Welcome Back

Between the short snippets of sleep, I reflect a lot. I reflect on my life before, my life now, and what the future holds for me.

For twenty-three years, my dad told me I could be who I wanted to be and have what I wanted, and all my demands were met.

I think about Frankie and the love he has shown me. My dad loves me, but Frankie was more like a father to me these last few months than my dad had ever been.

We laughed together as we shared meals on his porch, he told me off and put me in my place, and while at times I hated him, he showed me what family is, and it makes me sad to think about how much of that I have missed out on.

My dad was wrong when he said we were rich and experienced—he was so wrong. Frankie is richer than he will ever be.

When his wife died, Tobias sat for months and ate meals with him. The other guys made sure he had company every day, and when his roof leaked, they were there in all weather making sure the old man had dry shelter.

That’s fullness at its finest.

I look at Tobias and I envy him. He has an amazing family—a dad who has sacrificed for him, brothers who love him. Yeah, they fight like Nile crocodiles, but they would also have each other’s backs if it was needed.

Their love is strong and it’s everything I missed out on.

“You awake?” I whisper.

His eyes flicker open. His smile that usually appears is absent.

“Do you have work to do today?” I ask.

He sighs loudly as he nods. “What about uni, have you called them?”

“Nope, I guess I should. I can’t face going there right now, not while Frankie’s…”

Tobias kisses my head and gets out of the bed. When he picks his phone up, he looks back at me.

“Travis texted he’s going with Dawn to the hospital this morning. Is there anything you want them to take?”

“I’ll call the hospital and see what they say.”

Tobias heads into the bathroom as I call the hospital. I feel so empty today, and I hope it’s not a reflection of how today is going to go.

The hospital says nothing has changed, but they plan on trying to bring Frankie around tomorrow, so that’s when he will need more things.

How do we wake him to tell him he’s going to die? It feels so cruel! I update Tobias, and he suggests we go to the hospital together when he finishes work.

“Stay around here if you want to,” he says as he gets dressed.

I watch him pull on his T-shirt, drag his jeans up, and thread his belt. A couple of minutes distracted from Frankie, then I’m back to thinking about what is coming.

My phone rings loudly and pulls me from my thoughts.

“It’s my dad,” I mumble to Tobias as I answer. “Hello.”

“Hey, honey, how are you doing?” he asks.

“Not good, Dad. The hospital said they want to try and wake him tomorrow, but then we have to tell him about the cancer.”

“Oh, honey, I’m just dealing with some big things here, but I will be over by the end of the week.”

I look at Tobias, who can hear my dad on the other end of the phone. He pretends like he isn’t judging, but I know exactly what he’s thinking: my dad is choosing his work over his brother, and that just sums him up in one action.

“Okay,” I reply.

“Are you at the house alone?” he asks.

“No, I’m with Tobias. He’s been with me the whole time.”

“El,” my dad starts, and I fear what he will say within earshot of Tobias. “Don’t rely on him to be there if Frankie… When the time comes, you’ll be coming home with me. I won’t be leaving you there alone.”

I hear Tobias bang his wardrobe door as he continues to dress. When my eyes go back to him, his face is tense and his jaw is pulsating under the fine stubble.

“We’ll see. I need to go, Dad. I’ll call you if there are any changes.”

I cut the call off and instantly move to Tobias. I run my hand down his arm, and his muscles tense under my touch. There is no need for words; I know he heard my dad, and I know how it hurts and angers him.

“So you’re just going to go back with him because he says so?”

“I don’t know, I can’t even think about it right now.”

“I know I’m putting pressure on you, but I can’t lose you. I don’t think I can get through losing two important people in my life. How do I deal with that?”

When I catch his eyes, I see a singular tear escape. He tries to shake it off as his gaze moves from me.

“I’m in a mess. I don’t have the answer,” I respond.

~Weak, but it’s all I have!~

He runs his hand delicately down my face as tears stream down my cheeks. All the emotion from the last few days is flooding out, and it’s him who supports me again when his arms wrap around me.

