CHAPTER 21

VIENNE

The wedding proceeded without a hitch, two kingdoms became allies, and the royal celebration began afterward in the dining hall.

Anniston fell asleep in my arms, so I reluctantly let a maid take her up to her room. Except once she was gone, I felt empty without her. What was worse, Nicolette abandoned me when Soren’s older children appeared, begging her to play with them. Soren stood across the room, hovering around Caulder as a cluster of council members circled them, and Yasmin held her own court with a group of dignified ladies. Meanwhile, Brentley led his new bride around the room, showing her off to whoever seemed willing to accept an introduction, while his new brother-in-law remained a step behind them, like a silent, overprotective bodyguard.

I started having those thoughts again, those thoughts about how lonely he looked in a crowded room, but this time, I empathized. Everyone I was comfortable with and usually talked to was busy; the same went for him. If I didn’t think it would cause a huge controversy, I probably would’ve gone over and spoken to him for the first time, simply so we’d each have some companionship, but that seemed unwise now, considering, so I let out a deflated sigh and simply people-watched until I noticed Prince Urban departing the room through a side exit.

Frowning, I stared after him, wondering where he was going. Surely, he wasn’t already retiring for the day. The sun hadn’t even fallen yet.

I’m not sure what exactly prompted me into rising from my seat to follow, but I could only blame a great curiosity that overcame me. I wasn’t even that curious about ~where~ he was going as much as I was about ~who~ he was and what he was like.

When I entered the side corridor, he was gone, but I could hear the distinct echo of fading footsteps. Hoping I was being stealthy enough, I followed, simply wanting to know a bit more about him.

The man cut a winding path through the servants’ halls, twisting this way and that, once backtracking through a corridor he’d already traipsed. I shook my head, wondering where the heck he was going, almost certain he was lost, until suddenly, the footsteps stopped. It was too late to realize that, though, as I’d just turned a corner, and there he was, leaning negligently against the wall under a lighted sconce with one boot crossed in front of the other and his hands resting lightly together on the end of his sword hilt.

A yelp escaped as I screeched to a halt in front of him.

Rearing back, I gasped, because... Oh Lord. He was right there. Like… Right. There.

Goodness, had he always been so tall? And strapping? It was hard to tell as I’d never been quite this close to him before. We were face-to-face as I looked up into a sea of blue, blue eyes.

Remembering the dream I’d had the night before of meeting him alone in a hallway way too similar to this one, with his hands under my skirt, his body pumping into mine, his mouth kissing me, I swallowed dryly.

A hot flash of mortification prickled my skin.

In unison, we shied backward away from each other, neither of us expecting to get quite so close to the other and both of us leery of such proximity.

Drawing in a sharp, rattled breath, I pressed my hand to my chest. “Oh,” was the brilliant word I chose to speak.

Likewise, his eyes were wide with alarm, and I swear he was holding his breath until suddenly, he frowned. “Wait. You’re not afraid of me, are you?”

I ~had~ been frightened, but strangely, not ~of~ him, even though Soren, Yasmin, and even sometimes Caulder almost made it sound as if Prince Urban would force me to his will, or rape me, or some awful fate if I were ever caught alone with him. I’d just never gotten that sense from him myself. So I wasn’t worried about that. No, I was scared to death of being separated from my baby forever while this innocent man was executed just because we were both standing here together… Alone.

Except, for some reason, his worried inquiry relieved me. I rattled out a small laugh and shook my head. “That’s funny. I was going to ask you the very same question.” Because he looked distinctly intimidated by my presence. Maybe he’d heard the rumor that he’d lose his head too if we were ever discovered in a compromising position.

He didn’t share my smile. Slanting his head to the side, he seemed to give my words thought before he admitted, “I’ll be honest. I’m scared shitless right now.”

I gave another laugh. He was much more personable than I thought he’d be. That was unexpected. Pleasantly so. Some of my embarrassment dimmed. But then I sobered and said, “Because of my husband?”

He crinkled the features in his face with disgust, muttering, “What? ~No~!” Then just as quickly he flashed a smile that had my heartbeat pumping faster. Pressing an impassioned hand to his chest, he said, “I’m sure this isn’t manly to admit, but I’m most afraid you won’t like me. It would quite wound my tender feelings to the core if you didn’t.”

I snorted out an incredulous laugh. “Your ~tender~ feelings, you say?”

He nodded heartily. “Yes. So tender. They’re like veal.”

