Chapter 1

Nobody would care if I just vanished tomorrow.

That thought must have crossed through Akane's mind at least five times a day. None of these sycophants would care if she just stopped coming to school. They may have smiled whenever she passed by them in the halls and offered a halfhearted greeting and a wave of the hand. And indeed, she might have smiled and waved back at them, plastering on some semblance of humanity day in and day out. But not one of them, not one of these nameless faces could understand the real her.

None of them could see just how broken she was inside.

As far back as Akane cared to remember, she'd never been able to feel anything. It wasn't much of a stretch to say that the girl everyone knew as Akane Toriyasu was just a facade, a mask she put on to maintain some small semblance of humanity. She played her role well enough, keeping her grades at the top of her class, projecting an heir of confidence and seemingly effortless grace wherever she went.

Others looked up to her; that's what she'd been told at least. On the surface, Akane was what one might consider to be the perfect model student of Fuyuki Highschool. But it was all a lie. A ruse designed to hide the truth. She felt nothing, not one single comprehensible human emotion except...occasionally...disgust and contempt.

She wasn't looking for pity. In fact, the very idea of pity disgusted and enraged her in ways few other things could. This was normal for Akane, after all. Where others had friends, family, things they seemed to care about, she had nothing of the sort. Not to any extent that wasn't purely another superficial mask, at least. She may have been numb to everything around her, but in truth, Akane was unbothered by this. If anything, she'd grown accustomed to this empty feeling in her chest.

Of course...all of that changed the day she met him.

For the first time in her life, she felt something after that moment. A longing. A yearning. A desire to be accepted. The day he opened her eyes to the truth of her once bleak existence, she finally understood what it meant to be alive. The way he made her feel was a drug; she was addicted to it. This...warmth in her heart whenever he was near.

From that moment forward, she cared about nothing else, no one else. He is everything to her. Her reason to live, that which gives her purpose. She loves him. She loves him more than life itself.

Which is why nothing will take Senpai away from her.

--

It all began one fateful day, on March 16th, at roughly 7:42 in the morning. A day like any other, just as gray, just as soulless. Akane was walking her regular route to school, passing all the usual landmarks on her way to Fuyuki Private Academy. The alley with the market, the cherry blossom trees in the courtyard, none of it failed to distract her from just how dull and colorless everything felt to her. Her only true moment of solace was the neighbor's dog she would occasionally see in their front yard. She liked dogs, Akane liked all animals. A shame her parents would never let her get a pet. They couldn't afford it.

Something about that day felt slightly off, an unfamiliar energy in the air she couldn't quite place her finger on. Tomoe, the closest thing Akane had to a genuine companion at school, was rambling on about something to do with a new upper-level student, some wealthy honors kid from the US. Not that she understood why that was so noteworthy. They got transfer students all the time, and all of them were typically either straight A geniuses like her or rich airheads like Tomoe.

"I'm telling you, you should talk to him, Akane-chan!" Tomoe insisted brightly, an infectious ray of sunshine and positivity as always. "I think you'd really like our new Senpai."

"I'd rather not disturb him, Tomoe," she responded with her usual calm, rehearsed cadence, projecting confidence in her voice despite the weariness of her thoughts.

"But he's so nice," Tomoe beamed like always. "And he's really cultured too." She sighed. "Not to mention unbelievably handsome."

"He's probably still settling in," Akane offered evenly. "Constant attention, no matter how well-meaning, can be mentally taxing and stressful."

She giggled sweetly at her in response. "You're always saying stuff like that, Akane-chan. Why do you have to be so stuffy all the time?"

"I'm not stuffy," Akane assured, completely unbothered. "I'd just rather not waste our Senpai's time on trivial matters."

"I'd be willing to bet you'd change your mind if you spoke to him," Tomoe offered playfully. "You two actually have quite a lot in common. You're both honor roll students. You both speak multiple languages; at the very least, it would be an excuse for you to show off those English speaking skills with someone other than me."

