Going Public

I fall asleep and wake with the same fulfilled, I-got-the-best-man-in-the-world smile on my face. I can hear his heart drumming through his chest as my fingers trace his tattoos.

I have never been with a man with so much ink. The only man I had with any was my old college boyfriend. He was into punk music, and I thought he was so cool at seventeen.

My smile widens as I think about him, the guy I lost my virginity to, so inexperienced and young.

After we split up, I went for more advanced men. I was wooed by the men in designer suits, family money, the men who thought tattoos were only found on manual laborers.

I got in with a group who were extremely rich. They were spoiled brats, really, but I couldn’t see it then. I was blinded and swept off my feet by the lifestyle.

They were the ones who drove around London in their Porsches, not caring how many fines and tickets they got, because a hundred-pound fine for them was like buying a coffee.

My dad’s rich and I have lived a very wealthy life, holidaying five times a year and buying what I want, but these guys were next level. I thought I had made it when I was accepted into their group.

Since coming here, though, the only one I heard from was Ben, and that was to send a dick pic. We hooked up a lot back in England, usually after cocaine and champagne-fueled nights.

Ben was super rich and everything I thought I wanted, but he never made me feel like Tobias does—never treated me with the respect and dignity I always felt I deserved.

Tobias is nothing like those men; he treats me like a princess, he has respect for me, and he fucks harder and better than any of those rich, inferior men.

I am trying to be a better person for him, trying to leave behind my old bad habits.

“I think you missed your early lecture,” he says as he runs his hand delicately over my hair.

“I know,” I sigh, not really giving a shit.

“If you hate the course so much, just change it.”

“Easier said than done. You don’t know my dad.”

“Well, I never took you for an obedient princess,” he laughs.

“Not what you were saying last night.” I tease as I pull myself up off his chest and kiss his lips.

He smiles as his deep gaze fixes on me. His eyes make me feel calm and hopeful, like I will never be alone again.

I love that I make him smile as much as he makes me. Travis had said he’s never seen Tobias smile as much as when he’s with me, and I hope that’s a sign that what he said last night is for real.

I have had men promise me the world in the past. I’m not naïve—I know it’s just to get me into bed, and if I wanted to use them in the same way, I would happily go along with it.

~Might as well pick up a few compliments along the way.~

Tobias is like no man I have ever met—he’s deep, emotional, and thoughtful. He is the kind of man I need, the kind of man I can love and have a life with.

~God, I think I really could promise this guy forever!~

“I need to get up and go do some work,” he mumbles, but he makes no attempt to move as he lies on his back.

I jump up and pull him by the hands. “Come on, I need a shower,” I say.

He pulls me back and I fall onto his lap. His mouth goes to my earlobe as he starts to nuzzle it.

In a slow, husky tone, he starts to whisper in my ear. “I...want...to...fuck...the...hell...out...of...you.”

My back arches as my body responds to his words—so fucking hot and nasty. Our eyes meet again, and he studies my face as his substantial hands swallow it up.

My body conforms to him, and he stands and walks—with me wrapped around his torso—to his bathroom. Our eyes never break contact as we expose ourselves and become vulnerable and naked.

He takes a step up into the walk-in shower and turns it on, my legs still around his naked body as the water falls onto us like the hot waterfalls I visited in Jamaica last year.

“You drive me crazy,” he murmurs as he gasps for air between the water taking his breath away and my intense kisses. “And I never want to be without you,” he adds.

“I love you, Tobias Kinsley,” I squeal as he finally enters me. And my fucking God, did I mean it.

He does something to me that makes me fear not having him in my life. It’s so true, my greatest fear in this moment is him leaving and taking my heart with him.

“I love you too, princess,” he whispers as his mouth covers mine, taking my breath away emotionally and physically.

I breeze into university for my afternoon lecture. The amazing sex I had last night and this morning is still evident on my glowing cheeks.

It’s only a small course, so there aren’t even thirty of us in it, which means it’s noticeable when one is missing.

Jeff and another guy make a beeline for me as I take a seat, isolated away from everyone else. It annoys me that they sit so close when there are so many spare chairs.

I try to hold my gaze on the front while I wait for the class to start.

“You were missed this morning,” the Jeff guy snorts.

I smile as I grit my teeth.

“Don’t you live on campus?” The other guy asks.

He doesn’t look as nerdy as Jeff, but I have already decided he’s a dick for the simple fact that he has invaded my space and spoken to me when I have displayed clear signs that I want to be left alone.

