49 | 𝑁𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝐻𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑑

Sullivan was not eyeing my waffles, but me.

My fork scraped over each dented square awkwardly as the syrup coated goodness pooled onto my plate. After stabbing my fork into the mouth-watering breakfast, I noticed how soggy I left it. Between the jazz electrified restaurant was our friend's laughter and conversations as if it was a fun game of tennis, back and forth effortlessly.

Victor was forced to sit on the far end. Sullivan arranged the seats briefly, but we all knew that there was a deeper meaning behind them. He found out about the firework show, and he didn't take it lightly. He gave me the silent treatment and I spent most of my night silently crying. I told him I was going before I left the hotel, I asked him if he wanted to come with Victor and I, but he said no. Instead of his presence, there was a plane of guilt. I didn't want him to be mad, but I was so incredibly shredded like paper that it felt almost relieving to get the cool fresh air, alongside the evident feeling of regret.

Despite his rejection, I felt warm at the thought of Victor's approval. Speaking of, I peered over the table and on the far end he was covering his mouth, doubling over in laughter. He ordered a cheese egg omelette. He said it was his favorite and he used to always order it as a kid with his mom at a deli they used to live by. He sipped from his orange juice glass, clearing his throat from nearly choking during his conversation with Kayla, Jay, and Penelope.

I grinned instantly when he briefly mentioned in the conversation that he was adopted, that he was from New York City, and he even cracked dark humored jokes that they laughed at. Kayla told him that her parents fought a lot while saying she named her hamster after her favorite romance novel character in the same sentence.

It was perfect. I was proud of him and I wanted to shower him in kisses and show him--no.

I looked to Sullivan weakly across the table as I insisted, "I never meant to hurt you, I promise--"

"Just shut up," he declaimed. "I waited all night in my bed and you never came," he accused, "even after the firework show I expected you. I haven't done anything wrong and you know that," he sharply hissed, shaking his head with annoyance as if a heavy burden was on his shoulders that he couldn't ignore. He was digging into his hash-browns, starting conversation with Keiona, Olivia, and Rowan.

Clemont came to join our table from chatting with the waitresses at the counter. He stood at the end of the table, clasping his hands together and quieting our conversation. "Alright, I was thinking in twenty-or-so minutes and then we'll head out to the festival slash carnival tonight. We need to help set up and work the games and events. All the money is going to raise to help childhood cancer. Most of the children here tonight have battled, or are still battling, and we need to make it very special for them.

"So, we'll finish up and the bus will take us there for preparation." He gave a few nods at hearing our agreement and confirmation. I quickly engulfed my food and wiped my mouth clean, squealing out the chair with everyone as Clemont paid, using the money from each of the costs of our tickets.

As we filed onto the school bus, we greeted our driver, Gorge, again, giving him a kind wave as we all stalked to the back of the bus, even though the rest was vacant. I found my typical seat next to Sullivan and he squirmed to the furthest side, crossing his arms, and staring out the window.

I rolled my eyes at his childish antics and watched Victor slide in next to Kayla, the two laughing about a previous conversation. Kayla then cleared her throat and declared, "you know, I actually had a crush on you."

"Wait--fuck, really?" His eyes were slightly wide and intrigued as we all settled into our seats.

"Yeah, but don't get ahead of yourself, that was just another one of my phases alongside my phase of wanting to be an astronaut," Kayla jested just as the bus was lurking out of the parking lot.

We drove for a while down the highway until the big ferris wheel came into view. Sullivan twisted to me as if he was no longer mad, which startled me as he said, "I love ferris wheels, during one of our breaks we should go--"

"Irrational fear of mine," I told him. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, right," he scowled. I squirmed back in my seat because ferris wheels were a huge fear of mine. Even reading the cute scenes that Kayla adored in her romance novels, and watching them on movies, made my stomach churn like crazy. I would get nauseous and light and by the miniscule thought, I knew that my skin was paling. I felt numb when Sullivan said that because the last thing I'd want is to go.

After we were directed to park in the bus section, we walked along the field of cars as guys in orange suits organized everyone. There were only a few cars there at that moment, since it was eleven now, and the festival didn't open till one. The day was cloudy, and really cold, I had to rub my arms to keep warm. Luckily for me, I wore light wash jeans, Uggs, a beige long sleeve shirt, and an army green jacket to match.

We were walking under the entryway of the park as Keiona snuck up behind me and whispered, "You and Sullivan?" she asked.

I turned to her, shrugging. "We're just having a small rough patch, we're fine." I looked up to see that Sullivan had the biggest smile, walking through towards the enclosure. Machine arms flung upwards and in circular motions as music hovered atop our heads, the noise effects erupted from small booths as all the workers finalized the touches.

