Chapter 8

I had talked Kevin into letting me fetch my own car from inside the garage. I was terrified to step into the broken building but I was more afraid of what Kevin would do once he got inside. His mood had only darkened the more we spoke. I wasn't sure what changed or what I did, all I wanted to do was fetch my car and be rid of him.

My car was easy to find considering it was the only red one. I strolled towards my car avoiding tripping over any lose lying tools. Dean soon joined me alongside my car as I quickly ran my gaze along the sleek design. I gasped in surprise. My car was clean, as in you can see your reflexion through the door clean. My car had only ever been so clean once, and that was the day we bought it. I was shocked.

"My car is clean." I mumbled and ran a hand along the door. Dean stood beside me, inspecting me with his gaze.

"Is that a bad thing?" He asked.

I laughed half heartedly, "not at all. I'm just shocked beyond comprehension. My car was filthy yesterday and now it looks brand new."

Dean chuckled and took a step closer towards me, "we're a full service station, Tori."

"Thank you." I whispered and snuck a look in his direction. Dean stood with his hands in his overalls' pockets with his head hung though, his eyes were on me. His eyes I noticed were a rich emerald, a green so vibrant it reminded me of the Amazon Rainforest. His shining head glistened with a layer of sweat and I noticed a whisper of a tan line running just above his forehead, giving me reason to assume he lived in caps.

"So when do you want to grab dinner?" Dean scoffed his shoe against the rough and chapped surface of the garage floor, his eyes never finding mine as he spoke.

"I would need to check my schedule but I think Saturday should be fine." I couldn't commit to a date until I had found a sitter for Tommy. Bringing a baby to a first date was not the way to ensure a second.

"Works for me. I'll call you tomorrow then." I nodded and wondered briefly if he would keep his word or wait a few days like most men, as though playing uninterested was the best way to keep a girl interested.

"I should go." I said after a quick glance at the digital clock on my phone. Kevin and I had a class and I needed to get Tommy home. Dean nodded and opened my car door for me. I climbed into the car and was instantly hit with the smell of pine. "You even made my car smell nice. I think I owe you more than dinner."

"I guess you owe me one hell of a date then." He winked and closed my car door. I blushed as I reversed and drove the short distance to where Kevin was parked.

"Took you long enough!" Kevin snapped and I froze in my walk.

"Why are you angry? You suggested I come here."

"We need to go."

"I know which is why I'm here." Kevin glared and wordlessly opened his door and grabbed Tommy's seat with him in it.

"Here." I reached for the seat and continued to stare perplexed at Kevin.

"Why do you look so furious? Did I miss something?" Again Kevin ignored my question and proceeded to place Tommy's bag in my car. "Are you ever going to answer me or just continue to act as though I'm not here?"

"I'll see you at school." Kevin fell into his car and slammed his door. Without another word or glance, he sped away.

"What the hell?" I mumbled into the cool air. Kevin was starting to become more of a hassle than I needed. Without anymore thought of Kevin, I drove to my house where I quickly dropped Tommy off and left to reach my class just in time.

The walk into the lecture hall was awkward. I had arrived a minute late thus leaving me to enter into the silent room where all eyes were drawn to me. "Now I know what a goldfish feels like!" I grumbled to myself and scurried to my seat.

I was surprised to see the seat next to mine taken. "Kevin, what are you doing here?" I asked while I quickly pulled the seat out and got comfortable. Kevin glanced my way and I watched as his large shoulders shrugged delicately. His gaze remained on our lecturer and his hand continued to rush across his page.

I glared at his head and copied his motions. If he was going to act like a toddler, than so was I. I couldn't understand what had changed between us that morning and it was bothering me more than it should. I wasn't sure if I ever wanted something to develop between us but I did want his friendship however, I was starting to wonder if I even wanted that much from him.

The lecture had soon ended and still Kevin had yet to speak to me. He had however been staring. I caught him a few times with his gaze intent on my movements with his hand still on his page. When our eyes would lock, his head would shoot down to his page and a small splash of red would cover his cheeks. I tried to stay angry at him but every time I caught sight of his adorable blush, my anger swivelled away. I was starting to like him and it wasn't good.

"See you all next week." Our lecturer called out and suddenly the silent hall was alive with whispers and shouts of joy. I turned to Kevin and reached for his notepad.