Shaking my head and smiling over his joke, I set my hand on my hip and countered, “Well, what if you don’t like ~me~?”

The man blinked. Once. Twice. Then he frowned as if confused by the question before saying, “That… That’s not even possible. It’s pretty much a given I’ll cherish everything about you.”

“Oh?” I asked. “Because of the mark?”

He nodded. “Yes.”

I sighed. “So, everything everyone’s been telling me is really true, then? All the one-true-love, love-mark, soul mate, bonding stuff, and you bringing me back from the dead? It really, honestly happened? I’m truthfully your—”

“You are,” he murmured with another decisive nod. Then he arched an eyebrow. “Is that why you were following me? You wished for proof of our bond?”

“I…” With no idea what to say since I hadn’t been planning on actually engaging with him, I just stared at him stupidly. “No. Of course not. I wasn’t even following you. We just accidentally ran into each…”

My lie trailed off when his lips quirked with a knowing grin, making the muscles coil tight in my stomach. He took a step closer, and my throat closed over with dread… Excitement? I wasn’t sure which emotion it was, but it froze me in place as he leaned in to murmur next to my ear.

“I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, my lady.” He shifted even closer until I could feel his breath on my cheek. “But the mark lets me know whenever you’re near.”

I shivered and jerked a step back, scowling at him for unsettling me so physically with his mere presence. I knew I should leave. This man could only cause me problems. I could only cause him problems. But the curiosity and fascination in me were too strong. I had to know more about him, about this connection he swore we had.

Suddenly, his words took root in my brain. “Wait. What do you mean, the mark lets you know when I’m near?”

What an alarming prospect. I wasn’t sure if I liked it.

“I feel you,” he said as he tapped the side of his eye directly over his tattoo while an engaging smile lit his face. “Right here. The closer you get, the more insistently it tingles.”

I blinked at him, trying to understand, needing to know why he’d targeted me for his silly mark-bonding claim. “Like… How?” I asked. “It gives you a headache?”

“No.” He looked thoughtful for a moment as if not sure how to describe it. Then he focused brilliant blue eyes on me. “There’s no pain. Not even close, so it’s definitely not a headache. It’s quite the opposite, I’d say. Like a head…rush, maybe.”

“You get dizzy?”

When he laughed, I felt like a fool. My cheeks heated with embarrassment and I took a step back, prepared to leave. But Prince Urban surged forward, lifting his hands. “No, no. I’m sorry. Don’t go. I’m not laughing at you, I swear. It’s just your curiosity and determination to understand…” When he shook his head, grinning broadly, I scowled.

“What about it?”

“It’s adorable,” he murmured. “And refreshing. I like that you want to know, that you want to understand.”

The yearning, seeking quality in his gaze told me he wanted something from me—something I could never give.

Realizing I could only ever lead him on and offer him false hope if I continued to stand here, I started to turn away.

“I don’t get dizzy.”

He rushed the words as if he hoped they would waylay me—and his plan must’ve worked, because I paused, glancing back at him, unable to help myself.

“I’ll try to explain it the best I can,” he said, nodding as if encouraging me to stay and listen.

Then he glanced away and blew out a breath as he wiped a hand over his mouth. When he returned his attention to me, I could tell from his expression that he was nervous. He wanted to impress me. The idea was so uncanny and flattering that I remained, waiting for him to speak.

“Okay,” I promised. “I’ll listen.”

With a grateful nod, he started. “I grew up fascinated with warriors and soldiers,” he said. “All the great swordsmen and champions of the past. So when I finally fought in my first battle and my father was forced to honor and recognize me in front of his people for my victory, I remember experiencing this overwhelming gust of joy as he drew his sword that day to honor me. I knew something amazing was coming. This sense of wonder and—and anticipation and exuberance crammed itself into every pore I had. It was everything I’d ever dreamed I wanted finally coming true. I swear, that moment before the edge of his blade touched my shoulder was more of a high than when it actually happened. And that’s the only way I know how to explain it when you are near. It’s like the most wonderful, searing anticipation.”

My lips parted as I gazed at him. It was bizarre to think I could do that for anyone, but to do it for this man—this tall, handsome, intense yet personable man—it was more than I could process.

“And I’ve felt it since the moment I left the ballroom,” he went on, watching me closely. “I even changed course to make sure of it.” Eyes glittering with smug awareness, he took me in from head to toe. “You’ve definitely been following me for a good five minutes.”

