05 | E

KEITH CHAN, DECLAN Jones and Olivia Harton were the first three entities to receive a letter from Serena. They had touched Serena's heart by just being there for her in her times of need but Serena's heart and gratitude extended beyond that, beyond those that cared simply for her alone.

Her gratitude had extended to those that showed love to those around them ; to a girl who showed Serena caringness beyond one's own self in profound ways.

***

BETHANY GOH LOVED doing charity work.

She had started doing it as far back as she could recall. It had started small with helping her own parents during their once-a-month volunteer sessions at an old folks home until it evolved to a point where she was doing it by herself.

Volunteering seemed to be her calling, she frequented animal shelters and childrens' homes on separate occasions, doing differing tasks, and had once even dressed up in a big, sweaty Santa suit for a donation drive to fund the repairings of an orphanage. Every sweat drop had been worth it.

There was no limitation to the type of charity work she would do. Anything that made others happy, Bethany would do it without question. It was the derived emotion of happiness and satisfaction from seeing people happy that just seemed to brighten up her day, regardless of the events that had transpired before it.

Serena had done it as well.

"Serena..." Bethany thought wistfully

There wasn't one day that went by which Bethany didn't think about her friend since her passing. Bethany wouldn't call Serena her best friend as that seemed to be a rather exclusive term and Serena never did quite like exclusive things.

However, she could assure anyone that the pair were close after meeting each other at a sports carnival being held for troubled teens for which both of them had been volunteers for. They'd hit it off instantly, something which Bethany had not expected given both of them were polar opposites.

It struck Serena as a complete shock that both of them had been going to the same school yet their paths had never intersected. This wasn't as much of a surprise to Bethany, knowing that both of them were of completely different social statuses despite being in the same year group.

Bethany wasn't per se a wallflower, but she wasn't exactly someone who stood out of the crowd either. She considered herself to be a rather generic type of person. This was the complete opposite of Serena who lit up rooms everywhere she went and whom everybody had heard of.

"That was probably one of the reasons," Bethany mused to herself "why Serena's death impacted so many people."

Everyone young—and old even—aspired to be someone like Serena, even Bethany. Her personality was bubbly, she was kind-hearted and her smile could make anyone go to the ends of the earth just for them to witness it again. It wasn't just her character too, Serena was notoriously smart and packed enough extracurriculars to get into one of the best schools in the state. The girl was perfect.

She sighed to herself as she wiped up one of the dusty cabinets at the orphanage she was currently at. Bethany was holding a secret, one that was eating her up inside.

She could have stopped Serena's suicide.

Exactly 3 days prior to her suicide, Serena had rang her but at the time Bethany had been handing out care packages at an old folks home. When she finally had the time to check her phone and noticed the missed call, it was already late in the night.

She tried calling back the next morning but the call was denied.

She'd brushed it off as Serena accidentally butt-dialling her as it was no secret that the girl often did so. 3 days later, as Bethany was preparing to visit Serena to pick her up for their weekly visit to the children's orphanage, her mother delivered the crushing news to her.

If Bethany could turn back time, she would. She would do everything so differently. It was the guilt of not being able to help her friend in her darkest moments that would stick with Bethany forever.

Bethany sighed aloud, Serena's suicide had driven so many of her friends apart, that Bethany knew for a fact. One being the infamous trio of Oaskville ; Keith Chan could hardly look at two of his former best-friends-Seth and Meiji-now. Not to mention Vanessa hadn't spoken a word to Yasmin since Serena's departure.

Rumour had it that there had been a fight between them. Bethany knew better than to listen to the rumours, unless it came from the mouths of the people themselves directly they were just that ; rumours.

Even before Serena's death, Bethany had taught herself to scarcely pay attention to the rumours, more so after her beloved friend's passing. She had every good reason to, rumours only ever held a small essence of the truth and, the rumours themselves were partially the reason behind why Serena took the pills to end her own life.

Bethany was pulled out of her daze as she felt a child tugging on the hem of her T-shirt.

