38 | 𝐵𝑢𝑙𝑙𝑠𝑒𝑦𝑒

I tilted my head back and looked up at the canopy of air above my head. The tree was as bare as my math homework which sat beside me, yearning to be completed so I could cross it off my never-ending To-Do list, but I didn't even bother picking up the pencil.

Sullivan looked at me, his back to the hefty bark of a tree as we watched the flat ground of soil and patches of grass as if it were entertainment. There were trees surrounding us and a lighter trail of dirt leading back to his house on the far left-hand side. He was scribbling in his composition notebook with messy italicized handwriting before meeting my eyes again.

"Why are you staring at me?" he wondered.

"Oh, I'm just..." I sat criss cross applesauce, facing him more straightforwardly. "I want to do something with you."

He instantly moved his notebook to the side and started unbuckling his jeans making my hands launch up in surrender. I quickly added, "woah, woah, hold up there, Buddy! Um... that's great and all, but I was thinking more along the lines of... conversational?"

"What do you mean?" He stared dumbly at me.

"Like..." I raised my hand and gestured to the forest. "Twenty questions."

"That sounds boring." He popped up an eyebrow. "What about truth or dare?" He tilted his head in question and helplessly, I agreed. "Truth or dare."

I thought hard. "Truth."

"When did you lose your virginity?" he questioned making me freeze up.

Technically, well, not technically, for certain, I didn't lose it.

"The night of your party with Vicky," I lied, swallowing down a clump of nerves. "Truth or dare?" He quickly responded with truth. "What is your favorite childhood memory?"

He halted abruptly, then shrugged. "I guess I don't really have any that stick out." Before I could blink, he asked, "truth or dare?"

"No--wait," I was laughing playfully as I spoke, throwing my palm up and nudging his shoulder, but he only stared down at the lingering touch blankly. "You don't have any good memories growing up?"

"I had a tire swing."

"That's nice! I've always wanted one," I said with enthusiasm. "Do you still have it? Maybe you can show me--"

"It broke." He then inquired, "truth or dare?"

Having to accept defeat that I wouldn't get a little insight into his life, I answered with dare. I was under the impression that he was just guarded. He had to have been protective of his emotions and I needed to let him know that he could trust me---

"I dare you to take off your clothes."

Yeah, no.

I was wearing a sweatshirt and jeans. No way in hell was I going to try taking off my skinny jeans in front of him, but most definitely not in mid-January weather. The air ate any exposed skin and I was not going to risk getting frostbite or something.

"I don't know--" I eased.

"A dare is a dare, it was your idea to play this game." He gave a soft smirk. "Just for me, Baby," he cooed sweetly, his eyes looking me up and down. "How about this, just your shirt?"

I struggled to catch my breath and it got a lot warmer in the span of a minute. "Okay," I gave in shyly and that was only because I was getting flustered and it probably would do some good to get the chill on me. "But promise you won't tell anyone."

"Or else what? You're gonna kiss the rest of the football team?" He jested and I fixed a grimace on my lips to show that I found his humor funny.

I navigated up onto my knees, glancing over to the whiskey bottle between us, which was half gone. I lifted my shirt, revealing my black lace bra. I wore a pretty one in case this would happen, not this exact scenario, but close enough.

He lustfully gazed at me, but I felt like a statue in the museum that we went to just a while back. I pursed my lips, then threw out my hands. "Had your fun?"

"The bra," he instructed. "Take it off. Show me how beautiful you are." His voice was above a whisper and without much thought, I put my hands behind my back and unclasped it, allowing the thin material to cascade my side and drop to the dirty ground.

I was as bare as the tree and as bare as my math homework. I was looking at him, wanting him to say anything, but he just studied me until he quickly lifted a device and the photo clicked a few times.

"What the fuck, Sullivan?" I charged, my arm slapping to my chest as my heart became rigid. I fell back onto my butt, for sure dirtying my jeans and staining them with the green remains of grass as I fought to keep myself covered. "I said no telling anyone!" My heart cupped the inside of my ears until I could only hear its beating.

"Just for me!" He came closer while I partially laid on the ground now, still covering myself. "It's just for me, to give myself more of a visual when I think of you later tonight." He brushed strands of hair out of my face. "It's okay, just for me," he kept saying.

