Chapter 6

Sweat dripped from my hazel brows and puddled at the base of my damp shaking hands. My auburn hair that sat stiff in a ponytail felt sticky against my scalp and my bangs felt plastered to my forehead. My chest ached with every heavy and forceful pound of my heart. I breathed in heavily through my nose in an attempt to both calm my heartbeat and quiet my whimpers.

This one felt real. They always felt real.

I drew a shaking hand to my forehead and held it in place, allowing the heavy weight of my head to rest in it. I could hear her voice. I had thought she was right next to me but, much like the others, it was only a dream.

Maggie was still dead.

I dried my cheeks with the hem of my comforter and exhaled a shaking breath, releasing my anxiety and fear. “Maggie,” I choked. “Please tell me you’re here.” I pleaded in a desperate whisper as my eyes adjusted to the thick darkness of my room. “Please don’t leave me.”

Nothing.

I sighed and rose from the comfort and safety of my bed and walked the short distance to the cot in the far right corner. Tommy lay peacefully asleep in his cot, his legs occasionally twitching as he dreamed. I wondered if he dreamed of Maggie or, what I often pondered, did he even remember her? I ran a gentle finger down the length of his rosy cheek and returned to my bed for another restless sleep. Instead of Maggie infused dreams, somehow a dark haired, grey eyed man had invaded my mind.

Even in my dreams Kevin was a beautifully created image, his skin glistering in the bright winter sun. His eyes crinkled with the sound of his laugh and my heart beat sped when his eyes glanced at my lips. In my dream, Kevin was mine, the idea filled me with such pleasure that it could only ever be from the vast corners of my imagination. Such pleasure never existed and if it did, disaster loomed nearby.

Maggie was proof of that.

The blast of heavy metal broke through my dreams awakening both Tommy and I causing us both to respond in wails. Tommy’s much louder and desperate than my own. I groaned into the emptiness of my room and began my morning ritual. I had gone through the mundane and oddly satisfying activities of preparing Tommy for the day before I myself could get ready. It had become a regular occurrence that I no longer fussed around, and instead had become a proficient care taker.

It was only once Tommy was in his eating chair and my cell phone had rung with an unknown number, had I remembered what the day laid ahead of me. I answered, already aware of whom the other caller may be.

“Hello,” I answered.

“Hey Tori, its Kevin here. You awake? I’m not calling at a bad time am I?” Kevin’s cheerful obvious happy mood caused me to moan aloud.

“How do you sound so awake this early in the morning?” I asked, generally perplexed at his tone when the clock showed just after dawn.

“Not sure, I just woke up excited for the day.” His nonchalant reply only further perplexed me. Maybe he had his own variation of Mad Cow Disease in which he truly became mad. If so, I wanted to stay as far away as possible though; I knew with one look from him, I would be right by his side in a second. I had just met him and still my body responded in a way I had never experienced. Not even with Matt who I had dated for over two years.

“Strange. Anyways, have you heard anything about my car? My parents need to know for insurance purposes.” I silently prayed for good news.

“Not yet. Dean’s shop doesn’t open till eight this morning.”

“Then why are you calling me so early?” I asked.

“I was awake.” He replied casually. “Do you still have Tommy or has his mother come to collect him already?”

“What?” Where did Tommy factor in our conversation?

“You were watching him yesterday so I wanted to know if you still had him. I was going to suggest a breakfast with you both, my treat.” On any given day I was sure a smile could not be stopped at his words but, today they made me frown. I wasn’t aware the impression I had created about Tommy’s situation. I had somehow allowed Kevin to presume that Tommy’s mother was still alive instead of meters below the ground.

“You want to take me to breakfast?” I asked slowly.

“Yes. We could get to know one another and then head off to fetch your car.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Why not?” he countered.

“It isn’t fair for me to let you pay for our breakfast.” I tried to reason with him though I suspected my reasoning fell on deaf ears. I may not know Kevin all too well but it was a sure thing that Kevin Smith was a stubborn man.

“Ask me if I care?” He paused. “I like hanging out with you Tori and I think we can be good friends. I also happen to like Tommy so, please let me spoil you both?”

Friends, the word sounded and tasted bitter. The last thing I professed to want to be was Kevin Smith’s friend though, any chance to be near him was a chance I wasn’t willing to pass up on.

“Fine but nothing spectacular and it needs to be baby friendly.” I relented.

“Great. I can fetch you in an hour.” He responded cheerfully and I had a moment to consider that there could be feelings for me lurking somewhere in him but, his ‘friends’ comment quickly blackened my mood.

“Alright,” I answered and ended the call.

I had resisted the urge to change my clothing and do my make-up. I had a baby to look after; my days of a well crafted outfit were long gone. I had tried once only to have Tommy’s puke permanently stain my red blouse and my hopes of dressing up. I reached for my flats and greeted Miriam as she arrived.

“You have a few hours off Miriam. I’m taking Tommy with me this morning though I’ll need your help later today when I have class.” I told her over my shoulder while her stocky aged body strolled through the passageway. Her white hair was curled tightly against her head in a short style resembling the shape of a helmet. She smiled her all knowing smile and proceeded to make herself a cup of coffee.

“It’s no problem dear. I’m happy to see you’re getting out more. It could do you the world of good.” I forced my fake smile to appear and flash in her direction. Her nodding head assured me that my underlying grimace was not seen. A car hooted from outside the gate giving me the perfect exit for the conversation.

“I should be going. I’ll see you around lunch time.” I called out as I made my way with Tommy and his gear towards the black car at my gate. A large set of square shoulders faced me and my steps faltered. Had a pair of shoulders so perfectly toned ever existed? The man seemed to have not an ounce of fat one his tall built physique. I envied his perfection and wondered again how a man so perfectly sculpted could ever exist and why he would choose to spend his time with me?

“Are you ready?” Kevin’s large hands reached for the carryon bag I had slung over my shoulder and gently placed it in the boot of his car. Next Kevin reached for Tommy’s car seat where he expertly buckled him in, in the back seat of the car.

I nodded, “Do you mind if I sit in the back with him?” I asked gesturing to Tommy. I had yet to feel comfortable not seeing him when in a car. The fear of losing him in a crash much like Maggie still haunted me daily.

“Not a problem,” he smiled. I folded my body into the seat alongside Tommy and Kevin followed, sitting behind the wheel of the car. “Are you ready to start our friendship?” He asked enthusiastically, the car purring to life at the turn of his key.

I grinned at his goofiness, “you are a strange one Kevin Smith.”

He laughed, “You haven’t seen anything yet.”