A Murder Of Crows {15}

"Cor!"

I didn't slow down at Val's voice. She hurried to catch up to me, a bright smile on her face.

"Good morning," she greeted.

"It was until you showed up," I said.

"You're so moody, Jpeg," she said, nudging me a little. "I talked to our friend Nia yesterday, by the way."

"Good for you," I said. So that's what she and Jamison had been arguing about when they came into the Nest.

"Well, she's not very good at keeping secrets, you know," Val said. She smirked a little. "But I am. I have some things I think you'd like to know."

"Not interested," I said. Val never just gave away information. There was always a purpose, some end goal she had in mind. And the worst part was that I often couldn't figure out what that goal was until it was too late. It was better to stay in the dark than gamble on getting information from Val.

"Are you sure?" Her smirk had grown. "This is very important information, Jpeg."

"Couldn't care less," I said. I only had to endure her until I reached my classroom. But, god, the walk felt so long all of a sudden.

Val shrugged. "Your loss. And trust me, it is very much your loss."

"Speaking of loss, any chance of you getting lost?" I said hopefully.

"Nope." She shook her head. "I'm walking you to class. You hid from me last night. We're never going to finish that damn puzzle if you keep this up."

"Finish it yourself if you're just going to break into my room," I said.

We reached the academic building and I hurried forward into my classroom. I pulled Jamison's textbook out and went over to his desk, dropping it on there.

Jamison jumped a little at the sudden thud and looked up. "A simple 'Here's your textbook, Jamie' would've done."

"When have I ever called you Jamie? That's way too familiar," I said.

"Fine, fine, fair enough. Thanks for bringing the textbook back so quickly," he said, sliding it into his bag.

I take his textbook and I'm still the one who gets thanked. This guy sure was something.

I took my seat, actually managing to pay attention to my morning lectures. Normally I zoned out, thinking about Jamison and the Crows. But today I focused, taking careful notes and not letting myself get distracted.

By the time lunch came around, I'd managed to wipe most of my nosy curiosity from my mind for the time being. It wasn't like me to get so involved in other peoples' lives and pasts, and it was frustrating me that I couldn't stop the urge to keep digging until I knew what had gone down between all of them.

I filled my tray and went to our table, sitting down with Kieran and Mia. My eyes flickered to Kieran's wrist, but his bracelet was hidden by his sleeve.

Kieran looked up and his expression changed from emotionless to furious in a flash. I sank down in my chair a little, already knowing what Val did.

"No," Kieran snapped. "Absolutely not."

"Come on, Kier! I told Cole and Jamison they could sit with us," Val said.

I turned my head a little so I could see the three of them. Val looked far too amused by the situation, Cole looked as angry as Kieran, and Jamison had a tense set to his shoulders despite trying to play off his expression as casual.

"We're old enough to be civilized at lunch," Jamison said, taking the seat next to me. "Hey, Cor."

Val and Cole sat down together. Mia eyed the new boys with distaste, but she seemed satisfied enough that Kenz wasn't with them. Her issue didn't extend to the rest of the Crows, evidently. I had a feeling her ties were almost strictly with Kenz, and she had only lightly mingled with the other Crows.

Kieran started to stand up, but Val shot him one of her looks. The kind of look that said she had blackmail to keep him in place.

"Don't leave, Kieran!" she said.

Kieran reluctantly sat back down. Mia crossed her arms, turning her nose up at the Crows.

"They're not sitting here all the time," she said.

"We don't want to sit here all the time," Cole said, also crossing his arms. "Dumbass."

"Manners, Cole," Jamison said, elbowing him lightly. "Let's try to get along while we're here."

"Listen to your master, Cole. He hates when his pets don't listen," Kieran said.

"Can't rub a dog's nose in it unless it pisses on the floor first," Cole said, shooting a dirty look at Kieran. "Make your mess, face your mess."

"Cut it out, both of you," Jamison said.

"Boy I wish I'd skipped lunch today," I said with a sigh.

"You and me both," Cole said.

"Then leave. No one will miss either of you," Kieran said.

"I'd miss them," Val said.

"You're a bitch and you don't count," Kieran said.

Val frowned. "Now that is just rude and uncalled for, Kier."

Jamison shook his head a little. He looked over at Mia. "It's been a while, Mia."

"Not long enough," Mia said.

"How's Caleb?" Jamison said. "Still playing lacrosse?"

Now Mia's expression almost matched Kieran's angry one. "You always were a pompous asshole, Heitor."

Jamison furrowed his brow. "It was just a question. I wasn't trying to offend you or anything."

"Yea, and how's that grandpa of yours? He finally kicked the bucket? It's about time he did if he's still around," Mia said.

A slow smile spread across Jamison's face, ready for a verbal war. "He's doing fine, actually. Healthier than ever. Speaking of health, do you still do gymnastics? Shame you're not heading the team anymore. You always were very talented."

Kieran grabbed her arm before she could get up. But his dirty look was directed at Cole, not Jamison.

"That's your damn idol, you fucking dumbass. Congratulations," Kieran said in disgust.