“I love you so fiercely it scares the shit out of me. You’re the only one who has ever made sense,” he whispers as his arms tighten around me.

My hands go around his waist as I hug him in response. I want to promise him I will stay—I want to tell him we can be forever, but right now I just don’t know what to do.

I know I sound like such a flake right now, and believe me, this is not the person I usually am. All these emotions are so new to me: the love, the feelings, the stress.

My irritation goes to my dad again for sheltering me so much from real life.

***

The next day, I wake from a deep sleep. I feel groggy after my brain finally gave in and allowed me to rest. Tobias is still by my side—he’s only left to deal with work, and even then he has called to check in.

“We all set for the hospital?” he asks as he lifts the bag I have packed for Frankie.

I nod and follow him out to the truck. Ever the gentleman, he opens the passenger-side door and waits for me to approach.

I smile at him, and as I’m about to climb in, he catches my waist and pulls me into him. His arms submerge me and surround me with love and comfort. As I look up at him, he leans down and kisses my lips.

“Come to England with me?” I mutter.

He sighs loudly and hugs me tighter. “I can’t, princess. My family needs me here.”

“I could pay the debts off or get my dad to. Then you won’t be responsible for everything.”

He breathes in through his teeth and makes a whistling noise. I don’t know his noises yet, so I wait for his response.

“I’m not the kind of man who takes the easy way out. You should know that by now.”

“But—”

He silences me with his lips. “You know you shouldn’t go around offering your money out to men,” he says as he pulls away. “You’ll attract the wrong kind of man with that attitude.”

He looks disappointed in me again as he leaves me to climb into his truck.

Frankie has a lot of love around him as the doctor starts to disconnect his tubes. We’re all outside in the waiting room, itching to see him.

Tobias is sitting with Travis on the other side of the waiting room. He looks intently at me as I sit with Dawn and Antony. I want to know what’s going on in his head as he sits quietly, observing me from a distance.

“Right,” the doctor says as he rubs his hands and approaches us.

The chattering stops and all eyes are on him. As I scan the room, I can see the tension in everyone, the silent prayers almost loud enough to be heard.

Each person here cares so deeply about Frankie, and all I can think is what an arse my dad is.

“He has started to come around. He’s a little confused, which is normal. Can we ask that you don’t all bombard him at once? Maybe one or two go in to see him first until he feels more settled.”

Everyone nods in agreement.

“I say Ella goes in,” Antony says, smiling kindly at me.

I shake my head. “I don’t mind if you want to. I can wait.”

He stands and holds his hand out. “Let’s go in together,” he says.

The corners of Tobias’s mouth lift as I pass him while clutching his dad’s hand.

As we enter the room, Antony squeezes my hand reassuringly. He reminds me a lot of Frankie with his warm and approachable manner.

Frankie looks blankly at us as we take a seat by his bed. I fear he doesn’t know us, but when Antony pats his leg, his face comes alive.

“Watch where those hands are going, old man,” he says.

Antony and I laugh. Relief floods my body like the blood pumping around my veins. I can’t resist moving closer and hugging him. My tears are flowing for him and the bad news he is yet to be given.

“Isabella,” he cries. “I’m tougher than I look.”

I pull away and look at his old, gray, frail face. “You sure are,” I reply.

He is surprisingly alert, and the nurse’s comment on what a tough cookie he is pleases him to no end.

When we all leave to give him time to rest, I head back with Travis and Dawn. Tobias has been distant and quiet since our drive to the hospital and doesn’t approach me to go back with him.

It’s Dawn who comes to the house with me. The silence is deadly, and the only sound when I walk in is the ticking clock in the kitchen. It drives me mad, so I have to take the battery out.

“How’s Tobias doing?” she asks as I fix her a drink.

I shrug. “I don’t know. He seemed okay, but I asked him to come to England with me, and since then he’s been quiet.”

“So you’re going back, then?” she asks.

“I still don’t know.”

“Ella, he will assume you are if you’re asking him to go with you.”

I hadn’t thought of it like that. He must be assuming I have made my decision, and he’s shielding himself from the heartache that’s to come.