53 | 𝐷𝑜𝑤𝑛𝑡𝑜𝑤𝑛 𝐺𝑖𝑟𝑙

"What do you think about it?" Sullivan questioned towards me abruptly. Last I heard, it was something about the recent basketball game. I jumped a little, startled at the sudden inquiry, but shrugged and turned back to the pit of people. Strobe lights decorated his face, flaring streaks of light over his smile. He was twirling Olivia before passing her over to her boyfriend, then joining Kayla and Gonzalo.

"Want a sip?" Wolfie wondered towards me, revealing a hidden flask beneath his coat jacket. After shaking my head, he pressed it out further to me. "You sure? I think you could use a bit of liquid courage."

Sullivan nudged my shoulder, he dipped in and I expected his kiss, but he leaned into my ear and murmured, "put a smile on, will ya? You're embarrassing me." He spoke through gritted teeth and his breath was cold. I shuddered instinctually, folding my arms over my chest when I caught Sam studying the dip in the heart neckline.

I felt something in my chest grow harder when I overheard the screams of excitement, particularly Keiona's, when Cha Cha Slide began to rip through the speakers. The DJ at the front of Fox Point High's gymnasium was beginning to pump his fist and heighten the crowds already capacity filled excitement. I wanted to go up and join the rows that began to form, but I was stuffed in the corner of the school up against the blue mats lining the interior walls.

I enjoyed watching all my friends and their happy smiles when suddenly his mouth was on mine. I tried to stay still, squeeze my eyes shut, and enjoy it for what it was. He was holding his flask in one hand, Wolfie's and Sam's lingering stares were blatantly there, and the Cha Cha Slide was increasing in volume. I didn't know how I kept kissing him, because mentally, I was still watching Victor dance, his tux straining with each fast-paced dance move which he'd done humorously.

Sullivan drifted away from me. "Why aren't you kissing back?"

Fuck. Why wasn't I?

"I'm sorry---I, well--are you sure you don't want to dance?" I interrogated with a sliver of hope in my voice. Something felt wrong about the way he looked at me and I really wish it didn't.

"I already told you, Riyah," he mumbled curtly, taking a thick swig of his drink. "I don't fucking dance." He was already vanishing into the crowd before I could blink and whereas on a regular day, I'd go and chase him, I'd freak out because I was determined to keep his eyes on me the entire night, I'd lost all energy. Eventually, I would go over and find him, maybe even try to get him to dance later, but at that moment I was squirming my way through elbows popping out unexpectedly and dresses swinging out to make me trip. I wound up getting far to the double doors until a staff member opened them for me.

I took a prolonged inhale of vacant air when I found myself in the hallways. It felt so strange being at school for a reason other than education, it was so quiet and eerie. Distantly, I heard girls laughing and gossiping, the chatter of staff members amidst it. There were so many expressions of voices that I found myself to be an outcast. I wasn't going to the bathroom with friends, I wasn't making-out like the couple who was approaching the janitor's closet were---in fact, I wandered my way to the bathroom with the trail of my purple dress following. The petals were splattered against my chest and flurried to the bottom.

When I saw it fully in the mirror, I only frowned harder.

I look like a grape.

I pivoted away because I couldn't stare at my reflection any longer. The stall door opened and I saw Amanda walk out. Her dress was a mermaid fit and I noticed hot pink lipstick accent. She looked at me brutally. "What are you staring at?"

"Not my dress," I grumbled.

Her eyes softened. "I think it looks great." She turned the faucet on with a squeal and a vigorous splash of water emptied.

I laughed. "That makes one of us." I was beginning to walk out of the bathroom when I heard her clear her throat, catching my attention. "Yeah?" I pressed, raising an eyebrow.

Her bottom lip trailed under her teeth. "I don't know you, but as someone who has slept with both Victor and Sullivan, I know damn well that you went with the wrong one to prom," she lectured pointedly and added, "then again... none of my business." She smiled cutely.

