Chapter 2

“Sweetie, look at me.” I looked up towards Mrs. Becket and I was shocked to see her face drenched in tears. “We don’t need you to go too. Please Tori don’t go. We couldn’t possibly handle it.” My lips quivered and my vision blurred as I threw myself into her arms. Mrs. Becket hugged me back with equal ferocity and love. I had been so caught up in my own pain that I had forgotten about Maggie’s parents who had become the grandparents I wished I had.

“I’m so sorry,” I sobbed into her chest.

“I know. We will get through this, I promise. Let’s go inside.” I nodded and let her pull me with her into the heated building. I walked into a large sanctuary filled with empty pews except for the first five rows which only seated those closest to Maggie.

There was no sign of the group of people responsible for Maggie’s night out and I was relieved. They didn’t deserve to grieve.

I made my way to the first pew and sat alongside Maggie’s parents. I stared blankly at the large bouquet of daisies, that sat boasting on the top of a large coffin made from a rich and almost black looking polished mahogany wood.

Maggie loved daisies and she also loved the look of dark polished wood. She would be proud at how perfectly planned out her funeral was. The pastor had started his sermon and as much as I tried, I just could not concentrate. I kept my eyes on the coffin and sat motionless throughout the service. My body and mind was numb. I had no more tears in me, only a gaping hole left by the departure of my soul mate.

I had always been a true romantic at heart. I had believed in the fairytale so often drilled though our minds as young girls. Though age had hardened Maggie’s heart towards the idea of a true love, mine had only grown more eager. Maggie had believed in the ‘here and now’ not the ‘forever and always’ where I was constantly looking for the tomorrow, often letting today pass me by.

Maggie had always insisted that she needn’t look for her soul mate because God had already provided her with the best one. Me. I had thought she was ridiculous in giving up on her true love but as I sat staring at her coffin, I knew she was right. True love exists in all forms, for Maggie, the only true love she needed was the love of a friend and sister. God gave her what she needed and in return, gave me what I needed even though I hadn’t known it at the time.

Maybe Maggie was on to something about true love. I had all the love I needed from my best friend except by the time I had finally realised it, she had been taken from me. Where was the justice in that?

“Tori, it’s your turn.” I felt a tiny elbow jab my side and I looked towards Mrs. Becket who had a face of concern.

“Turn for what?” I asked.

“Your eulogy,” she replied. I had been so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I had missed the entire service. I quickly gathered the rumpled paper from my bag and made my slow ascend towards the pulpit. I made sure to stop in front of the large printed portrait of Maggie and stared. It was a picture I had taken only a month after Tommy had been born. Her fiery hair had been curled and hung in long soft curls around her rounded face. Her dark eyes were emphasised by her dark and perfectly applied make up. Her large and tooth filled smile radiated her face. I could almost hear her giggle; so much like she did the day I had taken the picture. It was the first time since Tommy’s birth that she had got dressed up for a lunch date with me.

I smiled fondly at the picture. I pressed my fingertips against my lips as I kissed them and then slowly placed my wet fingers against the picture. “I miss you.” I whispered. I turned and continued to my designated spot. I placed my crumbled paper onto the pulpit and looked towards the crowd. It seemed my presence only further saddened them as no face was dry. It seemed as though my pain was evident and I was not ashamed.

I glanced towards my parents who sat behind Mr and Mrs. Becket with little Tommy in my mothers’ arms. His oblivious smiling face broke me and I felt the tears fall heavier down my body. I gasped for air as I tried desperately to control my emotions long enough to give my friend the send off she deserved.

I cleared my throat and began, my voice shaking and quiet into the microphone. “Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. I could begin by saying how honoured I am to be up here to deliver Maggie’s eulogy but the truth is; I’m not because I shouldn’t be up here to begin with. Maggie was taken from us far too quickly and the cruelty of her death only makes it worse. Maggie was a bright star, a star that guided me more often than not. Now though, with her absence I am left in the dark. Maggie was my best friend and sister. Maggie and I didn’t need blood to make us family. We loved each other too much to care.

