Beyond His Control: Chapter 4

“Oh, Natalie, I’m so happy for you!” Emmy gives me a big hug.

“What? No,” I say, and I push her away. “Don’t.”

She frowns. “What? Be happy? Aren’t you?”

I look away. “I …”

How am I supposed to answer that? I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel. There’s a baby in my belly, but it’s Noah’s, and there’s so much twisted history behind this baby’s conception that I don’t know if I could ever be happy with it. But I can’t tell Emmy that because she’d never understand.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” I walk off and start prepping the pull-out sofa.

“Is this why you wanted to escape the community?” she asks.

“No, yes, maybe,” I say, shaking my head. “All of it.”

“But that baby was made out of love, right?”

Staring at her, I breathe out a sigh because I don’t even know what to say to that. “I already told you I come from this world, that we have choices here.”

Her brows rise. “So you can choose not to be pregnant here?”

I make a face. “Well … it is an option, yes.”

She grimaces, and I turn away to continue making her bed.

“There.” I pat it down. “You can sleep here tonight.”

“And where will you sleep?” she asks.

“In my bed, in the other room,” I say, pointing at the door. “I don’t share, sorry.”

She smiles. “It’s fine, thank you. I’m just glad I have a place to stay.”

Talking with her like everything is normal is so weird. “You don’t have to thank me for everything.”

“Right.” She blushes and then yawns.

“We’re both tired. Let’s just rest up and see what tomorrow brings, okay?” I say, and I go into my room. “Good night.”

As I close the door behind me, I pause and lean against the wood. I can’t stop thinking about what she said about being happy for a pregnancy. My hand reaches for my belly, but this time it’s not out of concern … it’s out of fear.

Something is growing inside me, and I don’t know if I can face that.

I already had a baby once.

My baby died.

How could I ever feel happy about that?

How could I ever love a baby made in a community such as hers?

How could I ever want a baby born in fear?

I shiver as tears run down my cheeks, and I sink to the floor, burying my own guilt and shame until I no longer feel a thing.

By the time morning comes, I have barely slept even though the bed felt amazing. I couldn’t stop thinking about the baby, and how I can’t even be alone while making the toughest decisions of my life.

Emmy is like a constant shadow, following me around wherever I go. She’s like an everlasting memory of the Family and what they did to me. Maybe it would help if I’d let her experience more of our world. She might feel like less of a threat to me then. I know it makes no sense, but at least things would be a little bit more normal, even if only in a weird way.

I get out of bed, and the minute I step out of the room, there she is, all dressed and ready.

“Geez, you scared me,” I say, clutching my chest.

“Sorry. I’m used to getting up on time,” she says.

“You don’t have to do that here,” I say. “At least not until you have a job.”

“Job?”

“It’s where you work for money,” I explain. “Like the Clothing Creation Hut, only now you get money for what you do.”

Her brows furrow. “Money?”

I roll my eyes. “This.” I grab the stack of cash lying on the table and show it to her. “This is what you get when you work, and you buy stuff with it.”

“Oh … interesting. What can you buy?”

I sigh. “Guess I’m going to have to show and explain literally everything to you, won’t I?” When she doesn’t answer, I add, “C’mon. Let’s go.”

Noah

At the Prayers, I sit in my chair and wait until President Lawrence is finished talking. It’s tiring having to sit through this without my Wife accompanying me, especially when there are so many happy girls all standing in a line to be Blessed for marriage to the man who claimed them.

However, there’s one man in the crowd who constantly interrupts the Prayers with his sniffling, and it’s becoming hard to ignore him.

When the President is done speaking, I stand and say, “Wait one minute with the blessings.” The President gives me a deathly glare, but I ignore him. “You … come here.”

I point at the guy who’s sniffling, and he steps forward after questioning to himself it I was really speaking to him. He goes to his knees in front of the stage. “Yes, patriarch.”

“What is your problem?” I ask. “I know you’re not sick.”

“It’s my wife, patriarch.” He looks up at me. “She’s gone.”

The people around us gasp in shock.

His wife must be the girl who fled alongside Natalie.

“She disappeared the same day the fire happened,” he says, lowering his eyes. “I don’t know what to do.”

I have to take the lead now or this whole thing will fall to shambles. “Calm down. Approach the stage, please.”

“What are you doing?” my father hisses in my ear. “No one’s ever come up here unless they’re a patriarch.”

“I have to nip this in the bud,” I hiss back, and I redirect my attention to the man again.

Lowering my voice, I tell him, “We’re working on it.”

“So you know where she is?” he asks.

I rub my lips together. “No, but we are tracking them down.”

“Them?” When I frown and narrow my eyes at him, he adds, “Of course, patriarch, I apologize for being nosy.”

“It’s okay. But know that we will do our best to get your wife back into your arms.”

“Thank you,” he says, gazing up at me with teary eyes. “Thank you so much. Please, find her for me. Please.”

I nod and he bows a few times before stepping back into the crowd.

“You cannot give them hope if you don’t know what you’re doing,” my father whispers into my ear.

“Yeah, well give me some tips then because you sound like you’ve dealt with this before,” I reply sarcastically because I know nothing of the sort has ever happened in this community.

No one has ever escaped, which makes this case all the more unusual … and dangerous.

No one can know that this happened under my nose because anarchy would ensue. We must keep this contained and within these walls.

After the prayers are over, all the patriarchs leave the room, but my father pulls me aside.

“What are you going to do about that escapee wife of yours?” he asks. “The guards came back with nothing, and the President is getting impatient. Especially with that stunt you just pulled.”

“I’m working on it,” I say through gritted teeth.