Jamison feigned confusion. "I'm trying to make conversation. Clearly you have something against me, but Mia has no reason to dislike me. I don't know much about her other than Caleb and gymnastics. So that's what I brought up."

"It's no wonder you got yourself a presidential position. You're as crooked and dirty as any politician," Kieran said. "I wish I could go back in time and kick you in the damn face."

"I wish I could go back in time so I could recognize you," Cole said, shaking his head. "I bet your mom's real damn proud of you, Kieran."

"You'd be nothing without me," Kieran said, and now he stood up, pulling Mia with him. "Just keep that in your thick head. Mr. President here didn't give a damn about you back then. He only cared when he realized you'd be useful to him."

Kieran and Mia left, their trays still on the table but clearly with no signs of coming back. Val let out a long sigh.

"That didn't go well," she said.

"No shit. Why'd you bring them here?" I said, glaring over at her.

"Trying to bring some peace," she said. "Kieran can't get his head out of his ass, though."

And apparently neither could Jamison. I didn't know who Caleb was, but I did know Mia had been kicked off the gymnastics team and put on probation. I didn't know why, but I did know her probation had been serious enough for a while that a second offense would've gotten her kicked out of the Academy without question. It had lightened just a little, enough to where a misstep would lead to a parent conference and a potential trial with expulsion as a possible outcome. But Mia had never brought up what had put her in that position.

Could it have something to do with Kenz? Was this Caleb person involved, too?

Dammit. I was getting nosy again.

"Look, we're not getting along with Kieran. It's a lost cause, Val," Cole said.

Of course Val knew it was a lost cause. She was just getting her kicks out of the situation while she could.

"I thought it'd be worth a try," Val said with a shrug. "Not everyone will get along, but it never hurts to give it a shot."

"Don't give it another shot. This is irritating," I said.

"You're kind of an asshole, yea?" Cole said to me.

"Cole." Jamison shot him a look.

"What? He is. Even you can't deny that, Jamie," Cole said.

I just shrugged. "I am who I am."

"I don't think you're an asshole, Cor. I think..." Jamison shook his head and offered me a small smile.

"You think what?" I'd been told I was an asshole before. That was fine by me. I knew I didn't exactly have a warm personality. I'd learned from a young age to prioritize my own well-being over morals and the feelings of others. If that made me an asshole, then so be it.

"Nothing, never mind," Jamison said. "Look, sorry about that scene with Kieran and Mia. Why don't we just forget about it and eat? I'm starving."

Val kicked up a conversation with Jamison and Cole. I listened to them talk, always on alert for any information drops, but otherwise uninterested.

Well, maybe that wasn't completely true.

I watched Jamison as he spoke, taking in his expressions, his tone, his gestures. Everything so carefully composed to fit the image he needed. He was more than just a mask; he was a whole damn costume.

He was the friendly, outgoing president right now. But I knew he could be cold and unmoving. He could be serious and restrained. He could be so many different things, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out which one was genuine.

When lunch ended, we split off, Jamison and I heading to our next class while Val and Cole disappeared together for their class. Jamison and I didn't talk as we entered the classroom and ventured off to our own seats, but I was still curious about what he'd been planning to say when Cole called me an asshole.

It was harder to keep my focus in the afternoon lectures. My eyes kept drifting towards Kieran and Mia, though neither of them seemed angry anymore. Mia looked bored as she took notes, and Kieran had that emotionless expression plastered on.

By the time classes got out, I was more than ready to head back to my dorm and have some peace and quiet. If Val tried to come barging in, I'd throw her out with my own hands if I had to.

"Cor!" Jamison called before I could leave the classroom. "Wait up. Can you come with me?"

"Is this important, or a waste of my time?" I said, facing him.

"Important," he said. "But I'll try to make it quick. I have to drop some stuff off at the Nest. Come with me. Please."

I reluctantly nodded and followed him out of the academic building. What could he possibly have to talk to me about? Did it have to do with the incident at lunch today?

We walked in silence all the way to the Nest. Jamison let us in, shutting the door and locking it. He secured some files in the cabinet before gesturing at me to sit on the couch. He took a seat next to me.

"I'm sorry about what Cole said earlier," he said at last.

"That's what this is about? Then it is a waste of time. My feelings aren't hurt over it," I said.

"Nothing seems to hurt your feelings," Jamison said, a spark of anger in his eyes. "Not Cole calling you an asshole or even Kieran splitting your mouth in half."

"So what? How's that any of your business?" I said. Why was he getting angry about it?

"Because if you're not going to care about yourself, someone has to," Jamison said. "I told you, it's my job to keep students safe here. You're a student. And you're...more than just that."

"What, we're best friends now?" I said, raising an eyebrow.

"Why are you so afraid to use the word 'friend'?" he said. "Yes, Cor, I'd like to think we're friends. Or something more than just classmates. It's not a bad thing to care about other people."

"I know that. I care about people." Those blue eyes flashed through my mind, and I hastily pushed that image away.

