CH 19

Tang Xu didn’t even return to the office but instead dialled He Zhong’s phone number as he walked out.

“Where is Tang Cuo?”

He Zhong’s voice on the other end of the phone sounded anxious. “I’m also looking for him, Teacher Tang.” I’m afraid he’s in a bad mood, and I was planning on accompanying him today, but he ran away while we were in the bathroom. He even left his backpack with me. I just got back to the dorm, but he hasn’t returned.”

Tang Xu entered the elevator. “Got it.”

After hanging up the phone, he dialled Tang Cuo’s number again, but no one answered. He called several times, but all he got was the same message. As he walked, he sent a few text messages to Tang Cuo, hoping that he would at least respond after seeing them.

—”Sihang, if you see this message, please call me back.” If you don’t want to call, you can text me. Just let me know you’re fine.”

—”I know you’re upset, but don’t do anything stupid.”

—”Listen to me and contact me.”

He sent several messages, but his anxiety did not dissipate. Tang Cuo, he assumed, would not do anything stupid because of this, but the video showed that he was already emotionally breaking down.

Tang Xu got in the car and called Wen Ying, briefly explaining what had happened in the afternoon. Wen Ying pondered for a moment and then said, “If Tang Cuo were behaving normally, he wouldn’t have stood up in class and said those things. He couldn’t control himself today and is probably feeling very remorseful and doesn’t know what to do. However, I don’t think he would do anything dangerous. Based on what I know about him, he is probably finding a place to be alone because he doesn’t like people’s attention.”

Tang Xu frowned, not knowing where Wen Ying’s judgement came from. These judgements seemed unfamiliar to him in comparison to his understanding of Tang Cuo.

Wen Ying continued, “Mr. Tang, don’t worry too much. It’s better to handle the situation with the school first. After a while, Tang Cuo should calm down and contact the outside world.”

“I’ve already contacted the forum administrators to have the post removed.”

“That’s good,” said Wen Ying. “If you’re really worried, try looking for Tang Cuo in possible places. He’s probably not at school anymore because what happened is related to his own mother. He might not go back home either. I guess he might go to some quiet places with fewer people, like small cafes or parks…”

Following Wen Ying’s suggestion, Tang Xu searched for Tang Cuo while driving and, at the same time, kept an eye on his phone for any responses. He called Tang Cuo twice more, but by around 8 o’clock, Tang Cuo’s phone was already turned off.

Tang Xu was concerned, so he pulled over to the side of the road and called Wen Ying. “He hasn’t responded to my messages yet, and his phone is also off.”

After a moment of contemplation, Wen Ying suddenly realised something and exclaimed, “I’m sorry, it just came to me now. Mr. Tang, why don’t you go home and check there?”

Tang Xu hesitated: “He went to my place?”

No matter how accurate Wen Ying’s guess was, Tang Xu chose to believe it. And as it turned out, Wen Ying had indeed been wholeheartedly helping Tang Cuo with his psychological counselling over the years. Tang Xu returned home and saw Tang Cuo leaning against his somewhat old anti-theft door, with the hallway light now repaired. Tang Cuo saw him from halfway up the stairs, and his calm eyes lit up, causing Tang Xu’s heart to tremble for a moment before finally calming down.

“When did you come over?” Tang Xu stepped up a few more steps and walked up to Tang Cuo.

“It’s been a while,” Tang Cuo said. His voice was dry, and he coughed twice after speaking.

“Why didn’t you call me? I was so worried about you, you know?” Tang Xu couldn’t bear to blame him but still couldn’t help saying a few words.

“My phone died,” Tang Cuo replied, as if afraid he wouldn’t believe it. He held up his black-screen phone to show him and pressed the power button hard. “I had too many missed calls and messages. I was going to call you back later, but then I realised my phone was dead.”

Tang Xu looked at him, didn’t say anything, raised his hand, and pressed it on his head, rubbing it. Then he took out his keys and opened the door, leading him inside.

