Chapter 48: Scary Confessions

I was crying last night...

And guess who was there -

You. Just like always

___

It was the weekend after Jaimie-mae's and Fabian's date. He had so much fun with her. They spent all morning talking and joking around right up until the first crack of sunlight. They decided that they should pack up and leave before they could be clearly seen naked.

He was at the mechanics fixing up cars when he got a call from Jaimie-mae.

"Hey Jaimie," he said with a smile, but when he heard her voice the smile immediately dropped from his face.

"F-fabian. I-I-I..."

"Jaimie? Jaimie-baby tell me what's wrong," he said frantically.

"There's a man in my room," she said through her tears.

"A man?"

A sob came through the phone and Fabian immediately grabbed his keys and ran to his

car.

Jim stopped him. "Where ya going?"

"I'm sorry Jim. I got an emergency i gotta take care of. I promise i'll be back extra early tomorrow morning," he said as he hopped in his car.

Jim nodded to him. "No problem. Take care of that girl of yers. See ya bright and early then."

Fabian thanked him that sped off towards Jaimie-mae's house. He could still hear her crying over the phone and it made him extremely anxious.

When he finally pulled up to her house, he jumped out, forgetting to lock his car and sprinted to the door. When he turned the door knob, he was surprised to see it was locked.

How did a man get in through a locked door?

Fabian went around back and jumped through the window which he forced open himself.

Not even thinking twice, he sprinted towards Jaimie-mae's room and swung open the door. He scanned the room and spotted her curled up at the head of her bed.

"Oh Jaimie," he said as he rushed forward and climbed onto her bed.

He realized that there was no man at all. Well not for him at least. He was there for Jaimie-mae to see.

"Can i hold you," he asked as he looked into her, now, dull blue eyes. She looked like she was looking right through him.

Her bottom lip trembled and she broke the silence. "You came for me," she whispered.

"What. Of course i came for you. I was worried."

She looked at him in the eyes for a long minute and then her eyes glazed over again.

"Wait. Don't do that. Don't leave. Stay right here," Fabian pleaded as he grabbed her face between his hands. He placed a kiss on her forehead.

Soon enough she was back. "I feel so alone," she whispered as a tear dripped down her face.

"No. Hey, hey. I'm with you... okay? Always."

She whimpered and nodded before burying her face in his chest and sobbing.

He stroked her hair. "I hate hearing you cry like this. What happened, you were doing so good this week?"

"I-i don't know. One day i was happy and then it all hit me like a truck."

He winced. "I know that hurt because i got hit by a car so i can only imagine what a truck feels like..." he trailed off realizing now wasn't the time.

"All these emotions. I can't control them. And now, i don't feel s-safe anymore." She started to sob again so Fabian rubbed her back in circles.

"I'll help you. I'll keep you safe."

"Why would you want to be with someone like me?"

Fabian froze his movements. She had never questioned his motives for being with her. That's when he realized that she was at a really low point. He'd never seen her so... depressed.

"Why wouldn't i want to be with you? I fùckin' need you."

She sucked in a breath. "No you don't. You don't need me. You don't want a mentally unstable person, no one really does."

"Is that how you feel?" He asked with furrowed brows. She stayed silent and he sat up straight in frustration. "Talk to me, dammit!"

Jaimie-mae whimpered a little and he immediately started to regret his words.

"I'm sorry Jaimie. I just... it's not good to bottle things up all the time. You should talk to someone."

She nodded in agreement and grasped his shirt in her hand.

"I-i know that i'm seeing things. I can tell because everytime someone walks in they never acknowledge the man with the gun standing in the corner. I didn't know at first... that he wasn't real, but then i started going to a phsychatrist and she explained what was happening.

I don't even know why i called you here. I'm wasting your time. It's just... it's so so scary sometimes. Sometimes i'm at this place in my life where i'm happy and i'm feeling spontaneous and then there are times where everythings dark and it feels like i'm drowning and there's no one around to come and help pull me up or even throw me a rope.

I remember there was this one day that i was walking home from work, later than usual." She paused and fresh tears started to run down her cheeks. "I had been having a good month but then that particular day everything crashed and burned."

Fabian looked at her with curious eyes wondering where she was going with the story.

"Anyway, when i was walking home, things just felt off. It was strange because i just wasn't feeling... at all. I didn't care about anything or anyone that day. I remember planning out... how i was going to," she choked back a sob. "How i was going to hurt myself; to put it lightly."

Fabian abruptly pulled away from her and scanned her face to see if there was any indication that she was lying. He wanted her to be, so bad. But he knew she wasn't. She wouldn't ever lie to him, let alone about something so big. However?there was this... light in her eyes.

"I began thinking about if i should just take a bunch of sleeping pills when i got home. But then, there was this light. This... boy."

A small ghost of a smile slipped onto her face and her grip on his shirt tightened.

"The boy got hit by a car and i ran over to him."

Fabian froze in his spot and his heart rate sped up. His brown eyes flickered between her blue ones.

"He was still breathing even though he was practically bulldozed down by a car going at full speed. And that boy, right as i looked into his brown eyes, he made me realize that there's still a reason to keep pushing forward. He made me realize... that there's still hope."

Fabian felt his throat burn with unshed tears. Secretly, he was a super sensitive boy and he usually cried whenever he got the chance but up until now, he hadn't cried for a while.

"Was that boy me?" He asked. He knew the answer, but he needed to hear it come from her mouth for some strange reason.

"It was."

"Were y- were you going to... OD on pills that day?" He felt the tears start to run down his face at the thought of Jaimie-mae not being there with him. If she didn't come help him that day maybe they would have both been dead.

The thought made Fabian's stomach churn and his lunch threatened to come back up. He took deep breaths to calm himself.

"Have you ever... felt like doing that recently?" He started to feel himself become sick again.

Jaimie-mae hesitated to answer and that one thing made Fabian hop up and run to the bathroom with his hand to his mouth.

As soon as he reached the toilet, he dropped to his knees and dry heaved into the toilet. Nothing came up but it somehow felt worse. He felt like he should have been somehow throwing up his feelings.

He felt Jaimie-mae's hand on his back rubbing gentle circles as he continued to choke and gasp for air over the toilet.

"I'm sorry," she said through her tears. "I didn't mean to make you upset."

When his dry heaving finally came to an end, he sat back and leaned against the tub. "Of course i'd be upset. I love you. I don't want you to leave me."

She hung her head. "I know that now. I didn't mean to be selfish. I didn't mean to not think about my mom and my friends at the time. But i wasn't thinking straight."

He sighed and tugged her down into his lap. "Can you promise me something?"

"Yeah," she whispered.

"Can you promise to call me whenever you're feeling like that. I don't care what i'm doing, give me a call and i'll come for you."

"Okay. I promise."

"You know i love you, right?"

"Yes."

"You know i'll help you through this, right?"

"I know you will."