8

Always, I'll care

Levi got a bad feeling the moment Jean walked inside the room holding two severely injured kids.

"Who are these kids?" The soldier couldn't get himself to look his captain in the eye as he spoke to him.

"Shizue-san...was shot. They took Lobov's gear and got to the ship." Jean looks down on the ground. "I don't think she'll make it.. captain."

Levi's blood ran cold the moment he heard her name. He immediately ran out the room without thinking twice. No. This shouldn't be happening. This isn't real.

"L-levi!"

Eren clenched his fists. His eyes wide in shock. This wasn't supposed to happen. No. This was the only way to save them, including her.

Shizue.... wasn't supposed to die in Liberio.

His eyes widened in horror the moment he saw Shizue's figure lying on the ground. Her bandages were all covered in blood.

"N-no... No! Shizue!" Levi broke down on his knees as he tried to caresses her face, trying to get her to regain her senses. Desperation took over him as he held her in his arms.

Shizue's face were pale white. Her eyes no longer held gleam, her lips stained with blood, and her hands were ice cold.

"Wake up." A silent wave of tears escaped through his eyes that stained Shizue's cheek. Levi continued to plead, but there were no more response. She was gone

"Please...,"

It wasn't just despair, but a huge regret. He thought he was doing what's best for them, that they were saving the trouble of getting hurt but it didn't. They got hurt either way. He wasn't able to protect her, what's worse is that, Shizue died thinking that she was Levi's biggest mistake.

Not being able to tell her the truth, was his biggest regret.

Levi held her close as he continues to caresses her hair, muttering the same thing over and over again. "I'm sorry,"

He opens his left eye to glance at the person beside him. "What are you doing?"

"Caressing your hair,"

"why?"

Shizue gazed at him and softly smiled. "Because it's what makes me feel better when I'm hurt. Now go to sleep."

The door clanged open as Hanji rushed inside the room. Their saw Shizue's unmoving body being held by Levi as if it was the most precious thing in the world. The man was staring to the abyss as his hands never stopped caressing her hair. It broke Hanji even more.

They took off their glasses as they wiped the tears on their eye, sitting beside the pink haired girl. Hanji's heart ached, upon realizing this would be the last time of them seeing her face. First it was Erwin. They've been together since their cadet years, and they never expected Shizue to follow after him.

Mikasa's tears continuously fell as she tried to be strong while the brunette cried in her arms. That night, sadness loomed among the squad at the fall of their beloved vice-captain.

---

It's been a few days since Shizue's passing and nothing hasn't changed. Levi's blood still boiled furiously at everything that had been responsible for her death that he wanted to destroy everything.

The only thing stopping him, was her.

Shizue would never want that. She wouldn't want to hurt kids, she most certainly wouldn't like it if he laid a hand on Eren once more, and mostly, Shizue would've hated him if he took his life.

Levi was trapped in the pit of anguish. In the end, he couldn't blame anyone but himself. He wished he could just turn back time and take back everything he said to her that night.

He regret hurting her.

He wished he never said that night with her was a mistake. No, it was the most treasured moment of his life.

Levi always loved her, and he just hoped she could've known.

A knock echoed through the door. "Levi, could you please just eat. This isn't healthy." Hanji spoke from the opposite side of the door, but he couldn't bring himself to respond.

Hanji continued to knock. It irritated him.

"Come on, Levi." They called, but there was still no answer.

He knew he couldn't stay in Shizue's room forever, but everything just felt so heavy. Levi sighed, putting down the bottle of alcohol, his eyes scanned through the stuff Shizue had on her table. She always had some fascination on books. She loved buying them, collecting them, but she never read them.

Levi never understood why, but he did give her a book on her birthday knowing how much she loved them. He pulls it out of the shelf and saw that it was unsealed, it was the only book in her possession that had a bookmark on. He chuckled bitterly.

He was about to return the book when papers suddenly fell from it. He grew curious as he picks up the folded paper and opened the white neat-looking one. They were letters that were never sent.