” How did you come here? He Zhong said, you didn’t bring your backpack; did you bring money; have you eaten?”

Tang Cuo was changing his shoes. “I walked here, and as I was walking, I ended up at your place. I haven’t had dinner yet.”

“I’ll get you something to eat.”

Tang Cuo nodded and thanked him. Throughout their conversation, Tang Cuo didn’t show too much emotion, as if nothing had happened. After a while, he said he wanted to take a shower. Tang Xu walked to the kitchen after Tang Cuo went into the bathroom, searched the refrigerator, and found he could only make tomato egg spinach noodles for him. He put the noodles on the stove and then put a cup of milk in the microwave.

The microwave beeped twice, and the door was finally opened by a white and slender hand. Tang Cuo took out the milk from the microwave and looked back at Tang Xu, who was staring at the pot in front of him. His fingers moved back and forth on the warm milk cup, and he walked over to Tang Xu’s side.

Tang Xu came to his senses and stirred the spoon in the pot a couple of times, mixing the red and green colours together. He stirred it in a direction that caused it to turn around, and then exclaimed, “Ah, I forgot to take it.”

Tang Cuo’s lips moved, and he looked at Tang Xu’s profile, asking, “You already know?”

Tang Xu didn’t expect him to bring up this question, so he glanced at him, turned off the stove, and replied, “Mm-hmm.”

He picked up the big bowl of noodles and gestured to Tang Cuo to get his own pair of chopsticks. Tang Cuo reached into the chopstick container, paused for a moment, and took two pairs. Then he took a bowl from the nearby cabinet.

Tang Xu had already placed the noodles on the table for him to see all the things he had taken, and he raised an eyebrow at him.

“This is too much; I can’t eat all of it, and… didn’t you eat yet?”

After saying these words, Tang Cuo didn’t dare look at Tang Xu anymore.

The two of them divided the pot of noodles, and Tang Cuo still didn’t make a sound while eating, while Tang Xu was unconcerned about his image.

“Why didn’t you tell me about what you said today before?” Tang Xu asked when they were almost done eating.

“It’s not a good memory. I didn’t want to talk about it, and you never asked. Today…” Tang Cuo picked up a piece of spinach from the soup with his chopsticks and put it down.

“Why did you say it today?” Tang Xu pressed on.

Tang Cuo didn’t move his chopsticks, just blinked lightly.

“I don’t like how they talked about her like that.” His voice rang out in the quiet room, not with a sharp rebuttal but just a firm statement.

At this moment, Tang Xu actually wanted to smoke, but he restrained himself. He unconsciously tapped his fingertips together, then leaned forward with his arms on the table, staring into Tang Cuo’s eyes.

“She wasn’t good to you, was she?”

Tang Cuo shook his head and looked at him. “Although she was not a good mother in other people’s eyes, I’ve never blamed her and don’t think she was bad.”

After saying this, Tang Cuo picked up the bowls, including Tang Xu’s, and took them to the sink to wash. Tang Xu got up and followed him, pressing his hand down. “I’ll wash; you go brush your teeth and sleep.”

“I’ll do it; it’s not good for your body to go to sleep right after eating,” Tang Cuo replied.

This statement makes sense. Tang Xu was originally afraid that Tang Cuo was too tired today and wanted him to rest early. In his opinion, after a good sleep, one’s mood will improve a lot. But Tang Cuo’s behaviour did not match his expectations. He was not panicking or showing signs of distress. On the contrary, in comparison, he seemed a bit nervous tonight.

So Tang Xu leaned against the wall and watched Tang Cuo wash the dishes carefully.

After washing the dishes with detergent and rinsing them off, Tang Cuo suddenly said, “I often wash dishes at home too. I like to see them become clean like this.”

The water flowed out of the faucet without needing any external force, and under the rushing water, the dirt on the dishes in Tang Cuo’s hands was washed away. As a dish, no matter what it contained, it would have a chance to start anew after a meal.