Maggie is a beautiful and caring girl who always put others before herself. She was loud, bubbly and carefree and though her carefree nature tended to lead her into sticky situations, she never lost sight of whom she truly was and who she was raised to be. To me Maggie isn’t gone; she’s only dead but, her soul will live onwards through the life of her son Tommy. It saddens me that she will not be able to see him grow up into the fine man I know he will be but I know that wherever she is, he will be well looked after.

I love and miss you so much Maggie. I will never forget you.” I walked away crying and went straight towards my crying mother. She instantly shoved Tommy into my arms as though she knew exactly what I needed. I held his tiny body against mine and cried into his hair.

He was all I had left.

Another week had gone by and I found myself disappearing more and more. I missed Tommy but Mr and Mrs. Becket still had him. I was due to meet with Maggie’s lawyer to determine what would happen to my little godson. He was Maggie’s legacy and I needed to be sure her smile and laughter would live on through him.

Matt had called me every evening at six, religiously, to tell me once again how sorry he was. I had to give him credit though; he finally admitted that what it looked like was exactly what had happened. It took him six months to stop insulting my intelligence by demanding that I was jumping to conclusions and not trusting him enough. It hurt most that it took me so long to finally leave him and just as I was getting over him, Maggie’s accident happened and now I felt as though all my progress had disappeared with her.

Maggie kept my head in the clear. Matt was manipulative and charismatic and he filled my head with lies far too easily. I always believed his lies because he was so good at disguising them under his charm. I should have known every word he spoke was a lie; he always managed to say just what I needed to hear.

I needed to clear my mind of Matt and focus on Tommy. I walked towards the small visitors’ office in Sunningdale Retirement Village where I was to meet the lawyer and Maggie’s parents. I scoffed at the name of Mr and Mrs. Becket’s new home. There was never anything sunny about this place. “Good day! May I help you?” I looked at the nametag that read Matilda and smiled at the person behind it. The middle age lady was round with short black hair that hung just below her ears. She had small almost Chinese looking eyes that seemed to be a dark brown but it was her smile that caught me. Her smile was bright and infectious and I realised that maybe there was something sunny about the place after all. She may just be it.

“I’m here to meet the Beckets. Do you know if they’re here yet?” I asked and Matilda’s happy smile dropped instantly.

“Oh dear! I heard about their daughter. You must be the best friend?” I nodded and Matilda quickly left her seat behind the counter and rushed to my side. “You poor thing!” Her arms flew around my neck, where I noticed she had to stretch to reach, and she hugged me tightly. I tried not to cringe at being called a ‘poor thing’ but somehow having a complete stranger just hug you, made my cloudy mood clear a bit.

“I’m so sorry dear!” Matilda pulled away from my stiff body and stood a foot away from me with a drenched face. What did she have to cry about?

“It’s okay.” I shrugged.

She nodded and quickly went to fetch a tissue on her desk. I watched as the strange lady wiped her smudged make up away and blew her nose while her body shook ever so often as new tears sprung loose.

“Do you know if they’re here?” I asked again. She nodded. “Can I go in?” She nodded again. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and quickly scurried away through the hallway towards the visitor’s lounge we had reserved. I knocked on the door once I reached it and was greeted by a tall bald Indian man. His skin was dark and rich resembling the colour of burnt dark chocolate. His head was clean shaven and shiny though his chin was drenched in a heavy thick black beard that reached the tip of his collar.

“Hi I’m Avi Rajesh. You must be Tori Carradale?” he smiled and I nodded. “Have a seat.” He motioned towards the open chair next to him and I sunk down into it, noticing a gold band on his left hand as I did. “Now that everyone is here, we can begin.”

“Where’s Tommy?” I asked.

“We had a nurse look after him,” replied Mrs. Becket. I sighed in relief. The retirement village had a small clinic on campus where trained nurses and doctors were available to treat the guests.