"You know, if you spent a little more time focusing on your studies and less time daydreaming about upper-level students, your exam scores might not be quite so middle of the road."

She pouted at that. "Now why do you have to go and bring a sore subject like that up, huh?"

Akane sighed. "I'm sorry, Tomoe. It wasn't my intention to hurt your feelings. I've just been...off today."

Tomoe giggled, instantly shaking it off like always. "All is forgiven, Akane-chan." She suddenly beamed excitedly. "Oh, look! There he is! Good morning, Barlow-Senpai!"

It was then their eyes met for the first time. Hazel orbs staring back at her, hair cut immaculately to the school standard, dyed black, as was protocol. But none of that was what immediately grabbed her attention, what lured her in when she might have otherwise offered no more than a passing glance.

His smile was what did it, what sparked something in her she'd never felt before. The way it so effortlessly formed over his lips, how it seemed to light up her surroundings in color she'd otherwise been blind to, stirred something deep in her being the young student was in no way prepared for. With a curt nod, he passed her, seemingly light as a feather. As if he were, at that moment, floating ten feet above her, above everyone.

She came to a stop, having to process what had just happened. Akane looked around; everything was back to normal. No more color, no more strange feeling in her chest. She placed a hand up her cheek and felt a warmth that wasn't there before.

Tomoe sighed affectionately, watching as his backside glided away down the hall. "Senpai is such a gentleman. I wish more guys were like him."

Akane didn't respond, not at first. She was still coming to grips with what she had just felt. Finally turning around, she noted that everything was seemingly back to normal. From behind, at least, the boy who'd just shown her so much color and vibrancy was just another gray, faceless body in the halls. Whatever she felt before, it was gone now.

"What...did you say his name was again?"

"Hmm?" Tomoe quirked her head at her before grinning victoriously. "Caleb Barlow is his name. That is our new Senpai."

Caleb Barlow. She let the name play again in her mind. It certainly had a nice ring to it. The sort of name you'd see on the cover of a sporty magazine or advertising a luxury brand watch. It was strange. She usually wouldn't give a boy like this more than a second thought.

But something about him was different,

--

Another day, another lunch spent in solitude. Tomoe always tried to pressure Akane into sitting with the rest of her group during lunch hour, but she was never interested. What's more, she refused to let anyone see the sad state of whatever measly lunch she would bring with her. That was why she always found a secluded spot away from everyone else in the courtyard near the cherry blossom trees.

Today was especially pitiful, considering she had no lunch to bring with her at all. Granted, it wasn't the first time this had happened, but Akane would be damned if she let the other students show her an ounce of their superficial pity. Already she could feel their prying eyes upon her, watching, judging, whispering. So she'd do what she always did to make those judgemental eyes go away and simply fake it, taking quick bites from a non-existent bed of rice in her empty bento box while focusing on her studies, paying no mind to any students who might be passing along the way.

"Pardon me, is this seat taken?"

Akane quickly slammed the empty box shut and glared up at the student who'd somehow managed to sneak up on her. Whereupon her world became dazzled with color once more.

"Forgive me if I startled you." The boy from earlier bowed his head politely. "It's just, this seems like a relatively quiet spot. Could I possibly sit down?"

Almost immediately, her eyes fell to the table. Admittedly, this weird feeling made her nervous. Akane wasn't used to feeling this flushed warmth on her face. Not unless she was getting sick.

"Unless I'm disturbing you," he offered in that same polite, unbothered tone. "If need be, I can go elsewhere."

She shook her head, still not looking at him. "You're not bothering me. Sit down if you want."

He smiled, not that she dared look at it, before sitting down opposite of her at the table. Akane still couldn't quite look him in the eye, so she instead focused on his clothes. His black and red school uniform was immaculate, and it was clear he'd had it fitted judging by the seam work. When paired with his flawless complexion, it was apparent that her Senpai spent excessive time grooming himself.

"I really am sorry if I'm bothering you," he insisted. "It's just, I've been having some trouble catching a moment to myself since I first came to this school. It's been a little overwhelming."