I rolled my eyes, but the smile remained. "Really? Cause it sounds like you have a lot to say," I teased, but she only showed me a lopsided grin in the reflection when I started to twist the door handle and walk out. The second I did, I flinched, nearly jumping out of my dress at the collision.

"Where did you go?" Rowan breathlessly asked, he was panting, smiling as wide as I'd ever seen. His hand was situated over his chest and his forehead lined with a thin coat of adrenaline.

I was chuckling, trying to match his prom-thrill as I replied, "I went to the bathroom, Stupid--" I jested, but he was shaking his head rapidly.

"No--" He panted, trying to keep his eyes on me, but ever-so-often they would fall to the prom door entrance over his shoulder. I was starting to get uneven breathing from listening to him try and form a sentence. "No--I mean, where'd you go? You were with us and then... not." He was trying to lift the mood with his chuckles, but I quickly averted the conversation.

"Just hung out with Sullivan and his friends," I expressed and he nodded.

"Are you having fun?" He seemed to question it and I wouldn't blame him. Purple made my complexion look sick, I wouldn't even be surprised if the staff of Fox Point High took me to the nurse's office thinking I was going to throw up the pancakes I ate. I started to regret eating something so heavy.

"Yes, it's prom night!" I responded, grimacing real tight.

He nodded, but seemed cautious. "Okay, just making sure." Rowan and I went to separate as he made his way to the bathroom, when he stopped, placing a hand on my shoulder. "A little bird told me that Victor is recommending a song soon... something along the lines of 'one of his favorites'. I don't know if that rings a bell," he mentioned sarcastically at the end.

I squinted my eyes, a bit of excitement pinning in my chest. It had to be something Billy Joel, and then I thought of the bobbleheads, then San Francisco. I had so much fun that day. I sort of craved that feeling like a drug.

Maybe spending all this time with Sullivan I built a tolerance to that type of fun?

No, that's not it.

"That's good for him," I replied in return, shifting my gaze to Rowan. "But Victor and I aren't exactly talking right now."

Just then, Amanda opened the door, her makeup appearing darker and more vibrant. She was beginning to walk down the hall and when the staff member opened the door for her, a flood of Billy Joel's "Uptown Girl" entered my ears. I needed to be inside. I needed to be.

"I gotta go," I quickly said, smiling brilliantly towards him before jogging in my stilettos to get to the door just as it was beginning to shut. The teacher went to put her hand there to stop the door, but I curled right through the tiny gap, feeling the vibrations of music in the walls of the gymnasium. The floor thundered beneath my shoes and something possessed me to file my way roughly through the crowd. Everybody was dancing like it was a coming of age movie, and the smile that stitched on my lips hadn't been there in a while.

I stopped at the center of the gym watching as a makeshift path was made in-between dancers. Coincidentally, allowing me to see his face. He was beaming, a light in his eyes that I hadn't seen there in a while. He was spinning Kayla in circles. Gonzalo was tangoing with Keiona, but something felt cold. Everybody was spinning and dipping their partners, but what I was watching was Kayla and Victor from afar, this increasing amount of energy dissipating.

Fuck, I'm too late.

I went to disappear again when Victor glanced up and met my gaze halfway across the gym. Kayla noticed and they parted instantly. Victor even seemed a bit lighter than how he was only moments before. He held out his hand, despite the stretch of distance between us. Numerous people tried interfering with this stare-down that we were having, but my eyes refused to remove.

He mouthed through a flake of yellow strobe lights, "are you?"

Or something like that.

His eyes said it all nonetheless. I didn't need to hint at what his words sounded like, it felt like an invite I couldn't reject or say no to. My heart momentarily felt too heavy in my chest, as if it wasn't meant to be there, as if it belonged in my throat, because what I mouthed beneath the blue light was, "you're mad at me."

He cocked his head to the side across the room. "Azariah," he mouthed in a sharp tone. I could feel the shivering affect that it had on me, the way I imagined him pronouncing my name. His eyes were just as straightforward and somehow, everyone else surrounding me slowly faded into the strobe lights. It was just him and I in the dark, empty gymnasium, so I ran to him.

