Chapter 28

I had a therapy session for the first time today. I was nervous and terrified. I hated having to talk about myself and I hated even more to have to do it with a complete stranger. My mother swore by the therapist and said she came highly recommended. Her name was Dr. Joan Rich.

I had my father drive me to my therapy session because we all knew that if I had to drive myself, I would never make it. We reached the therapy offices at ten minutes after two which meant I had ten minutes to fill out all my details before it was my turn.

“Do you want me to go in with you?” My dad asked, turning the car off.

“No, I’ll be fine.” He gave me a dubious look and I groaned. “I promise I will actually go to the appointment. I’m here now so I might as well.” He nodded and I exited the car. I entered the building that smelt strong of sterilizer for some reason. The smell did nothing to calm my nerves and instead caused a large ball of fear to sit in my stomach. I walked to the front desk where a girl who looked four years younger than me sat.

“Hi there, how can I help you? Do you have an appointment?” The young girl asked brightly and I tried to smile but I couldn’t. Her enthusiasm actually freaked me out a bit. She seemed too happy and it made me question what kind of medicine she might be stealing from the doctors around her.

“Yes please, I have an appointment with Dr. Joan Rich for twenty past two.” The girl looked to her appointment book and smiled before ticking next to my name.

“Is this your first time with us?” she asked. I nodded. “Great. We’ll need you to fill out a form for our records first and then when the Doctor is ready, you can go through.” She passed me a clipboard and pen. I looked at the clipboard and saw two pages filled with questions.

“Thank you.” I found a seat in the empty waiting room and began answering the questions. The first set of questions were my personal detail as well as my medical insurance details. The second section was my next of kin details along with their medical insurance details. The third section which took up the entire second page was labelled My Condition. As the name implied, the page consisted of questions that dealt with my reason for being at the therapist.

I grimaced and forced myself to answer honestly. Thankfully the questions were all yes/no type questions which made it easier to answer truthfully. The questions ranged from what event made you seek therapy to how you rank your personal mood on a scale of depressed to happy. By the time I had completed the form, the Doctor was ready to see me.

Dr. Joan Rich was a short stout woman who smiled with her whole face. She looked friendly which put me at ease some. Her dark black hair was loose and soft around her round and warm face. She wore a white medical lab coat which I wondered if it was only used to add validity to her degree. She directed me to her office where she pointed to a couch for me to sit on. No joke, therapists actually have couches in their offices, and here I thought that sort of therapy existed only in movies.

“I’m Dr Joan Rich and you must be Tori Carradale.”

I watched the middle age woman extend her hand and I reached for it. “Hi, yes I’m Tori.”

“Have a seat.” I did. “So what brings you here?” She asked.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat as I tried to think of how best to describe my situation. “I lost my best friend in a car accident almost two months ago and I’m struggling to deal with it.”

She thought for a moment and then asked, “what do you mean by deal with it?”

“I mean like accept it; overcome her death.” I asked slightly confused. I thought therapist were smarter then this.

“So your goal is to overcome her death through therapy. Is that what you’re saying?” She asked with her pen dangling out her mouth.

“Not exactly. I’ve become a mess since her death and I’ve been struggling with depression. I want to overcome that, not her death per say.”

“What sort of things have happened that makes you believe you’ve turned into a mess?”

I sighed, “I can’t eat or sleep. I’ve started acting out of character. I’ve become inconsiderate towards others feelings which is nothing like me. Worst of all is that I’m neglecting Tommy.”

“Is Tommy your boyfriend?” She asked, her brows pinching in curiosity.

I laughed, “No, he's my best friend’s seven month baby who I got custody of after her death.” That caught her attention. Dr. Joan shot forward in her seat and stared mouth agape at me.

“She left you her child?” I nodded.

“Yes, and now because of my behaviour, he’s been taken away by Maggie’s parents until I’m able to give him my full attention.”

“Is Maggie your deceased friend?”

“Yes.” I answered.

“Well this certainly complicates things.” I frowned. She wasn’t the most astute therapist. “What do you hope to gain from this appointment?”

“I healthy way of dealing with grief and the complications of my life.” I answered honestly.

“What are your complications?” She asked. This was why I didn’t believe in therapy. All they did was ask you questions instead of give you answers.

“My parents and I are at odds about my level of maturity regarding Tommy. I’m dating a guy I don't’ love only because he’s great at making me forget everything except, that also includes Tommy. Lastly, I’m in love with a man who is engaged to another girl.”

“Wow. You are a unique case.” She thought for a moment and then spoke. “I’ll tell you what, before your next appointment, I want you to approach the people who are complicating your life and try find healthy ways to get rid of the complication. This can only be decided between you and the person it involves. I need you to discuss the real issue and solve it. I’m going to take a wild guess and say that they’re probably issues because the other person involved isn’t even aware of the issue?” I nodded. “So we agree, in two weeks you’re going to hopefully not have many complications holding you back.”

“Yes, I think that’s a great idea.”

She smiled, “Who are you planning to start with?” I thought for a moment and then answered.

“My parents. I’m thinking after them I’ll speak to Dean and then leave Kevin for last, mostly because it’s the conversation with him that scares me the most.”

“You need to be brave. Try visualisation when faced with a difficult situation. When you talk to those people just imagine the reason why you’re going through these steps in the first place. In your case it would be to get Tommy back so, visualise Tommy.”

“Alright, visualise Tommy. I can do that.” I rose from my seat and walked to the door where Dr. Joan Rich met me. She extended her hand and I shook it. “Thank you for your help. I hope it works.”

“Just don’t forget why you’re doing it. It is only with great motivation that we strive to complete the things that scare us most.”

“Great point.” I added and exited the office, both relieved and anxious for the task that lay before me.