r u l e # 9

Rule #9 Be proud of your choices

Being an adult is about being brave and being responsible for your behavior. It doesn't matter if you're a virgin or a sexpert. It's okay to wait, but it's perfectly okay to experience too.

It's not lame to want a serious relationship that leads to marriage and kids. It doesn't make you morally challenged if you want to keep it casual. It's great if you're a hopeless romantic who starts making up baby names after the first date, but if you want to stay unattached your whole life, that's cool too.

The most important thing is to be honest, be comfortable with who you are, and have fun!

......

As summer crossed the midpoint and started nearing the end, Jake went to Germany with Sean and Dylan. He had been looking forward to this trip for an entire year, and he was especially glad that for once they were all single. He was counting on his friends to be his wingmen and they could all bond over the marvelous wonder of casual sex.

Hooking up with fellow travelers was the best kind. It was hit and run, with no possibility of a future together.

What he didn't expect was that his buddies were both embarrassingly hung up on their exes. When they weren't writing sappy postcards or making daily calls, they were contented with hanging out in the hostel bar, chatting up people with the sole intention of making conversations. At the moment they were sitting across two other guys from Hong Kong, playing cards and laughing, and they sure didn't look like they were hitting on them.

Jake had to set out alone for the sacred mission of planting his seeds across the European soil. Dylan looked up at him from a distance and smirked, as if saying he wanted to live vicariously through him.

While Sean was getting dumped, Jake was getting laid. While Dylan was getting slapped around by his crazy ex, Jake was getting laid. Now that they were getting slayed over bridge, Jake still planned on getting laid.

His friends thought he'd got game and he wanted them to believe that. They didn't know Jessica rejected him again and he was secretly pissed off about it.

He hadn't seen her ever since she left his house that day. She called him before his departure and wished him a pleasant journey, in that obligated way he absolutely hated, like she thought it was the nice thing to do even though she didn't give a rat's ass about his trip. He asked her if she wanted anything from Germany but had to laugh at the ridiculousness of it.

She could get anything she wanted. She didn't need him.

What would Dylan do? He wouldn't back off, of course. He would keep pestering the girl until he got himself a restraining order. Sean would respect the girl's wishes and never bother her again, and frankly, he was more likely to be the one to say, "I'm sorry, I can't do this" instead of the other way around.

Jake was lost, confused, and this was unfamiliar territory. He didn't like to force people, but he wasn't one to let go, either, therefore he had to deal with it with the only way he knew how—

Distraction.

The first girl he picked couldn't speak English. He felt wrong to make out with her, so he ended up showing her all the pictures he had on his camera. The second girl was a knockout with that classic East-Central European look he found very attractive, but he decided against it at the last minute, simply because he forgot where she was from.

Was it Slovakia? Slovenia? It seemed very unethical to keep going when he couldn't remember such a basic detail.

He asked her if she wanted to hang out at the supermarket instead. He was malfunctioning. It was as if he was deliberately finding excuses not to have sex.

"I want to buy some souvenirs for a special person," he said.

The girl was agreeable and very nice. She said yes right away.

......

"The taste test is on," Jake announced. He sat in his own backyard, and with a grin, he took out two packs of gummy bears from his Herschel backpack.

The letters printed on the package were different. One said Haribo Goldbären, the other said Haribo Gold-Bears.

"We're gathered here today to find out which version tastes better," Jake said in a formal chairman tone. "Germany versus America. It's rumored that the German version has a more real, fruity taste and we're about to challenge that."

"That sounds fun!" Russell put his hands together.

Charlotte rolled her eyes and smiled.

"Show some respect, Char. I carried a kilogram of those bears from their homeland all the way across the Atlantic ocean, all for the sake of research."

She laughed softly. "I can't wait."

"This experiment will be conducted in a single-blind manner in order to ensure accuracy," Jake said. "That means no peeking, Russell. You're not allowed to know which bag you're eating from yet."

The little boy giggled. Jake watched him reach in the bag with his eyes closed, pulling out an orange one.

"Hmm. This tastes juicy. The texture is...firm."

"Let me write that down, buddy." Jake stretched across the lawn and propped himself up on his elbows, quickly scribbling down Russell's vague descriptions. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could feel Charlotte checking him out.

Damn. If only he knew how to look a little less sexy. "You want to give it a go, Char?"

"Sure." She nodded her head and shut her eyes.

She really was quite pretty when her hair flew in the soft breeze, he noticed, watching the blonde strands brushing against her rosy cheeks. She was undeniably a lovely girl with an even lovelier heart, but to him, there had always been just one rose, one girl.

He wanted the crimson one with a lot of vicious thorns.

Charlotte wasn't a white rose to him. She was more like a handful of edelweiss; small and white, clean and bright, always happy to meet him.

"You were gone for so long," Russell said. "I'm so happy you're back!"

"Me too," Jake said, meaning it. It was great to have someone to miss and to be missed.

They spent the whole afternoon going through their scientific research, repeating the experiment many times, sometimes eating three different flavors at once to find the best combination, until they finally agreed on the fact that American gummies were slightly faker with a softer texture. German ones were stronger-flavored, but they were harder to chew.

Russell threw a piece of bear at him. He tried catching it with his mouth and laughed as it bounced off his face. Charlotte smiled indulgently at the both of them. He caught her eyes and winked.

"Thank you," she mouthed.

