Beyond His Control: Chapter 8

I know I’ll regret this later, but right now, I don’t care. All I want is more of what he has to offer, and he’s got loads of it, judging from the feverish kisses he plants all over my neck.

My head tilts back, and the water falls onto my face as he cups my breasts and buries his face in my chest. “God, I’ve missed these tits.”

I snort. “Anything else you’ve missed?”

“Everything,” he growls, and he draws a line with kisses all the way back up my neck. “Every minute is too long.”

The more he says it, the more I’m starting to believe it… but could he ever love me and this child more than he loves power?

He kisses me so deeply, so hungrily, that my mind is turning to mush. I can’t think or breathe.

One second is all he gives me to get some air before he smashes back onto my lips again. I’m lost to his feverish kisses, his tongue pushing past my lips and circling around in my mouth, causing delicious shockwaves through my body.

It’s all so wrong, yet I want nothing more than for him to ravage my body until nothing’s left of me.

“We shouldn’t do this,” I murmur between kisses.

“I can’t help it. You make me a sinner,” he replies with a low voice that pushes all my buttons.

I gasp as he suddenly rips off my bra and cups my breasts. “Let me love you, Natalie,” he groans, kissing his way down to suck on my nipples. I bite my lip in response and can’t help but notice how his wet shirt clings to his chest, making his thick pecs visible right through the fabric. It’s too sexy, and I can’t control myself any longer.

My fingers dive between his shirt, and I pull some buttons loose, then peel it back. My eyes land on a reddened mark on his skin near his shoulder, which looks to be trickling farther down his arms. Did I just never notice before?

“What is that?” I murmur, trying to check it out.

“Nothing.” He suddenly grabs my wrist and shoves it against the wall. “Leave my shirt on. I like to see you lusty for more,” he says with a smirk, and I immediately forget what I was thinking. Guys like him can do that. They turn my brain into mush.

I reach for his pants instead and unbutton and zip him down. Our eyes connect in a passionate battle that reminds me of our struggle for power and freedom, and he locks my arms in place against the tiles of the bathroom. Our fingers entwine as he leans in and locks his lips with mine.

My heart beats with excitement as he pulls down his pants and his hard-on pops out. He immediately presses himself against me, as desperate as I am to get closer.

In my mind, I’m telling myself it’s okay, but deep down, I know it’s wrong. He came here to convince me to come back, and now I’m jumping his bones. It’s foolish, yet I can’t keep from throwing myself at him, from sliding my fingers through his short hair and kissing him back even harder than before.

Water mixes with saliva as our kisses grow more heated, and he shoves me against the wall behind the shower, pulling me up by my leg. His cock is at my entrance, and when he pushes in, my jaw instinctively drops.

“Fuck …” I moan as he thrusts inside.

“That’s what I like to hear,” he groans into my ear.

He holds me steady against the wall with one leg up as he pumps into me with full force. It’s raw, carnal, and visceral, unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.

We fuck like animals against my bathroom wall until he roars out loud. Warm seed jets into me, and I gasp with pleasure as his cock pulses inside me. His hot breath lingers near my ear as he groans and releases me from his grip. Another firm kiss is planted on my mouth, and I’m literally at a loss for words.

Suddenly, he swoops me up in his arms again and carries me right back to the bedroom without even bothering to dry our bodies. He plops me down onto the bed and crawls on top of me like a lion would jump his prey. The look in his eyes ravenous, as though he hasn’t eaten for days, and it makes me gulp.

He nudges my legs apart and dives down between them, kissing me until I’m all hot and bothered. The sheets are soaking wet, but I’m far too consumed by the way he licks my slit and rolls his tongue around my clit.

Sex has never felt this amazing before, and that makes me borderline angry because of everything I missed out on … and because it’s him.

He’s everything I shouldn’t ever want or need, yet I can’t stop from succumbing to his devious kisses and the sexy looks he gives between licking me.

A moan slips from my mouth, and he briefly glances up to grin at me.

