Chapter 32 : God, I'm such a hormonal bitch..

HI THIS IS MY FAVORITE CHAPTER AND THE LONGEST ONE BY FAR (over three thousand words.)

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Chapter 32 : God, I'm such a hormonal bitch..

That moment when the title is relatable

Tw/ anxiety attack

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"You're not serious right now." I said into the phone as I glared at Aaron, who's looking very hot even through my window.

"You need to hurry up before your dad wakes up and sees us Oreo." Aaron stated calmly.

"For godssake, I though you weren't coming anymore since six hours ago, what the hell are you trying to do now?" I raised my voice angrily and immediately regretted it as I remembered my parents are asleep.

"I'm trying to get you the hell out of this house," Aaron responded carelessly and then added, "lower that voice of yours, Oreo."

"Why me? Just leave, now Aaron!" I exclaimed, waving my hand as if to signal that this boy should drive away right this second.

"Because I'm bored and you're kind of fun to hang out with." Aaron said and I can tell he's running his hand through his hair from up here.

Dear god, please allow me access to his hair one day. Sincerely, a very hormonal teenager.

"Kind of?" I narrowed my eyes even though Aaron probably can't see my features clearly right now.

"Yes, now would you please come out and stop wasting the night?" Aaron asked in a hopeful tone.

I sighed, surprising myself as I actually considered it.

Maybe if I go with him now, he'll just leave me alone.

Or maybe on top of that, I'm tired of being the good girl that was made fun of by her ex for being too caring about her parent's feelings.

And I mean what harm can happen? It's just Aaron, and worst case scenario, if my parents find out I left the house past midnight, I'll just be honest with them.

Shit, I think I'm going for it.

Couldn't he just be normal and do what he said he'll actually be doing in school.

He did say he's coming to your house..

But I thought he was going inside. Whatever.

"Okay, just give me ten minutes." I said, shaking my head, damn you Aaron.

"Really?" I can practically hear Aaron's smile from here.

I smiled as well, "Yeah okay, fuck you."

Aaron giggled quietly as I saw him walk back into his car, I think it has to do with it being too cold outside.

I ended the call and made sure to close the curtains as I changed my clothes.

After wearing a grey hoodie with black sweatpants, I brushed my hair quickly and put on some blush and mascara.

I know it's the middle of the night, but I still don't want Aaron to see me as a dead alien, it is bad enough he got to see me sleeping and I look really dead asleep.

I grabbed my phone and Nike shoes and headed for the door as quitely as I can.

I made my way towards Aaron who apparently has stepped out of his car already and is now holding the passenger door open for me.

I rolled my eyes at him and muttered an, "Okay, whatever." As I stepped in and put the seatbelt on.

After Aaron got in, he immediately started talking.

"You're not gonna be mad for the next two hours, are you?" He said, starting the car and driving away.

Two hours..

"Let me think about it." I said jokingly, earning a chuckle from Aaron.

"So where'd you like to go?" Aaron asked.

"Seriously!!" I exasperated, "Guess who's gonna be mad for the next two hours? Yup, that's me." I crossed my arms and proceeded to ignore Aaron by staring outside the window.

"Why's that?" Aaron replied, laughing.

"Don't you dare laugh right now, did you really just get me out of the house just as I was about to fall asleep, only to ask me where I'd wanna go, what do you think I have in my head, trust me I didn't dream about any place because I didn't even get to fall asleep because your annoying ass decided to show up and-"

"Ellie, calm down, what the hell!" Aaron looked at me, widening his eyes at my outburst.

Whatever I just said was too unnecessary, I just love being extra.

"I think we've all established how dramatic I can get." I shrugged, lowering my voice back to normal now as I embarrassingly looked away.

I always ramble way too much without being aware that I am.

"That's what makes it ten times more fun to hang out with you instead of anyone else." Aaron said, still staring directly ahead.