"Welcome," he mouthed back.

This was okay too, he thought. This was nice. This was a different kind of nice in its own sense and it was not to be compared with anything else, and it certainly wasn't a substitute for anything else, either. This was important. This mattered.

This didn't make his pulse race and his adrenaline flow, but with the sun shining down, the grass freshly cut, the gummy bears melting on his tongue, and smiling people who embraced his presence, he thought, this was definitely okay too.

......

He still missed Jessica.

It wasn't that easy to change. He missed talking to her, listening to her stories, smelling her hair, and having sex with her. He even missed Mr. Jiang—just a little bit.

Jake flipped open his laptop, clicked on a video and put on his headphones. He was horny and he needed some release. He was just about to touch himself when the phone rang.

"Hey, it's me. What are you doing?" Charlotte said.

Jake glanced at the screen and pressed pause. "Um...I'm watching a romantic action movie."

"Is it good?"

"Well, the acting is horrible, there's no plot, and the dialogue is awful..."

"Why are you watching it then?"

He sighed. "You wouldn't understand, Char. What's up?"

He could hear her withdrew a long breath. "Can you come out?"

He glanced at the screen again, and stifling a sigh, he closed the window. "Sure. Ask Russell to come. I want to show you guys an ice cream place I found."

"I was thinking... I have something important that I want to tell you in person. Can it be just the two of us? It won't take long. I'll just tell you...the thing and you can go."

Oh my God. She's going to confess her crush on me.

"Can it wait?"

"Not really. Please, Jake. I promise it'll only take a minute."

All the way over, Jake's brain was busy turning as he thought of gentle ways to turn her down. He thought bringing Jessica to Russell's party was enough, but apparently she needed more persuasion.

I value your friendship too much and I don't want to fuck it up—that was true.

I'm going to university in weeks and this really isn't a good time—that was partly true, even though it wouldn't matter if this were Jessica in question here.

I'm a Sagittarius and you're a Pisces and we'll never work out—that was a lousy excuse but maybe she believed in astrology.

I just realized I wasn't as straight as I thought—ugh who was going to buy that?

He took her to the ice cream place anyway and squirmed in the seat opposite her.

"I used to have a crush on the most popular boy at my school," Charlotte said, staring down at the spoon in her hand. "I knew he'd never notice me, let alone like me back, so I carried it around like a dirty secret and I was so afraid of people finding out. One day, this very...important girl started talking to me after class, and I was so ecstatic and flattered, when a few days later she asked me about my crush, I told her via a text. I wanted to be her friend and I thought offering her something precious was the way to do it. Hours later the whole school saw the screen shot."

"Oh no."

She nodded. "Yeah. He thought it was funny too. I was mortified."

"Char, there's nothing to laugh at."

"I know that now. I used to think a crush is as embarrassing as dirty gym socks and should be hidden." She looked up, and she was blushing pinker than the strawberry ice cream in front of her. "I don't feel that way anymore. It doesn't mean I'm ridiculous or pathetic if he doesn't like me back. It just means he doesn't like me back, as simple as that, and that's okay. I just...really want to tell you this. I...um...Jake, we both know I have a major crush on you."

He expected it, but not like this. He watched the ice cream slowly melt into a pink pool, and for once he was at a loss for words.

"Char, I..."

"You don't have to turn me down." She laughed nervously. "I already know you don't like me that way, and you're kind enough to be clear about it. You never led me on. I didn't tell you because I want a reply or I want to get this off my chest or anything. I told you because you're a great guy and very deserving of a crush and you should know that. I'm not embarrassed that I like you. I feel proud."

Jake felt his face heat up the way it never did before. He wanted to say something—anything—back, but Charlotte didn't allow him a chance to talk.

"You're popular and cool but very nice and it's like you make the people around you feel special, and you're really sweet but you don't even realize it which makes it even more precious. We have very different ideas on relationships but you're respectful and a total gentleman and you're funny and charming and hot and you look like you belong in a Taylor Swift music video or at least in her bed...oh God. I can't believe I actually said that. I'm done now."

Jake laughed. "Char...that's...wow. Thank you."

She nodded and scooped up a huge spoonful of ice-cream, quickly shoving it in her mouth, like she wanted to shut herself up.

"Thank you for telling me," he said again. "That really means a lot. I'm flattered you think of me like that."

He felt like he was given a present. A beautifully wrapped, well-thought-out present that was meant to bring a smile to his face. He didn't need to be afraid of it. He accepted it with delight and felt a warm, comforting glow over his entire body.

"No problem." She pulled her lips into a shy smile, but at the same time she looked radiant with confidence.

"You're an angel. I'm really lucky to be your friend."

"I'm an angel that talks too much." She laughed. "Hey, I want to ask you how's it going with Jessica. I'd be happy for you if you guys got together."

"Not great, actually."

"Why? Did you tell her how you feel about her?"

"I hinted about it and she knew, but I guess she didn't want the same thing I do."

Charlotte is a great girl, but Jessica, she's not the girl I'm attracted to.

I'm not asking to be your boyfriend, okay? You don't need to freak out just because I told you you're special.

The more time I spend with the red rose, the more I want to be with her.

I don't think of you as a hot girl I'm banging anymore.

"You hinted?" Charlotte's eyes widened. "Did you ever come right out and say, Jessica, I like you?"

"Um...no?"

Charlotte sighed. "Jake, you need to be brave."