Chapter 29

My parents were first on my list of obstacles to overcome. I had explained to my parents after my therapy session what exactly had to be done. I was surprised when they happily agreed with Dr. Joan Rich’s method and to sit down with me that evening and have a civil conversation about all my issues.

I was terrified though. I had so many things I wanted to come clean about to my parents but I was scared. I was scared of their reaction and how my words would change their position of me. I still wanted their support and love and I was scared that baring my soul would cause me to lose it all. I had to do it though, for Tommy. If it didn’t work with my parents then I had no hope of it working with Dean and Kevin. My parents were my test subjects because everyone knew your parents were supposed to have unconditional love for you.

There was no way they could not still love me... right? Thankfully my mother had an emergency parliament meeting so our encounter had to wait another day. I had been so nervous and anxious that I spent the whole day nibbling on a slice of dry toast to calm my uneasy stomach. It hadn’t helped because by the time lunch arrived, I was puking out my breakfast. The acid had burned up my oesophagus and my throat had stung as the chunky glob swam up the inside of my mouth slipping on my tongue and then out into the porcelain bowl. I couldn’t stomach food after that episode . It's easy to lose your appetite when you see white chunks floating in a toilet.

My father had stayed home from work and played chauffer for me. He had driven me to campus so that I could attend my morning lecture and then we spent the rest of the day curled up on the couch watching old black and white films. I loved days like this when things were calm and complication free. My brain had a chance to rest as did the rollercoaster my heart was on. I could breathe easier. It was also days like this that I missed Tommy. He had been gone four days already and I had the irrational fear that he had already forgotten me.

Mrs. Becket had called last night with an update. She said Tommy seemed down and she supposed it was because he was missing me as much as I missed him. Hearing he missed me made me want to talk with my parents straight away. Mrs. Becket had also mentioned that Maggie’s birthday was now two weeks away and we had to start deciding on how we were to celebrate it. We hadn’t decided on anything and we discussed that maybe for the time being, focusing on my recovery was of more urgency.

My mother finally came home from work around seven that evening and we sat down at the table to discuss our issues. “So Tori, what exactly do you have a problem with?” Asked my mother. I had rehearsed my speech all day and I was ready to have her hear it.

“I’m tired of you always considering me as a little girl. You make it hard to grow up and become the adult I’m supposed to. I have Tommy to consider now and still you treat me as some fragile small girl. I also have a problem with the label I somehow developed as the perfect girl who can do no wrong. It’s an impossible standard to live up to and it implies that I can do no wrong. I’m human; I’m always going to mess up. It’s hard to mess up on a small issue when it is so easily made into a bigger issue all because you have some idea that I’m perfect. That’s how the argument of being late started. I messed up once and it became a bigger deal because it was out of character. It wasn’t out of character for me though; it was out of character for you.”

“I understand that Tori but, you need to see it from our perspective. You were always the good girl and we never forced that on you, you just developed the label yourself. You placed the restrictions and demands on yourself. All we ever wanted was for you to be you. You started creating the image for yourself which, is why when you derailed from the image you created, we got surprised. I’m sorry if it felt more like we were putting pressure on you but it was never our intention. We want you to explore the world and live. In fact we were happy when you befriended Maggie because she got you to be who we tried so hard to let you see you were. We failed but she succeeded.” My mother held my hand in hers, her eyes slightly glossy.

“As for the 'you being grown up' part, baby girl that is going to take a long time for me to get used to. I know you’re older now and you’re an adult but, it’s never going to stop me from wanting what’s best for you and wanting to shelter you from the evils of the world.” Commented my dad, his face a mask of authority.

I sighed, “I know daddy but I can’t keep being sheltered. If I want to date someone who you believe is wrong for me than let me. If I want to stay out all night, let me. I’m not saying I will but I want to know that if I did, you would still support me.”

My dad looked as though he was at war with himself for a minute but, then he finally relented. “I’ll try. That’s all I’m promising.”

I smiled, “thank you.” I got up from my seat and hugged both my parents.

“Did this help you in some way?” My mother asked once we broke apart. I thought for a moment and realised it had.

“Yes,” I answered. “I feel like some of the anxiety I’ve had these past few days has finally left me. I still feel like there’s a lot to be dealt with but I feel relieved. Some of my challenges are dealt with and in comparison to the way I felt yesterday, it’s an achievement. This makes me hopeful for when I need to talk to the others. I feel like that therapist, Dr. Joan Rich was on to something with this activity. I think it’s going to help me and then I’ll finally be able to have Tommy again.”

My parents beamed, “that’s great Tori. I knew we would sort this out. Everything in life has a way of working itself out. Maggie’s death was for a reason and hopefully once this stage has passed, you’ll see that.”

I frowned. I didn’t think so but it was a nice concept to dream of.