My heart fluttered as I gazed back at Aaron with a smile on my face.

"Listen, I can always ramble random bullshit, but if someone says something nice to me, I cannot get a single word out so um, you know.." I let my voice trail off as I felt my face warming up.

I can get too shy, and Aaron specifically says the most right things out of nowhere, making it worse.

"I didn't say that for you to say something nice back, that's never my intention, especially with you, I'm just telling you how I really feel." Aaron responded, glancing at me now.

Now my shyness has definitely drifted to a higher level as I didn't say anything at all.

I tried to hide my blushing face with my hair as I grinned to myself. God, I'm such a hormonal bitch right now for real, what's going on with me?

"I'd like some icecream, if available." I said suddenly, making Aaron laugh.

"You're so cute, Oreo." He said as I felt things happening in my stomach. I always describe it as the feeling you get when you're on a rollercoaster, and it really feels just like it.

And just like that, we ended up going back to the place Aaron showed me a couple months ago.

You know, back in the day when I didn't tolerate him alot, or I didn't leave the house behind my parent's back to get icecream with him on a school night.

It looks even more beautiful now than before, with the wind blowing up my hair and the chills from the cold that we had to ignore in order to eat this icecream that I prayed to god tastes good because we found a random icecream truck just like the previous time.

We sat on the ground and were already almost done with our icecream that we devoured on the way.

"It's literally just like last time." I said, staring far ahead into the water.

"But the one difference is, we're actually friends now." Aaron said.

I started laughing as I replied, "I don't really have much of a choice do I? You always pop up everywhere."

"Oh shut up, I'm not that bad." Aaron rolled his eyes.

"You're better than you were at the start of the year." I shrugged.

"How was I back then?" Aaron raised his brows in a questioning manner.

"You nearly threw my phone outside the car window, just to annoy me, I think that says enough." I smiled sarcastically at Aaron.

"Fair enough." He responded, staring ahead as well now.

For a while there we just sat in silence. That Aaron decided to break, per usual.

"What made you agree to come with me now? That was quite shocking to be honest." Aaron asked me, his green eyes looking beautiful as hell as they lightened, in contrast to the darkness surrounding us.

"You wouldn't go away." I responded automatically, lying to myself and him as well.

"So that I can go away my ass, tell me the truth, Oreo." Aaron demanded, crossing his arms which caught my attention.

"Oh, we've finished the icecream at the same time, look at that." I said, looking nervously around.

"Ellie!" Aaron whined and the fact that he called me by my real name proves that he really wants an answer.

"Well I.." I took a deep breath, "I don't really know I guess I just.." I paused for a while, searching for the right words.

Do I even know why I agreed so easily myself?

"I feel like I'm just bored, I've always had this idea about doing all this crazy shit in highschool, having all these stories to tell about it in the future, but now I just find myself hanging on to whatever stupid shit my ex said, instead of acting goofy and crazy like I actually am." I explained, unaware of what I'm saying, and also, not afraid at all.

Because through everything I'm saying, Aaron is just listening, giving me this interested look that urged me to continue without fear of being misunderstood.

"What did he say, if you don't mind me asking?" Aaron asked.

I looked down, "Well, just to be clear, we dated for a year and a half almost, and he has always been super amazing and always made me happy, you know he was my first everything pretty much-"

Before I got to continue, Aaron cut me off, "He didn't go to our school right? I've never seen you with someone there, or maybe you both just didn't make it obvious?"

"No, he's a year older than us, and he lives in Boston, I met him because we had been there once for a family event thing, and he'd come see me here every once in a while." I explained as Aaron nodded his head waiting for me to continue.

I don't think I've told anyone everything about Colton besides Rose.

Alot of people knew we were together ofcourse, but no one knows how we broke up, everyone just assumed we were perfect for each other.

Truth is, we were at some point.