“I… I…” Feeling caught and exposed, I cleared my throat and glanced away, trying to ignore the fact I was blushing like crazy. “I… Yes, well… Okay, ~fine~! I did follow you.” Cringing as if preparing for the reprimand that would surely follow, I slid my gaze back to him. “I’m sorry.”

But he only laughed. “Sorry? For what? I certainly didn’t mind it.”

“But I shouldn’t have,” I insisted.

He shook his head. “Why not?”

“Because…” I gaped at him as if he’d lost his mind. “They told me to stay away from you. They told ~you~ to stay away from me. ~I~ even asked your sister to make sure you did.”

Still amused, he leaned his back against the wall, his eyes alight with laughter as he continued to watch me. It was frankly unsettling how intense his attention on me was. Not disturbing, just unnaturally powerful.

“Yes. I received all the messages.” He shrugged and glanced away. “Not that I care what ~the others~ commanded.”

“And yet, so far, you’ve followed their edict to the letter,” I murmured, tilting my head in curiosity as I studied him.

“Not theirs,” he murmured, returning his attention to me. “Yours.”

My heart thumped hard in my chest. He’d been respecting my request, and my request alone. I once again felt the need to explain myself to him, and this might likely be my only chance.

“I… It seemed like the path of least resistance,” I offered, biting my lip on an apologetic cringe. “Better for all involved. For you, especially. Soren’s already making your life miserable. It could only be worse if you didn’t keep your distance from me. So, I apologize again. I shouldn’t have followed you just now. I don’t know what I was thinking. I was just…”

When I floundered for a word, he quietly finished the sentence for me. “Curious?”

With a sigh, I nodded.

And he nodded as well. “As am I.”

“You ~are~?” Shocked to the bone, I blinked at him.

His grin was immediate. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be? This thing on the side of my head keeps telling me I should hold you in more esteem than I’ve ever held anyone. Why ~wouldn’t~ I want to know why? Why wouldn’t I… God, you have no idea.”

With a hard laugh, he shook his head. “I want to know everything there is to know about you. I want to know why you make me hot and needy whenever you’re near. I want to know why you—a complete stranger—fill me with a loyalty and respect I’ve not felt before. I want to know how you make me think about you constantly and ache for your mere presence. I want to know why I’m so willing to die for you if need be, why I’d cut off my hand rather than hurt you, or my tongue before I spoke a single harsh word against you. I want to know why I now see your enemies as my enemies and your home as my home. All my allegiances are firmly placed at your feet. Of course, I’m curious to learn everything there is to learn about you.”

His words sent me reeling. I blew out a breath, overwhelmed by such…unwavering commitment, and yet still utterly confused by all this.

“So…” I shook my head. “So you have no control over these feelings at all?”

“None whatsoever.” With a grin, he shrugged quite playfully, as if it were no big deal.

But it felt like a big deal to me. It felt like a ~huge~ deal. “Well, I don’t like that,” I growled.

His smile faded. “Why not?” he asked, actually appearing hurt by my claim. “It’s all to your benefit, I promise you.”

“But it’s not fair to ~you~.”

He frowned and shook his head as if he didn’t understand what I was saying when I thought I was being rather blunt and to the point.

“I know what it feels like to be stuck in a life you didn’t choose,” I said. “So why would I wish that on anyone else? You should get to decide who you love, not some tattoo on the side of your head. And besides, Allera told me you suffered, that the unrequited part of the bond you feel toward me… that it ~hurts~ you.”

Anger creased his features. “She shouldn’t have told you that.”

“But she did.” I stepped closer to him. “And I don’t like the idea that you… that I cause you pain, that I cause ~anyone~ pain. Especially after you just stood there and pretty much pledged your life to me, after…after you saved me from death and they ~beat~ you for it. You shouldn’t have been treated like that. Certainly there’s something that can be done to break the bond, or…or, I don’t know, ~sever~ these feelings you feel. Because you can’t just suffer for the rest of your life because of me. I don’t accept that.”

He looked pleased by my tirade. A small smile tipped his lips as he slid his head to the side, studying me. “There’s only one way I can think to ease the suffering.”

“Well?” I demanded, flinging out a hand and urging him to keep talking. “What is it, then?”

“If you were willing to forsake your husband and be with me.” When I gasped in outrage, he smiled sadly. “But I’ll take that as a no.”