Or letters she never got to send.

It was addressed to Hanji, the commander of the scout regiment. His brows furrowed as he read the contents. It was a resignation letter.

Levi folded the paper and placed it back to where it belonged. He felt confused as he tried to think over why Shizue would leave all of a sudden. His hands picked up the other letter which was slightly more crumpled and had a lot of stains.

His heartbeat rapidly increased, the moment he knew the letter was addressed, to him.

Dear Levi,

I didn't know how to begin this message, mostly I'm nervous bevause am not able to face you, or that some stranger may stumble onto this letter.

I'm writing this, to thank you Levi. For everything you've done for me, for knowing me so well, for tolerating me, for taking care of me. You never failed to make me feel otherwise, but maybe I just wanted to hear it from you. I wanted you to say...You loved me. I knew you weren't the kind of guy to say that, and I'm sorry if I asked too much. It wasn't fair on your part.

We just wanted different things.You were right, we're soldiers, we can't risk getting hurt and let the other suffer as well. I understand.

That night, my emotions took over me that I didn't have the chance to say what I needed to. Levi, I'm pregnant. I know it wouldn't be fair to keep it from you, and I don't want to. I'm scared, and nervous at the same time. I don't know if I'm gonna be a good mother to this child, but I'm willing to try. I want you to be part of our life, if that's okay with you.

Forgive me, if I can never tell you this in person, it's because I'm afraid I'll just break down and cry in front of you. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for being such a coward that I couldn't even face you.

The mission in Liberio will be my last duty as a soldier, and I will be handing in my resignation letter to Hanji. I want to raise this kid and give them a peaceful life away from the trouble of the world, I know you'd want that too.

I hope one of these days, I'll find the courage to face you. I just need time to fix myself first then, I'll come to you.

My dear, Levi.

With love, Shizue.

His cold dead eyes stared at the letter for he didn't know how long. Levi was buried in a deeper trench, his fists clenched hard that it drew blood.

Maybe if only he didn't said those words, this wouldn't have happened.

If he had only said the thing she wanted to hear, everything would've turned out different. They would've ran away together and live somewhere, he could've had a family with the person he loved.

"Alright that's it!" A loud bang echoed through the room after Hanji kicked the door open.

"Look we are all upset about Shizue's death but do you think she'd want to see you like that Lev-" Hanji came to a stop when he saw Levi's horrible state. He had dark circles underneath his eyes that stared into nothingness, and his hair was a damn mess.

Hanji got even more worried once their eyes casted on his bleeding hand that held a letter. A tear rolled down his cheek yet not one emotion was seen in his eyes, as if he grew completely numb.

"Shizue....was pregnant, Hanji. "

Their eyes widened as he uttered those words. 'No.... It can't be ....'

---

Shizue let out a yawn while taking a cigarette from the carton and  placed it between her lips and lights it. She couldn't get her mind off Levi, more specifically the way he acted the other night.

She saw his face that is usually devoid of any emotion flash a short look of terror in his eyes. She was curious, but she was also terrified to even ask anything about it.

"Could you please not smoke? We're in a school." The blonde man beside her spoke.

"Oh sorry, transfigured humans stresses me out," Shizue didn't put it out but took another puff. Nanami already knew she was lying.

The two arrived at the high school where Yuji and his friend was, she watched as the curtain enveloped the entire grounds.

Shizue wasn't really planning on tagging along since she knew Nanami is able to take care of this himself, but learning about an intelligent curse, it caught her attention but at the same time, it worried her.

"By the way, I inspected the ship like you asked me to," The pinkette darted her eyes at him.

"There were definitely traces of a curse," He confirmed.

"Is it the same as the one that's responsible for the transfigured humans?" She asked. Nanami thought about it and shook his head.

"No, there was something peculiar about it. I'll contact you once I find out." Shizue nodded as the two of them saw the Yuji crash against the windows. The girl immediately placed her cigarette between her lips and materialized a dark red polearm as both of the sorcerers prepared to attack.

"Good work, Nanami."