"Well," I began to continue, "there's nothing much to say, he changed, he fell out of love with me I guess, but I wish he'd left me since he realized that, instead, he stayed and he would always lash out and say that I'm trying so hard to act too good when I don't do the stupid illegal shit he lived for, and you can only imagine how much it got through my head, because even though he said alot of other things, he made me feel as though that was the reason he broke up with me."

"He broke up with you?" Aaron repeated and I noticed him clenching his fists.

I nodded, "This past entire Summer vacation, all I could think of was I lost the person I loved wholeheartedly for over a year because I'm simply someone who's boring and isn't willing to take risks."

"Well just to be clear," I don't know why I made sure to add, "I'm still angry but I'm not hung up on him as much as I was eight months ago."

Somehow, I felt the need to inform Aaron of that.

Maybe a part of me is afraid Aaron would walk away too if he thinks I'm still in love with Colton.

I still love him ofcourse, but not like before, I'm kind of just left with anger, with this feeling that I want to scream at him and ask him why he'd left me crying on the phone, but there's nothing I can do about it now.

"What did you tell him when he broke up with you?" Aaron asked, sounding mad for some reason before saying, "Nevermind, I'm pyring alot, I'm sorry."

"No, don't be silly, and I didn't really get to say anything since he ended the call as soon as I began talking."

"He left you through a fucking phone call?" Aaron gasped.

I chuckled bitterly, "Yeah, I got it really bad."

"He's such a fucking dumbass Ellie, I hope you know that." Aaron started as I looked at him surprised but didn't say anything.

"You're such a wonderful person, you care alot about everyone who matters to you, and you're always laughing and being your goofy dramatic self, and on top of that, you're beautiful as hell, it really is his loss, not yours." Aaron said, looking at me sincerely, and his eyes looked so pure and honest, I believed almost everything he just said.

"Oh Aaron," I bit my lips unintentionally as I added, "thank you so much, that means alot to me."

"You don't have to thank me for being honest, Oreo." Aaron responded in a low tone, his voice sounding perfectly raspy.

I just smiled as my eyes fought so hard but failed to look at Aaron's lips.

I found Aaron doing the same thing, both of us gazing back and forth at the other's eyes and lips.

Before I realized it, I was drawing my face closer to his, and that's when my heart nearly jumped out of my chest.

Aaron inched in closer and there was very little space left between us now.

But just before our lips touched, I snapped out of it, and moved myself further away as I changed the subject.

Aaron looked disappointed as I nervously said, "You know, I have an entire miserable heartbreak playlist, if you need it someday."

Part of me is disappointed too and another is scared.

I never thought I would want to kiss Aaron, he's always been just a great friend and even though I have been aware that he's closer to me than everyone else, besides Rose, I always just brushed it off. He's just a good friend of mine.

But looking into his eyes took my breath away, and I couldn't help but feel the need to press my lips against his.

Unfortunately, that's what I always do. I ruin things and I ruin moments because I'm too scared all the time.

I know that Aaron would never see me as more than a friend and I don't want to have feelings for someone who'll use them again.

Keeping my heart away will always keep me safe, and that's how I like it, I just need to finish this year and go away for college to start a new independent life, I don't want anyone before that.

"Sure, yeah." Aaron said, turning his head away from me and I forgot what I even said that he's replying to as the tingles I'm still feeling everywhere are distracting me.

I shook my head. Silly me.

I shouldn't have let it get this far, and I'm glad I stopped it at the right time, but all I did was let some things off my chest to a close friend of mine, there's no need for a kiss to be involved.

"Oreo?" Aaron muttered, looking at my hand that was now clutching the grass beneath us tightly, me not being aware of it.

I didn't really respond though as I realized, it's happening again, but this time in front of Aaron.

Oh my god, bad timing.

I put more pressure on my hand, willing the bundle of nerves to leave until I'm home and away from Aaron.

But before I knew it, my breathing had already began shortening and my heart is skipping a beat here and there.