"Over here!" Clem responded to a man as he walked over with a beaming smile. Thanking Clem for coming. "What do you want us to do?"

"How many people do we have?" The man clasped his hands together, counting our heads before introducing, "my name is Mark and thank you all for coming. I am going to divide you into groups."

We divided and the man pointed off to where Olivia and I needed to go. We had to unpack all the prizes and hang them up on the Ring Toss game. The worker had left and was fixing some other necessities.

Olivia was standing on the red and blue counter, hanging the stuffed animals that I handed her, attaching them to the wall of fuzzy toys. I situated the cardboard box on the red counter, sitting on it also and letting my feet hang over the edge as I handed her a stuffed animal every few seconds.

"So--" Olivia's voice was strained, having to raise up on her tippy toes. "I was happy to see you at the firework show." Her arm straightened to hook the animals up on the top.

"Yeah, Victor said it'd be good for me." I inched my seat closer as she walked the perimeter of the counter. I stared at the assortment of colored glass bottles, noticing the rings and extra bottles were tucked neatly in the cubbies below.

"You looked happy. Plus you guys looked adorable." She smiled brightly now, reaching for the animal that I handed her before placing it on the wall again. "I mean... come on." She hooked on the animal, ignoring me reaching to give her the unicorn when she jumped off and landed in-between the gap of space amidst the glass bottle set-up and the counter. She brushed her creamsicle cropped top and skinny jeans, gazing up at me with her hair in a pony, coming slightly undone.

"This is who you're rejecting." She twisted around, pointing casually and dropping her hand, giving me enough time to see him getting taught how to make cotton candy. He used a stirring hand motion, his elbow pointed out as the paper cone gathered the wisps of pink into a ball shape. He was hesitant, catching glimpses up at the worker who was laughing, ever so often looking to Jay for assurance as the two were dying of laughter, struggling.

Olivia panned over to me. "You're smiling."

I just noticed how hard my dimples were pinched and how clamped my jaw was. I shook my head, fiddling with the toy frog in my hands. "He's a really nice, somewhat attractive, best friend. Besides, he doesn't like me, I've told him no."

"You can't just turn off your feelings for someone." Olivia slid the cardboard box along the counter, stepping onto the counter in one swift motion and propping up a toy. "He cares about you, and when I tell you that look in his eyes says he's in-love with you--"

"Please, he told me himself he doesn't want to be in a relationship." I was staring at him now, watching as he fought with the cotton candy machine, some lone wisps of sugar flying into his hair.

I laughed quietly, cupping my mouth to contain it as I watched him scramble to get the cotton candy out.

He's such a dork.

I rolled my eyes, looking up to Olivia who was dangling herself off the counter, giving me the look as she used her one hand to keep her on an angle and from falling onto the ground. "You're just as in-love."

"I'm with Sullivan." My voice became downcast and I helped her down as I stuffed the box beneath the counter and flattened my palms against the smooth, cold table. "It just wouldn't work out. Sullivan is stable and a good example, Victor's longest relationship was like three weeks."

Olivia sat up on the counter. "You're just scared because your heart will be more at jeopardy with Victor then it will ever be with Sullivan," she lectured, swinging her legs over the counter and landing on the opposite side. I grabbed her hand, hopping over the ledge as we walked to the center of the field, meeting up with Keiona and Rowan.

"Where's Penelope and Sullivan?" Oliva questioned, raising a brow in their direction, but with a few shrugs, we quickly scanned the property and I saw Sullivan on a ride that resembled my two brain cells deciding this whole Victor or Sullivan thing.

They were flying every which way as Sullivan screamed, "this is awesome!" His voice fell over the park as Penelope came walking over carrying wipes and paper towels.

"He's testing out the ride." Her voice seemed bored as she tossed the used cloths in the trash. "I'm excited for tonight."

Jay appeared, wrapping his arms around her waist making her fold over his grip with laugher and redness as he peppered kisses on her neck. "Oh, I can't wait." He grinned brightly before she squirmed in his grasp and kissed his lips, pulling apart and scolding him in a playful manner.

A part of me yearned for that affection.

"That's called self-control," he whispered to me hotly, his breath striking the shell of my ear and turning it flush red. I shivered instinctually as he added, "if I bent you over like that, I don't know if I'd let you go that easily." He paused. "And that clothed."

My breath audibly hitched and I stammered out, "Shut up." I looked up at him. "You have cotton candy in your hair."

He straightened, embarrassingly trying to comb through his locks with his cheeks tinting pink. I released a lopsided grin as Mark came walking over. "Alright, now that it looks like most of you are done..." His eyes gazed to Sullivan jogging up to the group, flashing a thumbs up. "We're just gonna get a few more things done."