“How? As far as I see, you’re sitting on your ass and doing nothing,” he growls. “Meanwhile, you pledged yourself to a woman who isn’t here, making you unavailable for marriage, and I’m left without an heir.”

“So this is about you.” I snort. “Typical.”

“The people won’t tolerate disobedience, Noah, and I won’t either.” He taps my chest. “You’d do well to remember your place in this community.”

“I am as much a patriarch as you are.” I grab his finger and push it away. “Do not threaten me.”

“You know as well as I do that when push comes to shove, the patriarchs will choose to calm the people down … and when it happens, it’s gonna be your head that rolls.”

My throat feels clamped shut, and I swallow hard. “It won’t come to that.”

“It better not. You’re my only son, Noah. I care about you, but you need to control this. Now.”

What a lie. He doesn’t care about me, not even in the slightest. It’s his reputation he’s so worried about.

I look around to see if anyone’s listening before speaking up. “You want this controlled? There’s only one way to bring her back, and it isn’t by using guards. You know that.”

“Do what you need to do,” he says.

“I can’t get off this property without help,” I whisper.

“I’ll tell other patriarchs you’re going on a recruitment mission.”

I shake my head. “They’ll never believe that.”

“I’ll make sure they will. I’ll talk to them myself.”

Well, if he isn’t invested.

“Bring that whiny boy from the crowd along. Get him out of here before he tells everyone she’s gone. I’ll get an elder to muster up a few extra Helpers to make it look like you’re really going there to recruit more.”

I sigh and close my eyes. “Fine. That guy’s wife’s gone anyway. Maybe he can be of some use in recapturing both of them.”

“Exactly.” My father licks his lips and starts walking. “Consider it done.”

Natalie

We spend the entire day in the city, buying produce for the kitchen so we can eat, chasing birds in the park, and shopping for clothes with whatever I have left. I take the time to stop at a few shops to ask if they’re looking for extra help, to try to get a job, but no luck so far.

Still, I won’t let it get me down. Instead, I sneak us into a cinema, and we sit down to enjoy a movie together. Emmy’s eyes are practically glued to the screen. So far, she’s loved every inch of the city. There’s so much more to discover, so much more to do, and the more time she spends here, the bigger the smile on her face gets.

It’s like watching a toddler experience the world for the first time, and it’s both endearing and humbling. I know the world she came from, and I know what she’s missed out on all these years, so I’m glad I get to see her go through it all for the first time.

“What else is there to do?” she asks when the movie is over.

I love her curiosity. She reminds me of myself … way back when I was still young and innocent.

“Loads. We could go ice skating or speed dating; we could go to an amusement park and ride a roller coaster,” I say.

She makes a weird face. “Speed dating? What?”

“It’s where you go and have a drink with someone you have never met, and you talk … and then you switch to another person after fifteen minutes,” I explain.

She holds up a hand. “Oh no, that’s … not for me.” She clears her throat. “But that amusement park thing sounds like fun.”

“Definitely, it’s such a thrill. Though it does cost money.” I kick around as I walk. “Which we don’t have enough of right now.”

“Oh well, how do we get more?” she asks.

“Work,” I say. “So I’m looking for a job.”

“Right. Should I be looking too then?”

I smile. I like that she wants to pitch in, but I don’t think anyone would want to hire her right now. She doesn’t even know how to use the metro, let alone a car. How is she gonna get to work?

“No, it’s fine. I’ll handle it,” I say, waving it off.

I know it’ll be expensive to pay for two people by myself, but I’ll worry about that later.

“Okay, if you’re sure,” she says. “I’m just so excited to see your world. If you’d told me it would be like this back when we were still in the community, I probably would’ve never believed you.”

A grin spreads on my face. “And you haven’t even seen the internet yet.”

“The internet?” She frowns.

I laugh. “I’ll explain it later. First, we should go grab a bite to eat. I’m hungry.”

Locking my arm in hers, I pull her along toward a cheap deli down the street. With the last few pennies I have, I buy us two hot dogs, and we munch on them on our way back to my apartment. For a minute, I’ve forgotten all the worries I have and enjoy the day for what it is. Heck, it’s almost as though we’ve become best friends. Maybe living with Emmy won’t be so bad after all. It beats being alone.

As I press the numbers into the pad to open the building’s door, Emmy stays behind, her eyes scanning the street. I open the door and step in, but Emmy’s not following. I glance at her over my shoulder right as I step inside. “Emmy?”

She’s frozen to the ground, her body gone rigid … face completely white.

The bag of groceries she holds falls to the ground, vegetables and fruits rolling everywhere.

Her eyes fill with tears as her lips part.

My brain can’t process quickly enough what’s unfolding in front of me, but I know something’s wrong. But the door closes on me before I can slip a foot between.

A man approaches Emmy. He speaks to her. I can’t hear what he says. I pry at the door handle, trying to get it to open again, but it won’t budge.

The man wraps his arms around her body.

I gasp.

She doesn’t push back or resist.

It’s as though the minute she saw him, she instantly reverted to her placated self.

But I won’t let her give up this fight.

My hand immediately reaches into my purse, and I frantically search for the keys to open the door again. Through the tiny glass window, I watch Emmy and the man whose hand snaked around her waist walk away. She turns her head to me, mouthing something I can only decipher as “help.”

The keys shake in my trembling hands as I find the right one and try to shove it into the lock, but it takes me three times. “Fuck!” I yell as I finally get it right.

The door unlocks. I push it open and run outside.

“Emmy! Emmy?” I yell.

There’s no response.

Emmy is gone.

Taken by a man she clearly knew.

They’ve come.