Awkwardness

“Hey,” he says as he fiddles with the strap on the horse. He doesn’t look at me as I draw closer.

“Hey,” I reply nervously. “How are you?”

He pulls hard on the horse’s strap before he turns to me. “I’m okay.”

I nod my head and continue to walk on by.

“She’s not pregnant, by the way,” he shouts.

I turn, and our eyes fix again. He’s trying hard to resist as his gaze breaks away but quickly comes back.

The windows to his soul, so blue, are telling me that he still wants this, but I know he won’t allow himself to give in. It’s his turn to protect himself—from me.

“Good,” I reply. “I assume it’s good?”

“Of course it is. You know what I want from my life. It’s not to have kids with women I don’t love.”

I wish he would have just spoken to me about this. Now I’ve fucked it up and I fear his eyes will never look at me the same.

“Are you out tonight?” he asks.

I look down at my feet. This feels so awkward. “No, I don’t think so,” I reply quietly.

“Look, don’t let me stop you doing things. You got friends here too now, and I would hate for you to be stuck in your room because of what went down with us.”

“You wouldn’t mind?” I ask.

He shakes his head as he mounts his horse. “You do what you want, princess,” he says. Then he rides off into the sunrise.

I pick up pace as I head back to Frankie’s. When I get to my room, I text Sara and tell her I will go out with them tonight, and I will get Frankie to drop me off.

I’m glad Tobias doesn’t show when I get to the bar. Tanner is here, though. He’s with Waylon, Lee, and Nick. I stick with Sara, but when she decides to leave early, I have no choice but to hang with the guys.

I discover that Waylon is Tanner’s cousin. They laugh when they tell me how most of them are related in some way.

“I think they call that inbred,” Nick laughs.

“No, no way. I would never fuck Waylon,” Tanner jests.

“Probably the only person in here you wouldn’t,” Nick replies, striking the peak of Tanner’s Kiss Me Where I Pee cap. Tanner turns it backward as he laughs.

When I head to the bar, Tanner joins me. He’s a lout, but he does have a good heart and he wants to check I’m doing okay.

“I’m fine. I saw Tobias earlier—he seemed okay.”

Tanner shakes his head. “He’s a guy—he’s not going to show you he’s struggling. It’s a man thing.”

“So he’s not doing okay?”

“Trav gave him a kick up the arse. He’s been drinking a lot. He didn’t show up to work the other day and that’s unheard of.”

“What the fuck can I do?”

“I don’t know, speak to him.”

“He can’t even look at me now, since…” My shameful mouth can’t even say it as my sinful eyes go to the floor.

“He’s my brother,” Tanner says as he puts his arm around me. “He’ll come around. I’ll be the one he hates for that, not you.”

“He drives me insane. He’s like a closed book. I know the plot, but I have no background as to why it’s going the way it is.”

Tanner laughs. “Listen to his music—that’s how he communicates. No doubt we will get some great songs out of this, if nothing else.”

I shove him playfully. Poor Tobias. I want to call him, to tell him that I want him, but I can’t. I guess we’re as stubborn as each other.

Tanner drops me home before he heads back to Lee’s, where they have a couple of hotties waiting for them. I had said I would get a cab or something, but he’s a gent and even waits in the truck until I get in the door.

Monday, I get the call that my car is ready. I’m ecstatic and can’t wait to have my freedom back. Freedom to drive where I want, to get off this ranch and be around people.

But before it comes, I said I would help Dawn out with some baking for the cake sales.

~Fucking baking, me!~

“I’ve never really done this,” I warn Dawn as I eye the mass of strange instruments on her kitchen side.

“That’s okay, you can be chief packer with Kayla and Marla,” she smiles.

~Sounds about right—stick me doing the kids’ jobs~.

Marla and Kayla are actually pretty cool. Marla, in particular—I’m starting to like that she is unfiltered. It’s hilarious.

“Do you kiss my Uncle Toby?” she asks me as she sits on the countertop passing me cupcakes.

I don’t really know how to respond to a five-year-old’s questions.

“Not anymore,” I reply, disappointed that I don’t.

“So you did?” she questions.

