be damned if I leave this Academy without keeping it safe from attacks like that first."

"It's disgusting. You'll step on your own friends and family for the sake of saving strangers," Kieran said, shaking his head. "You think you're righteous, but the thing about heroes is that they always leave destruction in the wake of saving the day."

"I'm off to go eat lunch with my friends. You go crawling back to your rejects. Tell Mia that Kenz and I said hi," Jamison said, moving past Kieran. "Oh, and don't get too attached to Cor. You won't be seeing him again once I prove you're involved in these attacks."

"Take your own advice. You'll get nowhere with him," Kieran said.

Jamison paused, looking thoughtful. "Maybe. But I've never been a quitter."

I kept myself hidden as Jamison walked past. Kieran swore under his breath and leaned against the wall, taking his phone out, probably to text Mia.

I hurried away into the market, getting food and heading outside. I seated myself at a table outside, picking at my food, my appetite rapidly shrinking.

Just what the hell did Jamison have planned?

I tried to think of ways he could figure out who was involved, but I couldn't come up with anything. There was no way to know who our victims would be, because even we didn't know until the Doctor contacted us. Our communication was limited to each other and the Doctor, and anyone else in his gang of Collectors was a secret from us. No one could sell us out, because no one knew who we were.

So just what was Jamison going to do?

And that way he left Kieran...

What did he mean he'd never been a quitter? Was he really trying to play me, or were his feelings sincere?

I closed my eyes, tugging lightly at my hair. I'd never been good with emotions. I'd taught myself to read them in others, to analyze them and how they drove people. I picked them apart to find how they motivated people and their actions and words. I spent years practicing how to predict how a person would react to situations, and a lot of that was by reading their emotions.

But my own emotions?

I'd never been good at that. Sometimes it took me a while to figure out what I was feeling towards a situation. Not much caught my interest, so not much warranted the effort of my feelings.

It was a stupid, selfish thought. But I wanted to talk to Aria.

I pushed the thought away and finished my food, getting up. I'd just grab myself another coffee and avoid Kieran, Mia, and especially Val the rest of the day. In fact, it'd probably be best to avoid Jamison, too.

If he was planning something, I'd have to be more on guard than ever. But even that knowledge couldn't stop the whisper in my mind begging me to go see Jamison.