CH 29

Tang Cuo still had his eyes open, and Tang Xu smiled as he kissed his lips again. “Have you been keeping your eyes open all this time?”

Tang Cuo’s limited consciousness was insufficient to answer this question, and he opened his mouth emptily, asking, “Why… why like this?”

At that moment, Tang Xu began to doubt his own ability to express himself, “Didn’t I say we’re together?”

Unexpectedly, after hearing this sentence, Tang Cuo was shocked and backed away, muttering incomprehensibly, “No, this isn’t right; it can’t be like this…”

“Where are you going?” Tang Xu grabbed his ankle and forcefully pulled him back, causing the carpet to wrinkle.

“What’s wrong?” Tang Xu asked, looking at him intently.

“I…” Tang Cuo began to say something, but suddenly stopped and tightly pursed his lips.

Seeing him still unable to express himself, Tang Xu held his face and kissed him again. This time, Tang Cuo was sober and began to twist his body to avoid him.

Tang Xu asked, “Don’t you miss me? Don’t you want to see me? Then why can’t we be together?”

But Tang Cuo continued to lower his head and remain silent, his ostrich-like habit resurfacing. He didn’t answer any of her questions.

Observing him with his hair standing on end, Tang Xu thought for a moment before rubbing his head and asking, “Is it because you don’t believe me after what happened last time?”

This time, Tang Cuo immediately shook his head and raised his head to argue anxiously, “No!”

“Then tell me why, or I might not be able to guess until tomorrow morning.”

Tang Cuo couldn’t explain the reason behind something, and he didn’t want to, nor was he able to give Tang Xu a detailed list of his thoughts. He just shook his head and repeated that he couldn’t.

He couldn’t stand the persistent questioning and wanted to stand up and leave. However, Tang Xu pulled him down and held him in his arms, preventing him from moving.

“I want to go to sleep.”

“No, explain it clearly first.”

Tang Xu had made up his mind to speak up about everything that could be said and to untie any knot that could be untied tonight. Time waits for no one, and he knew very well that the longer certain problems persisted, the more terrible the consequences could be.

Tang Cuo couldn’t run away and didn’t say a word. He just gave up and stayed in Tang Xu’s arms. Tang Xu scratched his itch and said, “Do you plan to spend the night here with me?”

Tang Cuo shook his head.

“Then tell me, why can’t you say it?”

Tang Cuo had been throwing up and crying all night and was now exhausted and demoralised. Seeing that Tang Xu was determined to stick with him until the end, Tang Cuo could only shrink back and look up at him, saying, “I came to find you, not because I wanted…to be with you or anything…I just wanted to be somewhere close to you.”

Tang Xu pondered over these words and understood what Tang Cuo meant, but still asked, “Why don’t you want to be together?”

“I’m scared; I’m scared I’ll be like before.”

Although Tang Cuo’s statement seemed to be without context, Tang Xu understood what he meant.

“Will you love me?”

Tang Cuo shook his head, “I don’t know.”

Tang Xu laughed, saying, “It doesn’t matter whether you know or not, we are going to be together; your objections are also invalid.” He then kissed Tang Cuo’s forehead and said, “But I believe you won’t; love is a beautiful thing; you didn’t understand it before, but now that you do, you can’t hurt anyone in its name.”

Tang Cuo squinted his eyes. “Love is a beautiful thing?” It sounded like repetition and a question.

“It is.” Tang Xu’s tone was firm.

In this resolute tone, Tang Cuo tasted a trace of something called trust, which was truly precious to him. However, he evaluated himself thoroughly, from head to toe and inside out, but felt that he couldn’t afford it. He didn’t tell Tang Xu. Even now, if he were to describe his true feelings, he would want Tang Xu to belong to him alone, with madness and jealousy. He knew it was not right.

Tang Xu didn’t push him anymore and saw that his eyelids were drooping, so she patted him and told him to go to bed. Tang Cuo got up and was about to leave the room, but Tang Xu stopped him and asked, “Where are you going? Sleep here.”

“Tang Cuo stumbled and fell to the ground, and the two of them stared at each other with wide eyes. As their gazes met, Tang Cuo felt as if a bell had been loudly struck in his head, reminding him that this was too intimate.