My eyes flared open wide. “I… I… Of course it’s a ~no!~ Why in God’s name would I do that? I don’t ~know~ you. Besides, even if I did and I ~wanted~ to, you know, forsake my husband, I made a vow. We have a child together. My duty to my country, my family, Soren… I can’t just—”

“I know,” Urban said softly, closing his eyes and bowing his head. “I know. And that is why I’ve stayed away. I respect your binding sense of honor and loyalty, and I would never try to tempt you away from the vows you hold dear.”

I gaped at him, not sure if I could believe what I was truly hearing. No one had been so thoughtful or selflessly respectful of my wishes before. It made me regret… well, most things about my life. My husband for one, who never seemed to care what I thought or how I felt. Yet this complete stranger—

Not that his respect toward me made any difference about anything. Which only made the regretful ache burn hotter.

A tear trickled down my cheek. “And so you should just keep hurting because of my wishes? That doesn’t seem right either.”

“That’s my cross to bear, my lady. Not yours. Stop worrying about me.”

“Easier said than done,” I muttered, throwing up my hands in disgust. “You say you want my happiness, but how can I possibly be happy, knowing I cause someone—~anyone~—pain every day I exist?”

Shaking his head as if our problem was easily solved, he said, “Then spend time with me.”

I could only blink at him, stumbling over my own thoughts before I lurched a step back, stuttering, “I just ~told~ you, I refuse to leave my—”

“Not like that,” he said, shaking his head. “Though I certainly wouldn’t refuse it if you ever changed your mind and left him.”

Curious, I asked, “Like what, then?”

He stepped closer, his eyes seeking. When his gaze landed on the butterfly barrette in my hair, his lips smoothed into a smile. “You wore your hair down today.”

“I…” I blinked, remembering my dream and how he’d told me he’d never seen my hair down before. Gulping, I shook my head in denial, refusing to admit I had subconsciously left my hair down today…for him.

“The thing is,” he started, shifting his gaze from my hair to my eyes. “I crave you. In ~every~ way possible.”

My mouth fell open as he quoted the very words he’d said to me in the dream. Blinking, I stared at him as he seemed to shift closer without moving a single step.

Belly heating and breasts tingling, I sucked in a breath. “Ex-ex~cuse~ me?”

There was no way he knew what I’d dreamed about.

~Was~ there?

Desire swirled in his gaze as he scanned me from head to toe. “Every. Way,” he whispered.

Oh dear God. I suddenly felt naked and exposed before him. There was plenty of air between us, and yet it felt like there was none. His stare alone was the most physical, personal caress I’d ever experienced.

It had to be wrong. Forbidden. I jumped, frightened by the force of my own temptation.

“I…I shouldn’t be alone here with you. I should go.” I turned robotically and started to move away, only for his arm to appear in front of me as he set his hand against the wall, once again echoing the dream as he trapped me with his body without actually touching me.

The heat coming off him was fierce. And his smell… Oh Lord, I closed my eyes as I drew in the dizzying, heavenly aroma he emanated. He smelled just as he had in the dream.

“I crave you in every way possible,” he repeated in my ear, making me shiver, “but I know some ways will never happen. Some ways I want you are too forbidden to even name. But those ways could be appeased if I had you in other ways, ~platonic~ ways… Ways even your husband would deem appropriate.”

Okay, now that had most certainly ~not~ happened in my dream.

A little disappointed he hadn’t commenced with ravishing me against the wall, I opened my lashes and looked up into his eyes. They were a bright, piercing blue.

Shaking my head, I begged him with my eyes to stop this madness I was experiencing. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Friendship,” he said. “Taking tea together. Talking after dinner. Walks in the garden.” With a shrug, he glanced down. “In full view of everyone. Hell, bring your babe along as a chaperone. Or Allera, Nicolette, your husband, I don’t care, anyone you choose. We don’t have to do anything tawdry or illicit, no matter how fun that sounds. We don’t even have to touch or be within ten feet of each other. Just being around you…” His eyes glittered with intensity as he dropped his arm from the wall and stepped back, giving me more space than I honestly wanted. “Getting to know you would be a balm to me, a bandage to help me deal with other, ~unattainable~ things I desire. Plus, you’d get to appease your curiosity as well, and learn more about me in return. A win for both of us.”

I looked into his eyes and soaked in the pleading he conveyed to me even as I slowly shook my head in denial. “Soren would never go for that. Not even something as innocuous as you’re suggesting.”

