toxic.

i mistook the anxiety you gave me for butterflies.

i disguised the fear i had of you as being bashful.

i hid the fact that i didn't love you so that you wouldn't end up killing us both.

i thought it was love when i couldn't live without you.

i thought it was real when you yelled at me and fought with me every day. we went to war because we wanted peace.

i thought it was normal to feel the drop in my stomach and the ache in my heart whenever you got mad at me. there's nothing normal about feeling like you're about to be thrown away for one mistake.

i thought i was supposed to like the pain but the trauma you put me through wasn't pain, it was fucking manipulation.

there's nothing normal about fearing for your life when you can't give what they want.

//

ok hi i just want y'all to know that relationships like this are toxic and some are even abusive. please please please get help if you feel you are unsafe. if you are unhappy, don't stay because you are comfortable or because you are scared. if you need someone to talk to, my messages are open. stay strong queens. lots of love from my heart to yours. -jupi.