However, all of Tang Cuo’s efforts were in vain in front of Tang Xu, and he was defeated like an army facing a mountain.

After taking a shower, Tang Xu came out and saw Tang Cuo curled up in bed, feeling like he was burning up. Tang Xu turned off the lights, touched Tang Cuo’s face with his fingers, and said goodnight. He was surprised to find that Tang Cuo’s face was burning hot, and he instinctively touched his forehead and asked, “Do you have a fever?”

Tang Cuo muttered that he didn’t have a fever and stared at Tang Xu, unwilling to let go of his gaze. Tang Xu understood that he was just feeling shy.

“What? You used to crawl into my bed all the time,” Tang Xu said.

Tang Cuo protested softly, “It’s different.”

He felt that Tang Xu had the potential to be a tyrant in certain ways, being stubborn and not willing to compromise. He said that if they wanted to be together, they would be together no matter what, and now they even had to sleep together.

Tang Cuo wanted to say something, but Tang Xu kissed him to prevent him from speaking.

“Look at the time; it’s getting late. We can talk about it tomorrow,” Tang Xu lay down and hugged him. “Alright, go to sleep now.”

Despite feeling dizzy and disoriented, this was the first time Tang Cuo enjoyed the feeling of being held while sleeping, ever since he realised he had a strong liking for Tang Xu. Tang Xu’s breath brushed against his forehead, giving him an indescribable feeling. He shifted slightly, allowing Tang Xu’s breath to fall on his eyebrows, a sensitive area.

Tang Xu held him tighter and, after he closed his eyes, softly spoke with his chin resting on his forehead, “Love is indeed beautiful. Trust me, you will slowly experience it in the future. Don’t be anxious, and don’t be afraid.”

Tang Xu’s voice was as deep as ever, as if reciting an ancient story. Tang Cuo reopened his eyes that he had just closed, shining like two stars in the dark night.

Although there were still a few days until Tang Cuo’s parents returned, Tang Xu suggested one morning that they bring some things over to stay. His tone was as calm as if he were suggesting they go to the park on a nice day.

Tang Cuo quickly shook his head and said, “No need, no need.”

Tang Xu put down his chopsticks, sat up straight, and raised his fork to look at him. “You don’t have to come, but give me one or more reasons. Tang Sihang, please answer.”

After speaking, he even raised his hand in a standard “please” gesture.

After that, Tang Sihang (Tang Cuo) could not come up with any reasons. Sitting in Tang Xu’s car, he completely gave up struggling and forced himself to accept the fact that he and Tang Xu were together.

During the vacation, the university campus was desolate. Walking on the road, not only were there few people, but even the trees overhead were bare and insignificant in sight. In fact, upon further reflection, every place and every building has its own sunrise and sunset, seasonal changes, times of hustle and bustle, as well as times of neglect and abandonment. If we go deeper, people are also like this.

“Is it okay to park here?”

This time, Tang Xu drove directly to the dormitory building where Tang Cuo lived. Tang Cuo was too scared to get out of the car, and he could really relate to the phrase “being nervous like a thief”.

“It’s okay,” Tang Xu intentionally blurred his point, “my car is registered, so it has the qualifications to be driven on campus.”

…There was a generation gap. Tang Cuo got out of the car in frustration.

Tang Xu leaned against the seat of the car, watching people swipe their cards to enter the building outside, and chuckled to himself. This kid was really easy to manipulate. Back then, he forced him to confess his feelings for him and didn’t even ask if he really liked him. And now he had told him they were together, and Tang Cuo didn’t even ask any questions.

When Tang Cuo got upstairs, he remembered that there was still He Zhong in the room. It was like realising the answer after finishing the exam and turning in a blank sheet of paper. He stood at the door of the dormitory and slapped his forehead. How could he forget about He Zhong? Wasn’t that the reason?

Pushing open the door, He Zhong was sitting inside, looking at his computer with a mournful expression on his face. Tang Cuo leaned over to take a look and was surprised to see that He Zhong was watching a historical drama that had aired some time ago.

He blinked in disbelief and asked, “Why aren’t you playing games?”