My eyes kept holding unshed tears as I tried so hard to stop it, but it's too late now, I'll have to go through this now one way or another.

My body started shaking and that's when Aaron took full notice of what's going on but I just continued trying to keep my breath under control.

"Ellie." Aaron said and I felt his arms wrap around me as I let the tears fall.

My mind is already somewhere else and I'm not really focusing as much, but I can still feel Aaron's hand grabbing mine and holding it away from the ground. I think I accidentally dug my nails too deep into my own skin that it left a slight sting.

Which isn't affecting me now because all I can think of is how bad this is, and that I don't know what's wrong with me but I just need it to stop soon.

"It's okay," Aaron whispered, holding me tighter, "it's just an anxiety attack, it'll be over soon, you're fine."

Aaron explained what I've been wondering for the past months, but I'm too drained to think about that right now.

"Just take a deep breath with me, okay?" Aaron muttered softly as I tried to do what he said and I felt his chest rise as he took a deep breath with me as well.

"You're doing fine, let's do it again okay." We did it again as I shook quietly in Aaron's arms.

My breathing has began falling into place as well as my heartbeat but I still complied with Aaron's words, "One more time, Oreo."

About two minutes later, I was back to normal and my tears were beginning to dry up but I was still in Aaron's arms.

"Are you okay now?" Aaron asked gently and I nodded my head, burying my face further into his chest.

There's no need to deny the fact that I'm too embarrassed that Aaron saw that, I didn't want to ever bring it up in front of anyone, never mind experiencing it in front of their eyes.

"Has this been going on for a long time?" Aaron asked me.

"Just this year, it's nothing, I'll get over it soon, I know it, I didn't want to worry anyone about it, so I'm really sorry you had to see that, you're the only one who know." I said, finally having the guts to pull back and look at Aaron's face.

Thank god I only found waterproof mascara and went for it, I do need to buy a new one, these are the worst. Except for this situation ofcourse, without it I would have mascara dripping down my chin at this point.

"Don't ever say that again, you're not worrying us like that, we love you Ellie, okay? You can always talk to us about anything, we would never judge you," And then he added as he looked me directly in the eye, "I would never judge you."

"Okay." I nodded after a while with a smile.

And then I felt the need to change the mood back to how it was.

I did listen to everything Aaron said for real, and I do believe him that he wouldn't judge me, I mean what he did now proves it all. But, that ofcourse doesn't mean I won't overthink it and feel guilty about ruining the fun mood we were in.

That's just how I've always been, I'm someone who feels guilty for everything.

How did we even get here for godssake?

"I've read this book, in which this bitch is literally all over her brother." I said in a disbelieving look.

Aaron smiled at me for a while and then frowned, "Ew, like they were hooking up?"

"Oh yeah, I couldn't finish the damn thing, it made me too uncomfortable." I stated, shaking my head.

"What kind of book is that!" Aaron said, furrowing his brows.

"I know right." I said, laughing a little.

About five minutes later, Aaron and I decided it's probably a good idea if we head home now since it's three in the morning.

Aaron's words from earlier played over and over in my head, I should probably look up everything about anxiety attacks soon. But for now I'll just torture myself with thinking about how I almost kissed Aaron Owens and was held in his arms for a while.

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A/N

TWO DAYS LATE BUT I CAN STILL SAY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

What did yall do on New Years Eve?

This is the first year that i actually have a special kind of fun on this day so that's nice.

YALL MY HEART WAS LIKE MOVING FOR THE PAST TWO HOURS AS I WROTE THIS.

why cant I have an Aaron hold me when I get an anxiety attack? Life's unfair.

I don't want jinx it but like, in a matter of four days this book changed from 5k reads to 7k and THAT MADE ME SO DAMN HAPPY.

I can see alot of new people in my notifs and i cant thank you enough for supporting this story or even liking it.

Love you all.

Chicken nuggets and obsessing over Camila Cabello ~Sania.