"Bethy jie jie, where's Serena?" one child asked quietly

The child had beautiful madonna curls shaping her pale face as well as piercing blue eyes. Her name was Marigold, one of the children belonging to the orphanage Serena and her had so frequently visited.

"Hey Mari," Bethany began, as she crouched down to the seven year old, referencing the nickname she had given the sweet seven year old girl.

Marigold was one of fifteen children staying in 'Maries Young Fairies', however unlike many her age, Marigold had directly told the owners of the orphanage that she'd prefer to stay there until she was of a legal age to leave on her own, Bethany had suspected it had something to do with her previous foster family treating her less than nicely. The action had worried Serena who took it upon herself to befriend the shy seven year old, it took courage not wanting to be given to another family and everyone always needed a friend.

The result was the formation of an impeccable bond, it was no secret that Marigold looked up to the older girl greatly and vice-versa. The pair were excruciatingly close. It only made sense that Marigold would be curious where Serena was as she hadn't seen the older girl in over 2 months.

"Serena's just... away for a bit."

Bethany didn't know how to tell the young girl that Serena would never come back. It would break the girl's heart.

"Oh." Marigold face became rather glum but instantly perked up as the young girl thought of something "Does that mean we can open the letter?"

Confused, Bethany spoke out "A letter?"

The girl nodded her head and rushed up the staircase. She returned clasping an all-too-large letter in her tiny hands.

"This," she waved a hand clasping a letter in Bethany's eye view. "A strange boy came by the other day and passed it to me saying that Serena told me only to open it if I didn't see her for a very long time. He told me to open it when you were here too."

This was news to Bethany. Hesitantly, Bethany took the letter that Marigold clutched, the envelope a pale yellow colour with the words "to bethy" written across in neat handwriting.

She offered the young girl a strained smile, "I guess we can then, Mari."

Together, Bethany opened the letter and began to recite it aloud.

***

DEAR BETH AND MARIGOLD,

Hey you two, I miss you guys— so much. but, I know for a fact if you're receiving this letter, it means that you're probably missing me even more.

To marigold, I love you so much sweetie, I'm sorry I can't be there for you anymore or visit you as much but please know that I'm always looking over you.

Marigold scrunched her nose in confusion, "Bethy, what does she mean?"

A pause before, "... Serena's just in a really remote location. She can't visit us anymore but she'll always be looking over us and taking care of us"

Marigold nodded slowly, not quite understanding Bethany's simplified reason but nevertheless she accepted it.

"Say, why don't you go play with the kids for a bit? I'll let you know what else Serena jie jie has written in hereafter alright?"

Marigold jumped up excitedly, forgetting her confusion. "Okay!" she said as she skipped off daintily, Bethany watching as she went with a small smile before turning her attention back to the letter.

To Beth ; hey, please make sure you read this part below to marigold only when she's old enough to succinctly understand what my 'disappearance' actually means.

I want to explain something to you, why I decided to start and stop charity work.

It started when I couldn't find friends. You see, I've always been an anomaly amongst the crowd, never quite being able to fit in. It seems so dumb, right? The girl who is supposedly 'adored' by everyone thinking that she always stood out. I say 'adored' because everyone always liked me for who they thought I was. They were the type of people to give me compliments to my face but simultaneously talk shit about me behind my back.

It was only by pure luck I was able to find a few friends like Yasmin and Vanessa but even then I stood out like a sore thumb among them. I just didn't know how to act like a normal teenage girl. It only got worse as the years went by, my anxiety heightened by the accident which enunciated my imperfections. I knew that sooner or later, my mask would shatter and when it did, the glass pieces would pierce and hurt so many.

I stopped because of that.

It just wasn't fair on so many people-including you. My demons should be mine and mine alone. No one should need to bear my burden. Yes, I loved helping and volunteering but my touch was poison. It's no secret that I destroy everything I touch. If I had continued, it was only a matter of time before you turned to poison too.

I left before it was too late, before the impact of my actions stuck around longer. Before the flowers wilted.

