Suspended

Louisa had introduced me to an older woman from the first squad. One of the council members had selected who was to guard me.

It needed to be someone very competent, since I’d had a very powerful warlock chase me, and also someone they trusted to follow all the rules, so that they could be sure I did too.

She had barely spoken to me at all and wore a grim expression. She seemed pretty pissed that she’d been assigned to babysit.

We were on our way out, going past her apartment first so she could pack clothes and other essentials. We were almost out of headquarters when I ran into Jasper.

Great, like I needed to get humiliated further.

“Bella! What the hell happened to you? You look awful!” he teased, looking me up and down before glancing at my overseer.

“I got cleansed of my sins,” I sighed. I had been avoiding him.

“I heard you entered here reeking of magic. The part about the red hair doesn’t seem to look true, though,” he said, looking suspiciously at my damp hair.

“Yeah, well, not anymore,” I said and started walking again.

“Don’t be like that, Bella, we haven’t spoken in months. I miss hanging out,” Jasper said, sounding amused.

It annoyed me.

“You should have thought about that before you cheated on your girlfriend,” I said, even though I didn’t really care anymore.

“She wasn’t my girlfriend. When you met her, it was the first I heard of it,” Jasper defended himself.

“Well, nonetheless, I don’t think my boyfriend would be too happy about us hanging out,” I blurted out like an idiot.

I shouldn’t let anyone outside of my squad know about Erik.

“You have a boyfriend? I thought you didn’t want one,” Jasper said, confused and a little hurt.

“It’s nothing serious,” I said in a low voice.

“Why did you use magic?” he suddenly asked, changing the topic.

“That is really none of your business!” I unintentionally hissed.

“I’m just surprised, that’s all. The Bella I knew followed the rules,” he said, which proved he didn’t know me.

The Bella he knew followed the rules because she had to. Because she wanted her family to be proud of her, and because she remembered Tom.

I wasn’t that Bella anymore. I just sighed.

“Believe what you want, I don’t care,” I said as I continued to walk away.

I wasn’t going to waste my energy on Jasper.

“Seems like a nice fellow,” my overseer said sarcastically.

I smiled. Maybe she wasn’t going to be as bad as I thought.

I wished I’d paid attention when Louisa had introduced her. It was awkward that I didn’t remember her name.

***

When we got to my apartment, Anna was there, waiting outside my door. She threw her arms around me before I got a chance to say anything.

“Bella! I heard you got suspended, are you all right? What happened?” she asked, looking at me like she was checking for injury.

It startled me.

“How long have you been waiting?” I asked while I dug for my keys.

“About half an hour. I couldn’t reach you on your phone, then I heard you had it confiscated,” she replied and looked at my overseer.

“It must be bad if you’re overseeing her, Miranda,” Anna told her.

I made a mental note to remember her name.

“Yeah, well, apparently some nasty warlock might be after her,” Miranda said while I unlocked the door.

“It’s not the same warlock we met on the street, is it?” Anna said. She barged right in after me, already taking her shoes off even though I hadn’t invited her in.

“No, it’s not,” I replied, feeling annoyed.

She hadn’t come just to put salt in my wound, had she?

“Tell me what happened?” she urged me into the kitchen.

Miranda got to work sweeping my apartment, making sure I didn’t keep another phone hidden and looking for things left by Erik.

“I’m not allowed to talk about squad activity, Anna. Let’s just leave it at me diving a little too deep too early,” I sighed, feeling very grateful for that rule.

“Maybe you should make a request to change squads if it’s difficult work? I remember when we were kids, you were always too daring, thinking you could slay a demon at ten. I always worried you’d get yourself in trouble,” she said, chuckling.

“Then Tom died, and you changed, like you became aware of your mortality. To be honest, I was relieved. I didn’t need to worry about you as much, but I’m starting to see that ten-year-old girl again, stealing a sword to go out to hunt demons,” Anna said, looking at me more seriously.

“You knew?” I asked, shocked.

“I put two and two together. I saw you both that day, running away after our evening class,” she explained.

