Chapter 53: Nightmares and Conversations

Ptsd nightmares aren't always exact replays of the event. Sometimes they play the emotions you felt during the event, such as fear, helplessnes and sadness

- Alice Cariv

___

Fabian awoke to someone tapping his back. His shirt was damp with some type of liquid and he shot up straight, immediately regreting it when his head spun with dizziness.

"Yo Fabian, is that normal?" Malakai whisper yelled as he squinted through the darkness. "Help her out. She's sweating like crazy."

Fabian looked down at Jaimie-mae who was laying curled up under him and he cursed quietly. He was angry at himself for being such a heavy sleeper and he was even angrier that he let her drink the alcohol.

She was doing so well mentally but the alcohol had most likely reset all of her progress.

He gently shook her awake and her blue eyes shot open causing Malakai to stumble back in surprise.

She immediately began to shake and cry, mumbling something like 'im sorry' through her cries.

Fabian swiftly pulled her into his chest to soften the sound of her cries. Their friends were beginning to wake up from the noise and he knew Jaimie-mae wouldn't want them to be hovering over her.

He rubbed her back gently as she sobbed into his chest. He was surprised that she could produce the amount of sweat she had. Her hair was damp and so was her shirt.

"Damn," Malakai muttered as he watched the exchange. "Maybe we just should have took shots of water with her instead."

Fabian shot him the 'now is not the time' look and continued to stroke her hair.

Kacey stirred awake and peered up at the sillouettes of the three people from the floor. "Is someone crying?" she asked drowsily as she leaned up on her elbows.

"Umm n-"

Kacey cut Malakai off when her eyes adjusted. "Ohmygosh. Jaimie are you okay?"

"Shhh," Malakai hissed out but it was too late, everyone except Jerry and Bella were awake now.

Daniel, Diana and Kano shot up from their spots and glanced around through fuzzy eyes.

"Whats going on?" Diana asked curiously.

Kano narrowed his eyes at Jaimie-mae's small figure pressed up against Fabian's chest. "Why are you trying to smother Jaimie?"

Fabian glared at him. "I'm not trying to smother her. If i let her go, she'll wake everyone up."

"Too late for that now, isn't it. Whats wrong with her?" Diana asked she crawled forward a little.

Kacey got up on her knees. "Let me see her please."

Fabian leaned back so that she could see her face and Kacey gasped. She immediately stood up and reached out her hand.

"Come on Jaimie-mae. Lets go freshen you up so you feel better," Kacey said as she tugged her friend off the couch.

Jaimie-mae cried out as she was tugged towards the bathroom and Kacey dropped her hand out of surprise.

"Im so sorry. Im so sorry. Wait, Fabian are you okay?" Jaimie-mae asked quietly.

Fabian furrowed his eyebrows. "Yes, why?"

Jerry and Bella began to finally stir from their places on the floor.

Kacey picked up Jaimie-mae's hand again but she flinched away. "I need to make sure Fabian's okay. I want him with me."

Kacey tried to hide her hurt the best she could but it was hard because she was just rejected by her friend.

Fabian got up off the couch and ushered Jaimie-mae into the bathroom before stopping and looking at Kacey. "Don't worry, she's probably had another bad dream where i got shot or something. She's probably gonna be clingy with me if that did happen. She'll come back around when she's ready."

Kacey nodded in understanding and went back to her place on the floor, clutching her head as she sat down.

Fabian quietly knocked on the door. "Jaimie-baby, can i come in?"

A mumble came from behind the door and he took it as a sign to come in. He took a seat against ths tub just as she was. The only difference was she had her arm on the edge of the tub and she had her head on it.

"I regret the alcohol," Jaimie-mae mumbled through her silent tears.

"Yeah," Fabian said with a chuckle. "Mostly everyone does the morning after."

"I hate seeing you in my dreams."

Fabian pouted playfully. "I thought you would have been excited to have me in your dreams."

"You know what i mean. Seeing you die literally kills me inside. Its too real."

He slid closer to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "I know. I'm sorry. But i'll help you through it. Nothings gonna happen to me."

She nodded silently, immediately changing her train of thought. "Its funny to think i graduated a day ago from highschool."

"Yeah. I'm so proud of you," he said with a grin. He kissed her cheek and her lips lifted a little into a little smile.

"Thanks. I'm proud of me too."

Fabian chuckled. "Do you know what your doing yet? We haven't really talked about it."

Jaimie-mae thought about what he said for a few minutes. "What are you doing?"

Fabian shook his head. "I don't want you choosing because of what i'm doing."

"I already know what i'm doing. It's just i don't know what you'll be getting into next year and you've been out of school for a while. How have you been making money? You don't have to answer that."

Fabian sighed. "I should. I've gotten a job at the mechanics and i'm good at it but i want to go to school for engineering or something."

"That's cool. I didn't know you were good with cars." Suddenly she started crying again.

"Hey hey hey, Jaimie. Whats wrong?"

"I-im such a bad girlfriend. I don't even know the things you're good at."

"Yes you do. That's only one thing. Whats my favorite color?"

"Grey."

"Whats a place i want to travel to?"

"Italy."

"Whats my favorite thing to watch."

"My butt," she joked.

He laughed loudly. "Heyyy, actually you aren't wrong. That is one of my favorite things to watch. But i also like watching you laugh. See you know me better than even some of the people i've been friends with for six years. No big deal. Now what is that you want to do?"

"I wanted to do something to help people, but i know with my PTSD my choices are limited; so i might just go into film and photography."

"You didn't tell me you did that type of stuff," Fabian said quietly.

"Umm yeah, sorry. Its just... well, i've always had a passion for it but after the school shooting i kind of stopped. I hated that before it was something that made me happy and after it was something that i was scared to do again. But i've gradually been getting back into it, so i want to do that in school."

"That's great Jaimie!" Fabian said with a smile. "Where are you going college?"

"I might just stay close by. I don't want to leave behind things that i just got. The college nine hours away has a lot to offer. What about you?"

"Ugh... i was planning to stay in the area as well. It would be cool if we could go to school together," Fabain said with a hopeful smile.

She grinned up at him. "Yeah, that would be nice."

"Would you ever," he paused and furrowed his eyebrows. "If i got an apartment, would you move in with me next school year?"

Jaimie-mae bounced up onto his lap with a huge smile on her face, her bad dream completely forgotten. "Would you like me to?"

"Yeah, kind of. But you don't have to if you don't want to," he said as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"I do want to." She giggled as she thought about what it would be like to live with Fabian. "That would be so much fun."

He grinned and ruffled her already messy hair. "Great. We'll do that than."