His teeth clenched and eyes turned hard. “Then fuck Soren.”

I jumped at the anger he exuded and quickly backed away from him, even though I didn’t disagree with his sentiment. Fuck Soren, indeed.

But regret filled his gaze. “Vienne,” he whispered, reaching out, only to drop his hand a second later and shake his head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disrespect your husband. Please accept my apologies. I shouldn’t have said that. Hell, I shouldn’t have suggested any of this. It’s not your responsibility to ease my suffering. I refuse to put that on you.”

Shaking my head, because there wasn’t anything to forgive—he’d done nothing wrong—I clenched my teeth and hissed, “Don’t apologize to me. If the mark is truly the thing that chose me for you, then this is no more your fault than it is mine.”

Torment entered his gaze as he watched me. “But I don’t know what else to say.”

“Oh, Urban.” Agony roared through me. Worried I could only ever hurt this man, I reached up to cup his cheek in my hand, only wishing to apologize without words, because no words could fix what I did to him. But then I realized touching him could only make the situation worse, so I dropped my hand before making contact.

Shuddering out a breath, he closed his eyes and bowed his head with a defeated kind of loss.

~I’ll find a way~, I wanted to promise. I would find a way to make this right. For everyone. But for the life of me, I had no idea ~how~.

“It doesn’t matter,” he started in a rusted voice. “If I never find out your favorite color, or your biggest fear, if I learn no more about you than I know now. It doesn’t matter who you lay your head next to each night or who you call husband. I will continue to hold you in the highest regard. You always have a safe place with me. Because…” His eyes came open. “Until my dying breath, I belong to you.”

I shook my head, rattled by his words, flattered as much as I was intimidated. I wasn’t sure I wanted so much power over anyone. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because. I wanted you to know, in case my actions here have chased you away for good and you decided to never talk to me again.”

“I’ll talk to you again,” I swore, even though I knew I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t give him false hope. But he said it would help, so I would.

Urban only smiled as if he knew better. “And it’s okay,” he murmured, “if you don’t.”

Before I knew it, he was whirling away and taking off down the hall, leaving me.

“No.” I shook my head even harder, unable to accept that our conversation was going to end this way. “Urban.” He didn’t hear me, so I lifted my voice. “Urban, ~stop~.”

He fell to an immediate halt, which made my heart crack. He really would do anything for me, wouldn’t he? Even stop when he wanted to leave.

“Turn around,” I said.

He turned.

“I ~will~ talk to you again,” I said with force. “If it helps you, I will.”

He nodded. “Okay.”

“And I…I never got the chance to thank you in person for saving my life.”

He bowed low. “It was my honor, my lady.”

“I also want to apologize for the way you were treated after. I’m sure I haven’t heard all the details, but I know it must’ve been bad.”

“My lady, don’t. It wasn’t…” But he stopped himself from continuing, glancing away as if he wanted to say he’d never been hurt but couldn’t lie.

“Please, no.” I shook my head. “You don’t have to try to convince me you weren’t treated horribly. I know you were. And there’s no need for all that ~my lady~ business. I’m just Vienne.”

Huffing out an amused sound, he smiled reluctantly. “I don’t think you could ever be just Vienne to me.”

My hands turned ice cold and began to shake. I clasped them together at my waist and looked at my feet. “I should go check on my baby.”

He said nothing, so I began to turn away, only to stop and swing back.

“Look, I can’t pretend to understand what you’re going through or how you can feel, well, ~whatever~ it is you feel. But I believe that you really ~do~ feel it and you’re unable to stop. So I swear to help you find a way to resolve this so you can finally be free of it. Of ~me~.”

Curiosity entered his gaze. Stepping toward me, he tipped his head and eyed me as if I were a mystery. Then he said, “And what if I don’t wish to be free of you?”

~What~?

I blinked once and then blurted out an incredulous laugh. “Why in heaven’s name would you want to torture yourself by fixating on someone you don’t even know and could never have? Someone you didn’t even choose yourself?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know yet.” I opened my mouth to drive home my point, but he continued, “But someday I ~will~ know, and on that day when it all becomes clear to me why ~you’re~ the one, then I’ll be glad I never wished to be free of you.”

I could only scowl at him, unable to believe he didn’t want to escape this, even as my heart pounded with delight. “Then you’re crazy,” I said, spinning away. “Good night, sir.”

As I stalked away, I heard the amusement in his voice as he replied, “Good night, my lady. Sleep well.”