He organized us in different parts of the festival, this time we were more spread out in different groups this time. I wore a yellow paper hat and a black and white striped t-shirt.

The air was much warmer and at a normal temperature inside the restaurant, rather than the chill Canada exterior. I was situating the metal tins inside the pans to ensure that it would be the most accessible. Victor was beside me, sneaking a slice of a pickle into his mouth. His hand shaking, fingertips tapping the metal expeditiously. Eyes flickering to the glass door, with a red outline to the food below his hands.

I eyed him and asked, "are you okay? What's wrong?"

He fidgeted, denying anything I said with his head and taking a sip of his water from his shaky hands. When he situated the bottle down, he breathed, crouching over the metal before announcing, "I've almost gone a month."

"What are you--"

"With smoking cigarettes." His breath was curt and he met the display of decorations mounted to the walls. "I still smoke weed, obviously," he was chuckling to himself. "But sometimes it's hard without... y'know."

"Yeah," I exhaled, snapping up towards him. "I'm proud of you."

I swore I saw a faint blush, but he shook it off, fixing himself right and letting the anxiety surpass him. Minutes later after organizing the food trays, we saw a flood of people entering the park. Children's screams were heard, both euphoric and frightful, as their voices got closer and distant with each motion that the swing made above the restaurant.

After a while of waiting, some people started to get the similar idea of eating and began packing in, we made their sandwich, going down the line, greeting all sorts of adults and children with big smiles. We fixed them their lunches before moving to the next person.

My hands were scrambling along the tins as I pivoted to get the bread when Victor spun and we collided head first, sending both of us flying, my gloved hands threw the lettuce up to the ceiling as he slid, the bread propelling to the kitchen. We bobbed our heads up, Victor's eyes scanning me to make sure I didn't hit my head as a variety of silence and laughter rose from the lane of people behind the counter.

Suddenly I burst into laughter, doubling over, sitting on the ground as I was just hysterically laughing and I couldn't contain it, my smile was so wide that it hurt and my body was trembling with the chuckles. I didn't know why I found the situation funny, but whatever I looked like, made Victor start laughing too and eventually we stood and continued to make their sandwiches, ignoring the shreddings of lettuce loitering the floor.

After our shift ended, Olivia and Rowan took our spots as I situated the hat on Rowan's brown-red hair and left with Victor by my side. I'd noticed that it got much darker since we'd been in there. The area was now closing in with people, everyone so excited and the energy making my heart swell with warmth. I was admiring the details of the park as we'd finally finished taking care of everything.

Children were all sporting cancer awareness. Everybody, including Victor and I, wore a singular gold ribbon and some had buttons and pins. My pony was tied with a gold scrunchie and I had gold facepaint on. It was starting to dry and crack on my face, but I ignored it, and continued on my merry way, smiling up at Victor who was looking at me.

The neon lights of the festival illuminated and flared across his complexion, his eyes sparkling under the beads of light that decorated us. My vision was slightly faltered with the gold and white light in my eyes beneath the navy blue sky, the vast slate above our heads, but I was just too happy to complain.

"You look so beautiful tonight," he told me.

I stopped walking. I couldn't bear it any longer and without much thought, I stated, "Olivia said when she sees us, she notices your eyes... they look like they..." My voice trailed, fiddling with my fingers. "I guess what I'm asking is, do you like me?"

With my abrupt question in the air, he paused, stilling himself as people navigated around. We were standing in the center of the festival, and yet I felt like it was just me--waiting for his answer. Happy music was in the background of my ears, but it was just his labored breathing I could hear.

"Azariah, you..." He shook his head, feeling the words between his lips. "It doesn't matter what I feel about you." He looked frustrated and angry, he shot me a glare and said, "you made your choice, and I'm tired of this back and forth--"

"What are you--"

"This Sullivan or me," he recalled, outstretching his hands and saying louder, "I'm not going to be your second choice. I'm not going to be your back-up when Sullivan breaks your heart!" His words were cold, colder than the air stitching the goosebumps on my arms.

"W-when?" I repeated quieter, tears habitually casing my eyes like a glass barricade. I felt something in my chest get tighter with each word he said.

He backed away, swallowing thickly and shaking his head more firmly. "I love--" He inhaled sharply. "I care about you, but I don't think you realize that I am constantly putting something of mine at risk when I'm with you." He bit his lip. "Yes, Azariah. I meant what I said. When he breaks your heart, I don't want to be your next choice, but I will be here for you, I'll support you--"

I knew he was right. Everything he said was the truth. A part of me felt like he was a back-up, a part of me is always debating between the two guys when I already made-up my mind, yet I couldn't agree with him, I simply wasn't that mature. Anger was the only available emotion in me. "Fuck you!" I deadpanned with a salty taste in my mouth. "Fuck you and fuck everything you taught me!" I stumbled back, catching so many stares.