“I heard that,” he murmurs against my skin as he presses another kiss down onto my crevice. “Give me more.”

I hate it. I hate that he loves it so much … and I hate that I probably love it just as much, if not more.

“You know you want to,” he groans, licking and kissing me until it drives me insane.

My fingers scrunch up the blanket underneath me as I writhe from pleasure. “Fuck.”

“That’s it, Natalie. Come for me,” he murmurs, and he sticks a finger inside my pussy too.

The combination of his tongue and finger is too much to handle, and I explode right then and there in sweet agony, moaning out his name. “Noah!”

“Yes,” he groans, licking up all my juice. “Give it all to me.”

I can’t catch my breath, the waves keep coming and coming, and he laps me up like there’s no tomorrow.

By the time the orgasm subsides, I’m panting, and I feel completely out of it, as if I’m no longer in my body. I just lie there in the wet bed with closed eyes, wondering how this all happened.

It’s like we were angry and yelling at each other one second, and then the next, we were fucking like bunnies.

He crawls back up the bed to lie down beside me, and I curl up on my side so I don’t have to look at him. He wraps his arm around my waist, pulling my back close against his chest to place a small, gentle kiss on my neck that melts me into a puddle.

And at that moment, I close my eyes and let all the worries huddled in the back of my mind fade, so I can finally sleep in peace.

When I wake up, he’s still there. I don’t know why I’m so surprised by this, but I am. I would’ve expected him to either be long gone by now … or to have taken me back to the community in the middle of the night.

But we’re still in my bed, in my apartment, and the sun is shining brightly once again. We slept through the night together.

I turn and watch him blink a couple of times.

“You look beautiful when you sleep,” he says, wearing a genuine smile on his face as he cuddles me.

I blush, unsure what to do with such a compliment coming from a man like him. “Thanks.”

He rubs my belly over my scar, and my muscles instinctively tighten.

“Don’t feel ashamed,” he says. “It’s okay. You don’t have to keep your past a secret from me anymore.”

I don’t know if I can trust him, but it’s too late now. Can’t stuff the genie back into the bottle. Now that he’s seen the room, he knows I had a child before.

“I won’t use it against you, if that’s what you’re worried about,” he says. “I just want to know … what happened to you?”

I sigh. There’s no point in lying about it. “Steve left me after I decided to keep our baby … but the baby didn’t make it through the birth.”

He hugs me even tighter, and for some reason, that makes all the difference. “I’m so sorry you went through that.”

Why is he so kind, so sweet right now, and such a monster back there in the community?

My skin erupts into goose bumps from his touch, but I ignore them. How could I give in to these feelings stirring in my stomach when I can’t even face the fact that another baby is growing inside my belly?

Noah keeps gently rubbing me.

“You’re upset,” he says. It’s not a question; it’s a statement.

How does he know me so well?

Is that what it means to be lovers?

I close my eyes and sigh.

“I don’t know what to feel,” I say. It’s the only thing I know to be truthful right now. “Or how to feel about you.”

It’s silent for a few seconds. “You like being with me,” he says, placing another gentle kiss on the small of my neck, “but you hate what it means.”

I nod. It’s like he can read my mind. “It’s wrong.”

“It doesn’t have to be,” he says.

I turn around and look at him. “How? How would it ever be okay?”

“Well …” He grabs my hand and entwines our fingers. “We could just be husband and wife.”

“No. Not there.” I get up immediately. I don’t want to think about it, let alone stay lying down next to the man who changed my life forever. “It can’t ever be like that. I can’t live with that.”

“Then help me change it from the inside out,” he says, sitting up too. He places a hand on my shoulder. “Remember that little girl you were and the boy who helped you escape? I’m still the same boy, and that boy needs you.”

“Don’t do this,” I say, shaking him off while tears well up in my eyes. “I can’t do this. I can’t sacrifice my life.”

“You need me as much as I need you,” he says.

Why does the truth always have to hurt so much?

“I want to … I want to love you, but I can’t,” I say, shaking my head. I pause as I contemplate what to say, then suck in a breath. “Why can’t you stay here?”