My heart started to go normal again and I smiled lightly. If he promised, I believed him. I started to relax under his attentive stare, it finally dawning on me that he was my crush and the only person I could truly imagine myself with. He leaned his head closer, dipping under to my breast and gently taking my arm off myself. "No need to cover up." He slowly started to kiss me, but his tongue was stabbing into the soft skin as his hand lowered by my abdomen and slipped into my jeans. His hand struggled to fit in the waistband, having to unzip it, but even then the confined space was barely giving.

I had to act like I was an expert at this. That every move, that each quick flick of his tongue and linger of his fingertip, it was all done before. When his finger slid into me, it felt weird, and awkward, and it moved like a worm in an apple.

Huh, that's bearable.

Then he hit something that hurt. I yelped and he immediately stopped. "You okay?" he questioned, but I started to hasten my breathing.

"Felt so--so good," I cracked out. I pretended to tilt my head back, burying into the dirt as my hands pointlessly clawed the ground. "Ughh--so-so-tantalizing!"

He stopped. "Want more?" He started to protrude a second finger and waited for my approval.

"Ehh--let's just enjoy that index finger you--" He started to move and my legs squirmed uncomfortably. It felt like a tampon that got lost somewhere. "Oh--oh, that hitting a spot--" I moaned out, hoping to make this as real as possible. I should've studied how Victor acted or watched some porn, so I could mimic it, but nothing was in my head, it was as blank as my math homework that was awaiting me. I tried to think of what I heard in the few porn videos I watched. "Bullseye!" I moaned, making him momentarily halt.

"What?"

"Come on, hurry!" I quickened, waving my hand and then he started to speed up the movements, jabbing his finger repetitively into me, and it all stopped when I let out one extended high pitch yes with many octave changes, I arched my back and placed my hand up against my forehead. "Oh, that was... that was good." I nodded and showed a thumbs up. "You really know how to make a girl go wild."

"Yeah, I guess I do," he said, laughing to himself.

Shit.

♡♡♡

"Keiona, is not--y'knowing--normal?"

"Hunny, you're gonna have to be a little more specific than that." She drove her yellow cooper with the top down, the air blowing in our faces and our iced coffees in the cupholders.

"You know..." My voice was low and hushed. "That."

"Girl, if you don't use English--"

"Orgasming!" I yelled when we parked at a red stoplight, seeing a man peer from the car over with his window down. I fleeted a glance at Keiona. "Is not orgasming normal?"

"Of course it's normal, girls have to lie about that shit all the time," she casually brushed off. "If I got a nickel for every time I orgasamed, I would have a total of four and a half nickels."

I lowered my head down to my lap and Keiona noticed right away. She started to forge on the gas when the green light returned. "Hold up--what happened?"

"I was with Sullivan."

"Oh, boy." She already began to shake her head before I could get my words out.

I released a throaty cough and said, "look, I suggested playing a game, and then he said truth or dare--"

"Girl," she muttered, sounding like a mom would, disciplining their child. "All women and gays know that is a straight man's code for sexy time. Lemme guess, his first question was something about your virginity?" she deadpanned.

"Well, yeah--"

"Bingo!" she exclaimed. "Oh, what do I win? This is fun!" She threw her hands up to the sky then back on the wheel. "Lemme guess again, you asked something personal, like have you ever been in love or a movie that connects to your life--"

"Close," I uttered, realizing how pathetic this sounded. "I asked his favorite childhood memory--"

"Ten points!" she yelled. "Then truth or dare again, somewhere along the line, you pick dare, and bam, sexy time commenced?" she summarized, but turned to see my frown. Her voice softened as she expressed, "we've all been there, Riyah. I remember the first time I fell for a stupid boy--"

"He's not a stupid boy." I heaved a sigh and looked over the rim of the car door. "I just... everytime I'm with him, something feels to be missing."

"An orgasm?" she offered.

Stifling a laugh and swaying my head side-to-side, I admitted, "no, it's just..."

"Not your expectations."

"I guess so, but I'll get there eventually," I amped. "Which is why I'm applying for that Six and Below position. So I can work with Sullivan and get to know him better, he's just afraid to let his heart get out there," I reasoned.

"What? Girl, oh no."

"After we spend more time together in an environment he's comfortable with, he'll be able to open up to me, and maybe once I get comfortable with him, I'll be able to enjoy... y'know, that." I smiled brightly as she lurked the car to a parking spot, flicking on the radio and allowing a familiar Harry Styles song to play through the speakers.