He Zhong’s face became even more mournful. “That grandson, Zhao Fei Fei, took my account to download dramas before he left, saying he would watch them on the train. He used up all of my data!”

“…You can use mine,” Tang Cuo whispered, sneaking over to his wardrobe to grab his bag, thinking about how to broach the subject with He Zhong.

“Do you think if mine has no data, yours will still have any?” He Zhong replied, then started complaining about the campus network at their university.

Tang Cuo rummaged through his clothes and decided to take down a coat that was hanging on a hanger. When he tried to remove the hanger, he fumbled, and the hanger, along with the coat, fell to the ground with a loud clatter. He Zhong looked away from the computer screen and asked, “Why are you getting your bag?”

Tang Cuo coughed twice and picked up the clothes. “I’m going home…”

“What?” He Zhong’s exclamation blended perfectly with a shout from his computer.

Tang Cuo looked at him while holding his clothes and shrugged, “Uh… my family wants me to go back. You’re leaving the day after tomorrow, right? I’ll come to see you off…”

As Tang Cuo spoke, his voice became smaller and smaller. Finally, looking at the increasingly defeated expression on He Zhong’s face, he couldn’t bear it and put the bag with two pieces of clothing back on the stool. “Ah, forget it; I’ll leave in two days.”

Tang Cuo ran down the stairs, and when he saw that Tang Cuo was empty-handed, Tang Xu asked, “What’s wrong?”

After catching his breath, Tang Cuo gathered his courage and said, “I’ll leave in two days; otherwise, He Zhong will be the only one left without the internet, which is too pitiful.”

Tang Xu looked at his appearance, pondered for a while, and tilted his head to say, “Why do I feel like you’re writing a report?”

Although Tang Cuo is a bit serious now, he doesn’t think it’s that serious…

Tang Xu reached out and pinched his chin. “You won’t be reporting to me like this every day in the future, will you?” After speaking, Tang Xu laughed at himself.

“Let’s leave it for the day after tomorrow, then you guys can have fun for two days.”

Just as things seemed to have settled down, Tang Xu seemed determined to keep him by his side during the winter break, not leaving any space for him to think for even these two days.

“Huh? Go play?”

“Didn’t I mention it in the lab before? After the final exams, when it’s so tiring, I’ll take you to relax.”

It seems like… there was such a thing.

Tang Cuo grumbled and tried to make excuses, but to no avail. The travel itinerary was mysteriously set, but the specific destination hadn’t been decided yet. When they got off the car, Tang Xu stopped him and reminded him to inform his parents.

Tang Xu was always efficient, and that night he sent him a few beautiful scenic pictures on WeChat. He opened them and asked, “Where is this?”

“Harbin. Let’s go there to see the snow and ice sculptures.”

Tang Xu originally planned to take Tang Cuo to the south, where it’s warm, but Tang Cuo said he didn’t like it and preferred to stay in the icy and snowy land. So Tang Xu thought along the lines of the icy and snowy land, and the first place he thought of was that ice city.

Tang Cuo held his phone and lay on his bed in the dorm, flipping through those few photos back and forth. To say he wasn’t tempted would be a lie. He had grown up without going on trips with anyone other than his parents a few times, let alone with Tang Xu. But in his heart, his relationship with Tang Xu had already gone off the rails. For a long time, he had restrained any improper thoughts he had towards Tang Xu, but now Tang Xu had suddenly legitimised those thoughts, and he felt scared and didn’t know what to do.

Seemingly aware of his hesitation, Tang Xu directly sent a link over. He opened it and found a guide that vividly described the winter scenery and delicacies of Harbin, clearly an attempt to tempt him, like giving a child a big collection of lollipops.

Almost as soon as he finished reading the last line, Tang Xu’s message arrived on his phone punctually.

“Do you want to go?”

The phone was heating up due to prolonged use. Tang Cuo held it in his hand and felt his heart beating along with the rising temperature. He turned over and secretly exhaled a hot breath. This is why Tang Cuo doesn’t like warmth or heat—it’s too easy to let one’s guard down and act impulsively.

“Thinking,” Tang Cuo replied.