I met Jamison's eyes. They were blue, but a different shade. They weren't an ocean waiting to drag you under. They had a grayer tint to them, draining some of the blue into a faded color. Even his eyes kept their truths hidden.

"You're not an asshole," Jamison said. "I don't mean to make assumptions or pry, but it sounds to me like you're not close with your family."

"Boohoo," I said.

"Some kids are okay not being close with their families. Happy, even. Some families are toxic. But growing up and raising yourself, it's not easy. You're always thinking logically. It's like you're stuck in defense mode," Jamison said.

"So?" I said. I'd never understood kids who bitched and moaned and blamed all their troubles on their family. So what if your parents didn't pay enough attention to you? You're responsible for your own life. At some point, people had to take responsibility for themselves and quit blaming their parents, no matter how shitty they were. "My parents are busy people. I'm capable of taking care of myself without them."

Honestly, I was grateful they were busy people. If it hadn't been for my abundance of babysitters, I never would've Darren.

They hired him when I was young, and he clearly liked the pay but not kids. He let me keep to myself, and did work on his computer. Eventually, I got curious, and he taught me about computers and how they worked. He was the one who taught me what hacking was, and even showed me how he could get into someone's emails.

Without that, who would I be now? I'd dedicated my life to teaching myself about computers and hacking. I wanted to know both things inside and out. My parents bought me my own computer to keep me busy, and I had my babysitters take me to the library so I could read books about what I wanted to know.

Jamison was looking at me, but there wasn't pity there. Sympathy, but not pity.

"I love my parents. My grandpa lives with us too, and I'd be lost without all of them. Even Kieran, as heartless as he can seem, would be devastated without his mom. Family can be important. Even if you're not close with them, they're supposed to teach you vital skills early on. They're supposed to help you form connections. You were never close with them, were you, Cor?" he said.

I thought about it and shook my head. "No. Doesn't matter, though. They made sure someone watched me until I was old enough to watch myself, they kept me fed, housed, and clothed, and they bought me things to keep me satisfied."

I didn't talk to them much. I didn't talk to any of my family much, not since my grandpa had died. Without him there to pull everyone together, they all drifted apart.

But I'd never been upset about it. So what, I wasn't close with my parents. I wasn't going to waste my life crying over it.

"You still can't form connections, can you? Or, at least, you struggle to. You only want necessary connections. Friends, they can wait," Jamison said.

"I have friends," I said.

"But not Kieran and Mia. You don't even seem to care for Val much. They seem more like friends of convenience. Someone to sit with at lunch and kill time with outside of class," he said.

"And? It's none of your business," I said.

"You can't see it, can you?" Jamison gave a hollow smile and shook his head. "Even with those glasses on, you're still blind as hell, Cor."

"Blind to what?" I said. What the hell was he getting at?

Unless...

Oh.

It hit me too late. By the time I realized what he meant, he was already leaning closer to me. My mind tried to process everything, tried to figure out how to react.

Did I stand up and leave? Did I let him do it?

What did I want?

What the hell did I want?

I didn't stop him. When he kissed me, I closed my eyes and wondered what the hell I wanted, what the hell I was doing, what the hell I was feeling.

His lips were soft, the faintest hint of coffee lingering on them. Late nights for a busy man.

I'd had my first kiss in elementary school, an innocent thing, a pact between friends. This was different.

This was me swiping my arm across the game board and throwing all the pieces off. This was a roll of the dice, nothing but luck and hope. This was the moment you drew a card from the deck and felt your heart leap as you flipped it over to see what would drive your next moves.

I heard a clock ticking on the wall behind us, but eternity was held in our lips, and we shared it carelessly. His hand was on my knee (when did it get there), my hand hesitantly slid up his arm (when did I decide to do that), and our bodies shifted closer (what the hell did I want what the hell did I want).

I slowly pulled away from him, my heart hammering in my chest. Jamison ran a hand through his hair, not meeting my eyes.

"I should've asked first," he mumbled.

"Then ask," I said.

He looked at me in surprise. His grip on my knee tightened a little, and we both waited, that ticking the only knows between us.

"Can I kiss you, Cor?" he said.

"Since you actually asked this time..."

And then we were kissing. And kissing. And kissing.

Every breath was a wasted moment. I placed my hand on his chest, his heartbeat as wild as mine. But then I felt his Crow pin under my fingers, and I pulled away from him again.

"I'm going," I said, getting up.

"I can walk you back," Jamison offered.

"I can find my own way," I said, my fingers shaking lightly as I pulled the door open.

I hurried out of the building, my legs carrying me to the tree stump. I collapsed on it, my knees too weak to keep me up anymore.

What the hell had I just done? Friends of convenience. He knew. He had to know.

And I'd kissed him anyways. In fairy tales, the kiss broke the curse. But this was no fairy tale, and I'd just brought the curse down upon myself.

I put my face in my hands, furious with myself for giving in so easily, for being so damn stupid. But I was even more furious at my traitorous heart for not calming down. And most of all, I was furious at the knot in my stomach that announced I was in over my head.