I didn't know what I was expecting, what I was asking for, or what I wanted for him in that conversation. I guess I just wanted a simple answer, no, I don't like you, and I believe whole-heartedly that would've done less damage than saying he did.

♡♡♡

I heard their laughter down by the pool, but I was in the warm hot tub. A waterfall sprayed along my back as the fire in front of me danced soundlessly to the descending voices and continuous splashes of water below. I was so at peace, looking out beyond the wooden banister encasing me on the rooftop outside of the spa, and seeing the mountain circling around us beautifully, snow painted and surrounded by the nightly fog.

When the sliding glass door squealed open, I jumped to give room for the stranger, but the stranger that appeared held the capacity of all my wildest dreams, all of my darkest nightmares, and all the things I didn't want to hear. Nor did I want to see him, and his blatant muscular torso which was slightly wet from the pool. The contours were accentuated by the droplets of water and his dark black strands were flat against his face and his black bathing suit bottoms were clinging to his flexing legs.

"You're alone," Victor murmured.

"I'm alone, yes, but I have enough thoughts to keep me company, thank you very much." My voice was short before I drew out tiredly, "what do you want?"

"I want to talk," he said slowly, setting himself down on the ledge of the hot tub. "You are obviously conflicting about something and instead of helping you, I got upset."

"I want you to leave," I replied, lifting my head up at him. The warm water ripped over my chest and the transparency revealed my red polka dot bikini. "I want you to go down and have a good rest of your night, but I'm mad."

"I know."

"No, you don't," I rebuked. "I'm mad."

He nodded, taking a step into the hot tub and making me stand up frantically, the hot water sprinting down my skin. "My personal space is being vandalized," I muttered hastily, holding up my hands. "I want to be alone."

"Do you?"

"Yeah," I said as if it was obvious. My eyes fleeted down his chest one more time. "Vicky, I don't know what is happening right now. I've never felt this way before and every cliche romance novel Kayla has ever shown or explained to me, it's so simple. Girl likes boy, boy likes girl, they fuck and fall in love."

"The order might be off."

"But this--" I waved a hand between us. "Wasn't supposed to happen."

"Nothing happened?" he questioned, raising a brow as if he was trying to think things over.

I nodded slowly, questioning what I was even saying. He looked like he knew where I was going with the conversation, but the sliding glass door squealed open in protest as Sullivan stepped through.

Perfect timing.

"Sup, Vislocky." He gave a head nod, looking between us swiftly, then motioning for Victor to leave. "Mind letting me get some time alone with my girlfriend. I haven't spent time with her this whole time."

Victor stared at me with eyes burning into mine and sending warm tingles to ride up my spine as my lower half shot an equal amount of tingling sensations. I was vulnerable in that hot tub, but became sensibly aware when Victor turned away to the door and left me in the chilly air, exposed to my boyfriend, and crush.

"You look gorgeous," he told me, stepping into the hot tub. His fingers traced my outline when he got close enough, his eyes looking down on me with a soft smile on his lips. "Why aren't you down there with the rest of us?"

"I just needed a break," I said monotonously and he took the advantage to toy with the waistband of the bathing suit bottom, his mouth approaching my neck and I let him. My eyes drifted through to the mountain enclosure and the snow covered paved streets as his fingers forcefully slid.

"You need a break?" he recalled, "Well, I'll relax you." He was pressing open-mouthed kisses to my neck as he murmured against my skin, "I found this beautiful prom dress I want to see you in."

I looked forward to that experience, picking out a dress, but after all, it was just a dress, and I'd want it to have meaning. It didn't matter if he picked it out.

"Text it to me tonight," I whispered back as his fingers circled my lower abdomen.

I closed my eyes and felt so alone just then. Without realizing, I stumbled back, his hand slipping out. "Actually, I'm starting to feel sick," I said, which was half true. I had never openly accepted this churning feeling in my gut, but it came upon me almost as wicked as the winds.

"You never want to have sex anymore," he grumbled.

"I do!" I protested, my legs maneuvering through the jets' currents. "I do," I repeated lower.

"Whatever." He stepped out of the tub, a cascading waterfall slipping off his body as he opened the sliding glass door more violently.

"Wait---" I started and he hesitated, twisting towards me, his chest wet with the water. I began to roll my hands behind my back and undo the straps of the bathing suit top before slipping off the material and letting it drop, knowing well-enough we were on a balcony and there were people below.

He smiled tauntingly and started to walk to me as I listen to the bathing suit top thump to the floor by feet.

x