I squirmed my way through, ducking underneath and shoving past. My dress trailed behind me roughly, getting stamped on. I caught his hand just as someone's shoe stopped me and I tripped into his tux. "I fucked up!" I yelled over Billy Joel.

Victor's face paled and he panicked, "your dress?"

"No!" I shouted over Mr. Joel. I stood straighter and Victor's hands were on either side of me, supporting my body. "I think---I think I like you too!" I shouted and he began to spin me under his arm. The bass of the music vibrated through the floors. I laughed between my words.

"You were saying?" Victor shouted over the volume, smiling brightly.

"I think---I think I might... I love you."

"You're too late," he said, startling me as he spun me again and caught me in his arms as the chorus played. "I loved you first." He brought me back to standing as the chorus replayed and the song seemed to be longer than usual. "And I will love you last."

"What does that even mean---"

"I'm high as fuck, I don't know what the hell I'm saying, but I know you're mine," he sang with the lyrics, gripping my waist and rubbing the base of my abdomen. I begged for his skin to touch mine, but what I didn't expect him to do was lip sync in my mouth, the warmth of his breath fanning across my complexion as I grabbed his body closer. He pressed his lips to mine, his hand rolling up to my neck as he sucked at the bottom of my lip. My breath hitched as I finally felt home, my body comforted and warm by the touch.

As the song ended and "Heads will Roll (A-Trak Remix)" played by Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Victor and I parted. The strobe lights flickered over his face and when the fear hit me like a brick, I looked up across the gymnasium and saw Sullivan staring at me. The music started to rise to its climax when I gazed between the both of them, Victor silently begging me not too, but I ran again. I ran back to Sullivan, the girl's attitude in the song piercing the air.

"Sullivan!" I shouted, the doors shut behind me as the music muted. "Sullivan, wait, let me explain!"

"There is nothing to explain," he stated, laughing manically to himself as the music repeated and the bass dropped. Everybody's screams became louder and the music as well when the door opened and shut again. "Not you," he scoffed. "I'm too drunk for this."

I looked behind me and saw Victor. "I'm too high for this," he muttered.

"I'm gonna fucking kill you," Sullivan gritted, staring at him over my shoulder.

"You see, I would fight you, but why fight a battle that I already won?" he asks to us, his lopsided grin popped a dimple upwards.

Sullivan shook his head and started leaving towards the main lobby again. I quickly dashed after him with my dress bouncing at my feet and continued through the doors that jutted open. He stood at the outside of the school and the cold air smacked into me. "How long have you been cheating on me?" he wondered.

"I---" Tears welled in my eyes as the doors opened again and Victor appeared.

"How long?" As I coughed on a cry, he restated, "do you love me? Because I love you."

I cried harder when he said that. My little self screaming for joy, happily dancing and prancing in a prom dress as the moon lays over his face. "I loved you," I tell him with a hiccup. "I'm sorry--"

"Is this you're decision? This it? You're choosing him after everything I did for you?" he questions, a face stricken by emotionlessness. "I cared about you, Azariah."

"I know---" I looked behind me and saw Victor focusing on me. I returned to Sullivan and fixed myself. I knew what I wanted and I was a crying mess. My mascara was running down my face, painting my face with thick streaks of black liquid and I noticed this while I patted my face and it come off on my fingers. "I'm so sorry, you deserve better." I stepped aside. "The both of you. I lied, I cheated, I played, hell, I slapped the both of you."

When I gazed up, they were standing side by side and both looking at me in their suits. I noticed Sullivan wore a purple tie to match and I started to cry again. "I'm sorry."

"I know," Victor muttered. "I'm sorry for not listening to you when you needed me." He coughed throatily. "And I'm sorry."