Tang Xugang was about to speak, but Tang Cuo interrupted him.

“I said I don’t blame her, and I mean it. She wanted to run away many times, but she didn’t succeed. Actually, there was one time when she had a chance. But I was very hungry at the time, so I cried and hugged her legs. She had already taken the little bag, but then she put it down. She made a bowl of rice porridge for me by starting a fire on the big stove in the house. It was very troublesome to start a fire, and I remember she struggled for a long time. By the time she finished, the sun was setting.” Tang Cuo recounted the story calmly, as if it were someone else’s. “After the rice porridge was ready, she let me sit on the bed and eat, and then I saw her leave with her small bag. She came back that night, but was caught by them. I couldn’t see the injuries on her body, but her face was covered in bruises.”

Tang Cuo finished washing the dishes, dried them, and put them away before saying one last thing before closing the cabinet door, “If it wasn’t for making me that bowl of rice porridge, she could have left before they came back.”

Tang Xu had been looking at Tang Cuo all this time, so when Tang Cuo finished placing the bowl and turned around, their gazes met directly. Tang Cuo’s eyes made Tang Xu’s heart ache, and his body reacted faster than his brain. He took a step forward and hugged Tang Cuo, stroking the back of his head. “It’s all in the past. The dead are the greatest, and I don’t want to judge anything anymore. But her death has nothing to do with you. You haven’t done anything wrong. Don’t use the past to make things difficult for yourself, okay? If possible, I hope you can completely forget about those days.”

This hug came without any warning. Tang Cuo stood there, his hands slightly raised, his eyes wide open and fixed on a point beyond Tang Xu’s gaze, as if he couldn’t believe what was happening.

“Okay.” After a long time, he answered Tang Xu like this. But he didn’t hug back.

That night, Tang Xu helped Tang Cuo to bed and said goodnight to him as usual. But then Tang Cuo said, “I don’t want to go to school tomorrow.”

Tang Xu nodded. “Then don’t go; do you have class tomorrow?”

“Yes, your class.”

“…” Tang Xu chuckled speechlessly, “Are you asking for a leave?”

After hearing this, Tang Cuo showed his first smile of the night, saying, “Yes, I’m asking for a leave.”

Tang Xu reached out and flicked his forehead. “Okay, can you stay at home by yourself tomorrow?”

Tang Cuo’s expression became more lively: “I’m not a child.”

Tang Xu laughed out loud. “Okay, big boy, go to sleep.”

Tang Xu’s class was in the third and fourth periods, and he usually had the habit of waking up early. After preparing breakfast for Tang Cuo, he left a note and went out. While driving, he suddenly saw a vendor selling tofu pudding by the road and remembered that Tang Cuo loved to eat it. He checked his watch and saw that there was still some time before class, so he stopped the car and bought a bowl.

When he returned home, he walked extra quietly to avoid waking up Tang Cuo. However, as he was about to leave the tofu pudding in the kitchen, he heard rustling sounds and what sounded like Tang Cuo’s voice coming from his bedroom.

Curious, he walked over quietly and found that the guest room next to his bedroom was already open, but Tang Cuo was not on the bed.

The bedroom door was ajar, and for some reason—perhaps a premonition—Tang Xu lightly touched the door and pushed it open with just a crack.

At first glance, Tang Xu seemed frozen in place.

Tang Cuo’s voice became even clearer in his ear, accompanied by Tang Cuo’s tightly closed eyes and flushed face.

“Ah… Tang Xu…”

At the climax, Tang Cuo curled up entirely, one hand still in a lower position, the other tightly gripping the pillow, the knuckles even more prominent, and the blue veins vaguely visible. He tilted his head slightly, with even two tears overflowing from the corners of his eyes.

“Tang Xu…”

Tang Cuo was masturbating, lying in his bed, calling out Tang Xu’s name.