"Hey! Give that back!" Kevin stretched for his notepad but I held in tight in my hands and turned giving him my back. I held the book against my chest and out of his reach.

"Not until you stop acting like a child and talk to me." I shouted back and quickly shoved the book under my coat and shirt so it sat snug against my bra. Kevin's eyebrows rose in alarm.

"Wh-what did you just do?" He stuttered and his fists clenched on the table in front of him. The secret naughty side of me hoped he wouldn't be afraid to get the book himself but, the more sensible and cautious side of me prayed he would stay very far away from me.

"If you want your book, you're going to have to grow up!" He huffed and I glared back.

"What did I do to you?" He asked. The room had emptied out and it was just the two of us glaring silently at one another.

"What did I do to you?" I asked

"We're not even friends so why does it matter what's wrong with me?" I frowned. He didn't want to be my friend. I was so stupid. I reached under my coat and found his book. I pulled it out and held it gently in my hands. For a moment we were both silent as I sat staring at his messy handwriting sprawled across the page. Without a word or a glance I put the notepad on the table between us and whispered, "Jokes on me right." I rose quietly and with all my work in my hands, left the room with my chest aching.

It hurt to admit but Kevin was right, we were hardly friends and still his rejection hurt more than Matt's constant cheating. I ran to my car with my head faced down. I wasn't going to cry. Most importantly, I wasn't going to cry where Kevin would see. I drove home with only my wrenching sobs for comfort. I wasn't sure what I was crying for anymore. All I knew was after Kevin's rejection, I wanted Maggie and knowing she wasn't around cut me deep. I cried for my failed attempt at friendship and I cried for the loss of my greatest friendship.

Somehow I had made it home alive and wreck free though emotionally, that was still up for debate. I felt dead inside. I got home to find Tommy playing with Miriam on the fluffy lounge carpet, his toys sprawled around him. Miriam had taken one look at my dishevelled state and sent me to my room away from Tommy. I was relieved when she told me to get my act together and that she would stay with Tommy. I was too fragile to see him. He reminded me too much of Maggie.

I had curled on my bed and let my heart break for what felt like days but was really only two hours. The crying had soon stopped but my mood hadn't brightened. My cell phone rang from the corner of my room where it sat in my bag and I quickly retrieved it just before it reached voicemail. I was so focused on answering the call that I forgot to look at who was calling.

"Hello." My voice didn't sound like it was mine. My throat felt raw from all my screams and cries and it had left my voice sounding raspy and faint.

"Tori, are you okay?" Oh no!

"Matt!" I shrieked. My throat burned from my scream and it felt like thousands of needles were stabbing my delicate flesh.

"Who did you think it was?" Honestly, Kevin though I wasn't going to tell Matt that.

"Why are you calling me?" I lowered my voice.

"We need to talk about us Tori." I groaned.

"There is no us Matt and there is nothing to talk about. Stop calling me!" My voice had risen to the point of hysteria.

"There is everything to talk about!" Matt sounded angry. I didn't care. "I want you back. I'm not giving up on us."

I clenched my jaw and counted to ten in my head. I got to three when I realised that my anger was only getting worse not better. "I don't care if you aren't giving up Matt. I already have!"

"Well then I won't give up for the both of us. I'll fight for what we have."

"We don't have anything Matt! We never did."

"But I love you." His voice broke and I fell silent. He sounded defeated. I wanted to console him just because I hated the idea of hurting him even though he deserved it but, Matt would take my pity the wrong way and I couldn't handle anymore of his persistence.

"I don't love you Matt." I sighed. "Not anymore." I hung up the phone before he could say more and quickly dried the few runaway tears on my face. I took a deep breath and walked to my bedroom door. I was done crying over Matt. I was done crying over men, period.

Tommy was the new man in my life; the only one that I cared to have. I found Miriam with Tommy in her lap watching Mickey Mouse and I smiled. I loved him so much. Miriam let me take him and after a pity filled pat on the shoulder, she left. I hated pity. It made me feel weak and I couldn't be weak anymore. I was done being weak.

Tommy not only served as a great companion but also a fantastic distraction. I had played with him and fed him that evening and because of his happy personality, I forgot all about the days' events. It was only until I lay in bed at eleven in the evening, with my eyes glued to my phones' screen that I remembered. I had a text message. A message so simple and vague yet filled with a promise of something better. Kevin had reached out to me by sending a message saying the three words I desperately needed to hear.

I am sorry.