depression (VERY LONG, PART ONE)

WARNING. THIS STORY MAY BE TRIGGERING TO SOME PEOPLE. IF SELF-HARM, SELF-HATE, ECT. TRIGGERS YOU, PLEASE WAIT UNTIL MY NEXT UPDATE. THERE IS ALSO BAD LANGUAGE, SO PLEASE PLEASE DON'T READ THIS IS YOU AREN'T OLD ENOUGH, AND I KNOW YOU WON'T LISTEN TO ME BUT AT LEAST I TRIED, RIGHT? THIS IS ALSO VERY LONG, YOU DON"T HAVE TO READ THIS IS FOR THE PEOPLE THAT LOOOOOOVE TO READ.

C/N. Oh, C/N. Just a friend. It's what he always says. "Oh Y/N, I love being your friend."

it hurts me every time he says that. I can't stand being called that. Being stuck in the friend zone. It kind of makes me wanna... hurt myself. I always feel like I am not good enough for anyone because of the way I look. C/N always talks to pretty girls, they are all skinny. And here I am. A fat slug. I will never love myself.

Time passes and I have self-harmed. I can't stop. I know I need help now before it gets worse.

I start to wear long sleeves everyday so nobody notices. I am running out of them, and I haven't done laundry. I wear a mid length sleeve, but it isn't good enough to hide the scars on my wrists. I don't worry because I have makeup, and I know how to apply it so you won't notice.

I get to class today, and my first subject is physical eduacation. SHOOT!! I forgot we were doing swimming today. The first thing that comes to mind is the makeup on my wrists. It will come off and the scars will expose themselves.

I get into the water, and as soon as I get out, the makeup starts to run. I have nothing else to do, but to keep pulling my sleeves over the scars. My next class is with C/N. He sits next to me and always makes jokes. It gets my mind off of things and just makes me feel way better.

I get to class and see C/N sitting in his seat. I sit in mine and we talk for a while. As I am talking to him, he stares at me... but not at me... but my wrists. I forgot to keep pulling them up. So I just exposed them. Without wanting to. He ignores me for the rest of the class like I scared him away. Maybe he doesn't want to talk to me so I don't cause him problems. Damn it. At the end of the class, I ignore him as well. I don't even wait for him so we can walk to lunch together. I just walk as fast as I can to go cry in the girls restroom.

You already feel a tear coming down your face so you run. You hear footsteps behind you, going the same pace as you. You turn and see C/N. He yells

"Y/N!!! WAIT UP!!!"

He grabs your harmed wrist carefully. He grabs them and says

"Y/N... what have you been up to? I'm sorry I ignored you all class.... I didn't know how to react. Do you need help? What's been going on." he says with a worried face.

"I'm fine, C/N. Leave me the fuck alone will you?" you tell him, instantly regretting what you told him.

He sheds a tear. You feel even worse and run to the restrooms. He chases after you and stops once you enter the girls restroom. He shouts through the door,

"Y/N! I want you to talk to me and trust me. Please come out." You don't come out. You stay there, for the whole lunch and part of your last class.

C/N's P.O.V

I wait for Y/N for so long and nothing. I don't want to leave because then she will really think I don't care about her. The bell for class rings, and I need to get going. I go to the restroom and hide from all the the teachers so they don't see me and send me to class. I stay real close to the boys restroom door, just so I can hear when hers opens (our bathroom is right in front.) I wait and wait and nothing.

What could she be doing? I step out of the boys restroom to wait out there one more time.

Your P.O.V

I stay in the bathroom for as long as I can. My eyes are sooo red from all of the crying. I check the mirrors once again, and I no longer have red eyes. I walk out of the restroom. And i see C/N. Has he been waiting here this whole time?

"What are you doing here?" i ask him.

"I have been waiting for you. I need to talk to you and you also need someone to talk to."

"no. I don't need to talk to anyone. I am going to the nurses office."

"i'll go with you."

"No!! what part don't you understand?"

"What's wrong!!! I need you to tell me."

"No. I can't and won't tell anyone. Especially you! The one that hurts me the most."

"Y/N what are you talking about? What have I done??"

"Oh, god. C/N. Are you really that stupid?? I have liked you for two FUCKING years. And nothing. Nothing! I can't sleep knowing I'm stuck in the friend zone, I really like you but all you do is talk to all of the pretty skinny girls. I can't believe you, C/N. I have made it so obvious. You tear me apart."

"Y/N.. I-"

"No, C/N. Leave me alone. I wish I wasn't here. I wish I never met you because every fucking day I fall harder and harder. You obviously don't feel the same."

I walk away. I am just embarrassed. I just broke. I broke and let everything out, to someone I promised myself that I will never tell the truth to.

It has been a couple of weeks, and have been missing school. I told my parents about this, so they have been taking days off to take me to therapy. I have been feeling way better, but still feel terrible about C/N. I told my therapist about him, (obviously because he is mostly the reason why you are in all of this trouble) and she wants me to talk to him.

You haven't been on your phone ever since what happened between you and C/N, so you decided to check you messages. You have 32 unread messages. And they're from only one person. C/N. You decide to read all of them, and they read:

-- Why haven't you been in school?

-- you have missed so many weeks.

-- I miss you.

-- I need you here in school with me

-- why aren't you here yet?

-- what have you done?

-- I'm surprised you haven't blocked me yet

-- not giving you any ideas, don't do it.

-- Y/N, answer me please, I need to know you are ok.

-- Y/N!!!!

-- Sorry for this, but I care about you more than you think

-- I promise

-- please answer me

-- since you don't answer me i'll have to tell you through text

-- but i dont want to.

-- meet me on my roof where we used to star gaze. I need to talk to you. it is urgent.

-- hello?

-- please

-- i'll be waiting up here

-- why didn't you show up last night

-- i'm starting to think you have done something really bad to yourself

-- it has been so long please answer!!!!

-- i need to talk to you

-- i will be up on my roof where we would always star gaze every night waiting for you, i promise

-- I should have asked you to do this earlier

-- what have you done

-- well, i hope you are okay

-- I know I am annoying you and I am doing this on purpose.

-- i need you to reply

-- come on!! answer

-- i need to talk to you, for the 39,857th time.

-- still up here, waiting.

You decide to reply,

fine. i'll talk to you. meet you up there in 10. --

A/N - WHO WANTS A PART TWO?? I WORKED HARD ON THIS STORY, SO IF Y'ALL DON'T WANT A PART TWO, THEN I'LL JUST COMPLETE IT FOR MYSELF!! HAHAHA BYEEEEEEE SORRY IF THERE ARE TYPOS.