“So before we begin I want to tell you again how sorry I am for your sudden loss. I had only met with Maggie a small handful of times but each time was pleasant. I hope it isn’t too much of a surprise to hear that Maggie hasn’t left much in her will considering how little she had owned. Since Maggie’s apartment was rented and not owned, the matter regarding her lease needs to be dealt with her landlord directly. Maggie had left some debt behind in the form of one clothing account and her car which will be paid off with the money from her life insurance.” He cleared his throat and reached for the steaming mug alongside him.

“Our main concern is little Tommy Becket. In her will signed on February 12 2014, in the event of Maggie Marie Becket’s death, her son Tommy Becket will inherit the disclosed amount of her life insurance in the form of a trust fund that will be released to him on his twenty first birthday. In the event that Tommy Becket is not of legal age come her death, Tori Carradale will be his legal guardian and holder of his trust fund and all assets.”

I gasped, “What? That can’t be right!” I shook my head rapidly and tried to even out my breathing. “That has to be a typo. I thought her parents were taking him.”

Mr. Rajesh sighed and rubbed his temples slightly. “I assure you Ms. Carradale that there is no mistake. You were listed to be Tommy Becket’s guardian.”

“But I’m only twenty two years old, how am I supposed to raise a child?” I was screaming but I couldn’t care. The idea of me being a substitute parent was absurd.

“Tori, Maggie was twenty two and she did a great job.” Mr. Becket looked towards me frowning and I threw my hands up in frustration.

“I’m not Maggie! I could never be her! Why can’t you take him?” I asked looking towards his grandparents.

“As much as we would love to, you were chosen and we aren’t in the position to care for him long term.” It was true. Mr. Becket had a heart condition and Mrs. Becket was showing signs of Alzheimer’s. Leaving Tommy in their care long term could end badly but it still didn’t mean I was the next viable source.

“Is there anyone else?” I asked.

“I’m sorry but there isn’t. If you chose not to take him, he will be put in the care of the government where a more permanent home can be issued but Ms. Carradale, that option requires a lot of paperwork and often takes at least a month to sort out where Tommy will have to be in your care.”

I couldn’t leave him alone. He needed to be with someone who knew his mother, who knew that her favourite midnight snacks were banana’s dipped in caramel and that her favourite band was Westlife though she kept that a secret. He needed to be with someone who would love him as much as Maggie would and who would raise him the way Maggie wanted. I sighed deeply as the realisation hit me.

Tommy needed me which was why Maggie listed me.

“I’ll take him.” I answered.

Mrs. Becket smiled and Mr. Becket sighed in relief. I looked towards Mr. Rajesh whose expression seemed unchanged. “What happens now?” I asked.

“I just need to organise all the right forms and you’ll have a social worker pay you a visit just to be sure that the living arrangements are up to standard. Once all the legalities are out of the way then you’ll be free to go on with life.” I silently scoffed. Mr. Rajesh had no idea how far from normal my life would be. How could anyone expect me to go on with life as though my best friend hadn’t left me?

Once the meeting was over, I made my way with Mr. and Mrs Becket to their tiny two bedroom apartment and waited to collect Tommy. It wasn’t long before a tall tanned woman dressed in a blue nurses’ outfit appeared. Her long honey hair hung in short tight ringlets around her face. She held Tommy on her left hip, his short chubby legs hanging comfortably in the air. I rose from the seat I occupied and walked towards Tommy whose face broke into a grin and a little squeal escaped his lips.

I smiled and took the giddy baby into my arms. Tommy bounced in my arms and screamed in excitement. There was something about his gummy smile and uninhibited squeal that caught me off guard. Before I had Tommy in my arms my mind had been a jumble of confusion. I knew I had no choice but to take him but it didn’t stop me from feeling like I would be making a huge mistake. I hugged the happy baby tight and suddenly felt relieved.

I wasn’t sure I was going to be a very good mother but I would do all I could to make sure that the most amazing boy would always be happy and loved.

“I love you baby boy.” I kissed his forehead and in return had Tommy shove his four fingers into my mouth. Mr and Mrs. Becket laughed behind me and for the first time in two weeks, I had found myself smiling as well.

I had a small amount of hope that things were looking up but the idea that I still had University in a week and had to face my family, caused my hope to fade as fast as Tommy’s attention on a new toy.