Getting Away from It All

TOBIAS

My plan was to cut her out completely. I’ve been hurting since she told me she was leaving. Even when she said it, though, I thought she might still stay.

I should know by now: once she sets her mind to something, she goes with it—stubborn princess!

I often wondered growing up if I would meet someone and fall in love.

I watched my parents with admiration: the way Dad would sweep Mom off her feet and pull her around the kitchen when their song came on. How they laughed together when they thought us boys were asleep.

We would sit in our bedroom and make fun of them being all gooey-eyed.

I knew I wanted all that—the love, the best friend, the laughter, even the arguments, which were equally as explosive as the love they had.

I wanted a wife who I loved more than life itself, kids running wild, a house full of laughter and affection—a home!

It never seemed too much to ask when I was younger, but as each girl I met didn’t fit into my ideal picture, I started to lose hope.

Until I saw her—she was beautiful and independent, but rude as hell.

I tried to push her out of my mind because although she fit my picture physically, she was a rude little princess, or at least that’s what I thought until I got to know her.

She started to get under my skin pretty early on, and I knew she was the one. She sparked feelings in me I didn’t know I had. I’d spent over twenty years waiting for her to enter my life.

I woke up this morning with every intention of rushing back to the ranch and sweeping her off her pretty little feet, proposing to her, promising her whatever she wanted, begging her if I had to.

But then my truck had a flat and when I had no spare, it seemed like someone above had other plans.

I called a guy I know who doesn’t live too far away, and he still hasn’t arrived two hours later. As I sit looking through my photos of me and Ella together, I hear the truck pull up.

“Sorry it took so long, had to collect some essentials on the way,” Jesse says as he jumps out of his truck with a gigantic pack of doughnuts.

“No worries, Jesse, not like I have anywhere to go.”

“You sure about that? The nine messages telling me to hurry up might say different.”

I walk toward his truck and smile. “Nah, just a proposal I had to make. It’s passed now.”

He pats my back and sets his doughnuts down before getting to the wheel.

“What the hell you doing up here alone, anyway?” he asks.

“Just tryin’ to heal a broken heart.”

“Really? Toby Kinsley in love? That’s something I never thought I’d hear. She must be somethin’ special.”

“She sure is, but she’s gone now—it’s done.”

He turns to me as I hover over him. “Well, boy, I’ll be done in less than ten minutes. Call this girl, warn her you’re coming for her.”

I shake my head. “Too late now, she’ll be on a plane back to England soon.”

He looks back at me with wide eyes. “An English woman? I don’t see you for a few months and you’re a different guy.”

“Not really,” I say as I check my cell for the hundredth time since he got here.

I might have time to get there if I leave now and drive crazy fast. I decide to leave it to fate. If he has my wheel sorted in the next ten minutes before the clock hits the hour, I’ll go; if not, I won’t.

“Hey, you remember that girl I was seeing? Jenelle?” Jesse says as he turns to me from his place on the floor.

“No, Jesse, shut up and sort the tire,” I snap as I keep my eyes on the time. I don’t want him to jinx fate.

The hour passes and it’s nearly quarter past by the time he stands up and says he’s done.

“Fuck, what do I do, Jesse? Do I go fight for her, or do I let her go?”

~Whatever he says now goes!~

“I say go for it, Toby. Whatcha got to lose?”

“Yes,” I say excitedly as I pat him on the shoulder. “I may just invite you to the wedding.”

“You better,” he shouts after me as I jump into the truck and bring the engine to life.

“I’m on my way, baby,” I cry as I thunder down the track.

The cabin in my rear view becomes smaller as I speed away and dust rises behind me as the wheels churn up the dry dirt road.

I get five minutes into the journey when my steering gets light, and I have to stop.

“NO FUCKING WAY!” I shout as I investigate the flat again.

I guess the good Lord has other plans for me and Ella. Maybe we aren’t meant to be after all. If it’s not written in the stars, who am I to fight it?

The signs have been there all along—the decision she made to leave being the biggest one.

I had no signal the first few days of me being here, and it really made me go cold turkey. I couldn’t call her, message her, or look at her social media.

There was no explanation for the signal issue, and it just came back that night I phoned her, like I had passed the sweating and craving period.