"I'm sorry you've been having a hard time," she responded quietly.

He chuckled and shook his head, that same affable, overtly friendly expression on his face. "No, no. It's quite alright. Everyone's been really friendly here. The hospitality has been wonderful. It's just a bit...much?"

Akane remained silent, unsure what to say or how she was supposed to act in this situation. Nobody ever randomly came up and sat with her like this before.

"I did say that correctly, didn't I?" he asked, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. "Japanese is still a tertiary language for me. I'm much more fluent in Russian."

"Your pronunciation is really good, Senpai," she complimented.

He bowed curtly. "Thank you. Thank you." A thought seemed to occur to him. "This might be wishful thinking, but you wouldn't happen to know English, would you?"

It was getting to the point she was sure he would be offended if she didn't make eye contact. Akane took a breath and smiled up at him before nodding.

"I do, actually."

He seemed thrilled to hear that. "Really? I've yet to meet anyone here who's fluent in my native tongue. Would it be okay if we conversed in English for a moment?"

"I don't see why not." Her smile held firm despite how uneasy looking at him was making her.

"Wonderful. Thank you."

He switched from Japanese to English. One thing Akane was quick to notice about him was that, whether speaking in his mother tongue or in his host country's her Senpai seemed to possess absolutely no trace of any discernible accent. Making it next to impossible for her to determine what part of the United States he might have been from.

"And again, you really must forgive me if I mispronounced anything," he insisted in English. "I'm still learning the different phonetic variances in kanji symbols."

She shook her head assuredly, responding in English as well. "No, I was being serious when I complimented you. Your pronunciation really is flawless."

He looked genuinely amazed listening to her. "Your English is flawless, my God."

Her cheeks felt uncomfortably warm again. "Thank you."

"Is your family fluent?"

At that, her smile faded somewhat as did the color surrounding him. Something he seemed to pick up on almost immediately.

"Listen, if that's a private subject, I apologize. I'm thrilled to have found another person who speaks English fluently in this country."

And just like that, the color was back. "You must feel a bit like a fish out of water."

He chuckled shyly. Something that made her stomach do a strange fluttery thing.

"Is it really that obvious?"

"You do seem a little nervous," she observed.

"Maybe a bit," he admitted with slightly flushed cheeks. "Truth be told, I haven't really had a chance to settle down and get my bearings since Mother and I made a move. This is my third transfer this year."

That made her raise a brow. "Three transfers in a single year?"

He laughed good-spiritedly. "Crazy, I know. But mother's work keeps us moving. I'm hoping this will finally be the one that sticks."

Akane finally smiled again. Maybe her Senpai really just wanted someone to talk to? Someone he could converse with in his native tongue who didn't have ulterior motives? She could do that much at least, surely.

"I'm Akane," she finally introduced, offering him her hand in greeting. "Akane Toriyasu. It's very nice to meet you, Senpai."

"Caleb Barlow," he introduced while shaking her hand. "And please, no honorifics necessary. Just Caleb is fine."

Just Caleb...hearing that made her unexpectedly happy. Her Senpai really was a very polite and considerate upperclassman. And he didn't mind being informal with her, which wasn't something she was used to.

Were they...really already that close?

"So...I hate to put you on the spot like this, but so long as we're speaking such that no one else can understand us, I have to ask, have you actually eaten today?"

A wave of panic rushed through her, which she did her utmost to suppress. "Oh...well..."

"I can't help but ask because I saw your bento box was empty," he admitted apologetically.

She lowered her head in embarrassment.

"It's okay. I think I know what's going on here."

"You do?" she asked, her fists clenching until her knuckles turned white with anxiety.

He nodded. "You forgot to pack your lunch, didn't you?"

Almost immediately, her boiling anger simmered as relief washed over her being. She smiled, putting on a perfect bit of theater.

"Guilty as charged. It completely slipped my mind this morning."