I nod and she goes on. “Did you sloppily kiss?”

~What the fuck is a sloppily kiss?~

Dawn saves me. “Hey, shall we count how many cakes we already packed?” she says excitedly.

The five-year-old won’t stop talking, though. “When boys want to marry girls, they kiss them sloppily.”

“I didn’t know that,” I reply, feeling unsettled. “I guess no one wants to marry me.”

“How come you don’t know that? I thought you went to college?”

I clear my throat awkwardly. This kid’s got me good.

“Oh, honey,” Dawn says. “You don’t learn that in college.”

She finally gives me a break when Travis walks in with Tobias. They’re both mucky from whatever they have been doing on the ranch.

As both girls run to Travis yelling “daddy,” I see Tobias watching with awe. He told me he wants that—it’s what he’s been working toward for years. He wants a wife, land, kids, the whole picture playing out in front of him.

“Look at you guys,” Dawn says as she follows behind the kids. I remain at the kitchen counter, on the outside.

“We had to dig out that burst pipe. There’s more to do.”

“Well, don’t walk your mess through here. Travis, go get yourself cleaned up.”

She heads off toward the bathroom with Travis, and Tobias turns to me. He pulls off his hoodie and it exposes some of his body as it lifts. Just that tiny bit of exposed skin turns me on.

I bite my lip and breathe in heavily. I’m sure he is getting hotter by the day. I get inappropriate thoughts of the last time we were together, when I was able to kiss and touch that body freely.

~Damn, it feels wrong with the kids around.~

“Uncle Toby, your girlfriend’s here,” the older kid shouts. I don’t like her so much.

“Hey,” Tobias says as he runs his hand over her head. He doesn’t respond to her comment. “What y’all up to here, then?” he asks.

“We’re packing the cakes,” the cute younger one beams. “Ella has the kids’ job because she’s not very good.”

I laugh and Tobias grins. “Uncle Toby, are you going to ask Ella to marry you because—”

I butt in. “No, no, he won’t be doing that.” I start to awkwardly clear away the cake boxes that we haven’t used.

“But my mama says—”

“Marla,” Tobias says as he crouches down to her level, “why don’t you go steal me one of them cupcakes your mama’s packed by the door.”

She squeals and runs into the hallway. Tobias turns back to me.

“She’s five,” he smiles.

I nod, and when Dawn returns, I make my excuse to leave. Red-faced and awkward as hell, I finally breathe when I get out of the door.

~Holy motherfucker, now I remember why I think all kids are dicks!~

I arrive at Frankie’s just in time for the car. My new baby has arrived, all sparkly and beautiful. I speed up when I see Mike holding some paperwork.

“Lucky I was about to leave,” he states as I approach him.

“But my uncle’s in,” I reply, confused.

“Well, no one answered the door when we knocked.”

“Okay, well I’m here now.”

Mike passes everything over to me and does a quick check of the car before congratulating me on being the new owner.

“And may your pent-up anger and whatever get relinquished before you take her for a spin,” he says as he leaves.

“Thanks, Mike. Pleasure doing business,” I laugh.

I’m not sure where Frankie has gotten to. His truck is here, and he knew my car was arriving at some point.

“Frankie,” I shout as I walk toward the house, turning around again to admire my new car from a distance.

Maybe he’s in the bathroom. I head up the stairs and check there—still no sign of him. I knock lightly on his closed bedroom door.

“Frankie,” I say as I peek into the room.

I feel relief when I see him lying on his bed. He coughs and I move closer.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

He starts a coughing fit and I feel his forehead.

“You don’t look too great. Can I get you to a doctor or something?”

“I’m fine,” he replies. “Just tired. I didn’t sleep well last night with this darn cough.”

“Can I get you a drink or something, then?” I ask and he shakes his head.

“My car’s here if you fancy a spin.”

“I think I will pass. I saw the poor salesman’s nerves when he got out of the car with you.”

He laughs and I have to agree—I did take advantage of the quiet, straight roads. We just don’t have them like that in England.

“Okay, give me a shout if you need anything, and take that cough medicine I bought you.”

He mutters something as I walk out, and I dash back down the stairs to take another look at my new car.