When he doesn’t reply, I turn my head. His face has gone completely white.

“Stay here with me,” I mutter with genuine hope.

When he continues to stare at me, I reach for his hand, but he pulls it away before I can touch him. With a darkened face, he gets up from the bed and pulls up his pants, zipping up, before walking off.

“Where are you going?” I ask.

He doesn’t even reply, doesn’t say another word before slamming the front door shut behind him.

Just like that … he came, and he went.

And the apartment is left as though he was never even here to begin with.

But I remember.

Noah

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

One minute, I’m making love to her, wishing she could be mine forever without anything between us, and then the next, I’m running like a coward with my tail tucked between my legs.

All because of that one sentence.

Stay with me here.

I wish she hadn’t uttered those words. I wish we could’ve stayed in her bed in eternal ignorant bliss, pretending everything was fine and the world was whole.

But it’s not.

Even though we were both born in the community, we walked a different path in life, and it separated us irrevocably. She prefers to stay here, and I could never.

I don’t belong here. I never have.

The only time I ever came here was with my father on his trips, and even then, it always felt surreal. This world feels like an unnatural one, one I don’t understand.

I can’t stay. This place agitates me, confuses me, and turns me into something I’m not.

I’m a patriarch. A man with a destiny. A goal.

Staying here would mean giving that all up, and I’m not willing to do that.

My legs are restless as I pace around my hotel room, wondering what I’m even doing. I came to get her back, and here I am, struggling so hard. Instead, I let my dick do the thinking.

She makes it so hard to restrain myself with those pretty eyes and that beautiful mind of hers. Every time I touch her, she craves more. She wants to be held, to be subdued, and to be fucked into oblivion. And I give in to that wish so easily … because I want her more than anything.

Because she’s my baby’s mother and I’d sacrifice anything for them.

I even relinquished control over the situation just so she could feel loved and wanted, and I could mend her broken heart. But even I can’t bridge this divide between us.

Why do I have to choose a side? Why can’t I have both?

Fuck!

I punch the mirror with my bare hand and only realize after the fact what I did. The mirror shatters into pieces, which tumble to the floor. Blood drips down my fist, and I stare at the droplets in dismay.

I should be more careful, but a storm’s raging in my heart and head that I can’t contain. I’ve never felt so out of check as though my mind’s not mine. As though I’m losing myself to my own emotions. Maybe she feels the same way.

Suddenly, my phone rings, and my train of thought is broken. I pick it up before checking who it is, but it can only be one person.

“Yes?”

“When are you coming back with your wife?” my father barks.

“I’m working on it,” I say.

“Not fast enough. President Lawrence is getting impatient now.”

“I have this,” I growl back at him.

“I don’t think you do. Control this situation now before it gets out of hand.”

The conversation ends before I can say another word.

I grind my teeth together and throw the phone on the bed.

Fuck.

I wish my father never discovered these damn phones on one of his trips here, because now he knows how to contact and torment me every second of the day, and it pisses me off.

My arms and hand sting, and I hiss in pain. I walk into the bathroom and look into the only remaining mirror. The wet shirt still clings to my chest. I haven’t had the time, or the patience, to change out of it yet.

I peel it away slowly to reveal the red mark on my arm, which slowly becomes more visible as I take it all off and throw my clothes in the corner. When I touch my own skin, it burns like fire.

It’ll probably turn into a huge scar. I sigh out loud.

I look away and quickly wash my hands to rid myself of the blood from smashing the other mirror and wipe it off, pretending nothing ever happened. If I am to fix this, I’d better stop moping around and get back to it.

I put on a new shirt, a new pair of pants, and shoes.

My father’s phone call wasn’t just a check-in … it was a warning. If I don’t get my shit together and get this done, I’m gonna get punished.

I have no choice but to continue with this even though I want to give her time to think about my offer. I must go back there to her apartment and figure it out together, sooner rather than later.

But I still have one ace up my sleeve … her mother.