There's so many factors that led to my decision but know this ; you were in no way responsible for it. Not when you didn't answer my call, none of that. My mind was made up long before I dialled you. You could not have known. So please, don't beat yourself up over it okay? In case you just have a hard time doubting me, I'll tell you one of the factors that contributed to my decision.

One of them was the comments I heard on the daily. Day in, day out, it was the same repetitive cycle of jerkish comments, the same people, the same routine--one might almost become used to it. Almost. In spite of everyone telling me not to listen, to just block it out, it was hard.

I always thought the phrase 'sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you' was rather underwhelming. How many people will have to die each year before people understand? People need to realise that sticks, stones and words all have the same long-term effect. The same scars, the difference is that some are visible and some aren't.

But, I digress.

They bullied me for any imperfections that they could pinpoint, whether it be my appearance or my characteristics. I talked so frequently so that I wouldn't be lonely. No one understood that the silence allowed my brain to wander to an empty corner of my mind, the corner that reminded me of when I was in a coma after the accident. The silence was the type of silence that seemed to stretch on for all of eternity with nobody to keep you company, not even the odd voice in your head.

Not that most people ever cared enough to ask or acknowledge ; they just thought I was annoying and in some ways, I will admit that I was.

My purpose in writing this letter is not only to reflect on one of the main factors, but to thank you for being there for me. It's also to give you closure but that closure is not written in black and white on this paper. The closure on this piece of paper closure is a shade of grey.

I'm sure you're curious why Seth Naifeh hates me so much, there's a reason for that. And there's a story about it. I have no doubt in my mind that you've heard the rumours, but one thing I've always admired about you is your ability to turn them off.

To not listen to them.

You befriended me despite knowing these rumours and for that, I'll always remember you. I realised a while back the reason I never wanted to tell you the story was because I didn't want your impression of me to change ; when you realised that Seth was justified for hating me.

As I'm penning this down, I realise even more how selfish I am by keeping that from you and the worst part is, I can't bring myself to pen it down, even in this letter.

I'm sorry.

The real story lies in Vanessa Tan. She will tell you my version of the story. As for Seth's, it's easy—listen to the rumours. Because that's his version of our story. That will be your closure for my story. For why 4 years ago, Seth and I stopped being friends. How our lives turned upside down because of one, careless decision.

I know this is a lot to ask but for Marigold, when the time is right, I trust you'll tell her the truth of what happened to me, if she hasn't already figured it out herself. She's only seven yet her mind is so much more sagacious than what is expected of a child her age. But just because she is wise beyond her years, doesn't necessarily mean she should be.

It's why I believe that she should get the chance to be a kid. It's why I wrote that single earlier paragraph. It should satiate her curiosity temporarily, allow her the chance to blossom as a child and enjoy her life fruitfully. Until she's older.

Beth, your laughs are infectious, brightening me up on the darkest of days.

There's so much I could say about you, too many things to pen down onto this small piece of paper.

In case you're ever feeling down and need that reassurance, I've taken the gracious initiative to pen them down for you :

I love your smile,

I love your ebony-coloured hair that I wish was my own,

I love your brown-eyes that remind me of a gentle deer's,

I love your cursive handwriting,

I love your ability to conjure up the wildest jokes,

I love you.

And of all things I'll miss from this world, one of them is the fact that I'll never get to hear you laugh again.

Take care of Marigold for me.

Please, tell everyone I'm sorry.

LOVE,

Sereny

As the letter reached its end, a resin-keychain fell out. Held frozen in the clear resin's centre was a preserved sunflower.

Sunflowers. A symbol for adoration and admiration. Bethany had made one with Serena during one of their voluntary craft activities for children. It was one of the last memories she had of the girl.

Bethany swallowed the tears filling her eyes but a few stray ones dripped down off their own accord. Wiping them fervently, she blinked rapidly to get rid of their evidence. She could cry but not here, not in front of the kids.

When she was alone, she would cry and mourn.

But for now, it was time to pay Vanessa Tan a visit.