I shake my head and pull my phone out. ~Fuck offfff~, I say in my head as I open Instagram.

A picture of Tobias brings a smile to my face. He’s wearing his blue jeans, a red-checked shirt, and a guitar as he sits with his legs dangling over the edge of his truck bed.

I breathe in heavily as I think about my night with him, my perfect night, with my perfect man. I join the eighty-five other comments and add a couple of flame emojis to his comments section.

“Where do you live, then?” Jeff asks.

I lift my eyes from the phone. “On a ranch with my uncle.” I reply coldly, willing them to stop talking to me.

“Sounds cool,” the other guy says as they both nod.

My eyes go back down to my phone. How dare these dicks interrupt my Tobias time. I am relieved when the professor starts up and everyone shuffles to look at the front of the class.

The day gets worse when I have a workshop and I’m put with Jackass Jeff and two women. One of the women is actually okay—she’s one I met before the course started—but the other is annoying.

“So we’re going to be together for the whole term,” Jackass beams.

“I’m so excited to get started with everything,” the annoying woman, Annie, adds.

“Yay,” Kelly adds sarcastically. She’s the one I think might be okay—she seems to think these two are knobs too, and it makes me feel better that she’s in our group.

“So, I hate the course and I’m in a group with Jackass Jeff and Annoying-as-Fuck Annie,” I say to my dad as I speed home.

“Give it time,” he says again.

“How much time do I have to give it?” I ask.

“Well, what’s the alternative—you come home and go back to your old ways?”

“My old ways, Dad, what are those?”

“You know—partying hard, drinking, living life like a superstar with no consequences for your actions.”

“Dad, you think they don’t drink here? They always have a beer in their hand. Besides, the real reason I’m here hasn’t gone away. You’re still marrying that blow-up doll.”

He sighs hard. He hates it when I call her that. “So, I see the attitude is still there.”

“Coming here was never going to change my personality, Dad. It won’t change facts either, but you know what, I’m over it. You marry who you want, but don’t lecture me if you disagree with my decisions. Respect works both ways.”

I think this might be the time to tell him about Tobias.

“Okay, well I suppose that’s progress,” he adds.

“Well, while we’re talking about respecting decisions, I need to tell you about one I have made.”

“Go on…,” he says suspiciously.

“I met someone and it’s a big deal to me.”

“Who? Since when were guys a big deal to you? I thought you were an independent woman who didn’t need no man.”

~No, Dad, I never needed you because I learned I was alone from a very young age, but that’s a conversation for another day.~

“He’s called Tobias and he’s—”

Dad interjects. “Please tell me you are just doing this to get back at me for sending you there. I know for a fact you would never go with a ranch hand or a cowboy.”

“Well, he’s different, and it’s for the long haul.”

“So if I said you could come back tomorrow, no repercussions, you would stay for him?”

Silence.

~He’s testing me!~

“Just think about it, El, and let me know.”

When I pull into the house, I see Tobias’s truck. He’s sitting on the porch with Frankie.

“Everything okay?” I ask as I approach them.

“Just fine,” Tobias replies as he walks to me and kisses my cheek. My eyes go to Frankie.

“You two think I’m stupid. I knew you liked each other—we all knew. I just didn’t want you getting into anything that would throw you off, but Tobias here has had a good chat with me, and I know he won’t hurt you, so I give you my blessing.”

I smile. “Thanks, Frankie,” I reply, and Tobias watches me as I head into the house.

“Hey, you didn’t mind me talking to Frankie, did you?” he asks as he follows me into the kitchen.

“I would have preferred we did it together, but no, it’s fine.”

“It doesn’t sound fine. Is this one of them times the woman says it’s fine and I should be aware it really isn’t?”

I shake my head. I’m bothered by what my dad said; he has left me with a lot to think about.

“No, cowboy, I will most definitely tell you when it’s not fine. You don’t have to worry about that.”

“That’s my princess.” He smiles as his arms go around me, and he hugs me tight. “Hey, you did this place proud too,” he adds as his eyes survey the room.

“Yeah, you think?”

“Yes, it looks amazing in here. It’s helped Frankie, having you here.”

We all eat together on Frankie’s porch. The weather is lovely—hot with a cool breeze.

I get Tobias to play some of his music as we sit and laugh about the day-to-day frolics of the ranch. The atmosphere is nice, and I feel comfortable, loved, and wanted.

Do I really want to return to a life where the only things that fulfill me are money, power, and belongings?