So now I was allowed to start to reintroduce my drug back into my life, be around it and speak about it but still couldn’t get close enough to take it.

Yep, God has a plan for me. I’m pissed that it’s a different one than the one I had hatched up in my head, but I trust in Him and I know He will see me good.

I take it steady as I go back to the cabin and Jesse is stuffing his face in his truck. He smiles when he sees me return, deflated.

“That was fast,” he shouts through his open window. “She already turn you down?”

“No,” I snap as I slam the truck door. “That darn tire you fixed ruptured.”

Jesse laughs, and I throw him a beer from the cooler in the back of the truck. I ain’t going nowhere tonight, so I might as well sink some.

I try to push her to the back of my mind as I laugh and pretend like everything is fine with Jesse. Inside, my heart is breaking the closer the time gets to her takeoff.

When he gets up to leave, I look again—it’s a quarter past five, forty-five minutes until her flight goes. She’ll be in the departures now, maybe even waiting by the gate.

***

Once I’m alone, I take my seat by the lake with a beer in one hand and my cell in the other.

I wish I could just call her, but I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to make things harder for her than they already are. She’s gotta leave and that’s that.

I’m still looking at the cell clutched in my sweaty palm when it rings. I wonder if all my willing and praying made it happen, but I don’t have time to think too much as I press the green button and slowly lift it to my ear.

“Oh my God, thank God you answered,” comes her crazy-ass British accent. God, I love her.

I try to keep it casual. “What’s up, princess?” I say, cool as a cucumber.

“What’s up your arse? What do you think’s up?”

I laugh at her rudeness. There’s the loving princess I know. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m just sittin’ here enjoying some beers, waiting for a bite.”

“Tobias, really? I’m about to board my flight in twenty minutes. I wanted to see you before I left. Make things right.”

“Oh, we’re all right,” I say. “I don’t hold no grudges.”

“Tobias.”

“Isobella.”

“Really, you’re okay? I’m freaking out. I feel like running out of this place, straight back to you.”

“I wouldn’t complain if you did. My door’s still open.”

Silence.

“In another life, hey, cowboy?”

I nod. I just can’t convince her, no matter what I say.

“Well, I’m just about to start dinner, so I guess I’ll be seeing you.”

“Okay. Goodbye, Tobias. I love you.”

“Yup,” I say as I cut the phone off.

I stare for a while at the lake, watching the water as the gentle breeze sends calm ripples across it. I can’t bring myself to think about life without her, but there’s nothing I can do about it.

A sudden drop in my stomach makes me feel sick, like some of my insides have just been ripped out.

I call Tanner and ask him if he wants to join me. I don’t feel like being alone anymore. I don’t think I can be trusted to be left with my thoughts.

“Hey there, Gump, I guess this is because Jenny left,” Tanner shouts as he watches me from the cabin. I hadn’t even heard his truck pull in.

“Screw you,” I yell. “I knew it was a bad idea asking you here.”

He laughs and continues toward me, alcohol in hand. “Ah, screw her man. You will meet someone.”

“I don’t want anyone else.”

“You will, you’ll see. Hey, remember that woman I had back at your place, the night of Frankie’s…?”

I nod. It was the last time I was with Ella.

“Well, I want to take her on a date.”

I almost choke on my beer. My brother, the local playboy, wants to take a good church girl on a date. I laugh out loud at the idea—at least he got me to laugh.

“I’m not joking about this, man.”

“Is this a new challenge for you or something?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t know, I just, I liked her. We played rummy and then I walked her back to her car. It was weird but nice.”

“You played rummy?” I laugh.

“Hey,” he yells as he smacks my arm. “I wasn’t even pissed when she wouldn’t put out.”

“Well,” I say between laughs, “that’s something, I suppose.”

“No word to anyone,” he warns. “I’m hatching a plan.”

“Well, good luck. I’m starting to think your way is much better, no heartache or emotions involved.”

“Yes, this weekend we got that gig at the barn, and you are getting hooked up. When was the last time you banged a blonde? Or maybe Deena will be up for some aggressive sex. Oh, she is so pissed at you, image how amazing that sex’ll be.”

“No, no way. I’m not going back to her. I’ve learned from my mistakes.”

Tanner laughs. “You said that last time.” He opens a beer and smiles at me. “And the time before that.”