I looked out over the city, processing her words.

All these years I’d been terrified the truth would surface. Anna had known all along.

“I’m not a ten-year-old girl anymore. I’m supposed to be ready to fight demons now,” I muttered.

“Yes, as a team. As you said, you dove too deeply too fast, just like you did back then,” she said, turning my words against me.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” I sighed.

It made me feel worse.

I didn’t know them, but Marcus had killed five people, like it was nothing, just to get to me, and he hadn’t seemed particularly bothered to have failed.

Just then Miranda entered.

“I’m throwing these away, just to be sure,” she said, holding up Erik’s cigarettes.

How did she know they were his? She didn’t seem to bother with mine, luckily, because I really needed a smoke.

“Started smoking?” Anna asked, surprised.

I nodded, but Miranda beat me to it.

“They belong to a warlock,” she said. “I trust I can go and dispose of them, since you’re here?” she asked Anna.

I sighed deeply, waiting for the backlash.

“You totally continued seeing that warlock, didn’t you?” she asked me, judging me again.

“Like I said, he’s hot,” I replied coldly.

“I’m just worried about you, Bella,” she insisted angrily. I got a wine glass out of a cabinet.

I snorted at her.

“I already feel like shit, Anna. Please let me suffer alone?” I asked her while I poured wine into the glass.

“Fine, we can talk when you’ve stopped feeling sorry for yourself,” she said and went to put her shoes on.

“Better yet when you stop judging me!” I called after her and took a sip of wine.

I took the whole bottle with me out for a smoke.

It was almost December and freezing outside, but I didn’t care much for the cold.

Two glasses of wine and three cigarettes later, though, I suddenly remembered the knife I’d gotten from Damion.

I rushed inside and passed Miranda, who was now sitting on my couch watching TV.

She barely acknowledged me, just glanced at me and shook her head. My fingers were stiff from the cold when I looked through my neatly folded jeans, which I almost never wore.

I was relieved and surprised to see the knife and gun were still there, under the false bottom. How could she have found Erik’s cigarettes but not the knife? Had Damion maybe enchanted it in some invisible way?

“How did you know the cigarettes belonged to a spellcaster?” I asked Miranda when I returned to the living room.

She held up her arm, displaying a bracelet with a charm on it. “It helps me detect magical anchors,” she replied.

That must mean the knife and gun weren’t, which meant they were gifts and mine. I decided to check if she had found my laptop and my old phone. “Found anything else?” I asked.

“Yes, a sock, and I took your laptop and the dead phone I found in your nightstand. Is there supposed to be more?” she asked suspiciously.

“No,” I sighed, just as the doorbell rang.

Miranda got up and stalked me to the door, probably suspecting a warlock.

“I just wanted to see how you’re doing,” Ellie said when I opened the door. She looked concerned.

“Did you tell Louisa or the Dux Umbra about Erik?” I asked her.

“May I come in?” she asked, avoiding the question.

“Answer the question,” I repeated.

“Only because she already suspected it and asked me straight out. You know we can’t lie to Louisa,” she replied, looking regretful.

“Yeah, I do, but I really want to be alone right now. I still feel betrayed,” I confessed.

It made Miranda chuckle. It was unfortunately not an option.

“I’ll respect that. I’ll be back in a couple of days to check up on you,” she sighed. “I’m really sorry,” she said before I slammed the door.

“I’m going to bed,” I told Miranda, trying to hide the tears brimming in my eyes.

The loneliness I felt was overwhelming. Was that really how it was going to be? Did I have to choose between friends I couldn’t trust and friends who judged me?

I hid under my blanket and succumbed to my tears. I cried myself to sleep, and as I slipped over the threshold, I had a not-so-strange dream, considering the last couple of days.

~I was dancing at a masquerade ball. Aurora was there, smiling happily at me, an arm wrapped around my waist, and I was engulfed by the scent of chrysanthemums.~

~

I felt odd when I woke up. I could still sense the flowery scent, fading from my nose. Was it normal to dream about scents?