He laughed again in that overtly charming way before digging into his school bag. "No need to be embarrassed about it, happens to the best of us."

Akane watched as he pulled out an ornate bento set. She found herself staring at the antique. Lacquered bamboo, hand-painted designs, the subtle coloring. God...he had exquisite taste.

"I hope you don't mind liver," Caleb spoke while lifting the lid of his ornate bento box. "I've been experimenting with adding more traditional Japanese recipes to my repertoire since I moved."

Peering into the box, Akane was blown away yet again. Perfectly cooked portions of liver rested over a bed of rice with wakegi scallions. Did he say repertoire? He made this himself? This was a chef's work; the plating and attention to garnishing were immaculate.

He offered her a set of chopsticks and her breath caught in her throat.

"No pressure. But there is plenty."

At first, she almost didn't want to believe this was real. Her Senpai was offering to share his lunch with her. They really were that close! But how? What had she done to prompt this?

Steadying her hand, Akane took the chopsticks from him.

"Itadakimasu," she declared brightly before snapping apart the fresh chopsticks.

He nodded, switching back to flawless Japanese for a moment. "Douzo meshiagare."

She popped the bite of liver into her mouth, instantly stunned by the flavor. Perfect notes of ginger and garlic blended tremendously with Kikkoman soy sauce. Akane was getting hints of something else as well...sesame oil? Sake? Did he make his own reduction for this?

"So, what do we think?"

It's divine! "It's really good. And you said you made this yourself?"

He nodded. "Cooking is more a hobby for me than a true passion, but I do try to do the culture justice and show proper respect in my craft."

She took another bite. Such complex flavors danced off her tongue. The only thing that was throwing her off a little was the liver itself. It wasn't chicken, she could tell. Some sort of beef, maybe? Actually, no, it didn't matter. This meal was delicious! And he was so kind to share it with her.

Akane spent the whole time they ate watching him, fully taking in every little detail. How was it she hadn't noticed just how beautiful her Senpai was? She needed to know more.

"So what is it your mother does for work?" she asked, no longer able to tear her eyes away from him.

"She's a Medical Resident at Shinjuku Hospital. We've been a little all over the place since she started her career, but I'm hoping with her residency having finally begun, things will be a bit more stable."

"And when did you move to Japan?" she asked next, resting her head in her palms.

"About four years ago," he admitted. "What about you? Have you always lived in this part of Tokyo?"

She nodded before immediately shifting the topic of conversation back to him. "Do you have siblings?"

One question after another, Akane found herself becoming engrossed in every little facet of Caleb's life. She wanted to know everything about him. What was more, she wanted to stare into those perfect eyes forever. This feeling in her chest was like nothing she'd ever felt before. Like her heart was finally beating for the first time in sixteen years.

No...it wasn't just beating; it was bounding out of control against her chest. At any moment, she felt as though she might faint dead away. Was this what being alive was?

More than once, he tried to gear the conversation back to her. But she would have none of it. Akane needed to know everything about him. She learned about his father and how he tragically passed away, about the expensive education he received growing up, his private tutoring, and anything she could.

"So why'd you move to Japan?"

Before he could answer, the bell rang, and her heart sank.

"Darn, it looks like we're out of time," he admitted apologetically.

"But..."

"Hey, there will be plenty more opportunities," he assured, as affable and good-spirited as ever. "I really did enjoy talking to you, Akane."

Her heart started beating in her ears.

"Oh...is it okay if I call you that?" he asked awkwardly. "Or would you prefer..."

"Just Akane would be wonderful," she assured overt excitement in her voice.

He smiled again, and she was lost. "Well, alright then. I'll see you around, Akane."

And then he left. But why did it have to be this way? Parting is such sweet sorrow after changing her life forever. For the first time in as long as she could remember, Akane felt alive. Well, and truly alive. She loved the way her heart would race when he was near. She loved how warm and glowy her cheeks were at that moment.

She loved him. Whether Caleb realized it or not, he'd just stolen her heart, and she would never take it back.