She grabbed her iced coffee and we looked out through the windshield to the rhythmic ocean waves lurking up the shoreline. It was rare to find beaches in Wyoming, but after driving further out to an open field and concrete square extending off the highway, we'd finally settled to enjoy the scenic view and listen to the thunderous waves, and watch the aftermath of white foam.

After a long period of silence, she inquired, "have you ever stopped to ask yourself if Sullivan is really the one you should be focusing on?" She studied me with a doctor's pointed look and I was afraid to brush it off, but at the same time, I was offended.

"I didn't put in all this hard work to get nowhere, Keiona." I sighed frustratingly, clutching onto my iced coffee as I listened to the songs raise in anticipation. The stirring winds grazed my cheeks, pinching them to frost. "Sullivan is strong-headed, passionate about what he does, determined, and caring. He's smart, funny, and I know there is so much more behind those green eyes. I just want him to show me."

I continued with a sincerity to my tone, "I can't imagine giving up on him. He's done nothing but take me to places I've never been, like the adventure park! I would've never went if it wasn't for him---" I explained.

"Didn't Victor do the same thing?" Keiona inquired with a quirked eyebrow. "Like, he took you over Wyoming's border."

"Yeah, but that's not the same thing," I disregarded, because it wasn't. Victor was a friend and Sullivan was my crush, besides the intentions were the main point. Victor needed help, and Sullivan wanted to make me happy. I broadened, "Sullivan has been there for me, even if he doesn't know it. He gave me hope that I could date in the future, he took up a spot in my mind, occupied my thoughts, and gave me something to look forward to going to school, and being better--he makes me want to be a better person."

"And Victor?" Keiona urged. "What does he do?"

"He teaches me how to be that better person... for Sullivan." I brushed it off, she just didn't understand, but I did, I knew what I was talking about.

♡♡♡

"Mom, you called me to say you need help with the chicken coop?" I sang into the house. I shut the front door and saw my mom approach from the kitchen entryway. She waved me on in urgently, running the palms of her hands down her dirt splattered apron.

"Yeah, thanks for coming. How was your day with Keiona?"

"It was good." I followed her out to the back sliding doors, taking me towards the finalized coop, painted in red and dark mahogany, decorated in vintage signs. The wood was nailed and the tiny squared fence outlined an enclosed property for them to walk.

I audibly gasped, slapping a hand to my mouth in shock. "Mom! You finished the chicken coop?" I analyzed her for assurance. "This is incredible!"

"Not as incredible as the inside," she said, gesturing for me to unlatch the door to the fenced enclosure. I did as told, walking in and studying the perches. I beckoned my head to the fence which was attached to the shed wall. "How are the chickens going to get in and out of the shed?"

"Well, I still have to do that part, but take a look inside." She waved me out of the coop and led me to the opposing side where two army green shed doors were located. I placed my hand on the handle of the door and swung open, gazing at the fairy lights and chicken nests when my eyes landed on a figure.

"Victor!" I screamed, jumping into the shed and running towards him, leaping into his body and wrapping my legs around his waist making him stumble into the support of the wall. "What are you doing in the chicken coop?"

I was out of breath, my heart racing as he lowered me to the ground, his hands on my arms. "Well, I was going to ask to meet up, but you weren't answering your phone."

"Yeah," I exhaled. "It died--"

"So I texted your mom and she told me to come surprise you in the chicken coop that she was finishing." He grinned widely, the gleam in his eyes gave me a sense of home and I felt like I could finally breathe again.

She nodded towards him. "He even helped me install the perches out front." My mom motioned to the fence enclosure I just walked out of. My hands began to shake from all the excitement. "Come on, I have Eggnog and hot chocolate in the fridge. It's freezing."

My mom guided us to the kitchen and he helped himself to a seat at the kitchen island, warming up his hands while I stared at him dumbly. "Like what you see, Rhy?" he teased.

My mom twisted around. "Rye?" She raised an eyebrow. "Like the bread?" She joked towards Victor, spindling around to doctor the drinks she prepared.

"Aww," Victor murmured, slapping his palm to the granite counter. "I think for now on, I will officially call your daughter Rye Bread."

"Oh, God, no," I begged, but Victor persistently shook his head, smiling cheekily in return.

Sarcastically, he asked, "Oh, didn't ya miss me?"

"Yes," I said, in all seriousness with a warm grin advertising just how much his presence meant to me, even if he didn't know it completely.

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