"Was that an apology to me?" Sullivan questioned, looking at Victor with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, and don't make me regret it. God, I am not high enough for this," he groaned, then fixed his suit and said, "I may've encouraged her to do things with me while she was dating you---"

"I fucking knew it!" he yelled, grabbing Victor by the shoulders and shoving him to the wall of bricks. I released a small yelp as Sullivan smashed Victor to the breaks again with another hard push.

"Alright, I fucking apologized, now your turn," Victor declaimed, shoving Sullivan off of him and dusting off the imaginary dust.

Sullivan looked at me dumbly. "I didn't do anything wrong."

"You made her feel like shit and I am a witness," Victor announced, nodding at me, but I was still sniffling, wiping the mascara with my fingers.

"I didn't," Sullivan claimed, but I shrugged. His eyes softened and for a second, he reminded me of my middle school crush. I think Sullivan was only supposed to be a crush, I think that was it. "So, this it?"

"You didn't apologize to me, since we're having this weird bonding moment," Victor recalled, waving to himself. I narrowed my eyes as Sullivan sighed thickly.

I looked hurriedly between them. "What are you guys talking about?" They didn't answer, instead, Sullivan formally stood in front of him.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Say it like you mean it," Victor pronounced, unbothered and avoiding eye contact.

Sullivan rolled his eyes. "I am sorry, Vislocky. You didn't deserve what I did to you." He finally turned to me and explained, "when Vislocky moved to Wyoming, I didn't make it easy for him. His adopted family, his mom, is my aunt. He got all the attention at family gatherings and then hooked up with my crush, Olivia, so I keyed his car----"

"Ha!" he shouted. "You admit it!"

Sullivan rolled his eyes again and I laughed, but the attention was back on me. Sullivan strolled towards me, a sadness in his eyes. "I'm hurt and I still am very mad at you. You really still choose him?" He looked over his shoulder and I followed his stare.

"Yeah---I'm sorry, I shouldn't have hurt you."

"Yeah, you shouldn't have," he jested. "I would kiss you on the cheek right now, but you look really gross." He rolled a hand over my face and I nodded, feeling the snot on my nose and the tears in my eyes. "Liv, did we break-up?"

"I think so, adios," he said. "Wait---do you guys know if Kayla is dating Gonzalo?" he wondered, pointing a thumbs back towards the main lobby.

I wanted to cry, but all I could do was laugh as Victor thrusted a hand back towards the building. Sullivan vanished behind the doors as Victor walked to me. "You do look gross," he said, plucking a handkerchief and handing it to me with a smile. I cleaned my face the best I could with my phone screen, but eventually Victor look my hands away and led me into a dance.

"Welcome to Wherever You Are" by Bon Jovi started to play from his phone pocket. He spun me in a circle and held me close in the parking lot of Fox Point High with a warm smile. He slipped off his suit jacket and put it on my shoulders.

"What happened to Billy Joel?" I implored.

"Bon Jovi is your favorite," he replied, spinning me again and hugging me. Our dancing becoming more aimlessly and drunken, even though we were pretty sober at this point and I was definitely sober. He held me close and something felt different.

I pulled away, frightened. His eyes worriedly gazed at me. "Please, tell me you aren't second-guessing already?" he asked with a chuckle, but with a seriousness.

"If you're technically my...."

"Boyfriend?" he concluded for me and my eyes widened.

"Woah," I laughed aloud. "Then who is my teacher?"

He shrugged just as the chorus started to rise in volume. "I think you've officially graduated, you've grown up so fast---"

"I'm not joking!" I released with a shrill cry.

"Neither am I, you don't need one, besides, you already have me wrapped around you finger." He paused, laughing to himself as if he was asking how that happened, but my eyes pleaded for something. "I will always be your teacher." He pulled me closer with a rough drag of his hand and he put his mouth close to mine. "Always." He slipped his bottom lip between my lips, kissing me hard, listening to Bon Jovi as the night fell upon us.

When he parted from me, I looked up at his brown eyes and touched the lip ring, reflecting the moon, on his bottom lip.  I grinned and kissed him again.

Realistically, the first kisses are never perfect, but kisses like this, now, this was perfect.

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